Depraved Ducks

[Tony1]

 

I seem to have moored amongst a group of ducks who are keen on BDSM.

A few days ago I was roused forth onto the stern by an aquatic commotion of some sort, and I saw what appeared to be the attempted murder of a female duck by a male. A duck-icide, no less. 

Even worse, this was being witnessed by at least three other ducks. 

The victim wasnt even visible at first. The assailant seemed to be paddling along with his beak just under the water, as if holding something. The 'something' turned out to be a female duck, whom he had by the neck. 

When I saw this poor creature struggling to surface and being held down by her brutal attacker, I leaped ashore and grabbed a small handful of gravel from the path, and tossed it in the direction of the thug.

It worked, in that the whole bunch of them took off and flew 300 yards down the canal, before settling again. I was hoping the female might have escaped in the general confusion, but I fear she did not.  

Thoroughly shaken, I of course engaged google immediately, and discovered that this is by no means unusual behaviour. 

Apparently this is the ducks' preferred method of mating. 

So what I had in fact witnessed was a bunch of these disgusting creatures basically enjoying their BDSM jollies in broad daylight.

The whole spectacle was so violent that I'm left wondering how there can be any of these beasts still alive.

Also, how can the female birds stay with these beastly males after being half-killed as part of the mating process?

It does not seem like a good basis for a relationship. 

I was wondering if there was a sort of duck counselling service to help the victims deal with the trauma, but then I realised- they must actually like this sort of thing.

This is how they get their fun, the little exhibitionist monsters.

I wouldn't mind if they kept their outrageous behaviour to a private club somewhere on the Wirral, say.

But in broad daylight, in front of innocent boaters... 

I do not pay my CRT license fee to subsidise a gang of ducks running a BDSM club next to my stern. 

I'm not sure I'll ever look at a duck the same way again.  

 

 

[Alan de Enfield]

Thats what you get for Peking .....................

[Rob-M]

I hear they like to relax in a hot sauna and be showered with orange sauce as well.

[NB Esk]

I’m sure she could have ducked out of their way...

 

 

 

[magnetman]

Ducks are completely quackers. 

 

The "Lake Duck" has the longest male reproductive organ related to body size of all animals (edit - vertebrates). 

 

Yesterday I saw a duck pushing an egg out of a nest into the River then it pushed it along with its beak (eggs will sink unless rotten) to keep it afloat and when it cracked the duck ate the contents and left. 

 

Never seen that before. 

 

The chasing bit was like when you get a Jack Russel doing a football. Quite funny. Had it not done that the egg would have sunk and become useless. 

 

 

Edited April 8, 2022 by magnetman
Edit for accuracy

[Tony1]

 

Oh dear, I seem to have initiated a pun storm. 

Frankly, this is no laughing matter. I think right-minded boaters need to start taking this menace more seriously.

It brings to mind the depraved practice of dogging- except of course, it would have to be called 'ducking'. 

Surely CRT can do something to improve the moral standards of their ducks. 

 

[Athy]

12 minutes ago, Rob-M said:

I hear they like to relax in a hot sauna and be showered with orange sauce as well.

Have they got some sort of mallardy?

[Ray T]

Mallard ducks wear "dog masks."

 

Edited April 8, 2022 by Ray T

[Athy]

17 minutes ago, Tony1 said:

 

Apparently this is the ducks' preferred method of mating. 

 

 

 

I suspect that it's the drakes that prefer it, and the ducks don't have much say in the matter.

You mention the initials "BDSM" several times, but give no clue as to what it is. Perhaps you could enlighten us.

[Ray T]

Deleted

 

Edited April 8, 2022 by Ray T

[Tony1]

9 minutes ago, Athy said:

I suspect that it's the drakes that prefer it, and the ducks don't have much say in the matter.

You mention the initials "BDSM" several times, but give no clue as to what it is. Perhaps you could enlighten us.

 

Not on a civilised forum. I have only come across these letters since taking an interest in the sexual behaviour of ducks. 

