I'm I the only one that got hit by a sour welcome?

[Emilia]

Hi Forumers,

 

Despite of having been boating for 5 years, only now I realised I should share this nagging feeling I have got. My hope is anybody with similar experience to join in and speak loud. I am not having a go or trying to slag anybody off; I am trying to promote here something free and really simple; a change in attitude. If by writing this post I manage to change one boater's approach then it means to me it was worth it joining the forum and investing a few minutes of my time. If not only one but a few join, it will be a great succes and could be the begining of a new boating era.

 

As I mentioned above, I have been boating for over 5 years now. When I first started looking into getting a boat and living aboard it was exciting times. I didn't know about this forum then and the boat community seemed really hermetic, so it took my partner and I a good few months of intensive research before boarding this venture until one day the dream came true. Some of the things that we encounetered with this new way of living turned out to be much better than anticipated and some others harder or disapointing but overall it turned out to be a lifestyle that suited us perfectly.

 

Becoming constant cruisers, we took really well giving up on some of life little luxuries and we dealt with periods of struggle having to navigate in unfavourable conditions or facing the frustration of having to deal with one problem after another of a boat that didn't want to work. However, that is part of the fun (not quite, but still). The most shocking drawback I found though, and which this post is about is the boating community.

 

We found there is an awful atmosphere in boating. Most boaters don't say hi, instead they look with a sour look if at all. Obvious hellos get no response. People from marinas and moorings hate constant cruisers and viceversa. Constant cruisers don't like each other. You are being looked up if your boat is "crap" and the same when your boat is "nice" or expensive. There is jealousy in the air. About what? I don't know. If a boat is struggling doing any kind of maniouvre, instead of help or understanding you are more likely to get patronising attittudes. I have seen this plenty of times. Who on earth struggles purposely? Grief + struggle is of no help. A helping hand is though. Same here in the forum. I see dozens of unhelpful or arrogant replies all the time. Why?

 

The purpose of this post is not getting replies saying how good one self is and all that but to think about us critically and evaluate if sometimes we adopt unfriendly unhelpful attitudes and wonder why do we do it.

 

After a while boating, although through clenched teeth, I adopted myself this sour attitude. I became the boater I describe above. I got fed up of being pleasant, polite and getting no response and I became unfriendly myself but it's time to change.

 

Boaters in general and constant cruisers specially, let's be nice to each other and let's try to help one another. We need to look out for eachother as we all have the same problems and worries and only that way we can work for our own commont benefits.

 

All the best,

Emilia

[junior]

It's CONTINOUS Cruiser

[MtB]

How unfortunate! I find the exact opposite. When I'm out boaters wave and smile at me all the time.

 

Or maybe they are laughing. Or snarling

 

 

MtB

[RLWP]

Hi Emilia, welcome to the forum

 

I suspect that there are a lot of miserable boaters around just now because of the weather!

 

Richard

[OldGoldy]

It's CONTINUOUS Cruiser

 

erm, if we're correcting.....................

 

On the subject tho', yes there's ignorant, selfish & miserable boaters out there, but in the main, I think we're a friendly lot.

 

Maybe, just maybe, you're not slowing where appropriate??

Edited February 17, 2014 by OldGoldy

[b0atman]

I gave you a greenie remember in all walks of life there will always be idiots . Just ignore them and give a Howdo and a wave to everyone you see .Hopefully it may turn back the tide of these ones who have no cares for the friendliness of others which I have seen at first hand so sad to lead a life being suspicious of everyone.
Remember Howdo and wave

[Rich]

Perhaps the problem lies with yourself in some way. Boaters that we meet on the cut or river, invariably wave, or in some way acknowledge our existence, in a friendly manner. Those that don't are a tiny fraction, and probably not worth bothering with anyway.

 

We have never come across any boaters in anyway expressing dislike of CCers, or CCers for marina moorers. We have done both and the only emotion that has been invoked has been good natured jealousy towards us when we were CCing.

[junior]

 

erm, if we're correcting.....................

 

 

 

 

I wondered how long it would take for my inability to spell to become obvious! That's the problem with getting the laptop out instead of using my trusty tablet with auto-correct.

