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Member Since 06 Jul 2011
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Topics I've Started

Wheeze. Jaws.

13 August 2014 - 02:36 PM

Not sure if I've done this one before.unsure.png But anyway here goes. For anyone who is handy and or bored with nothin else to do.

A shark or indeed a submarine can be simply made out of an old pop bottle and a few bits and bobs. like so;-

 For a shark make a nice dorsal fin out of a bit of cardboard, paint it black and glue it onto about the middle of the bottle.

 The bath in your barthroom or a deep puddle can be put to use for the careful ballasting of the shark. Pour a little say cement into the bottle, just enough to keep the fin stably upright and to prevent it capsizing. when its set hard fill the bottle with water until it floats just below the surface with the fin sticking out, this is a very fine adjustment to get it right and anyone wanting to take a bath may have a long wait. Screw the top back on firmly.

  Once ballasted with water as above make out of two bits of cardboard a pair of little hydroplanes and stick them on the sharks flanks angled down very slightly for forward direction submerging. If submarines are your thing just swop the dorsal fin for a conning tower and gun and paint it grey.

  The big test;-   Take your shark down to your boat and attach a long bit of string to its neck end and tie off the other to your stern dolly.

   Now get under way and on tick over launch your shark/submarine gently over the stern paying out the string. When your boat has taken up the tow a steady V wave from your evil looking sharks fin or conning tower should be visible that follows implicitly every twist and turn you make.  Speed up and its little hydroplanes if set carefully will cause it to dive, or the submarine to DIVE! DIVE! DIVE!!!. For those with a Klaxon hooter like me can signal the submarines dive.  Slow your boat down again and the shark/sub will pop up and surface again. Do this again and again and again and again and again and again and again. You and everyone will be fascinated.  mellow.png

Tip. Super cooling.

23 July 2014 - 07:30 AM

Quite simple folks. A quick coolie in hot weather.

  You can direct from a desk type cooling fan a very powerful jet of super cool air at your face by fixing with say  Meccano strips to the fans guard a large road traffic cone, fix the large bell end of the cone to the fans guard with its small other end-nozzle aimed at you.

  By lighting a little fire behind the fan an excellent and powerful hot hair drier can also be had. closedeyes.gif

How to make a rain hat.

05 July 2014 - 08:40 PM


  To make a Cloakhat its best if you read the instructions in the other (How to make a sun hat) Topic. This will save me the dreadful fag of repeating it all over again, but I will gladly do so if demand becomes overwhelming. So lets get on with the job.

   To make a rain or Cloakhat we use the stiffer hat of the two, the one with the circular wire reinforcement. The next step is to really go to town with further weatherproofing because you never know what the elements might throw at you these days, you may suddenly whilst out for an evening stroll or steering your boat along be bombarded by multiple thunderbolts, hailstones as big as footballs, or even have to undergo a red hot meteor shower  or even fierce meteorite bombardments from out of the heavens. So to keep you all snug and safe I suggest the following.

  Place your stiff sun hat on the table. Then nip out to the builders yard and buy a small bag of cement and bag of shingles, be careful of the latter as I believe they're contageous.

     Now get to work by mixing up a runny cement mix and screed your sun hat all over externally with it. Whilst the cement is nice and soft and by using your stoves little coal shovel filled with a load of shingles begin with smart flourishes of the hand to splatter your hat heavily to pebble dash it. If you've flung the pebbles on with all your might they should stay put, stuck and well embedded. Put it aside to dry. Your sun hat is now capable of enduring the very worst of what nature can throw at it.

 We must now carry out the final part of the operation. To adapt the Sunhat into the all weather (Cloakhat).

  From a caravan shop buy a length of small section neat and flexible curtain track, a handful of Swish curtain hooks and hangers and from a bath shop of warehouse a good quality shower curtain.

