For those folk who suffer from wonky and painful knees during cold weather.
An easy and cheap way to preserve, coddle and keep yer knees nice and snug.
Whilst boating along you will have noticed among all the other toot lots of plastic footballs merrily floating along, often easily identified by a moorhen or duck sitting on them getting a free ride, which are often in like new condition, as I'm fond of fishing em out for Christmas presents or to put on ebay Two of these plastic orbs are what you need for the knee preservers.
To adapt them for warming the knees two large holes opposite in each ball need to be cut, large enough to poke your feet through and to haul them up thighwards until each ball completely envelopes the knees. An extra small hole now needs to be made at the top of each ball which can be plugged with wine corks or stoppers.
Once the balls are comfortably positioned around the knees they will need sealing, so around the holes where they touch the legs top and bottom, run round them with a good sticky mastic like Sikaflex.
Now for the big test. Put the kettle on and boil up enough water to fill up your balls and pour it in through each filler hole carefully replacing the cork afterwards or it might splash out and scald your legs.
Oooooh!!! isn't that wonderful, swoon in the deep penetrating and soothing heat and feel your old knee cartridges become all glowing with warmth and suppleness, they'll feel like a ten year old's knees once again. They will allow all normal flexibility and movement. If you get funny looks from passers by just paint on them what they are, ''Knee preservation warmers'' and they'll all want them.
You can now hang about on the back of your boat in the freeziest of weather. Also excellent for many kneeling activities in cold weather, like gardening, mending low down things, getting on a level with your pets, praying, especially in cold churches, many uses.
They can also be made to warm elbows too and to sooth complaints like biffed funny bones and brewers elbow.
For those folk with odd long shaped knees I suggest using rugby balls instead.
There you have it folks,''The winter knee preservers''.