[b0atman]

Continuous or constant its only a name both are right .Criticism though is an example of why this post is needed

[Ronniesonic]

Emilia- I have no problem whether your a 'constant / continuous cruiser, termanology means nothing in this instance.

 

It sounds like you have had a couple of bad experiences in the near past & also the weather has been crap! It's blinking dark for 18hours!

 

However, dust yourself down & move forward. Some people will always be not to your liking, just the same as on land. Deep breath, small G&T & remember the good times............ You never know, the Sun might come out soon & that big fleece & jacket can go back under the bed for a few months.

 

Remember the cardinal sin......... Do not judge everyone in each 'group' as the same.

 

I again agree with MTB, most people I see out do smile......... Some don't & I choose to ignore them.

 

As a final gambit, I personally find it tremendously rewarding to help someone in need.

 

Best wishes

The Sonic

[Nightwatch]

Hello Emilia

 

Bad that you believe you have been snubbed by so many fellow boaters. In the main I have found that the majority are friendly to the extent of a wave, a nod and sometimes the spoken word.

 

If I ever acknowledge the presence of another boater by any of the above and get ignored I either shrug my shoulders and get on with my life or make sure they know that I was speaking to them and wish them a happy day. Sometimes enquiring if they are in fact having a bad day.

 

There are miserable so and so's on the canals but sometimes people are busy getting out of our way.

 

Welcome to the forum.

 

Martyn

[churchward]

Welcome to the forum.

 

I think there is nothing special about the boating population. They are a mix of all types, people are people. So I agree there will be miserable folk out there who think it strange to acknowledge or even look at someone on a passing boat they don't know.

 

However, I do not recognise the boating experience you describe. Sure there are some who have blanked a cheery wave but most of the time I get waved at first. I have seen plenty of help given or offered (I have helped others in all sorts of circumstances) and received help myself.

 

I also do not recognise or appreciate your sweeping generalisations about continuous cruisers and Marina moorers etc. When out and about I do not stop and consider what perceived faction another boater may belong to or consider it important. There is of course some people who like to propagate such stereo-types I hope you are not one.

 

If all around you look miserable and grumpy take care that it is not you who is the epicentre and source of it.

Edited February 17, 2014 by churchward

[Emilia]

I gave you a greenie remember in all walks of life there will always be idiots . Just ignore them and give a Howdo and a wave to everyone you see .Hopefully it may turn back the tide of these ones who have no cares for the friendliness of others which I have seen at first hand so sad to lead a life being suspicious of everyone.

Remember Howdo and wave

 

:-)

[Grace and Favour]

OP - - I've not been unfortunate enough to experience or endure any of what you have.

 

Mind you - we will always, but always, proffer a smile and friendly wave, and normally be amongst the first to offer help where we can

 

If I come across a sour-faced boater - I'll check the boat name to see if it's Gili M, I'll still wave and smile, and see by your response if you feel any better.

Edited February 17, 2014 by Grace & Favour

[carlt]

Could someone tell me how to spot a continuous cruiser when they are approaching so I don't inadvertently wave and smile at them?

 

Perhaps a large black cross painted on their deckboard...

[Hawkmoth]

I think you're being a little harsh on the community. Yes there are some miserable folk out there, but it's the same in any walk of life.

In general we've found friendly folk, a cheery wave. Moored up seems a little different and many boaters want stay away from company. I've heard complaints from some that they deliberately moor out in the sticks, alone, and then someone comes along and ties up right in front or behind.

Bob

[Phil Ambrose]

Hi Emillia, on the odd occasion we do meet someone grumpy, at times for various reasons I have been grumpy myself, we all have our off days but on balance most people do acknowledge you even if it is just a nod. It has been said that do you wave at every car you pass?

I have never come across any ill will between marina folk and CCers nor had anybody look down on my less than shiney boat.

You mentioned posters on the forum, wait till you get to know the characters they do come across as brusque sometimes but it is often a form of banter, yes we do scrap sometimes but its soon forgotten, we are just like the rest of humanity. So welcome and stick with us because when push comes to shove the whole forum will be there for you.