  Make a circle of curtain track and stick it under your hats rims outer periphery. To this track slide on the Swish curtain slides and to the shower curtain the curly shaped Swish hooks

  Now for the dress rehearsal. In front of a mirror don your Rain hat, give a twirl and admire.  Now comes the full conversion.   Hook up and onto the hat rim track the shower curtain and with a sweeping flourish draw it snugly around yourself and admire, Voila!   The Cloakhat.

    So that you can see where your going with the hatcloak completely enveloping you two eye holes ''in the right place'' need to be made. This is best performed with a red hot poker and by poking it through and wiggling it about to make them eye shaped it will also scorch the holes surrounds with a reinforced brown border.

  So out into the very worst of weathers you can now safely troop, in the knowledge that your wonderful Cloakhat will protect you. smile.png  Cheerybye.




How to make a sun hat.

04 July 2014 - 11:37 AM

For those who suffer from sunstroke or a burnt pate and have perhaps been found collapsed in a gutter somewhere with this malady like I was when a kid.  I was sitting on the kerb digging sun melted tar up off the road with a lolly stick to waterproof the hull of my toy wooden boat which kept on sinking in the bath. I collapsed forwards nose first into the tar all unconkshus like. Luckily this happened outside our pre-fab and my mum saw it happen. She rushed out in a great panic to rescue her Bizzard, carried me indoors, brought me round with cold water and tea, sloshed paraffin upon my tarry hooter and scrubbed it with the floor scrubbing brush, its still feels red raw to this day. However I'm fully recovered now with only one or two abnormalities left over from the ordeal, mental mainly. I still remember it all quite vividly.

  Part two.  How to make the sun hat will follow after I've had lunch folks.

Width wheeze.

01 July 2014 - 04:58 PM

This little wheeze is for folk who, don't know, want to know, don't believe or have been told porky pies concerning the width of there vessel. So here is a very simple, cheap and cheerful way of making a home made boats beam measuring device, without all the expense of fancy electronics or by shooting things like Laser beans all around and about.

The GIANT calliper gauge.

All that's required to knock up your GIANT calliper gauge is as follows;-

 Three lengths of wood of about 4X1/2'',one bit about 7'6'' long and two bits about 6' long.

4 4'' nails, 2 G clamps and one hammer.

 Nail the two 6' long bits of wood end on to each end of the 7'6'' cross beam with one nail each so that they pivot, bang em in hard and bend em over on the back so as to make the pivoting action nice and stiff.

 Bang a nail right through each lower end of the 6' long bits so that the nail points face each other. these are the all important measuring points.

 To use your home made GIANT calliper gauge its best to have a bit of help as obviously the calliper is a bit unwealdly due to its necessary size.  For those who are unpopular and have no mates in this world need not panic, its still quite easy to perform the measurement on your tod with a little thought, intrepidness, sensibility and your are reasonably fit with a good sense of balance, it should not be a problem.

Ok, so with the two G-clamps at the ready held by your mouth, grasp with both hands your calliper gauge and step up onto your cabin roof and stand legs akimbo roughly in the middle with the callipers cross beam resting on your shoulders behind your head like a Dutch milkmaid. Grasp with both hands the side measuring bits that hang down and pull them towards you, bringing the two nails into perfect light contact with your gunwales. Now comes the tricky bit. Gently raise the calliper off the gunwales without shifting the devices pivots which being stiff should stay put. Lay it down on the roof or towpath and bung a G-clamp on at both pivot points for security in case anyone trips or cycles over your device and goes upsets the measurement which will cause you to do it all again.

   Now all there is to do now is to with a tape measure measure between the two nail points and you will be bestowed with and accurate measurement of your boats beam and can defy anyone who thinks its otherwise..

  To measure a hysterical open working type boat or tug where a cabins not in the way you can either stand on the holds floor or again legs akimbo stand by placing a foot on each gunwale to execute the measurement. Also if your boat has two opposite side doors you can perform with a little manipulating of the gauge the measurement in the dry, if it happens to be raining, or out of the sun if you get sunstroke easily.   When measurement is completed bang a load more nails in to retain and save the measurement for future reference and proof of width.

  That's it folks. wacko.png