I Smell Evil Santa

[Daiboy]

I only hope that the CIA, FBI, MI5 are not snooping on this forum. Oh dear, and all for an early focus on Christmas. Knock, knock on your door at 4.30am.

[John V]

Yep I can just see it.....a subbasement office in the Pentagon "Sir ! Sir! here's another weirdo internet message it mentions bombs,assassination techniques, poison, and gruntfuttocks.Shall we increase the threat level?........"let me see that..........forget it son it's that bloody unSTABLE BAR again"

[The Bearwood Boster]

I would like to join the secret not very secret organisation.My secret not very secret name is mustaphacurrynapint.I have my own secret robes & as a woman of a certain age I feel sure I could culivate a suitable beard(if not-my husband has a beard which I'm sure he'd let me borrow).Please let me know if I'm in or I may have to start a splinter group which would obviously be painful.

Trina ooooops Mustaphacurrynapint.

[Phil Ambrose]

Welcome to the Brother/Sisterhood (delete where applicable) your contribution will help our cause Mustaphapintnacurry.

 

Mustaphfag

[Phil Ambrose]

Welcome to the Brother/Sisterhood (delete where applicable) your contribution will help our cause Mustaphapintnacurry.

 

Mustaphfag

[patty-ann]

Hello Mustaphacurrynapint or Trina for short, welcome, lovely to have a fellow female to gossip share important secret stuff with in this very important mission. I've just recruited another female...yah!...name of Currymollyeateverything,(Molly to friends) she's a Finnish Laphund smuggled into the country from her native land where her expertise was in rounding up reindeer. See I got an awesome secret weapon now, well that and my light sabre....providing the Asda batteries last out(someone nicked the duracells).

Japatty-annamin

[Emerald Fox]

"I only hope that the CIA, FBI, are not snooping on this forum." - I don't think Americans are bright enough to get it.

 

"Happy Holidays" they say in the USA - er,... what?! ( And that horrible "Enjoy!" has spread to Britain (what if I don't wanna enjoy my meal?) )

 

Anyway - where can we get some nice colourful 12v Xmas lights for the boat? Tips on decorating a narrowboat for Chrissymas? Photos of boats done up for Christmas?

Christmas is fun! Presents, sherry, drinking white wine whilst poking the sizzling potatoes roasting in the oven, Xmas pudding + hot custard with a 6d in it, then a game of Monopoly.

[John V]

Bretheren beware, a suspicious stranger from the far Northern wastes with a funny hat and tennis racquet shoes is attempting to hijack your thread................your secret supporter..... Mustafanon

[Phil Ambrose]

Thanks for the turbans up Mustafanon we shall keep an eye out for that little tinker,

Oh and Japatty-annamin in the interests of maintaining your newly aquired ethnicity it might be better if you swopped your light sabre for a light scimitar, and I would humbly suggest it might be a good idea to have a fresh set of Asda batteries handy.

Mustaphfag

[patty-ann]

But I like my light sabre its kinda cool...never bin cool...couldn't I have both? Have very big handbag.

Imagine how scary I would be light sabre in right...or left hand and light scimitar in left or maybe right hand...now practise must practise...hang on needed else where.

[Machpoint005]

Now I'm all in for Christmas - I love Christmas, but flippin heck, can't we please do Halloween and Thanksgiving first??!?

 

Not mithered about either of those, but we do need to have Plot Night, and even then it's nearly a month until Advent, let alone Christmas.

[The Bearwood Boster]

Greetings to you Japatty- Annamin,us women must stick together as we may need to share details of the best stockists of suitable chic clothing ,replacement light sabres/scimitars and disguises for Mollydog...

[jodansgang]

Sisters of Allahn, Brothers, when did you last pray?

Lay down your Rag Rugs towards the rising Stoves of the Fire and call upon Allahn to consider your sins.

Pray, for Mustaphafag and his suspended fire of the fiery groin.

Pray for Ja-Pattyann and the Phalic-Sabre she carries in her handbag.

Pray for Ichlammatchpointlamabad, and his continuos prayer.

Hold in the eyes of Allahn Mustafanon, he spy's upon our enemy.

Ibishemerald Mucfoxtard, BnM have a range of batery powered led lights for purchase.

Mustaphacurryanapint, welcome, Sister Ja-Pattyann is a the wisest of Sistren, she will advise you on the wearing of the bgurkin. It is important that you follow our tradition and place an oversised vegetable on your head, so as not to see the face of Allahn.

Remember the ticking clock. It acts as a call to you to throw down your rag rugs, also, reminding us that there are only 49 moon days to bring this not very cost effective,

annual, capitalist, pagan ritual to an end.

Remember your Sunday Schools.

When in Rome Act As A Tourist.

