An Horse

[Tony1]

 

My situation is getting desperate. 

A high-cuisine establishment by the name of Dominos recently came onto my radar, and in a few short months I think I have become their most important customer in the North West of England.  

Even worse, in recent weeks I made the fatal discovery that Mr Domino is every bit as keen as I am for his wonderful product to reach me- to the point that he has retained a small army of men on mopeds, with the sole task of conveying his wares to my door. Or, as is more more usual, to the door of a nearby business premises, outside whose door I merely have to loiter for a few minutes. 

Previously I had to work for my pizza (by which I mean I used perhaps 150 calories in cycling a few miles to collect it from the emporium itself. 

The fact that the pizza held within it at least 1500 calories was a problem I shelved for future consideration. The important thing was I was making an effort. 

But now that Mr Domino's moped riding army has become a thing, I don't even cycle to collect my sinful purchases.

Instead I skulk in pub or shop doorways like a shameful addict about to score some illegal drugs. 

I think at one point in his early career, Jabba the Hut must surely have been a Dominos customer.

 

(other pizza brands are available)

 

Edited March 16, 2022 by Tony1

[MtB]

2 minutes ago, Tony1 said:

 

My situation is getting desperate. 

An high-cuisine establishment by the name of Dominos recently came onto my radar, and in a few short months I think I have become their most important customer in the North West of England.  

Even worse, in recent weeks I made the fatal discovery that Mr Domino is every bit as keen as I am for his wonderful product to reach me- to the point that he has retained a small army of men on mopeds, with the sole task of conveying his wares to my door. Or, as is more more usual, to the door of a nearby business premises, outside whose door I merely have to loiter for a few minutes. 

Previously I had to work for my pizza (by which I mean I used perhaps 150 calories in cycling a few miles to collect it from the emporium itself. 

The fact that the pizza held within it at least 1500 calories was a problem I shelved for future consideration. The important thing was I was making an effort. 

But now that Mr Domino's moped riding army has become a thing, I don't even cycle to collect my sinful purchases.

Instead I skulk in pub or shop doorways like a shameful addict about to score some illegal drugs. 

I think at one point in his early career, Jabba the Hut must surely have been a Dominos customer.

 

(other pizza brands are available)

 

 

Never mind Dominoes pizza. My advice given your tale of weakness, is never EVER EVER try a KFC (correct name "Kentucky Fried Chicken"). It is the crack cocaine of the fast food world; one lick and you'll be hooked for life, I TELL YA.

 

DAMHIK.

[Athy]

15 minutes ago, Tony1 said:

. 

I think at one point in his early career, Jabba the Hut must surely have been a Dominos customer.

 

 

 

Yes, his friends used to call him "Pizza Hut", and somehow the name stuck.

[Tony1]

16 minutes ago, MtB said:

 

Never mind Dominoes pizza. My advice given your tale of weakness, is never EVER EVER try a KFC (correct name "Kentucky Fried Chicken"). It is the crack cocaine of the fast food world; one lick and you'll be hooked for life, I TELL YA.

 

DAMHIK.

 

Alas, that ship has sailed. 

It has gotten so bad that when I rock up in a new town, the first google maps search I do is not for museums, galleries or useful shops, it is for fast food joints.

After a month in the wilderness, the sight of a KFC within easy reach has been known to make me whimper. 

The good news is that KFC places are not as common as my depraved appetite would like, and I intend to seek professional help with my addiction.

But there's no immediate rush.

I mean, its only chicken.

 

Edited March 16, 2022 by Tony1

[Tony1]

8 minutes ago, Athy said:

Yes, his friends used to call him "Pizza Hut", and somehow the name stuck.

 

This is the odd thing- as craven an addict as I have become to Dominos, I still can't be doing with Pizza Hut.

I suspect Dominos are using some sort of highly illegal and addictive additive, but I pray nobody ever goes looking for it.

The supply must never stop.

 

[MtB]

Just now, Tony1 said:

 

This is the odd thing- as craven an addict as I have become to Dominos, I still can't be doing with Pizza Hut.

I suspect Dominos are using some sort of highly illegal and addictive additive, but I pray nobody ever goes looking for it.

The supply must never stop.

 

 

I have found the same. There is something different about Domino pizzas specifically. I suspect they are 50% monosodium glutamate. 

