Jolly handy boating tips!!!

[Captain Fizz]

I shall start this tongue in cheek thread with........

Do not let your crew throw a bucket of damp coal on the stove just as you enter Braunston tunnel!

[Mike Tee]

When the grandkids come to visit, and the plasticine is too hard to use, don't put it on the woodburner to soften it - it softens in about 5 seconds and becomes liquid after 6 seconds. Then sets where it ends up. Forever.

[Paul's Nulife4-2]

A mistake I made 2wks ago whilst going from Shoreham to Littlehampton.

 

ALWAYS check you did infact engage the auto helm,no matter HOW much you want the loo.

 

Had a bit of a shock,approx 2mins later,noticing we are heading in the general direction of the beach.(well approximately 1.5mile away.& no I don't normally leave the helm when 'Ray' is doing his bit,I just relax & sit back in the chair.)

Edited October 3, 2013 by Paul's Nulife4-2

[Starcoaster]

Do not forget that the stove is on during the first few days of winter, and accidentally continue to use it as a table.

 

It's "clean chimney and then take shower," in that order.

 

Just because it's not water entering the hull the first thousand times you hear a drip, don't assume that it wont be the 1,001st time when you have smugly stopped checking and chilled out about it all.

 

Don't forget mooring stakes when going cruising, even just for a short hop.

 

Don't use a sea magnet between two boats when breasted up. One of those other boats definitely didn't belong to Alan Fincher, obviously, and the sea magnet didn't stick fast to Sickle's hull. Obviously.

 

If you are having problems winding, stop mid-cut and run inside to pee. Even if you are in and out within 30 seconds, the boat will have neatly winded itself to point back the way you came all on its own within that time, and apparently in a channel two feet narrower than the boat's length.

Edited October 3, 2013 by Starcoaster

[mango]

Always make sure there is a magnet on board and this will ensure that you are unlikely to need a magnet.

[Grace and Favour]

When you are approached by a fellow boater (whom has dropped his steel (? possibly brass!) door keys into his mooring and lend him your best magnet - - - please make sure that the attached cord has a greater strength than the magnet's pull......... particularly when the magnet finds the boater's hull.

Edited October 3, 2013 by Grace & Favour

[Pykebird]

When throwing rope to person on boat you are about to tow, make sure your end is attached to your boat! Had such fun and games today!

[Psycloud]

When navigating with new crew ensure they do actually know how to tie a knot on a mooring ring when stopping at Sainsbury's for supplies so that the bow of your boat isn't at 90 degrees to the bank when you return.

[Rebotco]

Do not try vacuuming the water from the bottom of wet gas lockers!

[MtB]

When throwing rope to person on boat you are about to tow, make sure your end is attached to your boat! Had such fun and games today!

Lol. GURLS, hopeless!

 

 

MtB

[Phil Ambrose]

When checking Tide Tables always double check the date because if you are a week out life can get interesting.

Don't ask me how I know this.

Phil

[keble]

When throwing rope to person on boat you are about to tow, make sure your end is attached to your boat! Had such fun and games today!

.. and don't assume he knows what he's doing. Like keeping the rope reasonably tight so it doesn't wind round your prop.

You then drift to the side while trying to unwrap. GRP owner that you are about to drift into comes up stairs to fend you off and hits his head on awning. Blood dripping... Oh what fun!

[Paul's Nulife4-2]

Make sure you turn your watermaker OFF , when you take to the ground @ a mud berth.

[matty40s]

Do not put your essential Haribo's Supermix on your hatch(black) whilst cruising in summer unless you want some sugar soup and very sticky hands.

[Rod a mod from Tod]

Never pee in an emptying lock.

[bizzard]

If you've got false gnashers its unwise when climbing up and down lock ladders to carry your windlass in your gob.

[matty40s]

Make sure you turn your watermaker OFF , when you take to the ground @ a mud berth.

talking of mud....

 

 

.....when you leave Teddington against lockies advice, and Brentford lockie has already read you his disclaimer as to minimum water depth , do not attempt to cut the River Brent cut corner from the main stream, however fast the tide is going out ...........

[mrsmelly]

When a fit young bird who is walking down the towpath with her mini skirt on asks you for the time as you pass slowly, ensure you are NOT approaching a bridge!!

 

Tim

[tillergirl]

Make sure when you step off the stern of the boat your legs are long enough to reach terra ferma..............most lesser humans haven't learnt to walk on water yet unless your name is................?

[Keeping Up]

Don't leave a Pot Noodle on the roof in the winter while you go to set the lock, unless you like noodle-flavoured ice lollies

[ditchcrawler]

When the grandkids come to visit, and the plasticine is too hard to use, don't put it on the woodburner to soften it - it softens in about 5 seconds and becomes liquid after 6 seconds. Then sets where it ends up. Forever.

Same thing happened when I was a kid on the hob of the living room fire

[Ray T]

Don't wear a tie when upside down looking for a rattle you think is coming from the Centaflex coupling.

[Morat]

If you're going up a set of staircase locks in a full length boat... take the time to check the gates for leaks before you follow behind another boat without a gap.

A flooded well deck soon leads to a tidal wave in the cabin!

[Daiboy]

Don't listen to the lockkeeper at Teddington when he says you can't go through until 6pm when you know, by way of correct tide tables, that you should have gone through at 5; and don't let your engine cut out on the turn into Brentford lock with an ebbing tide of about 100 knots!!!! and DON'T hit Kew Bridge and have to have the RLNI tow you back to Brentford lock.

 

Oh boy.... just 4 weeks ago

 

 

[Graham Davis]

Do NOT, repeat NOT, go cruising without a bottle opener or a corkscrew!!