living alone/tunnel anxiety/night visitor/diesel theft

[tagulablue]

I thought I could do this...as many of you know and no doubt bored by now..I lost my better half at the end of May...had dreams of sailing into the sunset single handed but after these recent postings I think I have lost any confidence I had... I have kids flying in to celebrate 60th in July but after that I feel it's time to say bye to what has been my life saver over the years.

[Tiggs]

Shame, what part of the system are you on? I always find that north of Birmingham and south of Manchester I am most happy and least worried about bad things that might happen. Also a nice biggish dog as "chief of security" helps.

[RLWP]

It isn't very long since you lost your better half, life is going to be pretty rubbish just now. Give it time

 

Richard

[MtB]

I thought I could do this...as many of you know and no doubt bored by now..I lost my better half at the end of May...had dreams of sailing into the sunset single handed but after these recent postings I think I have lost any confidence I had... I have kids flying in to celebrate 60th in July but after that I feel it's time to say bye to what has been my life saver over the years.

 

 

Big hug for you (((((((tagulablue)))))))

 

End of May is desperately recent. Please don't make any irreversible decisions this soon after such a monumnetally life changing loss.

 

Not sure what else to say other than keep posting...

 

M

[ditchcrawler]

 

 

Big hug for you (((((((tagulablue)))))))

 

End of May is desperately recent. Please don't make any irreversible decisions this soon after such a monumnetally life changing loss.

 

Not sure what else to say other than keep posting...

 

M

Also think back, did any of these things happen to you in the past, if not why should they happen in the future.

[tagulablue]

only a drunk thinking our stern cover would be a could place to sleep ...oh and when about 10 youths ran riot on top of the boat at ashton..

[RichM]

I'd say I'm sorry to hear of your loss but if you're anything like me, you may find that somewhat irritating once you've heard it the 500th time from the 500th person. I lost my mother last year, she was only 55 so while it's not quite the same I guess I can relate to how you feel, at least to some extent.

 

My suggestion would be to keep going, do what you do and don't give up on what you're passionate about.

 

The events you mentioned in your last post must have been frightening as you were not to know what their intentions were though it doesn't sound as though either intended to cause any harm. It sounds like a reflection on the society in which we live in today, in which case it isn't just limited to boating. These things happen on and off dry land. If it's not your stern cover, it could be your shed. If it's not your roof, it could be your lawn etc etc. I'm sure you get the idea.

Perhaps give it some thought but If boating isn't for you then that's fair enough but you should perhaps consider what you'd do instead and question whether or not it would make you feel happier. For me and since losing my beloved mother, I traded a life on land for a life on water. In doing so I feel welcomed to the wider boating community of our canals, something most, if not all of us here can appreciate and that imo is something quite special. - I didn't have anything like that on land. Years would go by and I didn't even know the names of my neighbours...

You mentioned that your kids are visiting soon. Perhaps it would be a good opportunity to take them out on a cruise together and find the moment to talk to them about how you feel. That may give you clarity of thought and may help you decide on how you want to spend your future.

[Guest]

I thought I could do this...as many of you know and no doubt bored by now..I lost my better half at the end of May...had dreams of sailing into the sunset single handed but after these recent postings I think I have lost any confidence I had... I have kids flying in to celebrate 60th in July but after that I feel it's time to say bye to what has been my life saver over the years.

 

Events as described in those posts however are rare and have been condensed down into an internet forum which is a pretty common phenomenon. What you don't see is loads of posts saying 'just travelled for a year and had no problems what so ever' because it's just not worthy of a mention. As a result you risk getting a distorted view of what life is on the cut.

 

Its a bit like car forums where if you read most of them you wouldn't buy a particular car. You rarely see a post that says 'just completed five years of problem free motoring with my model xxxx', because it's not worthy of mention. Internet forums are notoriously bad for this. There are also other factors in play in regard to some of those threads I believe.