 

In the recession about 35 years ago I took a temp job driving a delivery van. My job was delivering 50kg sacks of flour, MSG and other heavily addictive chemical ingrediments to such august establishments as Domino Pizza. I think my van carried two tonnes and sometimes, the whole load would be MSG for a single branch of Domino. 

 

 

[Tony1]

2 minutes ago, MtB said:

 

I have found the same. There is something different about Domino pizzas specifically. I suspect they are 50% monosodium glutamate. 

 

In the recession about 35 years ago I took a temp job driving a delivery van. My job was delivering 50kg sacks of flour, MSG and other heavily addictive chemical ingrediments to such august establishments as Domino Pizza. I think my van carried two tonnes and sometimes, the whole load would be MSG for a single branch of Domino. 

 

 

 

It should be possible to cut out the middle man, and obtain supplies of this remarkable chemical myself.

Perhaps it can be fried in blocks, and eaten whole?

Or maybe with a side salad. One wouldn't want to be a complete barbarian. 

 

 

[blackrose]

11 hours ago, Tonka said:

Get the grammar correct

A horse

 

Get a sense of humour

[LadyG]

10 hours ago, dmr said:

I believe a while ago a CRT H&S person pointed out that the towpaths were not designed for horses, though  think she is no longer employed by CRT????

I think the real issue for you is that the canalside pubs no longer have stables. I take the dog into the pub with me and keep a little dog bed in my man bag that I put down on the floor, ideally in front of a fire. You just can't do that sort of thing with an 'orse.

We once had an H&S inspection at the stables, I was in the jumping ring, there were no jumps, just poles, he asked fot the poles to be removed, a trip hazard, apparently. Not that I was on foot, but the yard manager dutifully removed them. Madness, how do folks get these jobs? 

Edited March 16, 2022 by LadyG

[MtB]

4 minutes ago, Tony1 said:

One wouldn't want to be a complete barbarian. 

 

Agreed. I generally try to limit my own to about 70%. 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited March 16, 2022 by MtB
Remove a stray and incorrect worm.

[booke23]

46 minutes ago, MtB said:

 

Never mind Dominoes pizza. My advice given your tale of weakness, is never EVER EVER try a KFC (correct name "Kentucky Fried Chicken"). It is the crack cocaine of the fast food world; one lick and you'll be hooked for life, I TELL YA.

 

DAMHIK.

 

Ditto here. 

 

Colonel Sanders was the Einstein of the fried chicken world. 

[Hudds Lad]

4 minutes ago, booke23 said:

 

Ditto here. 

 

Colonel Sanders was the Einstein of the fried chicken world. 

Indeed, as he managed to become a Colonel without having been in the military  

[Jen-in-Wellies]

10 hours ago, BilgePump said:

My friend has three horses and they consume most of her teacher's wages. Lovely animals but not cheap to run! They make boats look relatively tame by comparison.

Her mistake was feeding the wages to the horses, rather than using the wages to buy horse food, then feeding that to the horses. Surprised some one as clever as a teacher wasn't able to work that out.

[booke23]

19 minutes ago, Hudds Lad said:

Indeed, as he managed to become a Colonel without having been in the military  

 

True. An honorary title bestowed by the State of Kentucky. Just like our knighthoods I suppose......none of whom have ever worn a suit of armour and gone into battle on horseback!

Edited March 16, 2022 by booke23

[Tony1]

13 minutes ago, booke23 said:

 

Ditto here. 

 

Colonel Sanders was the Einstein of the fried chicken world. 

 

You have to ask yourself what kind of a society are we living in, when a boffin with a telescope is lauded around the world for discovering a new galaxy (and I'm convinced they make up most of these stories anyway), but an ex-military man can invent a form of chicken so delicious that it is physically impossible to resist- and yet there is not a nobel prize in sight.  

The inventors of the fruit pastille, and indeed Pringles, have been similarly shunned by the scientific community. 

 

 

[MtB]

23 minutes ago, Tony1 said:

The inventors of the fruit pastille, and indeed Pringles, have been similarly shunned by the scientific community. 

 

 

 

Never mind those, what about BACON????

 

Whoever invented that also deserves a Nobel Prize.

 

As does the inventor of the 'knock knock' joke.

 

("No bell", geddit?)

