Jump to content

Is there such a thing as canal world dating

hubble1974

By hubble1974
in General Boating

 Share

Featured Posts

luctor et emergo Veteran II

luctor et emergo

Posted
Posted

Content to do what exactly?

 

I'm sitting at home not plotting, not scheming and not seething just sad as to why so many men seem so bitter. Not all of us women are users and abusers. You're just not looking in the right places and, it seems to me, you're walking into any potential relationships with the wrong attitude. It takes time and patience to build up a meaningful relationship and implicit in that is some form of respect. I haven't noticed much of that in your comments so far in this thread - no wonder so many seem to fall at the first hurdle. Have any of you considered that you may possibly not be love's young dream anymore? Sometimes a healthy dose of humour and small amount of self-knowledge might just help. What are women looking for? Not much really, just someone who's kind, open and funny and who likes to share. Easy really.

 

I should really butt out now, but I have been really good lately, and am currently enjoying a bottle of Glenmorangie (whilst packing the last bits for tomorrow's move...).

 

Content to do what exactly?

To sit quietly doing bugger all, without having to justify it. To not have conversations which go on and on, and on (that is what the pub is for, not the home), jabbering on about anything and everything, getting worked up about things beyond your control. To use the phone simply to arrange a meeting, rather than having the meeting over the phone.

 

Not all of us women are users and abusers.

Of course not, but unfortunately, the good girls are spoken for, and I tend to attract the lunatic fringe. O.k., that says as much about me, as about the women involved, but there you go.

 

You're just not looking in the right places and, it seems to me, you're walking into any potential relationships with the wrong attitude. It takes time and patience to build up a meaningful relationship and implicit in that is some form of respect. I haven't noticed much of that in your comments so far in this thread - no wonder so many seem to fall at the first hurdle. Have any of you considered that you may possibly not be love's young dream anymore? Sometimes a healthy dose of humour and small amount of self-knowledge might just help.

Sooo, were to look? The pub? The Library? The canal bank? Yes, you are right, I did walk into my relationships with the wrong attitude. I walk in, expecting as much as giving, sharing my time, money, and doing my fair share of the housework, and child care (I work 11 hour nights, she works part-time days. I pick the little one up from school, cook, do a bit of cleaning, bit of the washing. Ohh, and if my nights off are during the week, I also take the little one to school. But that is only fair, it is sooo hard for the OH, having to go to work every day, never being home... yawn..). In return, I get told at every opportunity, that I am a lazy sod, who never does anything around the house. She on the other hand, makes a HUGE sacrefice, by dragging heself to a few hours work every day. Ohh, and before you ask, no, she does not get up early and do the homework or shopping before she goes to work.

Now being the stoic kind of Aquarius that I am, I could put up with that (water of a ducks back, making the best of what live trows me etc..), but no, even that was not enough, and now she decided that she wants to be without me. So luckily, I have in the mean time bought a boat, and rather than busting my guts 11 hours a night for some fat corporate prat driving a merc, I will go and work for myself, on the boat. It will still be hard work, It will be cold, wet, and at times thoroughly miserable. But I will be standing on my own boat, working when I will, and parking up when I will. It will be bliss. And peacefull, because it will be just me.

 

What are women looking for? Not much really, just someone who's kind, open and funny and who likes to share. Easy really.

Well, I don't like to blow my own trumpet, but I am kind, open, sometimes funny, and I like to share. But still that was not enough. Or do you require the bloke to forgo his own life completly, and can bare it not if he has even a small part of of his life that is not entirely devoted to you? Just asking, as every time I did want to do something for myself, it was made pretty clear, that it was rather selfish of me, to want to spend time for me. After all , she was always at work, had no time for herself.. blah blah etc..

 

 

My my, is that the time? I think I'll go for a wee top-up. Early start tomorrow, packing, and moving. Not my move you know. I'm helping her moving. I can't go and sort out my boat at the moment, because that would be unreasonably selfish of me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Ange Veteran

Ange

Posted
Posted

Luctor - you're obviously in a bad place right now - you have my commiserations. But Wriggly was just pointing out that all us ladies aren't scheming witches - you've been very unlucky in your choices but please don't brand us as nasty because of that. I've heard equally unpleasant tales from ladies with unreasonably, sometimes violent exes - I have a cousin who is a very forthright independent woman but ended up believing she deserved the regular beatings she received from her husband.

 

Some women are nasty, some men are nasty - we're all people.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
wrigglefingers Experienced

wrigglefingersDonate to Canal World

Posted
Posted (edited)

I should really butt out now, but I have been really good lately, and am currently enjoying a bottle of Glenmorangie (whilst packing the last bits for tomorrow's move...).

