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Poster A: I'm thinking about getting a narrowboat, and I was wondering- will it be ok if I do <X> thing? Poster B: What? You want to do <X>?? What a ridiculous idea! Ridiculous and stupid. You're such a newb that you dont even know how stupid and ridiculous you are. Bah. Poster C: Well we've been doing <X> for the last 5 years, and we saved a fortune on llama food- we wouldn't do it any other way. Poster B: Then you're as ridiculous and stupid as him, and its literally a miracle that you're even alive. Bah. Poster D: Now look here, I've been boating since 1825, and my old skipper made us do <X> twice every day- never did us any harm, I can tell you. Poster E: What nonsense. We've been boating since before they invented boats. We only thought about trying <X>, and the boat sank immediately. Poster F: I can guarantee if you dont do X twice a day, you will be kidnapped by aliens and probed in all sorts of places. It definitely happened to an old mate of mine on his way back from a New Years party. Poster B: Bah. Poster G: Look at the typical entitled newbie, coming here telling us he wants to do <X>. How bloody dare he. Poster H: OMG, he only wants to go and do <X>. Poster G: Look here sonny, I've been living on narrowboats since the Cretaceous period, and I never heard of anyone who did X without having major problems afterwards. But no, you know better dont you? Well you just go ahead. You do <X>. Go on. I dare you Poster I: <X> is for losers. You should try doing <Y> instead, it will be much cheaper and easier, and you wont end up on an alien mothership. Poster L : I think you'll find <X> is no longer permitted under the Official Regulatory Regulations Act, section 75 para 403 (Oct 2021 edition), since the precedent set by Squiff vs Terrapin in 1707, thus: Any boater who does <X> will be liable for a fine of twenty squillion pounds and horrible painful death by alien torture. Poster M : Well I'm not stopping doing <X>, sod what the rules say. Poster N: Well then you're no better than the rule breaking newbie, coming here posting your fancy posts, thinking you can flout the rules that we've all followed since the birth of the Universe. Poster A: Did you say Llamas? <End of thread>

Hello Noah. Is your Ark "The Herald Angels Sing", or the pair of Arks called "The Dogs do Bark"? Tam