Phil

[Barry]

Welcome to the forum Emilia

 

Its interesting that you came to boating with high hopes and were disappointed. Then for you the pendulum swung the other way and now it seems as though its swinging back. But now there's a difference in that instead of hoping others will respond positively now you are looking to promote that change. Fair play to that.

 

In my life history I found that hoping or expecting other people to respond as I thought they should didn't work and so I was constantly disappointed or in conflict. I worked out that the only person I could actually, practically change (and the only person I had the right to change) was myself. So over a period of years I learned to stop being Mr Angry Demanding (I'm not saying that's you Emilia - that was me).

 

One of the side effects of concentrating on how I am with other people, that I did not expect, was that I learned to just let people be. If they want to be grumpy - so be it. Its no skin off my nose. If they want to be nice - bonus. We can engage and enjoy each other's company even if its only for a moment.

 

I still get it wrong from time to time of course. Mr Angry Demanding is still there though not as powerful and much quieter.

 

Take a look at the thing in my signature. It might not suit you but I found it a really useful and profound philosophy

Edited February 17, 2014 by Bazza2

[Mrs Tawny Owl]

I haven't experienced what you've experienced to the same degree at all.

 

There are some miserable swines out there, and I always find an exchange with one of these stays with you much longer than the pleasant exchange of greetings we normally swap with other boaters.

 

As a brief example, (apologies to those who heard this before).

We were coming up to a lock and met a boat leaving it a couple of hundred yards from the lock, but within plain sight of it. Another boat was follipwing that one, and appeared to be about to turn the lock, so we beeped the horn and our wheeler called to let them know we were there. They continued to turn the lock against us. We stopped and waited. As they left they didn't look at us, but just ignored us with sour faces.

Our lock wheerler had inquired if they hadn't seen us?

Apparently yes they had, but we were only hire boaters (we're not, just haven't painted the boat since she left the hire fleet) and they live aboard so they hadn't got time to wait about for the likes of us!

We discovered later that they had registered as continuous cruisers, but not strayed form a short length of canal, and had been told by C&RT to be beyond the next junction by the end of that day, hence their hurry. (I'm not getting into THAT argument).

 

So we went into the lock feeling slightly grumpy, our pleasant day having been a bit spoiled by their attitude. However as we worked the lock, up popped a very bouncy lady from under then bridge at the foot of the lock.

Ooh lovely she said, I do like it when we meet people coming the other way, so nice to chat and share the work!

They'd had a lovely day out, not been very far and enjoyed it. Her enthusiasm was infectious and made us feel a whole lot better.

 

So by the time we'd left the lock our good humour had been restored.

 

I'm sure if we'd met the grumpy ones last it the whole incident would have stayed with us much longer.

 

We meet lots of nice people around, and if you can hold on to your inherent niceness and cheerfulness I'm sure you'll meet more of the pleasant ones, always meeting grumpies tends to make you grumpy which then means you'll meet more grumpies, and become a downwards spiral.

 

Of course we don't live on board, so we meet a lot less people than you do, and in the recent weather I'm sure it's easier to be grumpy than cheerful. Roll on summer.

 

Sue

[Graham Davis]

Emilia, welcome.

Don't know where you boat but I don't think your description is any more valid about the canals as it would be about any other sphere of life.

There are miserable and jealous gits in every field. If they worry you that much ignore them!!

[David Schweizer]

Emilia. May I suggest that you try shedding that big lump of potato off your shoulder, and investigate why you feel you are always the victim.

[p6rob]

Nowt as queer as folk!

 

I'm not going to debate the friendliness of the north compared to southerners... but...

 

I bought my boat down from Mercia, to Sherborne Wharf.

Despite the belches and billowing smoke on the way down, everyone we came in contact with smiled and waved.

When I arrived at Sherborne, it originally felt like being an outsider, viewed with suspicion. However, over the following five or six months, it got a lot friendlier. That might be because I eventually sorted the engine out, possibly because I felt a bit more relaxed there, or maybe because it was because I spent so little time there during the days and evenings, there wasn't chance to get to know my neighbours. They would have only seen me at weekends, stripping the engine, putting it back together and failing to reduce the amount of smoke I subjected them too.