 

Content to do what exactly?

To sit quietly doing bugger all, without having to justify it. To not have conversations which go on and on, and on (that is what the pub is for, not the home), jabbering on about anything and everything, getting worked up about things beyond your control. To use the phone simply to arrange a meeting, rather than having the meeting over the phone.

 

Not all of us women are users and abusers.

Of course not, but unfortunately, the good girls are spoken for, and I tend to attract the lunatic fringe. O.k., that says as much about me, as about the women involved, but there you go.

 

You're just not looking in the right places and, it seems to me, you're walking into any potential relationships with the wrong attitude. It takes time and patience to build up a meaningful relationship and implicit in that is some form of respect. I haven't noticed much of that in your comments so far in this thread - no wonder so many seem to fall at the first hurdle. Have any of you considered that you may possibly not be love's young dream anymore? Sometimes a healthy dose of humour and small amount of self-knowledge might just help.

Sooo, were to look? The pub? The Library? The canal bank? Yes, you are right, I did walk into my relationships with the wrong attitude. I walk in, expecting as much as giving, sharing my time, money, and doing my fair share of the housework, and child care (I work 11 hour nights, she works part-time days. I pick the little one up from school, cook, do a bit of cleaning, bit of the washing. Ohh, and if my nights off are during the week, I also take the little one to school. But that is only fair, it is sooo hard for the OH, having to go to work every day, never being home... yawn..). In return, I get told at every opportunity, that I am a lazy sod, who never does anything around the house. She on the other hand, makes a HUGE sacrefice, by dragging heself to a few hours work every day. Ohh, and before you ask, no, she does not get up early and do the homework or shopping before she goes to work.

Now being the stoic kind of Aquarius that I am, I could put up with that (water of a ducks back, making the best of what live trows me etc..), but no, even that was not enough, and now she decided that she wants to be without me. So luckily, I have in the mean time bought a boat, and rather than busting my guts 11 hours a night for some fat corporate prat driving a merc, I will go and work for myself, on the boat. It will still be hard work, It will be cold, wet, and at times thoroughly miserable. But I will be standing on my own boat, working when I will, and parking up when I will. It will be bliss. And peacefull, because it will be just me.

 

What are women looking for? Not much really, just someone who's kind, open and funny and who likes to share. Easy really.

Well, I don't like to blow my own trumpet, but I am kind, open, sometimes funny, and I like to share. But still that was not enough. Or do you require the bloke to forgo his own life completly, and can bare it not if he has even a small part of of his life that is not entirely devoted to you? Just asking, as every time I did want to do something for myself, it was made pretty clear, that it was rather selfish of me, to want to spend time for me. After all , she was always at work, had no time for herself.. blah blah etc..

 

 

My my, is that the time? I think I'll go for a wee top-up. Early start tomorrow, packing, and moving. Not my move you know. I'm helping her moving. I can't go and sort out my boat at the moment, because that would be unreasonably selfish of me.

 

Okay, Henk, I guess you didn't see my edit and I suppose I deserve to have your howl of rage directed at me. Go ahead - you'll just join the rest. It's just I sit here, at 49, having been left in the past with a four year old, beaten to a pulp and told by the police to leave my home and my job because there's sod all they can do about it. And do you know what? I was stupid enough enough to try again with someone who wanted me to be his late wife. So that wasn't ever going to work either as I'm not tall, willowy and blonde and take exception to being called stupid regularly.

 

I guess that makes me any of things that you and others have stated about single women - I must not be one of the 'good' ones. And do you know what? I have enough self-respect to get very angry about it. You're not the only person round here who's been hurt but some of us are happy to get on with it and not denigrate the opposite sex. I know that there are kind and gentle men out there and for all I know, you may be one of them. I won't know until I meet you, in fact none of the single women will know until we meet you and then we'll draw our own conclusions independent of what decision you may have formed of us prior to that.

Edited by wrigglefingers
  • Greenie 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
sociable_hermit Experienced

sociable_hermit

Posted
Posted

One of the reasons dating in middle age is so difficult is because you've had all of the romance and idealism knocked out of you by previous break-ups. But "emotional baggage" is just another term for experience. When you do meet the right person, you'll have a much better chance of realising it this time around. It isn't all bad, as some are suggesting.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
luctor et emergo Veteran II

luctor et emergo

Posted
Posted

Okay, Henk, I guess you didn't see my edit and I suppose I deserve to have your howl of rage directed at me. Go ahead - you'll just join the rest. It's just I sit here, at 49, having been left in the past with a four year old, beaten to a pulp and told by the police to leave my home and my job because there's sod all they can do about it. And do you know what? I was stupid enough enough to try again with someone who wanted me to be his late wife. So that wasn't ever going to work either as I'm not tall, willowy and blonde and take exception to being called stupid regularly.

