WHHEEEZZE of the week

[bizzard]

For all those boaters who suffer from cold feet in the winter, here is a good wheeze to keep em nice and warm.

As on boats they are often cold at floor level and warm or very warm at ceiling level which only keeps your head warm if your kept stood up while your feet freeze, but of course if you happen to be a bit of a gymnast like old Trixie the phutt-phutt tube dancer was you might be able to hand-stand or stand on your head for a long enough period to warm up the old plates of meat.

This gave me a bit of a problem to solve and my first thought and plan was to close all windows and doors and quickly roll your boat upside down so that the heat was then at foot level when standing on the ceiling but your head would then get too cold being near the floor above, but of course this little bit of foot warming would be very short lived as the heat will rapidly rise up to the floor and you'd be back to square one ''cold feet'',plus it would be a bit of a messy operation with all your crockery busting and all the problems caused by inverting a boat, all a bit like the suspense movie ''Posieden adventure'',so for those reasons i rejected that idea.

So, after all that wasted thinking i've thought of a better idea without all the potential problems and mess which would make you tired and mad and make you wish you'd got frostbite and gangrene in the toes instead after all and done with it.

The second plan involves a spot of shopping at a boot sale or if your flush a retail shop, when it comes down to it most people would chuck in their life savings to have warm feet, so its worth throwing some money at a good foot warming remedy.

I'm running all this off the page here and am worried about swiping across the cancel button and wiping it all off which i did do once and had to begin all over again, so i will explain my plan in part 2 on a fresh page in a minute. TTFN, bizzard.

Edited September 6, 2012 by bizzard

[johnmck]

As mad as a bucket of fish. Love your Whheeezzes Bizz.

[GoodGurl]

Hurry up, the suspense is killing me.

[AliG]

and me, my feet are cold already don't have to wait for winter!

[bizzard]

Okay okay folks.

My second plan is as follows.

As i've already mentioned visiting a car boot sale or electrical shop and buy two large ''Irons'' the ones you iron clothes with. Of course they don't sell these things in foot sizes or right and left shapes either, why i don't know, ridiculous init.

Anyway take a seat, remove your shoes and dispatch the assistant to fetch over the full range of different sized irons and get them to hold em up to your soles to get nice fitting sizes. The shape of irons is quite nice and boaty too don't you think?.

Now run in glee back to your boat where a little bit of conversion can be carried out in comfort.

First of all bust off the plastic handle and water tank, if you've paid more and bought a steam iron and bin em as all you require will be the boaty shaped iron part and the electrics.

On the top of these iron plates should be the stuck down heating element with a couple of wires sticking out. Over this element stick oven foil with glue and trim around neatly with a razor-blade and onto these lovingly prepared foil plinths stick down your favorite and most comfy carpet slippers or shoes with more glue, (Note);- All this glue really needs to be of a non-flammable type.

All you have to deal with now is a bit of simple electrical work. Twist onto the two bits of element wires from both irons a four foot or so length of twin flex ''no need to bother about any fancy frills like earth wires'' insulating the joins with insulting tape or if you've run out, postage stamps will do, just as long as they're kept separate, that's all.

Now you can knock up out of say an old baccy tin a remote control box with the irons two heat adjustment rheostats and knobs fixed to it and connecting all four wires in their respective pairs up to the four wires from the elements.

We're nearly there now but don't start getting impatient and start botching anything cos don't forget your dealing with potentially dangerous electric here,''health n safety'' and all that.

Right. Get another long length of electrical flex, the old twisted fabric covered stuff is much more pleasant to handle and look at than the modern plastic covered offerings of today i think and wire it into your hand held remote control box and stick a mains plug on the other end, chucking out the fuse and replacing it with a cut down 6'' nail this is to prevent your foot heaters shutting orf in the event of a short circuit and your feet getting cold as a result and the possibility of the onset of frostbite raising its ugly head again.

Well i think i've covered all the ins and outs of making these foot warmers and have made all the safety measures that you need to take quite clear i hope, so its now time for plugging em in and test warming up your tootsies.

Note;--- If you happen to be the proud owner of more than two feet go out and buy more irons as required.

Keep warm this winter folks. bizzard.

 

Edited to correct grammar and punctuation.

Edited September 6, 2012 by bizzard

[Peter-Bullfinch]

Are you making a pair for Gibbo for Christmas?

[Tuscan]

Are you making a pair for Gibbo for Christmas?

 

 

And one for Fortunata !!

[bizzard]

As mad as a bucket of fish. Love your Whheeezzes Bizz.

Thanks.

 

Are you making a pair for Gibbo for Christmas?

As long as he follows my instructions carefully he might be able to knock up a pair that work.

 

And one for Fortunata !!

Ah yes this one could be right up his feet.

