How can this happen

[dor]

33 minutes ago, Horace42 said:

I like of ideas picked from previous comments   - slipway  -  boat launching  -  tidal river  -  hiccups.......

Saw something similar several years ago on a slipway on the Thames at Putney.   Car had reversed down the ramp to launch speedboat.  Then the tide came in...

There was quite a crowd by the time the speedboat came back and the car, a big Jag, was almost under water. 

[Sea Dog]

1 hour ago, Horace42 said:

I like of ideas picked from previous comments   - slipway  -  boat launching  -  tidal river  -  hiccups.......

You missed the folly of letting the dog drive... 

[cuthound]

6 hours ago, Rickent said:

One of Jasper Carrots finest

Pre-dates Mr Carrot. I first saw it in the late 60's when still at school. It was on a sheet of paper claiming to contain genuine quotes from insurance claim forms and included "dog on road applied brakes, causing a skid".

[Rickent]

4 minutes ago, cuthound said:

Pre-dates Mr Carrot. I first saw it in the late 60's when still at school. It was on a sheet of paper claiming to contain genuine quotes from insurance claim forms and included "dog on road applied brakes, causing a skid".

I believe Jasper used it in his set and mentioned that they were from genuine insurance claims.

[WotEver]

41 minutes ago, Rickent said:

I believe Jasper used it in his set and mentioned that they were from genuine insurance claims.

Indeed he did. Along with “The car was all over the road. I had to swerve several times before I hit it!”

Edited January 1, 2018 by WotEver

[Peter X]

Whatever happened to Jasper Carrott?, I wondered, as I don't remember him being on TV in recent years. It turns out he was still touring, but stopped a few months ago to have heart surgery. Get well soon Mr Carrott.

As to the van, I imagine that that the owners were away and at the time of the photo had not yet learnt of its fate. And it would have to be a slipway, I can't imagine it ending up neatly landing alongside the bank otherwise.

[cuthound]

8 minutes ago, Rickent said:

I believe Jasper used it in his set and mentioned that they were from genuine insurance claims.

Found it on the internet.

Last saw this about 50 years ago. Still makes me chuckle after all those years. 

Apologies for the length of this post.

 

FUNNY MOTOR INSURANCE CLAIMS

Actual  quotes  which  drivers  have  written  on  motor  insurance  claim  forms  after having  been  in  an  accident.

A bull  was  standing  near  and  a  fly  must  have  tickled  him  because  he  gored  my car.  

A lamp-post  bumped  into  my  car,  damaging  it  in  two  places.

I  collided  with  a  stationary  truck  coming  the  other  way.

A pedestrian  hit  me  and  went  under  my  car

 A truck  backed  through  my  windscreen  into  my  wife’s  face.   After  the  accident  a  working  gentleman  offered  to  be  a  witness  in  my  favour.

 An  invisible  car  came  out  of  nowhere,  struck  my  car  and  vanished.

I  collided  with  a  stationary  tree.

As  I  approached  an  intersection  a  sign  suddenly  appeared  in  a  place  where  no stop  sign  had  ever  appeared  before.  

The  car  had  to  turn  sharper  than  was  necessary  owing  to  an  invisible  lorry.  

Coming  home from the Rose and Crown I  drove  into  the  wrong  house  and  collided  with  a  tree  I  haven’t got.  

A cow wandered  into  my  car.  I  was  afterwards  informed  that  the  cow  was  halfwitted.  

The  first  car  stopped  suddenly,  second  car  hit  first  car  and  a  haggis  ran  into the  rear  of  second  car.  

When  I  was  going  to  work  at  7am  this  morning,  I  drove  out  of  my  drive  straight into  a  bus.  The  bus  was  5  minutes  early.   I  am  responsible  for  the  accident  as  I  was  miles  away  at  the  time.  

I  am  sure  the  old  fellow  would  never  make  it  to  the  other  side  of  the  road  when I  struck  him.  

I  blew  my  horn  but  it  would  not  work  as  it  was  stolen.  