If we all act like fake Muslims and call ourselves IS'NT then maybe, just maybe, this Fat Red money grabbing arse can be brought to Justice and we can regain our true prospective of merriment and live free.

Praise Allahn.

Mucktard.

[Phil Ambrose]

Mucktard, I wish I had your wisdom and grasp of the problem, I will strive (Allahn willing) to emulate your wonderous fakeism. I have had word from Nulifamabad who is just back from a daring, dangerous voyage and will no doubt join us in the fullness of time (after he has secured a decent berth.

Oh by the way I have secured a number of suitable flannelette sheets for our use,(found them in a basket outsde a nursing home)

Mustaphfag

[patty-ann]

Oh wise and noble Mustaphfag although I wish to be acquiescent and ever so humble follower i must beg to be allowed together with Musthavacurrynapint to select our own ever so chic designer humble suitable attire, we would not seek to deprive you of your germ ridden cosy warm flannelette sheets.

We intend to scout out stealthily areas that may have been infiltrated by the red clothed geezer, in the guise of simple shoppers, and what better excuse than to be seeking chic designer humble suitable attire. Our mission not without danger and I will ensure that my large handbag accompanies us.

I will be ever mindful of the fact that I belong to the fluffy bunny appreciation society and will not bring its ethical code into disrepute.

[Phil Ambrose]

Japatty-Annamin, have spent some time kneeling on my rag rug to seek guidance I can confirm that what you are suggesting will not contravene any of the strict protocols of dress code and that you and Mustavacurrynapint may go and give your flexible freind a good workout, peace be with you and may your camel never stumble

Mustaphfag

[comfortably numb]

I worked for P&O Containers for 16 years and the imported Christmas stuff used to begin to arrive in July which I found most depressing. But on the other hand when in early January the barbeque sets began to arrive it was nice to think that the summer was only around the corner.

[Phil Ambrose]

I would just like to report that Tilly the Teeth is continuing her training which is going very well, I've been training her to disable reindeer but lacking a real one I have used some very stiff hair gel and style the ears of Maisie our cocker into psuedo antlers.

I had a close shave this morning while engaged in a training session myself. I set about two women dressed in black robes thinking the were IS members. After a bit of fracas I discovered my mistake and would like to offer a public apology to Sister Mary and Sister Therese and if they would care to send me the dry cleaning bill for their habits I shall be pleased to settle it for them.

Mustaphfag

Edited October 15, 2014 by Phil Ambrose

[patty-ann]

There is no need for Till to attack poor reindeer, Molly will simply round them up and take them someplace...venison steaks anyone?

ATM she's practising her rounding up technique...around and around compost bin as Roland Rat is declining to come out and "play"

There may be a bit of a problem as she loves nipping mice and.......

but sure Tilly will be just fine, just fine.

i have been surveying, as I simply must find just the right outfit, some female fashion outlets...no luck yet but I will be ready.

Although task exhausting I have also been tasting donuts and coffee as part of an extra undertaking I have shouldered in order that appropriate refreshment outlets can be identified to provide nourishment for those in need.

My fluffy bunny appreciation society halo shines forth.

[John V]

Pssst!.........Mustafanon remains deep undercover awaiting the day.

[junior]

Am I the only one here that has celebrated Fixmas? It's on the 25th June in the Falkland Islands.

 

I've never been one to celebrate Christmas (or even birthdays for that matter) but I've spent 5 of the last 10 Christmases at work, 3 of them in Afghanistan, whilst my mum was at home on her own. So these days i do try and make up for it and spend it at home with her, even though it is boring as hell when your family consists of two people!

[John V]

Know how you feel Junior, had 12 years at sea.....away for Christmas for 11 years....the one year I was home the family were away to the Canary's so I was home on my own!!!

[patty-ann]

I used to work Christmas Eve Night if I could every year then those with small children could be at home with them. Mine were all older when I returned to nursing in hospitals

I hated having to work Christmas day night.

One year when Youngest was only 4 I worked in old folks home in unit where only one nurse on duty, Ant came in with me at 7am as husband away and the other children had made other arrangements and the staff supposed to be taking over failed to turn up so we stayed on until 9pm...awful day for a youngster.

[Phil Ambrose]

When I worked as a chef we always worked Xmas day, had no choice, no premium paid either, as far as the management were concerned it was just a normal rostered day on. Chris worked nearby front of house at another resturant and had to work too but she got triple time. We used to have our Xmas day 2 or 3 days later when we were on a day off together.

Phil (this year Santa is going to get his!)

[John V]

After I left the sea For a few years I worked as an engineer in the entertainments industry, Christmas (and New Year) were always busy times.

I was single so it didn't matter that much. After my father died, I used to always try and be with my mother on Boxing Day, as that had been my parents wedding anniversary.