 

Personally I wouldn't make any serious life changing decisions based on what you read on here and certainly nothing in those particular threads.

Edited June 30, 2016 by MJG

[Athy]

 

Events as described in those posts however are rare and have been condensed down into an internet forum which is a pretty common phenomenon. What you don't see is loads of posts saying 'just travelled for a year and had no problems what so ever' because it's just not worthy of a mention. As a result you risk getting a distorted view of what life is on the cut.

 

Its a bit like car forums where if you read most of them you wouldn't buy a particular car. You rarely see a post that says 'just completed five years of problem free motoring with my model xxxx', because it's not worthy of mention. Internet forums are notoriously bad for this. There are also other factors in play in regard to some of those threads I believe.

 

Personally I wouldn't make any serious life changing decisions based on what you read on here and certainly nothing in those particular threads.

Very sane observations. I hope it's not too early in the morning for a greeno.

 

Keep on chugging, Tagula.

[JayDub]

Hi Tabula, you've been through the worst experience most people ever have to go through,it takes a long time to get yourself together and start again. In the meantime I would say, leave everything as it is, just concentrate on yourself. When your head starts working again,it will one day, then give the choice a lot of thought and make your decision.

As several posters have said the world, Internet forums in particular, are rife with bad news stories and give a very distorted view. If every member came on here to post about every perfect day/week/trip the forum would be overloaded in minutes.

For the moment use the forum as a support,there are some great people on here.

[manxmike]

So sorry to hear of your loss Tagula. Did he share your passion for the canals? If so please take time to consider your future, don't rush into anything. Your kids will give you a much needed shoulder at this time, don't be afraid to show your emotions to them.

The canal "family" is extensive and very supportive, better than most streets and villages. They are genuine in their sympathy.

You are in my prayers.

[patty-ann]

Wait before taking decisions..its far to soon. With any loss comes insecurity and fear, talk it through with your children if they will listen..some are not suitable sounding boards..

If not do you have close friend who you can really talk to?

Keep posting, the forums are supportive although also admittedly collection of bad luck stories.

[Horace42]

I sympathise with your plight and wish you well. But can offer little in the way of immediate comfort except to say I agree with most of what has been said and time will heal the wounds. So it is important not to make irreversible decisions in the heat of the moment. Fingers crossed you will find something of interest to help pass the time until things get better.

[bigcol]

Hi there

 

Reading this thread, realize how you may feel.

What ever you do, be good to yourself.

Our thoughts are with you

 

Col

[ditchcrawler]

 

Events as described in those posts however are rare and have been condensed down into an internet forum which is a pretty common phenomenon. What you don't see is loads of posts saying 'just travelled for a year and had no problems what so ever' because it's just not worthy of a mention. As a result you risk getting a distorted view of what life is on the cut.

 

Its a bit like car forums where if you read most of them you wouldn't buy a particular car. You rarely see a post that says 'just completed five years of problem free motoring with my model xxxx', because it's not worthy of mention. Internet forums are notoriously bad for this. There are also other factors in play in regard to some of those threads I believe.

 

Personally I wouldn't make any serious life changing decisions based on what you read on here and certainly nothing in those particular threads.

OK here is one, we have travelled for about 14 years on this boat doing 1000hr. a year and have had one line stolen that I tied the dog to. it was while moored on the Thames in Oxford. Prior to that we had a shared boat for 8 years, did at least 4 weeks a year and were set adrift once in Runcorn.

[QCat]

tagulablue... I am very very sorry for your loss and I truly understand how you feel because I lost my husband in May 2012 and became a widow at the grand old age of 37.

 

I know from experience that no two people will grieve in the same way, but I too had a massive loss of confidence to the point where I was so scared of the dark I would wake up in the night having panic attacks and would sit in the front room wrapped in a blanket with every single light on in the house.