I  bumped  into  a  lamp-post  which  was  obscured  by  human  beings.  

I  bumped  into  a  shop  window  and  sustained  injuries  to  my  wife.  

I  can’t  give  details  of  the  accident  as  I  was  somewhat  concussed  at  the  time.  

I  consider  that  neither  vehicle  was  to  blame,  but  if  either  were  to  blame  it  was the  other  one.   

I  didn’t  think  the  speed  limit  applied  after  midnight.  

I  had  been  driving  for  40  years  when  I  feel  asleep  at  the  wheel  and  had  an accident.  

I  had  one  eye  on  a  parked  car,  another  on  approaching  lorries,  and  another  on the  woman  behind.  

I  heard  a  horn  blow  and  was  struck  violently  in  the  back.  Evidently  a  lady  was trying  to  pass  me.  

I  knew  the  dog  was  possessive  about  the  car  but  I  would  not  have  asked  her  to drive  it  if  I  had  thought  there  was  any  risk.  

I  knocked  over  a  man.  He  admitted  it  was  his  fault  as  he  had  been  run  over before.

I  left  my  Austin  Seven  outside  and  when  I  came  out  later  to  my  amazement there  was  an  Austin  Twelve.  

I  left  my  car  unattended  for  a  minute,  and  whether  by  accident  or  design  it  ran away.

I  misjudged  a  lady  crossing  the  street.  

I  pulled  away  from  the  side  of  the  road,  glanced  at  my  mother-in-law  and headed  over  the  embankment.

I  pulled  into  a  lay-by  with  smoke  coming  from  under  the  bonnet.  I  realised  the car  was  on  fire  so  took  my  dog  and  smothered  it  with  a  blanket.

I  remember  nothing  after  missing  the  Crown  Hotel  until  I  came  to  and  saw  PC Brown.  

I  saw  a  slow-moving,  sad-faced  old  gentleman  as  he  bounced  off  the  roof  of my car.  

I  saw  her  look  at  me  twice.  She  appeared  to  be  making  slow  progress  when  we met  on  impact.  

I  started  to  slow  down  but  the  traffic  was  more  stationary  than  I  thought.  

I  thought  the  side  window  was  down  but  it  was  up,  as  I  found  when  I  put  my head  through  it.  

I  told  the  other  idiot  what  he  was  and  went  on.  

I  told  the  police  that  I  was  not  injured,  but  on  removing  my  hat  I  found  I  had  a fractured  skull.  

I  unfortunately  ran  over  a  pedestrian  and  the  old  gentleman  was  taken  to hospital,  much  regretting  the  circumstances.   

I  was  driving  along  when  I  saw  two  kangaroos  copulating  in  the  middle  of  the road,  causing  me  to  ejaculate  through  the  sun  roof.  

I  was  going  at  about  70  or  80  mph  when  my girlfriend  on  the  pillion  reached over  and  grabbed  my  testicles  so  I  lost  control.  

I  was  on  my way to  see  an unconscious  patient  who  had  convulsions  and  was blocked  by  a  tanker.  

I  was  on  the  way  to  the  doctor  with  rear  end  trouble  when  my  universal  joint gave  way  causing  me  to  have  an  accident.  

I  was  scraping  my  nearside  on  the  bank  when  the  accident  happened.   I  was  thrown  from  the  car  as  it  left  the  road.  I  was  later  found  in  a  ditch  by some  stray  cows.  

I  was  unable  to  stop  in  time  and  my  car  crashed  into  the  other  vehicle.  

The driver  and  passengers  then  left  immediately  for  a  vacation  with  injuries.

There  was  ice  on  the  road.  I  applied  the  brakes  causing  a  skid.  

If  the  other  driver  had  stopped  a  few  yards  behind  himself  the  accident  would not  have  happened.  

In  an  attempt  to  kill  a  fly,  I  drove  into  a  telephone  pole.  

