Post your COVID 19 memes

[Chris Lowe]

9 hours ago, Sir Nibble said:

BREAKING NEWS.

Beaches, parks and recreation grounds will be partially open for the Easter holidays. Groups allowed to attend include morons, retards, ignorant bastards and most teenagers.

Aren't they only open for Darwin Award club winners ?

[Jennifer McM]

Take heed from Little Boris!

 

[cuthound]

BREAKING NEWS:

Two people found sunbathing in Scotland today have tested positive for hypothermia!

 

Edited April 9, 2020 by cuthound
Spillung

[Jennifer McM]

[Sir Nibble]

33 minutes ago, Jennifer McM said:

It was written last month.

Claimed to have been written in 1869 by Kathleen O'Mara it was actually written in march 2020 by Kitty O'Meara, a former teacher from Wisconsin.

Edited April 9, 2020 by Sir Nibble

[GUMPY]

Day 18 of lockdown, filled the dog with helium

 

 

[Alan de Enfield]

17 minutes ago, Loddon said:

Day 18 of lockdown, filled the dog with helium

 

 

 

Have you got very long arms ?

You appear to have your power sockets just below the ceiling.

[Sir Nibble]

2 minutes ago, Alan de Enfield said:

 

Have you got very long arms ?

You appear to have your power sockets just below the ceiling.

And they are US type sockets not British. Still a funny picture.

[matty40s]

3 minutes ago, Alan de Enfield said:

 

Have you got very long arms ?

You appear to have your power sockets just below the ceiling.

Its for the ceiling mounted projector...

A padded ceiling is a good idea for when gravity stops occasionally.

[Alan de Enfield]

7 minutes ago, matty40s said:

Its for the ceiling mounted projector...

 

When we had our house built we had a 3-pin socket set into the ceiling for the Snooker table light.

[Chris Lowe]

When you turn on the light switch how does that light up?

[cuthound]

[Chris Lowe]

[Victor Vectis]

The Royal Collage Of Veterinary Surgeons has today issued this statement;

Should Veterinary Surgeons get called up to aid the NHS with the Coronavirus crisis, we are sure our esteemed profession will come to heel immediately, seizing their new roles like the proverbial dog with a pet-safe chew toy.

However, we do have a few words of advice;

Although PPE is in short supply, arm length gloves will NOT be required. Patients have enough to worry about without seeing farm vets in their usual gear. This is also true of calving jacks and ropes, should you be seconded to the maternity units.

Instructions have been given to all staff and patients to refrain from touching their faces. Remarkably, the humble buster collar hasn’t yet been utilised but if it is, we are advising that rapid deployment of Veterinary Nurses will be required to construct and fit the bloody things.

Please remember where the thermometer goes (and does NOT go) in humans.

We are advising your medical colleagues to try to remember to not request that you ‘put a patient to sleep’. However, if this does happen, PUT THE SYRINGE DOWN.

If you are asked to take a blood sample, remember that the patient does not need to be restrained by being nestled in your chest (no matter how much they might like it). Nor are you likely to be required to wrap them up in a towel or place a muzzle. However, if you are stationed in paediatrics, your handling skills may actually come in extremely useful.

It is important to put patients at their ease in the hospital. Although it possibly isn’t standard practice in the human field, do continue to compliment your patients on their shiny hair/excellent teeth/ideal body condition as appropriate. Calling them a ‘good boy/girl’ will hopefully be taken in the spirit it is intended but ear tickling or a vigorous bottom rub may be considered a little too much. It is unlikely they will want to lick your face but if they do, it is in any case not permissible under the current hygiene restrictions and should be discouraged.

We hope you find this advice is helpful as you transition from hairy, four legged patients who can’t speak, to slightly less hairy but more chatty ones.

[Alan de Enfield]

10 minutes ago, buccaneer66 said:

When you turn on the light switch how does that light up?

Hang the light, plug in the plug, turn it on at the socket (using a cue)

 

 

[Chris Lowe]

2 minutes ago, Alan de Enfield said:

Hang the light, plug in the plug, turn it on at the socket (using a cue)

 

 

I was actually wondering how it looked turned on does the light shine out of somewhere ?

[Alan de Enfield]

1 minute ago, buccaneer66 said:

I was actually wondering how it looked turned on does the light shine out of somewhere ?

 

A standard 'over-table' snooker table light is suspended from the ceiling.

Not something that can be done in a few minutes particularly as it takes some time to get the table set up and into place.

 

(It's not a 4 x 6 folding table)

[MtB]

 

Amusing if this is true.....

 

 

 

[nbfiresprite]

[cheshire~rose]

[Sir Nibble]

8 hours ago, Mike the Boilerman said:

 

Amusing if this is true.....

 

 

 

Partly. He is vociferously anti gay and has been breaching his own government's rules to attend prayer meetings and has now tested positive. He has not however claimed that covid 19 is god's punishment against homosexuality. That particular claim was made by a rabbi and misattributed to litzman by a Pakistani website. It's been widely reported but the Pakistani site remains the only source.

[Sir Nibble]

[1st ade]

[Jennifer McM]

Have a good Easter Weekend peeps....

 

[cheshire~rose]