Jump to content


bizzard

Member Since 06 Jul 2011
Offline Last Active Today, 07:43 PM
****-

Topics I've Started

On this day.

14 February 2017 - 11:27 AM

On this day in 1779 Captain Cook was stabbed to death on Kealakekua beach Hawaii by Polynesian natives.


Emergency rope chucking apparatus .

11 February 2017 - 05:39 PM

Reqirements;--  One long rope, one gramophone, wind up or electric, two records. one person.

 

A terrified shriek for help is heard, HELP, HELP!! gurgle gurgle, Help gurgle, groo, gurgle!!!.  Ah! someone in trouble and have fallen in the drink and needs saving. To the rescue!!! An opportunity to to try out your new rope chucking apparatus.

   Quick as lightening now! 

  Firstly set up your gramophone level and true on the deck of your boat. Whilst shouting encouragement and making further preparations for the rescue put on a nice soothing jolly record to calm the victim, like the Beatles HELP or What shall we do with the drunken sailor. Whilst the music is playing wind the rope into neat coils holding them in the throwing position with one hand, holding the free end in the other hand.  When the music stops remove the record from the machine and step onto the turntable. Calmly compose yourself eyeing up the distance to the victim gurgling away in trouble.

 Now get ready. Start up the gramophones turntable again. Judge the throwing distance and set the turntable speed,eg-- Shortish distance=33.1/3 prm. Medium distance=45rpm. Long distance=78rpm.

 Put the turntable into motion at the desired speed setting, Close your eyes while you being spun up to full speed to prevent giddyness, opening an eye now and then to keep the victim in sight.

   When up to full speed, gauge precisely when to throw the rope coil in the right direction during a revolution and FLING IT!!! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee PLOP,  OW WOW OW!!! bang on target falling right across the napper. The victim then ceases shrieking and gurgles TA!!, grasps hold of it and is dragged to safety to the accompaniment of another soothing tuneful record.

   This method of mechanized rope chucking by spinning the thrower up to speed hugely multiplies the distance that the rope travels. Similar to throwing ''The Discus'' or ''The Hammer''  I do however recommend practicing this method beforehand so as to be ready, steady, accurate and above all do it at at great speed, ''every second may count'' in the event of you being lucky enough to smugly show off, unleash and deploy this new life saving technique at some poor unsuspecting victim that needs saving.

 

 

 


Frying tonight.

31 December 2016 - 10:53 PM

United flight UA890 departed Shanghai in 2017 and will arrive in San Francisco back in 2016.

   Happy new year everyone. cheers.gif


Bounty.

08 December 2016 - 08:41 PM

On Freeview 32, Moviemix at 9pm tonight is the film ''The Bounty'' Anthony Hopkins as Bligh. An excellent film depicting lots lashings, keel hauling and boobies.


Chilly bottom.

23 November 2016 - 11:03 AM

I am trying to be patient at the moment, working on jobs with a chilly bottom. I have an eagle eye out, waiting for the postman. I had two pairs of underpants, ''one on and one in the wash'', as is my habit with most things, always be prepared like. One pair disintegrated a week ago, my second pair did the same yesterday. I have ordered 6 pairs for £7, post paid from Ebay, they should have arrived today but they haven't. Working outside and having to sit upon cold things to do certain jobs without underpants on, I'm getting very worried about getting arseritis. Hurry up postman, maybe tomorrow now. sad.png