Lady G

[haggis]

Just realised that we haven't heard from lady G for a wee while and hope you are OK. Did you go back down the Trent to Keadby and arrive safely? 

 

haggis

[Alan de Enfield]

No reports of anything nasty happening on the Trent.

 

To misquote Marriot Edgar :

 

A grand old Lady was 'G',
All dressed in her best; quite a swell,
With a stick with an ‘orse’s ‘ead ‘andle,
The finest that Woolworth’s could sell.

 

She didn’t think much to the Trent:
The waves, they was fiddlin’ and small
There was no wrecks and nobody drownded,
‘Fact, nothing to laugh at at all.

[Ally]

Last seen here on the 4th.

[matty40s]

Bugger all signal in Keadby if I remember right.

[restlessnomad]

she was online 10 mins ago

[matty40s]

Last visit 2 minute ago....keep up !!

[LadyG]

Hi,

Just taking a rest, from this site.

I think I am sort of 'locked in', I was not intending to go back North, though at this rate, by the time I am 'released', the winter stoppages might be over! 

 

[Murflynn]

2 hours ago, LadyG said:

Hi,

Just taking a rest, from this site.

I think I am sort of 'locked in', I was not intending to go back North, though at this rate, by the time I am 'released', the winter stoppages might be over! 

 

trouble is it may be difficult to find anyone to stand for your bail.

[BEngo]

2 hours ago, LadyG said:

Hi,

Just taking a rest, from this site.

I think I am sort of 'locked in', I was not intending to go back North, though at this rate, by the time I am 'released', the winter stoppages might be over! 

 

There is much to be said for a good lock-in, but I am sure it contravenes some COVID rule  unless you eat scotch eggs the while.

 

N

[Up-Side-Down]

20 hours ago, Alan de Enfield said:

No reports of anything nasty happening on the Trent.

 

To misquote Marriot Edgar :

 

A grand old Lady was 'G',
All dressed in her best; quite a swell,
With a stick with an ‘orse’s ‘ead ‘andle,
The finest that Woolworth’s could sell.

 

She didn’t think much to the Trent:
The waves, they was fiddlin’ and small
There was no wrecks and nobody drownded,
‘Fact, nothing to laugh at at all.

Never knew before that someone else wrote the Stanley Holloway monologues: always assumed it was the man himself!

[Sea Dog]

19 hours ago, LadyG said:

Hi,

Just taking a rest, from this site.

To prove it, show us your hat...

 

(See post #2)

[Hudds Lad]

1 hour ago, Up-Side-Down said:

Never knew before that someone else wrote the Stanley Holloway monologues: always assumed it was the man himself!

when i was little my mum had them on an LP, i can just hear him now, “Sam...Sam....pick up thy musket”  

[Alan de Enfield]

5 minutes ago, Hudds Lad said:

when i was little my mum had them on an LP, i can just hear him now, “Sam...Sam....pick up thy musket”  

"Arold got the arrow in his eye when the ole in is elmet fell shut"

[Sea Dog]

Ok, ok, it has to be done...

 

The Lion and Albert

 

There's a famous seaside place called Blackpool

That's noted for fresh air and fun

And Mr. and Mrs. Ramsbottom

Went there with young Albert, their son

A fine little lad were young Albert

All dressed in his best, quite a swell

He'd a stick with an 'orse's 'ead 'andle;

The finest that Woolworth's could sell

They didn't think much to the ocean

The waves they were piddlin' and small

There were no wrecks and nobody drownded

'Fact, nothin' to laugh at at all!

So, seeking for further amusement

They paid, and went into the zoo

Where they'd lions and tigers and camels

And cold ale and sandwiches, too

There were one great big lion called Wallace

Whose nose was all covered with scars;

He lay in a som-no-lent posture

With the side of 'is face on the bars

Now Albert 'ad 'eard about lions-

'Ow they was ferocious and wild;

To see lion lyin' so peaceful

Just didn't seem right to the child

So straightway the brave little feller

Not showin' a morsel of fear

Took 'is stick with the 'orse's 'ead 'andle

And stuck it in Wallace's ear

You could see that the lion din't like it

For givin' a kind of a roll

'E pulled Albert inside the cage with 'im

And swallered the little lad - 'ole!

Now Mother 'ad seen this occurrence

And not knowin' what to do next

She 'ollered "Yon lion's et Albert!"

An' Father said "Ee, I am vexed."

They complained to an animal keeper

Who said "My, wot a nasty mis'ap;

Are you sure it's your boy 'e's eaten?"

Pa said, "Am I sure? There's 'is cap!"

The manager 'ad to be sent for;

'E came and 'e said "Wot's to-do?"

Ma said "Yon lion's et Albert

And 'im in 'is Sunday clothes, too!"

Father said "Right's right, young feller-

I think it's a shame and a sin

To 'ave our son et by a lion

And after we paid to come in."

The manager wanted no trouble;

He took out his purse right away

Sayin' "'Ow much to settle the matter?"

Pa said "Wot do you usually pay?"

But Mother 'ad turned a bit awkward

When she saw where 'er Albert 'ad gone

She said "No, someone's got to be summonsed!"

