Persuading a Reluctant Helmswoman

[z4driver]

Hi all

 

Any advice on how I can convince my wife that she is as capable of steering a narrowboat as anyone else?

 

We are both in our 60s and have recently bought a share in a 60' boat. As you've probably guessed, my idea!

 

My wife enjoys the trips we have had but is very reluctant to take the tiller, as in, never! This means that she has, up to now, worked most of the locks. However, she finds these a struggle and I have, in effect, been single-handing through a lot of them.

 

I've suggested training and at the the Crick Show even Terry of TR Boat Handling couldn't get her to sign up.

 

So has anyone had a similar problem with someone you know would be fine but just lacks the confidence?

[Leo No2]

I would suggest to her that it is important for safety reasons - you never know what's going to happen and that she should know what to do in case something goes wrong - you just might find that she enjoys it (on the other hand .....)

[8 Hairy Feet]

Might she be more comfortable

with a female instructor (don't

know if Terry is a chap though)

[junior]

I would suggest contacting Linda @ Cheshire Cat Narrowboats. She is a great trainer and specialises in teaching females.

 

07867790195 (Linda Andrews)

Edited July 6, 2016 by junior

[Laurie Booth]

I've had no luck with getting my wife to steer our boat. 19 years now and still no luck.

[nicknorman]

You could always try falling off the back whilst in motion and feigning death. Then she'd have to take control. However it might not be worth the subsequent grief!

[JJay]

"Persuading" is not the answer - she has to want to do it! Acknowledge whatever fears/misgivings she has - don't dismiss them.

 

I would also have suggested a day or two with Terry (he is a chap, but an extraordinarily kind and patient one!) - for both of you. Sell it as an opportunity for you both to learn and practice on another boat - she may feel worried about damaging the share boat.

 

I agree it's important that you can both steer in case the worst happens - but be very careful using that argument - the thought may just put her off boating altogether (as happened with a couple we know of).

[OldGoat]

z4driver, on 06 Jul 2016 - 09:39 AM, said:

Hi all

 

Any advice on how I can convince my wife that she is as capable of steering a narrowboat as anyone else?

 

We are both in our 60s and have recently bought a share in a 60' boat. As you've probably guessed, my idea!

 

My wife enjoys the trips we have had but is very reluctant to take the tiller, as in, never! This means that she has, up to now, worked most of the locks. However, she finds these a struggle and I have, in effect, been single-handing through a lot of them.

 

I've suggested training and at the the Crick Show even Terry of TR Boat Handling couldn't get her to sign up.

 

So has anyone had a similar problem with someone you know would be fine but just lacks the confidence?

 

Festina lente

 

It took ages (years) to persuade SWMBO that steering was easy. There were / are two problems:-

Being of short(er) stature it's quite difficult for her to steer comfortably. On straight stretches she hops onto the roof to steer.

Even though she is a great swimmer for some strange reason she won't stand anywhere near the gunnels, making putting the helm hard over quite ineffective.

Otherwise she's happy - except when entering a lock of any dimension. That's a pain as working the locks - topside - can be heavy, which I should be doing them.

[Bobbin]

Maybe it's the length of the boat and being a shared boat she is worried about pranging it. Do you know anyone with a shorter boat who would be willing to help? I can't say they are easier to steer but your wife may have more confidence with a smaller boat to start with. Mind you, when she does get the hang of it I bet you will be doing all the locks and bridges from then on!

[cereal tiller]

Hi all

 

Any advice on how I can convince my wife that she is as capable of steering a narrowboat as anyone else?

 

We are both in our 60s and have recently bought a share in a 60' boat. As you've probably guessed, my idea!

 

My wife enjoys the trips we have had but is very reluctant to take the tiller, as in, never! This means that she has, up to now, worked most of the locks. However, she finds these a struggle and I have, in effect, been single-handing through a lot of them.

 

I've suggested training and at the the Crick Show even Terry of TR Boat Handling couldn't get her to sign up.

 

So has anyone had a similar problem with someone you know would be fine but just lacks the confidence?

 

Suggest that she places a hand on the tiller whilst you are steering,then, occasionally remove your hand from the tiller for a few seconds.

 

Tried this Method several times with different Novices,nearly always got them confident enough.

 

CT

[by'eck]

You could always try falling off the back whilst in motion and feigning death. Then she'd have to take control. However it might not be worth the subsequent grief!

 

Worked for me with my then new partner Val. I deliberately did a backward somersault into the water from my inflatable and yelled for her to take the outboards tiller. It was only a 3.3hp Mariner and the location was English Harbour Antigua, so the consequences were not too extreme

[Trillian]

 

 

Suggest that she places a hand on the tiller whilst you are steering,then, occasionally remove your hand from the tiller for a few seconds.