I can empathise to an extent and what I write isn't aimed at you personally, more anyone that's found themselves in the same situation. I'm pretty new to boating having only sold a small leisure boat last summer after a fairly short period of ownership. I ended up living aboard for a chunk of last year, mostly through the lockdowns, by choice and really enjoyed it. So much so, whilst I'm in my late 30s with no debts or family responsibilities or excuses, and young enough to make a potential mistake, that I finally found the courage and bollocks to press on with moving aboard full-time. Since the start of this year I've had the funds available but encountered similar upsets and issues: A few months ago I set off very early in the morning to view a boat at Rugby Boats in the knowledge that I'd be the second person to view, only to get a call when I was 5 minutes away to say it was sold to viewer number 1. That was a 200 mile round trip Same circumstances as above, except I did make it to the broker and managed to view the boat this time. The first people who viewed bought it and the broker promised me a call once he knew whether they were prepared to make an offer, and wouldn't accept mine until he'd had theirs. I never did get that call and only knew it'd gone because they did find the time to update their website a few hours later. That broker in question is a smug Cheshire-based marina I had to take to small claims court the seller the private seller of a boat post-survey result to get my deposit back after he reneged on the sale terms. I won and got it back but it was unwanted stress I've clocked up hundreds and hundreds of miles of driving to see boats, excited at the prospect, only to find it's no good for varying reasons and encountered the feeling of hopelessness I've also had the bare the expense of having boats surveyed only to find there's varying issues and the sale fall through. Note here I don't say the money was wasted; what I learned a lot more from the surveyor each time this happened, in terms of what to look for and what to do next time I find a boat even before I call him to arrange a survey has been invaluable. Knowing what I know now, I'd have never even gotten to the offer or survey stage with said boats. But the painful experience has been well worth it. With all this going on, I ended up sinking dead money into renting a house for most of this year, thinking that I'd have secured a boat well before now. And despite all this, with me coming close every now and again to giving up due to disillusionment, and coming to terms with it all being a misguided idea and flitting to wanting to pursue buying another house instead, I haven't given up. I think most in my shoes would have done so. It's very easy to focus on the negatives when it's not going your way. That's not intended criticism, more a reflection of how I've felt. But when looking at things with a clear head and objectively, I'd say that: If you really want it to happen, you'll go to the lengths necessary to make it so. I've booked 3 separate weeks of annual leave from work this year so I'm not constrained if something come to market, enabling to me to jump in the car immediately as well as the time to put the groundwork in with the brokers mentioned below. This really paid off - I got to see lots of boats, many unlisted - and not many would be willing to make this sacrifice with their holidays, I reckon You'll have to do the groundwork with the brokers. Most of the bigger ones won't be calling you when something's on its way which meets your needs. They've no need to do so in the current climate I've a list of maybe 20 brokers, from small to large, I've proactively called to ask whether they've got anything sat unlisted or on its way which meets your requirements. It's a fag packet estimate but I reckon maybe 25% of the brokers, including Rugby Boats, gave me the details of exactly just that and gave me the opportunity to view before they listed them Speaking to boatbuilders who only do a bit of brokerage on the side for boat they've usually previously built, threw up great results. One in particular, a very top end builder actually, not only spent a few hours with me in person after a viewing, chatting and giving advice but proactively got in touch several times since detailing boats they were about to broker to see if I'd be interested As above, with smaller marinas that do a bit of brokerage only for their own moorers You're dealing with people and not just companies. I've found with one broker who runs a whole load of marinas, the experience differed wildly from marina to marina. One marina couldn't be more helpful in terms of giving me details of an unlisted boat they were about to sell and invited me to view, whereas another took a smart-arsed response and generally treated me with contempt; "how do you know it's for sale then if it's not even listed!", rather than offering help Stating your position to brokers early on helps. I've seen countless sale fall through, only to speak to the broker and be told it was because the intended buyer's house sale fell through or the generally didn't have the cash, rather than it being the result of a duff survey. If you've got the cash ready, make it clear The terms of sale for buyers are so poor with some brokers you may wish to rule some brokers out altogether. It might be worth getting copies or an understanding of them, as I did, and make your mind up from there I don't hold any ill will towards those who've bought and sold boats without giving me a call. It's not their responsibility to call me. However, I will remember those who lied, acted smugly or treated me with contempt. When things inevitably go full circle in the future and it becomes a buyer's market, I'll not forget the good and the bad experiences and would be happy to share them with anyone who might ask Things are starting to change a little. Boats which would normally have gone quickly are now taking days, if not longer. Some of the prominent YouTubers have jacked it in, so perhaps it's falling out of favour slightly. We're coming into winter and the weather's turned - carrying out viewing in the lashing rain and cold won't be too appealing to many and will put off those who've have likely seen and bought had it been a lovely sunny day Maybe it was down to this approach or just pot luck but I managed to view and get an offer in on a boat last week before it made Apollo Duck, just through checking the marina's website. Subject to survey in 2 weeks, it's mine. Indeed things are so favourable with the marina that the contract doesn't even call for a deposit. Best wishes in finding a boat and to all those in the same situation. Fingers crossed I'll be living aboard very soon. Now I've got to find a mooring and a professional boat mover but you can't have it all 🙂

