Woman on board <_<

[blackrose]

Hi all

 

I am just about to forfeit my freedom and install a woman on board. On top of the usual issues, I can foresee some specific boaty ones about to arise: read, a lot of things and systems that were absolutely fine and dandy by my male standards are likely not to meet her approval

 

1-women need fridges.

My battery bank and 12vfridge dont get along, so I dont bother with it. I suspect my batteries are now shot due to a combination of age and poor maintenance.

 

On the battery front, I have joned Vince's waiting list, which leaves me with the issue of replenishing charge.

I am planning on investing in 1 or 2 100w solar panels to help with battery life.

I have a heavy duty alternator but typically only cruise every 2 weeks. So I am hoping not to have to resort to fossil power every day

 

2- women have hair

I dont expect the 12v system to be sufficient on account of the woman having a very large flock of long curly hair... she needs to use a 2000w hairdryer for 20mn at a time... every day.and am considering getting a geny. This leaves two options, namely

 

-petrol - which has to be run from the bank and means carrying fuel/having fuel cans lying around... cheaper to buy, smaller, quieter...?

 

Diesel - runs on red, therefore cheaper to run and can run inside the engine room, but presumably heavier vibey, louder etc?

 

You've forgotten about all those extra elsan or pump-out runs you're going to have to make. Women like filling up holding tanks.

[Djuwenda]

You've forgotten about all those extra elsan or pump-out runs you're going to have to make. Women like filling up holding tanks.

 

I wasnt going to point that out...

Being at work all day and in the pub at the week ends, it can take me weeks to fill a cassette, it now looks like it will become a daily occurence.

 

thanks for the tip radio mariner, I wouldnt have thought of pointing that one out either.

[Mick_B]

I find dreadlocks very accommodating...

So does the wildlife...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

sorry Dan

[Giggetty]

Hi all

 

I am just about to forfeit my freedom and install a woman on board. On top of the usual issues, I can foresee some specific boaty ones about to arise: read, a lot of things and systems that were absolutely fine and dandy by my male standards are likely not to meet her approval

 

1-women need fridges.

My battery bank and 12vfridge dont get along, so I dont bother with it. I suspect my batteries are now shot due to a combination of age and poor maintenance.

 

On the battery front, I have joned Vince's waiting list, which leaves me with the issue of replenishing charge.

I am planning on investing in 1 or 2 100w solar panels to help with battery life.

I have a heavy duty alternator but typically only cruise every 2 weeks. So I am hoping not to have to resort to fossil power every day

 

2- women have hair

I dont expect the 12v system to be sufficient on account of the woman having a very large flock of long curly hair... she needs to use a 2000w hairdryer for 20mn at a time... every day.and am considering getting a geny. This leaves two options, namely

 

-petrol - which has to be run from the bank and means carrying fuel/having fuel cans lying around... cheaper to buy, smaller, quieter...?

 

Diesel - runs on red, therefore cheaper to run and can run inside the engine room, but presumably heavier vibey, louder etc?

1.Diaphragm shower pump-other sort gets hair blockage

2.They're always complaining of cold-so adequate heating

3. Storage space-they have an incredible amount of clothing

[Tim Doran]

3. Storage space-they have an incredible amount of clothing

 

But hopfully some it is more revealing than the clothes I wear

[Djuwenda]

1.Diaphragm shower pump-other sort gets hair blockage

2.They're always complaining of cold-so adequate heating

3. Storage space-they have an incredible amount of clothing

 

ooh, look a bloke, and somehow back on topic...

 

Cheers for that!

 

 

Diaphragm pump in place already, would not be without one!

added large mirror in bathroom

another on in living room

freed storage space and in the process of creating quite a bit more.

 

cant do much about the cold to be honest... my boat is rather warm though and there is always jumpers, scarves, capucinos and sex to help keep warm.

 

so yeah, I am just left now with need to #

-increase both my 12v capacity so we can have a fridge.

-sort out some way of coping with temprory high power requirements - hairdrier namely

-increased holding capacity for the toilet, beed to get more cassettes really.

[Proper Job]

Does she have a black bottom?

[Djuwenda]

Does she have a black bottom?

she is dark skinned, but I feel this is probably more suitable to the pub than it is to "equipment" forum dont you think?

[Dekazer]

1.Diaphragm shower pump-other sort gets hair blockage

2.They're always complaining of cold-so adequate heating

3. Storage space-they have an incredible amount of clothing

 

I resemble that remark! Although my other half retaliates with 3 guitars, a bass amp, an enormous stereo (complete with surround sound speakers) and a CD collection that boggles me.

 

And he gets the chair nearest the fire - I have no idea how he does it!*

 

*I do, but it's mushy and NSFpublic consumption

[nb Innisfree]

Paying for sex?

 

Are you kidding?

 

Why?

 

Most of us pay for it one way or another.

[twbm]

You may well have seen this, but I was reminded of it:

 

Dear Tech Support:

 

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up

a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Pokernight 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall does not work on this program.

Can you help me, please!!!

Thanks, A TROUBLED USER

 

Dear TROUBLED USER:

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge

the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under "Warnings-Child Support". I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. I suggest installing background application program C:\YES DEAR to alleviate software augmentation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. In any case avoid excessive use of YES DEAR because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. -- I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0. Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck.