Mr.  X  is  in  hospital  and  says  I  can  use  his  car  and  take  his  wife  while  he  is there.  What  shall  I  do  about  it?  

My car  was  legally  parked  as  it  backed  into  another  vehicle.  

My car  was  stolen  and  I  set  up  a  human  cry,  but  it  has  not  been  recovered.  

No  one  was to blame  for  the  accident  but  it  would  never  have  happened  if  the other  driver  had  been  alert.  

No  witnesses  would  admit  having  seen  the  mishap  until  after  it  happened.  

On approach  to  the  traffic  lights  the  car  in  front  suddenly  broke.  

On the  M6  I  moved  from  the  centre  lane  to  the  fast  lane  but  the  other  car  didn’t give  way.

She  suddenly  saw  me,  lost  her  head  and  we  met.  

The  accident  happened  when  the  right  front  door  of  a  car  came  round  the corner  without  giving  a  signal.  

The  accident  occurred  when  I  was  attempting  to  bring  my  car  out  of  a  skid  by steering  it  into  the  other  vehicle.  

The  accident  was  caused  by  me  waving  to  the  man  I  hit  last  week. 

The  bloke  was  all  over  the  road.  I  had  to  swerve  a  number  of  times  before  I  hit him.  

The  car  in  front  hit  the  pedestrian  but  he  got  up,  so  I  hit  him  again.  

The  car  in  front  of  me  stopped  for  an  amber  light,  so  I  had  no  choice  but  to  hit him.  

The  car  in  front  stopped  suddenly  and  I  crashed  gently  into  his  luggage  grid.   The  gentleman  behind  me  struck  me  on  the  backside.  He  then  went  to  rest  in  a bush  with  just  his  rear  end  showing.  

The  indirect  cause  of  the  accident  was  a  little  guy  in  a  small  car  with  a  big mouth.  

The  other  car  collided  with  mine  without  giving  warning  of  its  intentions.  

The  other  man  altered  his  mind  so  I  had  to  run  into  him.  

The  pedestrian  had  no  idea  which  direction  to  run  so  I  ran  over  him.

The  pedestrian  ran  for  the  pavement,  but  I  got  him.  

The  telephone  pole  was  approaching  and  I  was  attempting  to  swerve  out  of  its way  when  it  struck  the  front  end  of  my  car.  

The  water  in  my  radiator  accidentally  froze  at  12  midnight.  

There  was  no  damage  done  to  the  car,  as  the  gate  post  will  testify.  

There  were  plenty  of  lookers-on  but  no  witnesses.  

Three  women  were  talking  to  each  other  and  when  two  stepped  back  and  one stepped  forward  I  had  to  have  an  accident.  

To  avoid  a  collision  I  ran  into  the  other  car.

To  avoid  hitting  the  bumper  of  the  car  in  front  I  struck  a  pedestrian.  

We had  completed  the  turn  and  had  just  straightened  the  car  when  Miss  X  put her  foot  down  hard  and  headed  for  the  ladies’  loo.  

When  I  saw  I could  not  avoid  a  collision  I  put  down  the  accelerator  and crashed  into  the  other  car.  

Windscreen  broke.  Cause  unknown.  Probably  Voodoo.  

I  had  been  learning  to  drive  with  power  steering.  I  turned  the  wheel  to  what  I thought  was  enough  and  found  myself  in  a  different  direction  going  the opposite  way. 

I  had  been  out  shopping  for  the  garden  all  morning.  I  was  driving  home  and  as I  approached  the  junction  a  hedge  sprang  up,  obscuring  my  vision  so  I  could not  see  the  other  vehicle.

I  started  to  turn  and  it  was  at  this  point  I  noticed  a  camel  and  an  elephant tethered  at  the  verge.  This  distraction  caused  me  to  lose  concentration  and  hit a  bollard.

I  was  backing  my  car  out  of  the  driveway  in  the  usual  manner,  when  it  was struck  by  the  other  car  in  the  same  place  it  had  been  struck  several  times before.

