The things that nobody thinks to tell you...

[matty40s]

You dip it in the canal and wash the boat with it.

what, your'e fingers??

I think you would be trying to evict the water, not pretty your boat.

[skywatcher]

While standing in the pub you do a little sideways stagger, because the floor is too level and steady. Or is that just me full of old speckled hen.

[bottle]

My post was in answer what to do with the mop but Mike posted at exactly the same time so putting mine in the wrong place, for once not quoting that which I was answering backfired.

[Tony@Brighton]

You can't use the urinal at work without swaying from side to side to balance the floor;

You rarely get colds;

You can't pass a toilet without stopping to make a contribution;

Having passed to the Dark Side you become more a rebel day by day by day ...

[paddy r]

Brill starry,

 

 

 

You stay in a hotel and wonder why the bath taken hours to fill, then you remember to put a plug in

[DaveC]

Number 24 is wrong!

[Sir Nibble]

I think submariners would recognise an awful lot of this.

[Athy]

I've just finished labouring over my self-assessment tax return and your litany was just the tonic which my brain needed. Apart from your keen powers of observation, I did like your word "ponderful" which I shall now slip into conversations or articles as if I had invented it myself.

Your point 28 puzzled me as , if I remember your boat's photos correctly, she does not have an open bow. Do you mean that you've discovered why that false cratch is there, to stop the bottles from sliding into the water?

I have added to your fine display of greenies. You'll soon have so many that you will have to keep them on the roof with the mop.

[Alan de Enfield]

Starcoaster for C&RT - she understands boaters !!!!!

[paddy r]

carried unanimously

[luctor et emergo]

the mop is only there for your twirling display, for the tourists...

[scrumpylurcher]

Well done Star, it is amazing how much you have learnt in a short time, I know several long established boat owners who are still not as knowledgable. I am not convinced about 4 cats, I think there may only be 2.

I dont know how many members have met Star, but has anybody seen her not smiling, keep it up, we need topics like this.

[Offcumden]

Yes, can ANYONE explain the mop thing for me please?

Only if it has a Candy striped pole resting through the handle of a personalised Buckby Can

[Nine of Hearts]

One thing that people do tell you, but I only just realised the extent of the problem, is the difficulty with hanging pictures. For the cabin sides, I use the forstner bit/keyhole plate method on the frames (^©carlt), but in the heads/shower room/bog^* I hung a rather nice art nouveau mirror on plain old brass wire as this was on a vertical bulkhead. Yesterday said wire snapped, there was an almighty crash and I'm in the market for a new mirror. I can only imagine that the gentle yet constant movement had worn through it. In just under 12 months.

 

^*Delete as taste dictates.

[Doorman]

 

Thoroughly enjoyed your list and satirical approach to life on board. You should have it framed for future reference or even contact BW/CART to include it in their Boater's Handbook as a warning to newbies for what to expect from their new way of life.

 

Well done!

[RLWP]

One thing that people do tell you, but I only just realised the extent of the problem, is the difficulty with hanging pictures. For the cabin sides, I use the forstner bit/keyhole plate method on the frames (^©carlt), but in the heads/shower room/bog^* I hung a rather nice art nouveau mirror on plain old brass wire as this was on a vertical bulkhead. Yesterday said wire snapped, there was an almighty crash and I'm in the market for a new mirror. I can only imagine that the gentle yet constant movement had worn through it. In just under 12 months.

 

^*Delete as taste dictates.

 

Just stop brushing your hair and putting on lipstick

 

Richard

[Guest]

One thing that people do tell you, but I only just realised the extent of the problem, is the difficulty with hanging pictures. For the cabin sides, I use the forstner bit/keyhole plate method on the frames (^©carlt), but in the heads/shower room/bog^* I hung a rather nice art nouveau mirror on plain old brass wire as this was on a vertical bulkhead. Yesterday said wire snapped, there was an almighty crash and I'm in the market for a new mirror. I can only imagine that the gentle yet constant movement had worn through it. In just under 12 months.

 

^*Delete as taste dictates.

 

 

7 years bad luck for you my lad...

[Doorman]

We used to hang a plastic bottle of milk from a fender line in the summer months, as our fridge was too small for the 'four pinter's'. We only stopped after forgetting to raise it out of the cut before setting off and then passing a fishing match where all of the mugs with maggots took the mickey out of us two roving Rodneys.

[Chertsey]

What is this 'shaving your legs' of which you speak? As you will never wear a skirt again, can it not be dispensed with?

(says smug cow with naturally bald legs, probably my most fortunate feature, tbh)

 

Also when the first thing you say when visitors arrive is 'the toilet's over there, in the corner of that big shed...'

[Nightwatch]

Star

First read your post late last night and I didn't have any greenies left. Just tried again and still have none. I promise to give you one when I have one.

 

Get that boat out and about. you can then draw up another list.

 

Martyn

[Bat & Frog]

Brilliant

You never accept freshly made bread from boater with clean hands and nails. see point 35

[Timujin]

My wife would like to add

 

"your chance of divorce rises in direct proportion to the number of locks you force your wife to operate on any given journey"

 

Amusing isn't she.

[mattlad]

Radio, television, the telephone, satellite communications, and the internet are all fantastic methods of communication but man(and woman)kind have yet to come up anything faster and more effective than the "towpath telegraph*"..........

 

* The REAL towpath telegraph, not to be confused with newsletters or any printed material bearing the same name.

Edited January 26, 2012 by mattlad

[andywatson]

Brilliant - and some funny additions.

You should have a regular column in WW.

How many greenies can you get in that boat before it sinks.

 

 

ETA:

Are there 2 Starcoasters?

The one I met was expensively fragrant and immaculately presented.

Edited January 26, 2012 by andywatson

[Barry]

Good God! 38 greenies from one post

 

Sheer class that is