Persuading a Reluctant Helmswoman

[Mrs Tawny Owl]

I agree with "in at the deep end" not being the way to go, especially if she's a bit nervous.

 

We were coming down Lapworth one very wet day. A boat came out of the moorings by the little shop part way down. We assumed it was a private boat and they would know what they were doing.

 

When we got down to the basin we realised that they'd borrowed the boat from a friend and weren't really sure what they were doing.

 

Now that's not a problem but they'd left a lady on board steering who hadn't done it before and everyone else had got off to do the locks. Weather was appalling and coming out of the lock before the basin she'd got it a bit wrong and instead of going into the next lock she'd managed to get into the basin backwards and was now at 90 deg to where she should have been.

The only help she was getting was shouting confusing instructions from the bank which she couldn't hear and couldn't really do anything about. She looked petrified.

 

I helped by getting her to come very gently to the bank, then just grabbed the front rope and pulled her round into the lock, I just remembered her looking at me with a "this person is going to sort it out" desperate look on her face.

Just being shouted at wasn't helping her at all, and it didn't seem to occur to them to use a rope to help the situation as she had been within reaching distance of one of her crew already.

 

I hate to think what was said when they all got back together!!!!

 

A nice gentle, supported introduction is a much better idea.

 

Sue

[z4driver]

I'd like to thank everyone for their suggestions. It certainly has given food for thought.

 

I think the 'hand on hand' is definitely something I'll try. 'In at the deep end' I'll give a miss as I value my skin too much

 

Thanks again. I'll let you know how we get on.

[David Mack]

Only you can decide whether your relationship is such that you can teach/persuade her to steer.

 

Its like learning to drive. For some people being taught by Dad in the family car is the obvious (and cheap) way to do it. For others, the thought that Dad's pride and joy is going to get its gears crashed by a learner and probably a dent in the wing too, makes the whole idea a non-starter, and letting a professional driving instructor take the hassle is the better choice.

 

If you and your wife are of the latter type, it might be much better for your wife to take a course with one of the narrowboat training companies, where she can make her mistakes on somebody else's boat and away from your gaze.

[Iain_S]

The suggestion of a course is a good one. The RYA Inland Waterways helmsman course is designed to take someone who has never been on a boat before and produce a reasonably competent steerer, with a grasp of the theory so that they can work out what went wrong

I am involved in training, and most "pupils" can do "straight and level" after an hour or so on the tiller. The instructor's main job is providing re-assurance and preventing panic when things go to worms (as they will!) If I have to take over the steering, I have failed as an instructor, (IMO!)

[Chertsey]

As others have said, so many different potential underlying reasons and corresponding solutions that all we can do is throw ideas in the mix and you takes your pick. There's a difference between not enjoying steering because you find it boring, uncomfortable or whatever, and avoiding it because of lack of confidence/fear. In the former case, you wouldn't want to make someone do what they didn't want to, but in the latter, just getting them to try could open up whole new worlds of enjoyment (OK, maybe that's putting it a bit strong).

 

People who see me steering Chertsey now might find it hard to believe that I started out as a very unconfident and, as a result, reluctant, steerer, fearful of my OH's criticism and the tensions and rows it might lead to. Despite starting out each trip with good intentions, it always seemed to end up being easier not to try. But I did at some level actually want to steer. If it's a case of overcoming nervousness then a stint on someone else's boat, away from your gaze, could be a good idea but it can only ever be a start. The key thing is practice practice practice, and coupled with that, the hardest thing, the ability to make mistakes without being put off, because no one ever learns without making mistakes, and often also things go wrong that aren't even really anyone's fault.

 

So if you do get her to try, that's only the beginning. You have to let her know that it's ok to scrape the paintwork, not the end of the world if you end up on the bottom, even when it is the fourth time in a morning, make light of bumps and crashes - not only when she's steering but when you are too. If she sees you being hard on yourself - or critical of other boaters - for making errors she will fear doing so. It's very difficult to do any real damage or kill anyone with a narrow boat (unlike a car - does she drive?) so just relax and enjoy it. Also I would say that while the basics of steering and basic safety measures can be easily taught, there is absolutely no substitute for getting to know the boat and learning to 'read' the canal, which can only come through trial and error.

 

So in short, I would say the most important thing is to show through word and deed that error is allowed, even inevitable.

[Greylady2]

Personally i found it very daunting at first, but its all down to emotional comfort.

 

Maybe its not for everyone steering but thats ok. :-)

[ValandPete]

Totally agree with Chertsey.

 

It's a shame there are not more role models to encourage female steerers.

 

When there are two of you roles can become fixed. This probably means that your partner is not even on the boat as you struggle with the wind or an outflow and misjudge and grind your way down a bankside or bang your way into a lock.

 

The paintwork on a narrowboat is designed to be rubbed and scored and made lovely again next time in the dry dock, unlike a car. The joy!

 

Val

[HappyDayz]

Back in the day j had a BMC mini, while teaching the then girlfreind (now wife) to drive, if a large lorry came up behind she was do fearful they could not see this little car we often ended up driving along the pavement.

 

I sold yhe mini and bought a thames trader camper, though still not as big as a truck it showed small cars can be seen.

 

She has become one of the best drivers i know bar none including me, but she is reluctant to pilot our cruiser.

 

After 45 years, I'm of the veiw she will do so at her own pace, placing pressure on her will only cause arguments and then risk her withdrawing completely from boating.

 

and that would never do, as we do most everything together so i'd have to sell it up. - and do decorating!