[Tony1]

12 minutes ago, MtB said:

 

 

Never mind those, what about BACON????

 

Whoever invented that also deserves a Nobel Prize.

 

As does the inventor of the 'knock knock' joke.

 

("No bell", geddit?)

 

They foolishly refused my application to chair the Nobel Prize selection board, so these are the travesties we now see. 

I expect Mr Domino will be another who never receives an award for his huge contribution to humanity.

I have to say though, I personally am not 100% convinced of the case for the inventor of bacon to be given this award. 

I realise this is highly controversial, and so will explain my reasoning.

Bacon is not scientific. It is essentially slices of pork.

Pringles are scientific. You can't make Pringles at home- you need a lab.

If you need a lab, its scientific. 

Stop me if I'm getting too technical. 

[Hudds Lad]

55 minutes ago, booke23 said:

 

True. An honorary title bestowed by the State of Kentucky. Just like our knighthoods I suppose......none of whom have ever worn a suit of armour and gone into battle on horseback!

I’d pay good money to see some of ‘em swedging with mace and morningstar, soon clear some of that dead wood out  

[Laurie Booth]

1 hour ago, Tony1 said:

 

It should be possible to cut out the middle man, and obtain supplies of this remarkable chemical myself.

Perhaps it can be fried in blocks, and eaten whole?

Or maybe with a side salad. One wouldn't want to be a complete barbarian. 

 

 

You can buy it at Wing Yip Birmingham

[MtB]

 

 

Here is a nice image for the consideration of peeps who like to use the takeaway delivery services...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Tony1]

7 minutes ago, MtB said:

 

 

Here is a nice image for the consideration of peeps who like to use the takeaway delivery services...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is a deeply sinister side to your character Mr MTB.

During the war this sort of thing would have earned you a prison sentence for spreading alarm and despondency. 

 

 

[OldGoat]

I know / assume this is a thread in jest. However we actually  asked BW ('twas that long ago) and 'they' said 'canals were not built for horses' . No sense of history - some people....

 

We had a failed show jumper / hunter and had him broken to harness, so had all the tack for driving and which could be adapted for long lining, thus it was nor a totally specious request. I'm glad we didn't - the yhought of boxding him all the way up to t'midlands plus overnight stops and stabling would be quite an effort in its own...

 

While researching the project, we asked Caggy what sorth of hore he had in the past and his reply was - 'dunno, we just harness him up and work him.

 

So much for keeping traditions alive.....

[beerbeerbeerbeerbeer]

Aren’t there a couple of trip boats that use horses?

Is the one on the K&A still doing it?

And how about the woman who did a few long trips with one? 
Forgot her name, (is it Day?), she appears at gatherings and demonstrates how to dress a horse.

 

 

To add; Sue Day is who I’m thinking of.

Edited March 16, 2022 by Goliath

[Alan de Enfield]

23 minutes ago, OldGoat said:

I know / assume this is a thread in jest. However we actually  asked BW ('twas that long ago) and 'they' said 'canals were not built for horses' . No sense of history - some people....

 

We had a failed show jumper / hunter and had him broken to harness, so had all the tack for driving and which could be adapted for long lining, thus it was nor a totally specious request. I'm glad we didn't - the yhought of boxding him all the way up to t'midlands plus overnight stops and stabling would be quite an effort in its own...

 

While researching the project, we asked Caggy what sorth of hore he had in the past and his reply was - 'dunno, we just harness him up and work him.

 

So much for keeping traditions alive.....

 

We had a similar experience, SWMBO drives Horse & carriage (used to be at county competition level) and we asked C&RT about using  one for 'towing'.

 

Our request was refused with a message that the Towpaths were not designed for horses and they would be unsafe.

 

27 minutes ago, OldGoat said:

..........we asked Caggy what sorth of hore he had in the past ...........

 

 

Have you missed a W ?

[booke23]

3 hours ago, Goliath said:

Aren’t there a couple of trip boats that use horses?

Is the one on the K&A still doing it?

 

Yes, in fact I met them coming the other direction last summer on the K&A. After a bit of hand signalling I passed them on the left to avoid the rope! Lovely looking Shire type horse pulling it too. 

There’s another horse drawn outfit on the Montgomery Canal……on one of the restored but unconnected sections.