I  was  driving  along  the  motorway  when  the  police  pulled  me  over  onto  the  hard shoulder.  Unfortunately  I  was  in  the  middle  lane  and  there  was  another  car  in the  way.

I  was  proceeding  along  the  road  at  moderate  speed  when  another  car  rushed out  of  a  side  turning  and  turned  upside  down  in  a  ditch.  It  was  his  fault  as  he said.

I  was  taking  a  friend  home  and  keeping  two  yards  from  each  lamp-post  which were  in  a  straight  line.  Unfortunately,  there  was  a  bend  in  the  road  bringing  the right-hand  lamp-post  in  line  with  the  other  and  of  course  I  landed  in  a  ditch.

One  wheel  went  into  a  ditch.  My  foot  jumped  from  brake  to  accelerator  pedal, leapt  across  the  road  to  the  other  side  and  jumped  into  the  trunk  of  a  tree. 

[Sea Dog]

1 hour ago, Peter X said:

As to the van, I imagine that that the owners were away and at the time of the photo had not yet learnt of its fate.

They're gonna be surprised when they find someone has homed their dog on the dashboard then!

[system 4-50]

Just another Satnav error...

[PeterF]

A few years ago on the Huddersfield narrow at Slaithewaite a hire narrowboat did not realise there was a slipway and ended up grounding the bows. It was a devil to get it back off again. Seeing this reminded me of it, sort if a reverse problem.

[Horace42]

1 hour ago, cuthound said:

 

FUNNY MOTOR INSURANCE CLAIMS

Actual  quotes  which  drivers  have  written  on  motor  insurance  claim  forms  after having  been  in  an  accident.

content deleted - Go to #32 to read them

I remember a similar list about 50 years ago - but maybe not quite the same one because I recall one  excuse

I was leaving the hospital when I backed into a pregnant woman and her friend who was in the way as well.

And nothing to do with insurance .... but and a comedy news item at the time:

According to the AA one pedestrian is involved in a motor accident every 20 minutes ....... and he's getting fed up with it 

[Rickent]

The one I remember well is "I saw a sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the bonnet of my car."

[Heartland]

It is not clear where the motorhome is. It appears to be in a lock. Did it run down a bank to get there?

[Athy]

20 hours ago, Peter X said:

Whatever happened to Jasper Carrott?, I wondered, as I don't remember him being on TV in recent years. It turns out he was still touring, but stopped a few months ago to have heart surgery. Get well soon Mr Carrott.

 

He was a surprise guest at Cropredy Festival either 2 or 3 years ago and appeared to be in good form. I am sorry to hear that he's been poorly - I have liked him ever since I saw his act at our college folk club circa 1972, before he became well known. By the end, all our sides were aching and there wasn't a dry seat in the place.

[Jim Riley]

I used to live in Smithybridge, Littleborough, by the Rochdale Canal. My neighbour owned a private ambulance company, garaged at Stevenson's  Paragon Railway shed by the canal. One of his driver's came out in a blizzard, dropped a Commer walkthrough sideways into the cut. The driver, fittingly, was an ex submariner. I bought the dried out bus and converted it to a campervan.

[Momac]

Did they get the vehicle out when the tide went out?

[Horace42]

16 hours ago, MartynG said:

Did they get the vehicle out when the tide went out?

Yes ...  and what did they say on their insurance claim ?

....The car park was full and there was a space on the sloping path to the river.  I did wonder at the time why I was lucky enough to find a gap - so I parked there and went shopping. When  I cam back it was under water....

[BWM]

On 01/01/2018 at 13:24, dor said:

Saw something similar several years ago on a slipway on the Thames at Putney.   Car had reversed down the ramp to launch speedboat.  Then the tide came in...

There was quite a crowd by the time the speedboat came back and the car, a big Jag, was almost under water. 

https://www.facebook.com/putneyhightideclub/

A Facebook group documenting the foolish in Putney. 

[Neil Smith]

It could have a boat trailer behind it and they are up river in a boat unaware the tide is now high.lol.

Neil