 

Tried this Method several times with different Novices,nearly always got them confident enough.

 

CT

 

This one worked for me. Once I got a little more confident my husband popped indoors for a quick loo break and progressed onto making me a drink, then a meal and finally went in to make the beds/wash up/get the fire going so we would be warm when we stopped.

 

Fortunately he hasn't suggested going in to do my knitting - I would rebel at that!

 

Edited to include full quote!

Edited July 6, 2016 by Trillian

[koukouvagia]

Hmm.

I have three further problems.

1. OH finds that the tiller on our deep drafted boat takes quite a bit of physical strength to push hard over on bends.

2. OH has seen what happens if I stray perhaps only a couple of feet out of the channel

3. OH suffers from kelvinophobia. This condition was brought on when a piece of rope wrapped itself round the prop shaft and it was impossible to get the engine out of gear!

 

Also, apparently, when I am allowed to do the locks, I talk too much and let my attention wander.

[Naughty Cal]

Find a quiet spot and walk away from the helm.

 

She will have to do it then, either that or you will crash.

 

Sometimes being given that extra push is what people need to get over their fear of doing something.

 

I have taken several nervous ladies out on NC. It is surprising how when away from their OH's they lose their nerves completely and give it a go. They are all now more confident with their own partners and boats and one now drives their boat on a regular basis due to the OH's failing health. A few years back she wouldn't even touch the wheel.

[freddy]

I pretended i needed the loo and just walked away,she had to do it then

[David Mack]

Maybe it's the length of the boat and being a shared boat she is worried about pranging it. Do you know anyone with a shorter boat who would be willing to help? I can't say they are easier to steer but your wife may have more confidence with a smaller boat to start with. Mind you, when she does get the hang of it I bet you will be doing all the locks and bridges from then on!

 

In my experience longer narrowboats are almost always easier to steer, in that they don't wander off the moment you take your eye off the way ahead, in the way that most shorter boats do. The downside is that the steering is often heavier, which can be a problem for anyone of a more slight build.

[Bettie Boo]

You could always try falling off the back whilst in motion and feigning death. Then she'd have to take control. However it might not be worth the subsequent grief!

 

Do NOT do this^^^ if she is anything like me, she'd kill you once back on the boat. Short of that, I'd make you suffer for a Very long time

 

 

I was very uncomfortable in taking the helm of our boat during the first year, and still won't do the higgly piggly bridges on the GU unless right up against a lock that I'm crawling through anyway.

 

I'm now more then happy for 'im to be indoors for a quick wee or brew and leaving me at the tiller, both passing moving and none moving boats, most road bridges and all locks & swing bridges.

 

When we started out, our boat is our home, so was really nervous about doing any damage to either it or another boat. Ours is a WB Trad stern, so there's enough room for me to stand in the back hatch and for Dave to still have enough space to safely use the tiller without getting in the arch of the tiller swing. Now he's over 6 ft and can easily see the front of the boat, I'm a bit of a heavy set short arse at 5ft 6in and not only can I not make out where the front sides of the boat are I struggle to see where the front centre of the boat is.

 

He built me a little step about the size of a battery that I can stand on to get my bearings, and put a wee piece of orange florescent tape on the tip of our antenna which is at the front & centre of the boat ok, one problem solved.

 

Then I just couldn't get my head around the way that most people give instruction on how to use the tiller. The whole left/right thing has always caused me confusion. No idea why, I know the difference, but I've always had to "think" about it. To the point of touching either my right or left wrist to get the correct side (in the car I used to say, just say your way or my way, or point), anyway someone on the forum suggested something completely different and it worked wonders...if the front of the boat is pointing to port and you want it to go starboard then point the tiller to put the tiller to port, or even easier is if you want the boat to go in the opposite direction to where it's going, point the tiller end to the same direction to front of the boat is pointing. Forget all about the left/right thing. For some of us that just caused confusion.

 

Someone mentioned having your hand on the tiller but let her steer - that worked a treat for me, then I'd get to the point of "ok, take your hand away, but stay where you are just in case" & then we just worked up from there.

 

I'll never forget the first time I passed another boat coming from the opposite direction...as our sterns passed I was jumping up and down hugging Dave screeching Whooo Hoooo I DID IT, I DID IT; I'm sure the other boat though "ahhh bless, he's taken a mentally unsound person out for a day trip"

 

The first 10 or 15 locks I did, I was very nervous about not getting to close to the front gates, but not being comfortable in judging how much space I had. He'd just walk to the front and using his fingers let me know when I had about 8 feet left to play with, then I'd pick some kind of marking along the lock to keep my arse end level with presto problem solved, actually I still do the same, but am comfortable in judging the front end on my own now.