 

I guess that makes me any of things that you and others have stated about single women - I must not be one of the 'good' ones. And do you know what? I have enough self-respect to get very angry about it. You're not the only person round here who's been hurt but some of us are happy to get on with it and not denigrate the opposite sex. I know that there are kind and gentle men out there and for all I know, you may be one of them. I won't know until I meet you, in fact none of the single women will know until we meet you and then we'll draw our own conclusions independent of what decision you may have formed of us prior to that.

 

Nahh, Jill, no worries, I didn't take it personal, I know what you mean, nor was my reply meant to be directed directly at you. The 'you', as I used it, was refering to the general sisterhood... ;)

It is frustrating though, after having tried to be "kind, open, funny, sharing, etc" (and in more than one relationship), and still it is not enough. And whilst on the one hand I'm glad that the relationship I'm currently in is coming to an end, the fact that my daugther is going to get hurt takes all the shine off the new opportunities that are on the horizon. But, such is life, and we can but play along with it..

 

I'm still going to stay single though... :P

Link to comment
Share on other sites
wrigglefingers Experienced

wrigglefingersDonate to Canal World

Posted
Posted

One of the reasons dating in middle age is so difficult is because you've had all of the romance and idealism knocked out of you by previous break-ups. But "emotional baggage" is just another term for experience. When you do meet the right person, you'll have a much better chance of realising it this time around. It isn't all bad, as some are suggesting.

 

I think you're right in all respects but one, and one of the reasons why I object to some of the pejorative language used in this thread is because it causes attitudes to be reinforced and harden. Of the many reasons why I've been mistreated in the past is because I allowed it to happen. I've recognised that and it's made me a stronger person because I can recognise the patterns of behaviour in myself. But I don't expect to see patterns of behaviour in others because that leads down a potentially false path.

 

Where I disagree is that I still think that romance and idealism have a place. Perhaps that's where I'm going wrong?

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Ange Veteran

Ange

Posted
Posted (edited)

I think you're right in all respects but one, and one of the reasons why I object to some of the pejorative language used in this thread is because it causes attitudes to be reinforced and harden. Of the many reasons why I've been mistreated in the past is because I allowed it to happen. I've recognised that and it's made me a stronger person because I can recognise the patterns of behaviour in myself. But I don't expect to see patterns of behaviour in others because that leads down a potentially false path.

 

Where I disagree is that I still think that romance and idealism have a place. Perhaps that's where I'm going wrong?

 

Look at Cheshire Rose & Postcode Jill - it still happens, even for middle aged folk :hug:

 

eek - will Jan kill me for calling her middle aged!

Edited by Ange
Link to comment
Share on other sites
wrigglefingers Experienced

wrigglefingersDonate to Canal World

Posted
Posted

Nahh, Jill, no worries, I didn't take it personal, I know what you mean, nor was my reply meant to be directed directly at you. The 'you', as I used it, was refering to the general sisterhood... ;)

It is frustrating though, after having tried to be "kind, open, funny, sharing, etc" (and in more than one relationship), and still it is not enough. And whilst on the one hand I'm glad that the relationship I'm currently in is coming to an end, the fact that my daugther is going to get hurt takes all the shine off the new opportunities that are on the horizon. But, such is life, and we can but play along with it..

 

I'm still going to stay single though... :P

 

It's okay, I think you must have touched something of a raw nerve really, I've never really understood why my relationships broke down either, although as I said to Hermit, at least I have an insight into some of it.

 

I can tell you that Ellen has survived it all brilliantly and is her own, complete and funny person so I don't think the whole messy business wrecked her life. Children are remarkably adept at dealing with it all although I worked very hard to ensure that she had very good and lengthy contact with her dad especially when he moved to Denmark. She became a very seasoned traveller and amassed quite a stock of air miles - well, enough to take us to the Netherlands almost as regularly! The resolution came through mediation in the end and we found it remarkably easy to agree a care pattern even though Ellen's dad did move countries. I am very proud of Ellen and it's testament to her strength of character that she's as brilliant as she is. I am sure that your daughter will come through it fine. Try very hard to stay in touch with her at all costs and be an advocate for her rights not necessarily your own. That's what I achieved for Ellen, it was an almighty struggle at times and I had to examine everything I said or did to make sure it was in her interests not my sense of loss or spite.

 

Go gracefully - you have my best wishes for what they're worth ...

 

eek - will Jan kill me for calling her middle aged!

