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Member Since 06 Jul 2011
Offline Last Active Yesterday, 06:46 PM

Topics I've Started

Tip of the week.

23 September 2014 - 11:46 AM

Use a dog or cats food bowl for eating your cereal, soups, stews or desert. The ones of the anti tip over design that won't spill, like many other stupid types of bowels.

  I share my cat Satchidananders food bowl with him. We use it turn and turn about on a rota system. He eats from it in the mornings and overnight, I eat from it lunch times and evenings. Sometimes when both hungry at the same time we dive in and eat in it together.

   He's become quite partial to porridge, lentil soup, stews, and coco-pops and I just love and can't resist Whiskers, Felix and Go-Kat crunchies. mellow.png


How to make a gun.

22 September 2014 - 11:40 AM

First of all you must collect all the bits to construct your gun. The best places to look is in the high street and gutters, outside pubs and dust bins, that's if you want to make your gun on the cheap, although there is one item which I suggest you buy new and that is a jolly old '' lolly pop'', any lolly pop of your favourite flavour will do as long as it has the standard flat stick. I suggest a Magnum lolly which in our case I think would be most appropriate.

  Secondly a match box and lots of dead matches to be found in said gutters and outside in pub smoking areas. Elastic bands come next. This are found littered about all over the streets, discarded by lazy litterbug postmen or I should say postpersons. You will need a good supply of of these in different sizes as they deteriorate quickly in sunlight, post and cheap elastic bands have a special deteriorant added to keep us buying more of em, so its best to keep em in the dark until needed.

 Constructing your gun;--- Enjoy and suck your lovely lolly away until your just left with its stick. Take up your match box and slide out its drawer. Place a thinnish elastic band around the drawer and slide the drawer back into the sleeve part and pull one end of the elastic band out at one end near the top edge. This band will be the projectile slinger. Now take up your lolly stick ''the trigger'' and place the matchboxes end roughly midway on the flat side of the lolly stick and secure around box and stick with a strongish elastic band. Your gun is now complete and nearly ready for combat. Check its action by holding the gun, lolly stick in your palm, finger curled around the front of the box and squeeze the lower part of the lolly stick when a gap will appear between stick and box, this is the breech of your gun. Now forage around again in gutters ect for your ammunition, lots of spent matches, you can never have enough. When collected break them all in half.

  Firing your gun;---- Take your weapon in one hand and a half matchstick in tother and fit it into the elastic band loop at the front of the box,''the slinger and draw it back over the top to trap it between end of box and lolly stick, a little bit of band selection is needed here to get the right tension so the bullet stays trapped and won't fire off prematurely.

  Once loaded you can now shoot it at something or other by aiming and squeezing the lower part of the lolly stick with your palm and all of a sudden, PIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNG away goes you match bullet at great velocity.

     Now before everyone starts moaning and saying what on earth has THIS nonsense got to do with boats. Well they'd be quite right it hasn't unless you've found a Ship matchbox to make the gun and it won't sink like a real metal one. Making things also keeps folk living on boats active and helps prevent boredom and the possible onset of insanity during the winter months. wacko.png

Pinball bizzard.

17 September 2014 - 07:25 PM

Having just read the thread about the unusual roof vents, I was suddenly struck with an idea, an idea which would help any bored folk to pass the time of day. The idea is the game of Pinball. BRPBB.

 Here's how.

  On the roof.  First of all you would need a boat with the solid type of handrails and not the tubing type or you'll keep losing overboard all yer balls, with plenty of roof protrubrances sticking up like vents, chimneys and stuff for the balls to whizz about and  ricochet off.

 So all you would need to play BRPBB, (boat roof pinball bizzard) is to make a little trigger mechanism. A large shed door sliding bolt with a spring fixed in it would be ideal, its action would be like working a rifle bolt.  Weld this trigger strategically wherever you like. A handful of ball bearings from busted up old ball races can be got from a garage.

  If you have mushroom vents remove one and the hole left can be a goal  ''a win''when a ball plops down it. A bucket or someone with wide open mouth sitting inside beneath the hole can be positioned to catch them.

Rain water drain gaps in the side handrails will be a nuisance so I'd block em up to save keep losing your balls overboard, or keep a magnet handy.

 Endless, happy and exhorbing hours of fun should be had with this game as you can place all manner of different obstacles in different positions and angles, even weld extra bits of old scrap metal  higgle-de-piggle-de all over the roof giving your balls different and more interesting routes to follow as they hit and bounce off things and making it easier or harder to score goals down the vent hole. Lots of strategic placing of obstacles, experimentation with ball inertia, weight of balls, inclines and how hard you ping the ball with the trigger, all sorts of permutations to experiment with.  It could even become and Olympic sport. well they play bows and arrows and guns so why not BRPBB.

Tip of the week.

08 September 2014 - 10:11 AM

Uttlesford borough council recycling centre tip Dunmow rd  B.Stortford is too far from the bloomin river. So don't bother with it unless you have a vehicle. closedeyes.gif

Tip of the week.

03 September 2014 - 12:15 PM

For those of you who worry about having your boat stolen. If you leave your ship unattended whilst off shopping or in the pub ect ect, either take your lock windlasses with you or hide them somewhere secret.Burying them on the bankside away from your boat is good, dig em up on your way back.  Your boat won't go any further than the next lock either way unless of course some goon or other locks it through or the thief has the brains to bring along their own windlass, (fairly unlikely). closedeyes.gif