 

When first doing locks, I didn't think I could land the boat on my own for him to get back on, so I would get my arse out of the lock and then just hold the boat there till he had the gates closed and he's then tell me which way to put the tiller and he'd hop back on, after a few goes with no one else around, I got my head around bringing her in close to the bank for him to get back on if there's another boat waiting to come into the lock.

 

End of the day, I wouldn't say I'm overly confident on the tiller, but quite happy for him to go to the loo, make a brew or even sit up front for 10 minutes. Except when we are on either the Lee or Thames, when I more than happy to take over for long stretches of time.

 

Dave was very patient, gentle and very reassuring when teaching me and it worked good luck

[cuthound]

I've had no luck with getting my wife to steer our boat. 19 years now and still no luck.

Same here, I introduced her to boating in 1988, and at first she was fine, but then in the early 90's some idiot rattled open his paddle and caused the boat to make hard contact with the lock gate, which frightened her. Since then she will not take the boat into a lock.

 

Fortunately she will steer in between locks.

[Mrs Tawny Owl]

If she really doesn't want to then trying to force the issue is not really on, it will just cause friction between you, and might mean she doesn't want to go boating at all if she's scared that every time you go out you are going to be trying to get her to steer.

 

If she's up for trying then having her hand on the tiller while you steer to get a feel for it is a good idea.

However if you do that I'd say you should stand on the "wrong" side of the tiller so she can stand on the "right" side.

To explain, I'm right handed and on our cruiser stern I stand to the left of the tiller. Standing on the right and steering with my left hand is much more awkward and takes a bit more concentration so make it as easy for her as possible.

 

Also start with a nice long, wide straight bit of canal to reduce the fear of hitting the bank immediately if something goes wrong, and having more room to correct those first mistakes.

 

If you have a trad stern it might not really be possible for you both to be in a suitable place to steer, so maybe find a friend with a cruiser stern to start with.

 

I'm very comfortable steering our 70 footer, in fact I'd rather steer through junctions and tricky bits than just stand on the back for hours, luckily Richard likes that.

If we have friends and visitors on board, which we often do I do encourage them to have a go, there are very few people who have been for a cruise on Tawny and not had a drive.

Some people get on and get the hang of it just about immediately, others zig zag for varying lengths of time before getting the hang of it, but most do.

 

Good luck to both of you, (and I do feel a bit mean talking about your wife behind her back like this though we all mean well)

 

Sue

[patty-ann]

My sister will not take the tiller and Ive accepted that now...fortunately I love driving my boat..see if you can get another woman to talk her through and stay with her a day. Its a case of confidence.

[Pie Eater]

I just asked swmbo to hold the tiller a minute and then jumped off at the next bridgehole and left her to it for a while.

 

She steers at most of the locks now and takes over whenever I need a break.

 

Steve

[tagulablue]

I pretended i needed the loo and just walked away,she had to do it then

mmm. ...after 5 years of boating Adi couldn't even go to the loo without me parking the boat in a tree.. eventually he stopped the boat in the middle of the thames and said if i wanted to continue to cruise I either steered or we go home... it worked...you might have a problem with this solution if she prefers to go home!!

[MHS]

I would recommend a (maybe female) instructor, or boating friend to take her out, without you.

 

Or, how about suggesting a one hour sponsored steer?

 

All money's raised to go to a charity of her choice.

[Bettie Boo]

I would recommend a (maybe female) instructor, or boating friend to take her out, without you.

 

Or, how about suggesting a one hour sponsored steer?

 

All money's raised to go to a charity of her choice.

 

Oh, now that's ^^ something that might have motivated me back in those first few fearful days...but would have still wanted the "comfort" of knowing there was someone very near that could take over if I got muffled.

 

The one thing that really helped was knowing that Dave could take over within a second of me deciding "I can't do it", he was at the point of being able to steer the boat from either side of the tiller or sitting on top of the back hatch - that also was a big comfort.

[haggis]

I think you need to work out why your wife doesn't want to steer the boat. It could be because she just doesn't want to go canal boating , in which case your wife could go somewhere else and you could boat alone or take along a canal friend. It could be a fear or not knowing what to do in a tricky situation in which case very gentle help like an occasional hand on the tiller might be the answer with a gradual build up. I don't think leaving her and going below or off the boat is the answer if she has a genuine fear of driving as that would probably put her off for life.

Or you could invite along a couple of friends to share the trip and if they both drive the boat, you wife might take confidence from another lady driving.

 

haggis