If you have the stomach for it, I can only recommend googling those four letters, but at some point when your other half is not standing next to the laptop, because not all of us have the moral fortitude to conduct these sorts of investigations.  

Suffice to say that not everyone is keen on the business- but those who are keen, seem very keen indeed. 

Just like the ducks, in fact.

 

Edited April 8, 2022 by Tony1

[Athy]

18 minutes ago, Tony1 said:

 

Not on a civilised forum. I have only come across these letters since taking an interest in the sexual behaviour of ducks. 

If you have the stomach for it, I can only recommend googling those four letters, but at some point when your other half is not standing next to the laptop, because not all of us have the moral fortitude to conduct these sorts of investigations.  

Suffice to say that not everyone is keen on the business- but those who are keen, seem very keen indeed. 

Just like the ducks, in fact.

 

Thank you for your full, detailed and uninformative answer. Are you a politician?

I'll guess at Bad Ducks Swim Mating.

 

Mrs. Athy and I are doing our bit to stamp out this unseemly behaviour by regularly consuming the legs of these creatures so that they can't run after each other.

Oh hang on, they can't run away either.

[Jen-in-Wellies]

1 hour ago, NB Esk said:

I’m sure she could have ducked out of their way...

 

 

 

Victim blaming. She was wearing short plumage as well.

[Athy]

1 hour ago, Idle Days said:

 

Most enlightening, thank you.

[Idle Days]

Just now, Athy said:

Most enlightening, thank you.

No problem.😃

 

I deleted a comment as it duplicated something someone else had posted, but couldn't find a way to delete the whole post. 

[Athy]

17 minutes ago, Idle Days said:

No problem.😃

 

I deleted a comment as it duplicated something someone else had posted, but couldn't find a way to delete the whole post. 

I suspected as much! It's now been hidden, but if you want it back, say so and it can be restored.

[magnetman]

2 hours ago, Athy said:

Have they got some sort of mallardy?

I saw a duck who had cleverly installed herself on a balcony 3 floors up to get away from the attention of the males. 

 

Make no misdrake, she was wisequacker. 

Edited April 8, 2022 by magnetman

[Slow and Steady]

1 minute ago, magnetman said:

I saw a duck who had cleverly installed herself on a balcony 3 floors up to get away from the attention of the males. 

 

Make no misdrake, she was wisequacker. 

Around here they take the high ground on boat roofs.

[magnetman]

They're obviously quacked it. 

[NB Esk]

Ducks are a bit bonkers, there was a pair in our yard a couple of weeks ago and the female insisted on sitting in a coil of rope, she was convinced it would pass for a nest.  I had to move it so we didn’t have a ducky migrant family living with us.

 

 

 

 

[magnetman]

It is illegal to disturb a nest. 

 

Always good to get them early if you want to move the boat or need the item the nest is on. 

 

I was thinking of selling early coot nests on eBay. 

[zenataomm]

4 hours ago, Tony1 said:

I seem to have moored amongst a group of ducks who are keen on BDSM.

A few days ago I was roused forth onto the stern by ...........

Roused or aroused?

[Alan de Enfield]

1 hour ago, zenataomm said:

Roused or aroused?

 

 

They need a good roasting ................

[magnetman]

In life there is one thing that a duck can't do, a goose can do and a lawyer is supposed to do. 

 

 

[frahkn]

5 hours ago, Tony1 said:

 

Oh dear, I seem to have initiated a pun storm. 

Frankly, this is no laughing matter. I think right-minded boaters need to start taking this menace more seriously.

It brings to mind the depraved practice of dogging- except of course, it would have to be called 'ducking'. 

Surely CRT can do something to improve the moral standards of their ducks. 

 

A work colleague of mine wrote her PhD thesis on "sexual aggression in mallard ducks". She was also fond of duck earrings, had a Donald duck watch and occasionally wore socks with ducks on.

 

This was (just) after the internet began so possibly you could find it on-line. Perhaps read it to your ducks to dull their ardour.