I think this is a case of getting off on the wrong foot, and giving an initial impression of yourself that might not be the full reality. The thing is that loud noise, engines or music, is a really, really hot button subject for many boaters, and many of us do find it very annoying and stressful, especially when they dont know how long its going to carry on for. Noise nuisance is a huge negative experience for most people, and your initial post could be interpreted as you not caring whether you might caused others to get stressed out. This is a community that probably cherishes the peace and quiet of nature more than most, so your initial statement that you will 'play your tunes whenever you want' did give the impression that you dont care if you upset and anger the people around you. I'm sure that initial impression is not the full truth- after all, you avoid playing music at the moment so as to avoid angering your neighbour- so you're clearly not as selfish as that initial post might have made you seem. It's an initial perception thing based on a couple of paragraphs, but unfortunately it was concerning one of the most sensitive issues to many boaters. What I would suggest is you try to work with what you have here. Do bear in mind that this forum is the single greatest source of information about waterways life that you will ever find. The search function will find you information and discussions about almost every aspect of boat life and equipment that you possibly need. Some of the posters are easily irritated, and some take themselves too seriously (for my own personal tastes anyway)- but they will give advice as well. And if you do get a boat, I can guarantee you are going to need the information that you can get here- if you come across in a more neutral way about the really hot topics. No offence intended, and not wishing to patronise or anything, but just a thought.

Buying and selling any product goes through different stages depending on the current state of supply and demand. When brokers, or agents of any sort get involved, then this can bring out the best or worst in people. If you are a person of principle and the service you receive is not what you expect, then you will feel aggrieved especially if you have spent valuable time and money travelling distances to no avail. Brokers and agents are probably some of the worst people you can deal with whether it is boats, cars, houses or financial services (especially those) At the moment where there are more prospective buyers than boats, then the slapdash attitude of brokers to prospective customers is understandable. It matters not to them whether they sell to you or another, they still get their commission. They can currently be picky about what they take on so they can maintain an air of exclusivity to attract sellers. The wheel will inexorably turn and they will then have to charm prospective customers, drop commission rates for sellers and take on any craft that is for sale. At least you seem to have found a boat that you can live with/adapt/modify to suit your needs. I just hope that you are able to continue to accept these limitations and enjoy your boat. Just a word of advice, if I may, when you entrust your boat to a boatyard for any work, just be prepared to encounter similar attitudes regarding what you want as to what you get, when you get it as opposed to when it is promised, and what you pay compared to what you were quoted.

Nor did you have a poster flouncing off to Another Place.

Last month my wife sprained her ankle getting of the boat because the canalside overgrowth was hiding a hole in the bank. On a slightly different issue, for the last 4 winters I've been part of a group of volunteers cutting back the offside vegetation working from a boat and using pole chainsaws, wood chipper etc. This winter we were expecting to carry on from where we left off in March but CRT have said we will instead be working various sections of the towpath that have been allowed to 'get out of hand'. We are all boaters and the reason we signed up 4 years ago was specifically to deal with the offside vegetation because it had got so bad, and probably wouldn't get done otherwise. I know CRT are having to really push the benefits to the public in order to try and secure future government funding, but this is a step too far, so we have all refused to do it. Besides which if in the past if we saw an encroaching tree or branch on the towpath side one of us would nip across and deal with it anyway. Their decision has lost them 8 trained and experienced volunteers, and the offside veg will be left to get even worse, causing mayhem in places especially now the canals are becoming ever busier.

Interestingly, the original Ark was excavated in Turkey and found to have a Lister SR2. Bit of WD40, and it ran first time.

Where can I cruise the Ark I am having built by Collingwood for me, my entire extended family and our pets to live on? CaRT's published maximum boat dimensions are all in metres and don't mention cubits anywhere. Is cassette, or pump out better for the quantity of waste I'm expecting to be generated? Noah

Actually you are not. (At least not until you decide to sell a boat through them). The customer is the person who pays the broker's fee. And that is the vendor of the boat. You are just a prospective purchaser. In the current market there are more prospective purchasers than there are boats for sale. The brokers have no need to actively hawk their stock around those on their mailing list, when they have more than enough buyers turning up on their doorstep, ready and willing and able to buy. If you want to get into that latter group then, as others have said, you have to make more effort to keep in touch than expecting them to call you, no matter how frustrating the effort involved or fruitless visits may be.