 

Alan

[Ange]

There's always the chance she'll never want to steer. I never took to it even after 7 years living aboard and an excellent helmsman course from Linda at Overwater Marina. Sometimes it just isn't for you.

[Tam & Di]

You could always try falling off the back whilst in motion and feigning death. Then she'd have to take control. However it might not be worth the subsequent grief!

 

If she had any sense she would then simply keep on going, having had you sign a will in her favour before the trip, "just in case".

 

We operated a barge driving school for 18 years, and most of our students were couples. Personal interactions vary enormously, and we sometimes found it necessary to send the man who was not steering at the time up onto the fore deck out of the way, and once free of her husband's presence the woman would improve in no time. The man was not generally an obvious bully in such cases, but it was just that the woman did not have sufficient self-confidence to take control of the wheel in his presence.

 

Tam

[Chertsey]

Back in the day j had a BMC mini, while teaching the then girlfreind (now wife) to drive, if a large lorry came up behind she was do fearful they could not see this little car we often ended up driving along the pavement.

 

I sold yhe mini and bought a thames trader camper, though still not as big as a truck it showed small cars can be seen.

 

She has become one of the best drivers i know bar none including me, but she is reluctant to pilot our cruiser.

 

 

 

The answer to that is clearly to get a Big Woolwich. Worked for me.

[cuthound]

The answer to that is clearly to get a Big Woolwich. Worked for me.

Exactly, removes the fear of damaging a new boat... ☺

[Chertsey]

Exactly, removes the fear of damaging a new boat... ☺

Well, not my own, anyway

[adam1uk]

Then I just couldn't get my head around the way that most people give instruction on how to use the tiller. The whole left/right thing has always caused me confusion. No idea why, I know the difference, but I've always had to "think" about it. To the point of touching either my right or left wrist to get the correct side (in the car I used to say, just say your way or my way, or point), anyway someone on the forum suggested something completely different and it worked wonders...if the front of the boat is pointing to port and you want it to go starboard then point the tiller to put the tiller to port, or even easier is if you want the boat to go in the opposite direction to where it's going, point the tiller end to the same direction to front of the boat is pointing. Forget all about the left/right thing. For some of us that just caused confusion.

 

I'm sure more people than you'd think are a bit confused about left and right, especially when you're concentrating on learning to steer a boat. The easiest thing I've heard is to point the tiller at whatever you want to miss.

[system 4-50]

People get input from two sources, their senses and their head.

When you are learning to steer, you need the biggest contribution to come from your senses, mostly your eyes.

If the biggest contribution is coming from your head - thoughts like "aghhh", "what am I supposed to do?" and "what if it all goes wrong?" then there is not sufficient coming in from your eyes for you to notice how the boat moves in relation to the commands you are giving it through the tiller. The eyesight is there but the data is not being noticed by the brain.

Once you have learnt then you can do it mostly on brain power, calling on previous experience, with only a brief glimpse of you surroundings enabling you to do the right thing.

So there is no point in explaining to a panicing person what they can "see" until you have removed their obsession with the cerebral part.

1. Do whatever is necessary to get the learner calm. Perhaps endless repetition of steering just a few yards.

2. Get the learner to look. Really look. Looking at all points of the boat and its relation to the bank. This can even be done whilst not steering.

There are some people that are really in their heads all the time. In some cases this is due to very bad eyesight that has crept up over the years.

All in MO.

[Chertsey]

That sounds sensible to me. I'm often getting along fine until I start to think about things, then it all starts going wrong.

[ditchcrawler]

That sounds sensible to me. I'm often getting along fine until I start to think about things, then it all starts going wrong.

Turning into marinas or winding holes gets me, I think what I am going to do, where in the channel to put the boat, when to start the turn and it all goes to cock.

[patty-ann]

Winding holes ..I try to work out in advance how gonna do this and yep goes wrong..as for getting into my marina slot well I've given up and now try to persuade A N Other to be around..i just cannot quite get that right.

[harleyj]

My wife and I have just been discussing this topic and she , who steers a fair bit and is confident on the tiller, suggests that you tell her you love her and it doesn't matter if she makes a mistake or if she scratches the boat.

[z4driver]

Thanks again for all the great advice and a 'Greenie' to harleyj

[PeterCr]

I had this exact situation when doing 4 wheel drive trips (we live in Australia, no narrowboats till we visit the UK but plenty of 4 wheel driving).

 

My wife wouldn't drive for quite a while, she was scared of it. Eventually she had a go.

 

Now I can't get her out of the driving seat. She loves it and now I have to passenge (is that a word) for much of the trip, despite loving driving.

 

Be careful of what you wish for!

[Chertsey]

I'll second that... I used to be quite smug that PB and I both did locks and both did steering, until after our last trip I realised I'd not worked a single lock, and my pedometer showed I'd moved less than on a normal office working day!

[z4driver]

Hopefully, that'll be how it turns out for her

Edited July 22, 2016 by z4driver

[Chertsey]

Hopefully, that'll be how it turns out for her

Well do let us know won't you :-)

[Peter X]

To me, winding holes seem to be a lot easier to negotiate if the steerer accepts that crew and even the occasional passer-by can assist a lot; too many people go back and forth multiple times trying to do it the hard way only using the engine, apparently feeling that any use of lines and poles is cheating. A few days ago I found myself talking a hire boater through winding outside the Black Country Museum, and while a little burst of engine power here and there and correct use of the tiller mattered, the main actions which got the boat round without hitting anything were me pulling the stern line along the bank while a crew member at the bow pushed a pole against the far bank and another pushed against a handy overhead footbridge. It's all about getting some rotation of the boat going, and co-ordinating what people are doing.