OLD SCROTE'S ALMANAC 2019
A powerful Western Leader will create much mirth and hilarity for the world while at the same time cause his own people to scratch their teeth and suck their chins with embarrassment.
An Asian country with a population of 1.4 Billion lacking health care, reliable housing and having 18 Million street children; will cheerfully spend another Billion dollars firing space rockets at the moon. It's predicted that by the end of a few more years of homeless child death they will have succeeded in replicating nearly everything The Americans achieved by the end of the 60s.
In Britain plans will be announced to begin preparing for another Royal wedding. Some off-spring of a minor prince(ess) will excitedly proclaim their intention to marry someone with only one name. Something like Judd or Mauve. Their fame as a meaningless celebrity or Bare Knuckle Fighter will instantly cause the British population to yawn as one and mutter "Isn't it time we exited from Brexit or some'at?"
Brexit will shortly be followed by Frexit, Spexit, Gerxit when those countries come to the conclusion that they don't want to be tied in a club with equally greedy, spiteful and nasty minded misanthropes as themselves. The remaining countries not bothered about their bed fellows will think twice when they realise that Turkey, a country that turns a blind eye to old men marrying 12 year old girls is on the verge being accepted.
The UK Prime Minister will publicly hope we enjoyed being out of austerity at the end of 2018 as it's now time to go back into it again. This will happen as soon as MPs have voted themselves a fat pay rise.
Petty crime, larceny, Twoc'ing, drug dealing and muggings are all expressions that won't be described as being in decline. However they will all appear on the employment options given to school leavers, replacing any mention of The Police Force, Prison or Probationary Service.
Gatwick Airport will get out of the red and show a profit once again. This will be achieved by operating training courses in flying drones.
Strictly will be won by someone "cutesy" defeating all those demonstrating skill and potential through hard graft and training.
C&RT will rename themselves The Canal, River Undertaking Dept. while asking for volunteers to come forward and close them down.
Near the end of the year you will waste £3.50 buying OLD SCROTE'S ALMANAC 2020