Unfortunately, there are some truly nasty pieces of work here, (as there are on most internet forums), and some who, whilst not nasty pieces of work, are somewhat intolerant. It is not unusual for someone new to the forum, who does not approach an issue in "the right way", (whatever that is?), to receive responses similar to those you have received and, very often, we never see them again. However, the place is extremely useful and helpful when you have a problem with your boat, or need some info about a bit of the canal network, etc.... so I could suggest that it is worth hanging around. You can actually put those you dont want to hear from on "ignore" so, whilst you will see that they have posted, you have to make a bit of an effort to peek at what they have said. You probably already have a reasonable list of those you might ignore, and there are a few more you haven't seen yet, who might also qualify. Out of the hundreds of members here, (maybe thousands?), you could probably count on two hands and two feet those who could end up on your ignore list. Personally, I would not put MtB on ignore

Sorry Noah, its a fail. Here are the principal problems: 1. You only have 2 elephants, for this size of boat the rules say you must have 3 fire extinguishers. 2. You have vastly more bodies on board than your builder (oh its you?) has allowed for. I suggest you exclude all the dinosaurs, that should help considerably. 3. The fire-breathing dragons are housed too close to the woodwork and some charring is visible already. 4. The unicorns were seen excreting over the side instead of into a waste water tank, unless they can be retrained they must be removed. Other advice: 5. 2 gloworms do not constitute a valid headlight. 6. There is no hidden cupboard on the vessel for the 2 vlockies to hide in, they will be most uncomfortable.

From Catherine de Barnes it would be Star City if you don't want to go up Farmers Bridge for an evening in Birmingham. After that we usually go to Curdworth or Fazeley.

My legal team have advised that any resemblance to persons (or llamas) either living or dead is purely coincidental.

Poster O: posts something related to some longstanding grievance with Poster N which nobody else on the forum remembers Poster P: changes the subject by starting a debate about composting toilets Poster Q: tries to calm down the debate about composting toilets by posting about Brexit Poster R : tries to liven up the debate by posting a vlog Poster S: posts how much they hate vlogs and vloggers, and especially this vlog and these vloggers. And especially vlogs about composting toilets Poster T: posts something about how it's the CRTs fault for letting things slide really. Everybody else: Posts their agreement with Poster T, and the forum is a happier, more united place again The rest of the thread is just puns

Your first mistake. As far as liveaboard large South American mammals go, you can't beat a capybara. Being vegetarian and semi-aquatic, they can feed themselves on the abundant flora from CaRT's lax approach to towpath mowing and offside tree control. The main problem is finding a canal that has been dredged sufficiently recently to give enough depth for them to swim.

Typical Newbie. Posts in General Boating where no one is going to see it. Should have posted in in the Animals and Pets section of the Virtual Pub, where lots of llama owning boaters would be able to help. Can the Mods move it? Llamas and boating have a long history, all the way back to Noah who had to make a choice between letting them, or the sabre toothed tigers on board.

PD2 hand starting mechanism. The spiral was intended for a disc to go into the grooves and through that disc was a rod that held the decompressors open. As you turned the starting handle the disc travelled along the spiral and when it reached a set point the rod that held the decompresors open had moved along and the levers would then be free to release and put the engine onto compression.

Don't forget to book if you want to stay overnight in the basin

Sound like Vince II may be out there selling standby batteries second hand

Memo to self: pack the strimmer next year...

Presumably C&RT are wasting their time sending out their 'updates' The majority of the feedback has been in favour of increasing the amount of habitat fringe, but we recognised we needed to make certain amendments to our specifications to ensure that our towpaths are suitable for all and especially our boating customers, these include: Ensuring sightlines on the in-side of sharp bends are mown to the waters’ edge. Locks and moorings continue to be maintained to a high standard. Informal moorings are cut every kilometre if no alternative formal mooring is available. The towpath walking area is set with a minimum width, so it’s the fringe width that varies instead to the towpath walking area. Limit the amount of ‘green wall’, by seeking alternative management regimes where towpath vegetation growth is excessively tall for long stretches. Full width cut removing that seasons growth including saplings will remain, and can commence from August to replicate a hay meadow style cut.