 

I would be willing to bet my mortgage that if someone hasn't yet told you that 'time heals', then they will very soon! But let me give you the only piece of advice that stuck with me (and this is a direct quote) "Time won't necessarily heal, but it will definitely make things feel different. You have only 2 real choices to make... you can curl up in a ball and hope the world goes away, or you can stand up and face this totally s*** situation and make sure it doesn't mean the end of 2 lives."

 

I'm 4 years on from where you are, and my life has changed. There are some things which I just stopped doing because I had enjoyed them with my husband and it didn't feel right without him. There are some things which I have taken up as new hobbies and thoroughly enjoy (some got ditched along the way... the rowing club was a bad move ;-)). There are other things which I had given up but have returned to since with fresh enjoyment.

 

There will be times when you are just a soggy bundle of snotty tears. Let it come, allow yourself some moments of completely justifiable self-pity. BUT, remember that you are strong, your confidence WILL return and because of what you have been through you will take absolute pleasure in the tiniest of things.

 

Your forumite friends on here are completely right about not making big decisions yet. Can I just add to that... don't let anyone else make them for you yet either! They may do so with the best intentions, but it's not their life it's yours.

 

Feel free to bore everyone by talking. I did, and by telling people over and over again I started to feel like it was real and I was facing it and it genuinely helped.

 

BTW, I'm new on here... I've been watching the forum for a short time because I have met someone new (well, known 'em for years, but it's funny what's under your nose and you don't realise) and together we are searching for our first narrowboat. I'm not really one for forum's usually, but really wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

[BruceinSanity]

tagulablue... I am very very sorry for your loss and I truly understand how you feel because I lost my husband in May 2012 and became a widow at the grand old age of 37.

 

I know from experience that no two people will grieve in the same way, but I too had a massive loss of confidence to the point where I was so scared of the dark I would wake up in the night having panic attacks and would sit in the front room wrapped in a blanket with every single light on in the house.

 

I would be willing to bet my mortgage that if someone hasn't yet told you that 'time heals', then they will very soon! But let me give you the only piece of advice that stuck with me (and this is a direct quote) "Time won't necessarily heal, but it will definitely make things feel different. You have only 2 real choices to make... you can curl up in a ball and hope the world goes away, or you can stand up and face this totally s*** situation and make sure it doesn't mean the end of 2 lives."

 

I'm 4 years on from where you are, and my life has changed. There are some things which I just stopped doing because I had enjoyed them with my husband and it didn't feel right without him. There are some things which I have taken up as new hobbies and thoroughly enjoy (some got ditched along the way... the rowing club was a bad move ;-)). There are other things which I had given up but have returned to since with fresh enjoyment.

 

There will be times when you are just a soggy bundle of snotty tears. Let it come, allow yourself some moments of completely justifiable self-pity. BUT, remember that you are strong, your confidence WILL return and because of what you have been through you will take absolute pleasure in the tiniest of things.

 

Your forumite friends on here are completely right about not making big decisions yet. Can I just add to that... don't let anyone else make them for you yet either! They may do so with the best intentions, but it's not their life it's yours.

 

Feel free to bore everyone by talking. I did, and by telling people over and over again I started to feel like it was real and I was facing it and it genuinely helped.

 

BTW, I'm new on here... I've been watching the forum for a short time because I have met someone new (well, known 'em for years, but it's funny what's under your nose and you don't realise) and together we are searching for our first narrowboat. I'm not really one for forum's usually, but really wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

Excellent first post, welcome to the forum, QCat!

[The Lockie]

QCat, wonderful advice..real value as you have been there...hope it helps Tagaula!!

 

QCat keep posting...common sense is becoming a rarity on this forum at times

[Bettie Boo]

tagulablue... I am very very sorry for your loss and I truly understand how you feel because I lost my husband in May 2012 and became a widow at the grand old age of 37.

 

I know from experience that no two people will grieve in the same way, but I too had a massive loss of confidence to the point where I was so scared of the dark I would wake up in the night having panic attacks and would sit in the front room wrapped in a blanket with every single light on in the house.