Anyhow, about a month before I departed, I did feel like I had been 'accepted' by most of the residents.

 

After leaving Sherborne I headed out through Edgbaston, Stirchley, Shirley, Hockley Heath, Lapworth, Hatton, Radford Semele and now somewhere near Bascote.

Whenever I've been travelling, I always say hello to passers by and the same applies when I've been walking along the towpath.

I have to say in most places the people have been really polite, cyclists, fisherman, dog walkers, lockies, and boaters included, however I did find the majority of people I met around Hatton less willing to make eye contact, My guess was it's because Hatton is a visitor attraction whereas the other places I've been moored have been frequented by locals.

 

I haven't seen many boaters on my journey so far, that's probably because not many people are moving at the moment and I'm generally not at the boat during daylight hours and it's been too cold to sit out when I am there.

[deckhand]

There may be reasons why people are grumpy. Perhaps they are not feeling well, perhaps they are deaf and cannot hear you, perhaps they have bad eyesight and cannot see you well so cannot see you smiling or saying hello. Perhaps they have problems which are weighing them down.

Perhaps they are just grumpy gits.

 

Emilia, it does not matter what other people are doing. You get on and enjoy your boating. If you come across someone who smiles at you, then engage and smile back, chat, wave. If they are not smiling at you, just float on past. It doesn't matter. You don't have to engage with everyone. Not everyone wants to "get friendly", that's their right but don't let it get you down, Its a big stretch of water we have out there. Just enjoy

[Arthur Marshall]

I reckon that for every boater that looks at my boat and decides I'm not worth a wave, there a thirty of the other sort... friendly people walking dogs on the towpath smile at you and say hello - sometimes even fishermen greet you too! Maybe it's worse down south but I've never been anywhere that I would call undriendly. Met a few idiots, snarled about people running engines or gennies till ten pm or later or filling my boat with smoke, but then it doesn't take much to up sticks and go a bit further down the cut.

I notice you haven't been back to join in the converation - where are you? We're quite nice on the Macc...

 

And I'm afraid I think this idea that us recreational boaters hate CCers is total bollocks, as is the online/marina dichotomy. We just don't care - the more boaters out there the better, and the longer they boat for, the better the canal's going to be. We may envy you a bit, but that's it. Same with the scruffy/shiny boat thing - it's a joke and none of us take it seriously (except the shiny boaters who won't share locks, obviously, but that's because they'v got no brains so we don't really mind because it isn't their fault). Don't get me started on rivets though.

 

Basically, boating is terrific. Perhaps its like marriage - after a while the gloss comes on and what used to be magical becomes the norm and then you just see the duff bits. But the magic's still there if you look for it.

[Emilia]

I reckon that for every boater that looks at my boat and decides I'm not worth a wave, there a thirty of the other sort... friendly people walking dogs on the towpath smile at you and say hello - sometimes even fishermen greet you too! Maybe it's worse down south but I've never been anywhere that I would call undriendly. Met a few idiots, snarled about people running engines or gennies till ten pm or later or filling my boat with smoke, but then it doesn't take much to up sticks and go a bit further down the cut.

I notice you haven't been back to join in the converation - where are you? We're quite nice on the Macc...

 

And I'm afraid I think this idea that us recreational boaters hate CCers is total bollocks, as is the online/marina dichotomy. We just don't care - the more boaters out there the better, and the longer they boat for, the better the canal's going to be. We may envy you a bit, but that's it. Same with the scruffy/shiny boat thing - it's a joke and none of us take it seriously (except the shiny boaters who won't share locks, obviously, but that's because they'v got no brains so we don't really mind because it isn't their fault). Don't get me started on rivets though.

 

Basically, boating is terrific. Perhaps its like marriage - after a while the gloss comes on and what used to be magical becomes the norm and then you just see the duff bits. But the magic's still there if you look for it.

 

I'm reading every opinion carefuly