 

It's a good job you're at the other end of the country and Jan is on holiday that's all I can say :cheers:

Link to comment
Share on other sites
sociable_hermit Experienced

sociable_hermit

Posted
Posted

I think you're right in all respects but one, and one of the reasons why I object to some of the pejorative language used in this thread is because it causes attitudes to be reinforced and harden. Of the many reasons why I've been mistreated in the past is because I allowed it to happen. I've recognised that and it's made me a stronger person because I can recognise the patterns of behaviour in myself. But I don't expect to see patterns of behaviour in others because that leads down a potentially false path.

 

Where I disagree is that I still think that romance and idealism have a place. Perhaps that's where I'm going wrong?

Well, I guess it works both ways. Experience can be good if it enables us to make better decisions. There's certainly nothing wrong with having some standards, and a little bit of romance and idealism is good. I suppose I meant 'naivety' really. We're making more informed choices as we go through life. However if your experiences have been mainly bad ones then, yes, I suppose that experience merely teaches us to mistrust everyone and be bitter. That in turn can prevent good things from happening, where once there might have been a chance. But things change over time and I also think that people need to be in the right place themselves before they can be happy with anyone else. Which is an easy thing to say but a very difficult one to gauge.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
wrigglefingers Experienced

wrigglefingersDonate to Canal World

Posted
Posted

Well, I guess it works both ways. Experience can be good if it enables us to make better decisions. There's certainly nothing wrong with having some standards, and a little bit of romance and idealism is good. I suppose I meant 'naivety' really. We're making more informed choices as we go through life. However if your experiences have been mainly bad ones then, yes, I suppose that experience merely teaches us to mistrust everyone and be bitter. That in turn can prevent good things from happening, where once there might have been a chance. But things change over time and I also think that people need to be in the right place themselves before they can be happy with anyone else. Which is an easy thing to say but a very difficult one to gauge.

 

Agreed! I think that's often why it's triumph of hope over experience or in Churchill's famous word 'Keep Buggering On' although in this context maybe that's not quite so apposite!

  • Greenie 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
magpie patrick Veteran II

magpie patrickDonate to Canal World

Posted
Posted

Can I just say that, knowing both Wrigglefingers and Luctor, I'm glad you both managed to come out of that agreeing with each other in the end. You are both our friends, and both of you are mature people who've come though difficult times that I can personally relate to with an element of "been there, seen it". One word of warning to Luctor, I too resolved that never again would I get into a proper relationship... Now I'm married to Val, who is everything that you're asking for, but hands off, she's spoken for

Link to comment
Share on other sites
twocvbloke Rising Star

twocvbloke

Posted
Posted

The only problem I have is that women just don't talk to me, in a "I want to start a relationship" way that is, and before you say anything, I tend to keep the thing about vacuum collecting private, just incase... :lol:

 

I try, but to no avail... :(

 

But it's not the be all and end all of life being single, it's just that women have some "qualities" that us men can't replicate on our own... :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites
wrigglefingers Experienced

wrigglefingersDonate to Canal World

Posted
Posted

I wonder if the young men were canvassed for their opinions first......

 

 

It's about time someone set up a dating banter.........

 

Dating banter! It'd be an outrage! As banters go the current form in Planet Banter is this ...

 

The singletons array themselves on either side of the room eyeing each up suspiciously trying to work out who will make the first move of any kind and what that will actually mean in the subsequently court hearing that will be the only outcome from any kind of liaison ...

 

Only joking, we're a pleasant, if opinionated, group and we do like to buy each other beeer without fear of complication although in Jan and Postcodes' case it did get a little more involved ... Personally for me, it's a worry and stress-free occasion where I can talk absolute and slightly drunken drollocks mainly about boats and boating.

 

Mind you, anything's gotta be better than the horrid experience that the speed 'dating' (although as Ellen pointed out, with bedrooms available, it was more like speed mating) we witnessed at pub outside Knutsford one Saturday evening a few years ago. Nothing would induce me to do that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
twbm Experienced

twbm

Posted
Posted (edited)

To go back to the altered signs portion of the thread - our local Contabulary had 'Working together for a safer community' written across the bonnets of the cars. The locals soon clocked that ten seconds with a red marker pen changed the 'or' in working to 'an'.

 

Don't know any of the individuals on here who have been so honest about their failed relationships but having read all the thread really hope you all find happiness or stay happy depending on where you are at the moment. Mrs twbm and I have been together 30 years, which is 29.5 more than our friends gave us. Buggered if I know what we do to make it work but it does - that's not to say we haven't had occasions when we've seriously wondered if men and women are actually aliens from different planets brought together by accident.

Edited by twbm
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share
Go to topic listing

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.