 

I would be willing to bet my mortgage that if someone hasn't yet told you that 'time heals', then they will very soon! But let me give you the only piece of advice that stuck with me (and this is a direct quote) "Time won't necessarily heal, but it will definitely make things feel different. You have only 2 real choices to make... you can curl up in a ball and hope the world goes away, or you can stand up and face this totally s*** situation and make sure it doesn't mean the end of 2 lives."

 

I'm 4 years on from where you are, and my life has changed. There are some things which I just stopped doing because I had enjoyed them with my husband and it didn't feel right without him. There are some things which I have taken up as new hobbies and thoroughly enjoy (some got ditched along the way... the rowing club was a bad move ;-)). There are other things which I had given up but have returned to since with fresh enjoyment.

 

There will be times when you are just a soggy bundle of snotty tears. Let it come, allow yourself some moments of completely justifiable self-pity. BUT, remember that you are strong, your confidence WILL return and because of what you have been through you will take absolute pleasure in the tiniest of things.

 

Your forumite friends on here are completely right about not making big decisions yet. Can I just add to that... don't let anyone else make them for you yet either! They may do so with the best intentions, but it's not their life it's yours.

 

Feel free to bore everyone by talking. I did, and by telling people over and over again I started to feel like it was real and I was facing it and it genuinely helped.

 

BTW, I'm new on here... I've been watching the forum for a short time because I have met someone new (well, known 'em for years, but it's funny what's under your nose and you don't realise) and together we are searching for our first narrowboat. I'm not really one for forum's usually, but really wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

 

Best 1st post Ever IMO QCat

 

Tagaula - you have my deepest empathy, I have experienced grief, not the same as yours but the best advice I could possibly share is don't rush into any major decisions and don't let others make those decisions for you regardless of how much they seem to have you interests closest to their hearts. And try to avoid where possible the more depressing threads on the forum for awhile, they won't help

[tagulablue]

I just want to say the biggest THANK YOU to all of you ...the support, encouragement and messages have been overwhelming . A special thank you to Qcat and everybody who sent pm's.

 

PS to qcat...if you want to practice on narrowboat let me know!

 

once again thanks to you all

 

xx

[Dave123]

Hi tagulablue

Whilst I cannot imagine what you are going through, I feel sure the sense of community and peace that can be found all over the canals must be a good healer. I wouldn't worry about the negatives. I have only been boating for 6 years or so but have never felt unsafe, even in inner city spots.

So as others have been saying... (and this i's a really positive thread compared to some) don't rush into anything! I hope things get better for you

[tillergirl]

Tagulablue please check your message box

[Horace42]

A very moving response by Qcat. Almost in tears reading about both your tragedies, but the tissues worked overtime when reading of the happiness Qcat has found at long last. There really is hope, although it might not seem like it at the moment.

[ditchcrawler]

I met two boats this week, one recognised me but I couldn't place him. I found out later he lost his wife a couple of years back and the 70 foot boat ahead of him was being steered by a lady, that boat I did recognise but didn't know the boater. It transpired that she lost her husband a couple of years back and both boats were in the same marina. I was told they have since got together and are planning selling both boats and buying just one between them.

 

I have two friends, as couples they use to boat together on sepparate boats, then the wife of one died and he sold the boat, a little later the husband of the second one died and she sold the boat. They have since got together as a couple and often wish they still had a boat between them, but feel its to late in life to buy another.

[QCat]

I have two friends, as couples they use to boat together on sepparate boats, then the wife of one died and he sold the boat, a little later the husband of the second one died and she sold the boat. They have since got together as a couple and often wish they still had a boat between them, but feel its to late in life to buy another.

 

That's a shame, should never be too late.

 

In other news, think we've found our first boat! Offer accepted today, now it's just the nail-biting wait for the survey and the slightly scary thought of needing deep pockets forever more :-) Exciting times!