Tip of the week.

[bizzard]

For those of you who worry about having your boat stolen. If you leave your ship unattended whilst off shopping or in the pub ect ect, either take your lock windlasses with you or hide them somewhere secret.Burying them on the bankside away from your boat is good, dig em up on your way back. Your boat won't go any further than the next lock either way unless of course some goon or other locks it through or the thief has the brains to bring along their own windlass, (fairly unlikely).

[b0atman]

Such a sensible security idea surely you are investigating copywright and patents on some of these ideas .Let the forum know when you are on dragons den.

[bizzard]

Burying your windlasses on the way out is obviously the best plan, like on the bankside, in a field, allotment, waste land ect. But the thing is remembering where on you return. You could be hunting about forever and whilst so occupied a thief has got a windlass and nicked your boat.

The solution to this is to mark the burial spot, not with a sign which procaims (MY WINDLASSES ARE BURIED HERE) that would be a barmpot thing to do so no. Make a little cross out of sticks with a little epitaph written on a bit of card fixed to it saying something like ''Here lies our dear beloved pet squirrel 'Dizzy' who choked on an acorn and died, RIP.

[kevinl]

Your boat won't go any further than the next lock either way unless of course some goon or other locks it through

Maybe we can get all the CRT volunteer lockies locked up for aiding and abbeting

K

[bizzard]

Maybe we can get all the CRT volunteer lockies locked up for aiding and abbeting

K

Yes the goons, erm no I mean the Cart lockies must be instructed to not lock any vessel through that have not got their own wineglasses,windlasses.

Edited September 3, 2014 by bizzard

[MHS]

Why not bury your alcohol instead?

It's a well known fact, most boaters will not travel without a few bottles on board.

[roland elsdon]

Fit a bolinder

[SamKingfisher]

A horse that scans your retinas

[Jim Riley]

A large L shaped plastic dog turd would make a good secret hiding place, you could leave it in the usual place, just where you step off the boat, and No one will ever pick it up. Guaranteed!

[Paul's Nulife4-2]

Fit a bolinder

Ooo i love Champagne,

A large L shaped plastic dog turd would make a good secret hiding place, you could leave it in the usual place, just where you step off the boat, and No one will ever pick it up. Guaranteed!

It must really hurt the Dog getting those L shaped Turds out !.

[John V]

Ooo i love Champagne,

 

 

Classic!!!!!

[patty-ann]

Mr Bizzard, your ideas are so cool I endeavour to follow all, s'cuse me though what do i do with the spade I dig hole for windlass?

Hmmm not sure have spade suppose spoon would do then could take it with me though suppose digging hole with spoon would take longer.

Could use saucepan or frying pan, gosh this is so complicated but thank you so much Mr Bizzard, i will have to think this through...so difficult for frail female.

[bizzard]

Mr Bizzard, your ideas are so cool I endeavour to follow all, s'cuse me though what do i do with the spade I dig hole for windlass?

Hmmm not sure have spade suppose spoon would do then could take it with me though suppose digging hole with spoon would take longer.

Could use saucepan or frying pan, gosh this is so complicated but thank you so much Mr Bizzard, i will have to think this through...so difficult for frail female.

Quite a simple solution to this patty Ann and no digging tools required. You need to obtain a pet dog, an avid and enthusiastic bone burying dog, a dog that drools over smelly mouldy old bones, a Golden Deceiver would be ideal, you could call it ''Titchmarsh'' after that digging gardener fellow, or Titch for short.

So you want to go shopping and not leave your windlass aboard your boat. Simply paint your windlass in the colours to resemble an old and mouldy bone, smear it all over with decaying old meat dog food, present it to your dog Titch, Titch should grab it with great glee and run off with it. Run after and follow Titch which should when the fancy takes it bury it for you then you can go off to the shops with peace of mind. On returning from the shops Titch might, just might dig it up again, if not be patient and wait. It might mean starving Titch a little which may trigger its memory of the bone it buried. When it suddenly remembers it it will bound off with hungry eyes to find and dig it up. A good Golden Deceiver should bring it back to you of course and drop it at your feet but a disobedient and playful dog will taunt you with it and keep running off but will eventually when tired lie down to have a good old chew at it, this is the moment for you to dash in and grab you windlass. You will need an edible substitute for the windlass to placate the dog like a whopping great juicy fillet steak.

I advise not to use 48 hour and 14 day moorings for these shopping trips as dogs will often not retrieve their buried bones for months on end, may even forget where its buried and even remember that it wasn't a lovely smelly bone but a bloomin metal windlass. But hopefully Titch will! remember the big juicy fillet steak, if not and you find you've lost a windlass then the whole idea was a big misteak.

[patty-ann]

Dear Mr Bizzard, As always your ideas are inspiring and I shall begin hunting for such a companion, a golden deceiver named Titch who loves mouldy bones and will happily accept a camouflaged windlass....this may take some time.

[Jim Riley]

Far simpler to get Titch to lay an L shaped Turd, lead him gently by the leash as he dumps, not too fast or it will snap, then take a plaster cast, make fake turd from grp and paint with enamel paints for durability, you only have to do this once, you can then sell Titch, for a profit now he's grown, and go into business profitably selling windlass covers. I feel a patent application coming on.....

on reflection it may be easier to hold a tray under Titch's butt as he dumps, moving the tray to make the L.

[Emerald Fox]

Can't u just take your propellor off and take it with u to the pub?