[johnmck]

Bizz. If I were you, I would keep looking over your shoulder. Them men in white coats know about you!

[AliG]

Bizz, where can I get a baccy tin from? Last one I saw was in me Dad's shed full of nuts and bolts.

 

 

 

Love it!!

[bizzard]

Bizz. If I were you, I would keep looking over your shoulder. Them men in white coats know about you!

That reminds me i'm working on a new type of straight-jacket that doubles as a life jackets for saving lunatics.

[johnmck]

That reminds me i'm working on a new type of straight-jacket that doubles as a life jackets for saving lunatics.

 

Appropriate or what!

[bizzard]

Bizz, where can I get a baccy tin from? Last one I saw was in me Dad's shed full of nuts and bolts.

 

 

 

Love it!!

I still have loads of em with bits in. If you can't find one for the remote control i can dispatch one to you.

[GoodGurl]

nice if you knit covers for them

[bizzard]

nice if you knit covers for them

They're nice, some of them are iron shaped too or designed for folk with mixed up toes and with the big toe bang in the middle of each foot.

[cl@rkey]

Keep warm this winter folks. bizzard.

With some fancy footwork, could you also iron clothes - two sets at a time? Perhaps adopting a cross-country skiing technique?

 

Fit little side tank reservoirs and a steam button under your big toe (to save making the remote control overly complex) and you're then able to tackle those really stubborn creases. You can also warm up Satchinanda in an enjoyable jet of hot steam with a mere flick of your toe. Might make the fur frizz a bit, but your new footwear can straighten out the problem (although you might want to use your lowest heat setting here). 

[nb Innisfree]

Or you could mount your chair on a pivot to coincide with your centre of gravity when sat down then you could easily rotate youself to place your feet on the ceiling for a while, best when the adverts come on as they are on for a long time, enough to warm your feet. A suitable lap strap would be needed of course, probably find one at an aircraft breakers.

 

ETA: if you want to stay inverted for longer a TV mounted upside down at the other end of the saloon would do the job.

Edited September 6, 2012 by nb Innisfree

[bizzard]

With some fancy footwork, could you also iron clothes - two sets at a time? Perhaps adopting a cross-country skiing technique?

 

Fit little side tank reservoirs and a steam button under your big toe (to save making the remote control overly complex) and you're then able to tackle those really stubborn creases. You can also warm up Satchinanda in an enjoyable jet of hot steam with a mere flick of your toe. Might make the fur frizz a bit, but your new footwear can straighten out the problem (although you might want to use your lowest heat setting here). 

Yes ironing clothes spread out on the floor two footedly is a good idea, adopting the proper knock knee'd skiers stance.

Could retain the steam tank but it would be a bit uncomfortable under foot.

If Satchidanander so much as see's me clonking about in em he'd run away.

Another use for them is for when entertaining and feeding guests. If you lie on your back on the floor, legs raised up with the hot iron soles uppermost they can be used by someone as Griddles for cooking Burgers and sausages on.

[bizzard]

Or you could mount your chair on a pivot to coincide with your centre of gravity when sat down then you could easily rotate youself to place your feet on the ceiling for a while, best when the adverts come on as they are on for a long time, enough to warm your feet. A suitable lap strap would be needed of course, probably find one at an aircraft breakers.

 

ETA: if you want to stay inverted for longer a TV mounted upside down at the other end of the saloon would do the job.

A block and tackle could be suspended from the ceiling, hooked to a chain around your ankles so as to hoist yourself upside down feet first up to the ceiling and just dangle there warming your feet whilst watching the turned upside down telly to match the mood.

[Ray T]

A block and tackle could be suspended from the ceiling, hooked to a chain around your ankles so as to hoist yourself upside down feet first up to the ceiling and just dangle there warming your feet whilst watching the turned upside down telly to match the mood.

 

Or with your ingenuity I'm sure you could adapt one of these:

 

 

 

and still remain fairly comfy.

 

 

[bizzard]

Or with your ingenuity I'm sure you could adapt one of these:

 

 

 

and still remain fairly comfy.

Now that has great potential Rayt. I have an old tea chest somewhere i could adapt.

[cl@rkey]

Another use for them is for when entertaining and feeding guests. If you lie on your back on the floor, legs raised up with the hot iron soles uppermost they can be used by someone as Griddles for cooking Burgers and sausages on.

One foot cooking, the other warming plates maybe?

 

With your lifejacket/straitjacket idea, will real loonies be used in testing? And is CWDF being looked at for potential test subjects?

[bizzard]

One foot cooking, the other warming plates maybe?

 

With your lifejacket/straitjacket idea, will real loonies be used in testing? And is CWDF being looked at for potential test subjects?

Good idea that. And yes i've got my eye on 13,494 of em as potential test specimens.

[nbfiresprite]

All inventors should test their handy-work on themselves first.