So that was decided upon

And off they all went to p'lice station

In front of a Magistrate chap;

They told what 'ad 'appened to Albert

And proved it by showing 'is cap

The Magistrate gave 'is opinion

That no one was really to blame

And 'e said that 'e 'oped the Ramsbottoms

Would 'ave further sons to their name

At that Mother got proper blazin':

"And thank you, sir, kindly, " said she-

"Wot, spend all our lives raisin' children

To feed ruddy lions? Not me!"

 

 

[Alan de Enfield]

9 minutes ago, Sea Dog said:

Ok, ok, it has to be done...

 

The Lion and Albert

 

There's a famous seaside place called Blackpool

That's noted for fresh air and fun

And Mr. and Mrs. Ramsbottom

Went there with young Albert, their son

A fine little lad were young Albert

All dressed in his best, quite a swell

He'd a stick with an 'orse's 'ead 'andle;

The finest that Woolworth's could sell

They didn't think much to the ocean

The waves they were piddlin' and small

There were no wrecks and nobody drownded

'Fact, nothin' to laugh at at all!

So, seeking for further amusement

They paid, and went into the zoo

Where they'd lions and tigers and camels

And cold ale and sandwiches, too

There were one great big lion called Wallace

Whose nose was all covered with scars;

He lay in a som-no-lent posture

With the side of 'is face on the bars

Now Albert 'ad 'eard about lions-

'Ow they was ferocious and wild;

To see lion lyin' so peaceful

Just didn't seem right to the child

So straightway the brave little feller

Not showin' a morsel of fear

Took 'is stick with the 'orse's 'ead 'andle

And stuck it in Wallace's ear

You could see that the lion din't like it

For givin' a kind of a roll

'E pulled Albert inside the cage with 'im

And swallered the little lad - 'ole!

Now Mother 'ad seen this occurrence

And not knowin' what to do next

She 'ollered "Yon lion's et Albert!"

An' Father said "Ee, I am vexed."

They complained to an animal keeper

Who said "My, wot a nasty mis'ap;

Are you sure it's your boy 'e's eaten?"

Pa said, "Am I sure? There's 'is cap!"

The manager 'ad to be sent for;

'E came and 'e said "Wot's to-do?"

Ma said "Yon lion's et Albert

And 'im in 'is Sunday clothes, too!"

Father said "Right's right, young feller-

I think it's a shame and a sin

To 'ave our son et by a lion

And after we paid to come in."

The manager wanted no trouble;

He took out his purse right away

Sayin' "'Ow much to settle the matter?"

Pa said "Wot do you usually pay?"

But Mother 'ad turned a bit awkward

When she saw where 'er Albert 'ad gone

She said "No, someone's got to be summonsed!"

So that was decided upon

And off they all went to p'lice station

In front of a Magistrate chap;

They told what 'ad 'appened to Albert

And proved it by showing 'is cap

The Magistrate gave 'is opinion

That no one was really to blame

And 'e said that 'e 'oped the Ramsbottoms

Would 'ave further sons to their name

At that Mother got proper blazin':

"And thank you, sir, kindly, " said she-

"Wot, spend all our lives raisin' children

To feed ruddy lions? Not me!"

 

 

Doin 'alf a job.

 

Wot about the rest ?

 

When the man fromthe pru comes for his penny a week and they tell him its his turn to pay out ?

 

"The Return of Albert"

[Athy]

1 minute ago, Alan de Enfield said:

Doin 'alf a job.

 

Wot about the rest ?

 

 

I'd say he'd given us the lion's share of it.

[Chagall]

I did the Lion and Albert and his return as a monologue 'on the halls' and killed with it every time.  Some of my best moments. 

[Tracy D'arth]

42 minutes ago, Chagall said:

I did the Lion and Albert and his return as a monologue 'on the halls' and killed with it every time.  Some of my best moments. 

I have been known to do "three'hapence a foot" occasionally   

 

Later I moved on to Les Barker, especially his dogs series and Titanic.

[Chagall]

9 minutes ago, Tracy D'arth said:

I have been known to do "three'hapence a foot" occasionally   

 

Later I moved on to Les Barker, especially his dogs series and Titanic.

Belinda would have been proud! 

[Tracy D'arth]

3 minutes ago, Chagall said:

Belinda would have been proud! 

Don't forget Billy and Bernard.

[Chagall]

 

[Tracy D'arth]

37 minutes ago, Chagall said:

 

This could go on all night. Once Les has started its impossible to stop.      But what the hell, he is brilliant.

[cuthound]

23 hours ago, Hudds Lad said:

when i was little my mum had them on an LP, i can just hear him now, “Sam...Sam....pick up thy musket”  

 

My favourite is "Three ha'pence a foot".

 

"I'll tell thee an old fashioned story my grandfather used to relate".

 

I had a little book of the monologues when I was young.

 

My father used to recite it to me in a broad Lancashire accent. When I first heard Stanley Holloway delivering I was very disappointed thst his accent wasn't a broad Lancashire one.

Edited December 12, 2020 by cuthound
Missing letters

[1st ade]

18 hours ago, Chagall said:

 

I regret I can only give one greenie- that was brilliant!

[Alway Swilby]

6 hours ago, cuthound said:

 

My favourite is "Three ha'pence a foot".

 

"I'll tell thee an old fashioned story my grandfather used to relate".

 

 

"'Bout a joiner and building contractor, his name it were Sam Olblethwaite"