Tech Support

[mikevye]

You could try it the other way round if you want to like I did. Have a purpose designed boat specifically for two people with every conceivable extra to smooth away lifes problems. She who used to have to be behaved decides to get pregnant. boat not compatible with bringing up resulting offspring (adam he's brill) and moves back on dry land. Captain conrete is now living onboard on his lonesome wondering where it all went wrong!! Next time I think off getting married I'm going to find someone I really hate then give them a house cutting out all the crap inbetween.

[magnetman]

You may well have seen this, but I was reminded of it:

 

Dear Tech Support:

 

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up

a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Pokernight 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall does not work on this program.

Can you help me, please!!!

Thanks, A TROUBLED USER

 

Dear TROUBLED USER:

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge

the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under "Warnings-Child Support". I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. I suggest installing background application program C:\YES DEAR to alleviate software augmentation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. In any case avoid excessive use of YES DEAR because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. -- I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0. Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck.

Tech Support

 

 

 

thanks for a good laugh in times of stress

[blueprince]

Installing a woman is a tricky business, but it is essential that you remember, screws, NOT nails.

[Lewis 53]

You may well have seen this, but I was reminded of it:

 

Dear Tech Support:

 

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up

a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Pokernight 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall does not work on this program.

Can you help me, please!!!

Thanks, A TROUBLED USER

 

Dear TROUBLED USER:

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge

the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under "Warnings-Child Support". I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. I suggest installing background application program C:\YES DEAR to alleviate software augmentation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. In any case avoid excessive use of YES DEAR because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. -- I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0. Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck.

Tech Support

 

Not seen this before. Brilliant!

[Natalie Graham]

3. Storage space-they have an incredible amount of clothing

 

Problem easily solved as superstition says that a woman on board a vessel will make the seas angry while a naked woman on board will calm the sea.

[Amduck]

You could try it the other way round if you want to like I did. Have a purpose designed boat specifically for two people with every conceivable extra to smooth away lifes problems. She who used to have to be behaved decides to get pregnant. boat not compatible with bringing up resulting offspring (adam he's brill) and moves back on dry land. Captain conrete is now living onboard on his lonesome wondering where it all went wrong!! Next time I think off getting married I'm going to find someone I really hate then give them a house cutting out all the crap inbetween.

 

 

While I sympathise with your problems I would take issue with the "She.....decides to get pregnant" - Artificial Insemination by Donor was it??

[Chertsey]

Very important, A sign in the loo clearly indicating exactly what may NOT be flushed down!

(Experience dictates)

 

and a reciptacle for such items

A sign? Does he not speak to her?

[jelunga]

A sign? Does he not speak to her?

 

I am sorry to report that not all versions of woman / wife respond correctly to any input from the control programme. Several versions, including my own, when given correcting input, either from the keyboard or from audio input, seem to suddenly develop a disconnection between their audio processors and their central memory. It can also cause significant "out of loop" responses, with core temperatures exceeding that of the sun. There then follows a period of a total lack of response to any input, even a re-boot fails to get any response. The only way to re start the programme is by either gold plating or diamond cutting.

 

Even then, response is often sluggish initially. Personally, I find this programme very difficult to operate without getting the "General Protection Fault" from earlier versions and even a total re-install often fails to cure the problem.

 

Keith

[Tim Doran]

I am sorry to report that not all versions of woman / wife respond correctly to any input from the control programme. Several versions, including my own, when given correcting input, either from the keyboard or from audio input, seem to suddenly develop a disconnection between their audio processors and their central memory. It can also cause significant "out of loop" responses, with core temperatures exceeding that of the sun. There then follows a period of a total lack of response to any input, even a re-boot fails to get any response. The only way to re start the programme is by either gold plating or diamond cutting.

 

Even then, response is often sluggish initially. Personally, I find this programme very difficult to operate without getting the "General Protection Fault" from earlier versions and even a total re-install often fails to cure the problem.

 

Keith

 

I have not installed Wife yet, and I am finding that with girlfriend I am getting nonsensical error messages. I have tired searching on user forums for the error code but I am not having any luck. I am worried that I might have got a bootleg copy as finding support for my version is difficult.

 

You say that wife suffers core temperature exceedences, I on the other hand find that girlfriend runs from very cool on a good day to cold or frosty on others. There does not seem to be any control file where I could change the default settings.

 

I have heard that there might be a beta version of wife 1.01 out soon. It is bound to be full of uncoded error traps, but I might give it a go.

[ChrisPy]

You may well have seen this, but I was reminded of it:

 

Dear Tech Support:

 

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up

a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Pokernight 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall does not work on this program.

Can you help me, please!!!

Thanks, A TROUBLED USER

 

Dear TROUBLED USER:

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge

the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under "Warnings-Child Support". I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. I suggest installing background application program C:\YES DEAR to alleviate software augmentation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. In any case avoid excessive use of YES DEAR because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. -- I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0. Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck.

Tech Support

my son's comment is that there should be an additional warning about the possibility of introducing an unwanted virus if you try to install Girlfriend 8.0. I hope that is not the result of bitter experience

[Nine of Hearts]

I have not installed Wife yet...

 

Do not install this software! I was running this alongside Job 1.05 (which is required to support it). After a while I got the add-ons Kid 1.01 and Kid 2.01, which are essentially kind of adventure games which are very time consuming, but most rewarding. However, as I was running Job 1.05, Wife 1.01 surripticiously uninstalled itself and transferred its licence to another operating system. After this I was no longer able to play with Kid 1.01 and Kid 2.01 either, but due to not reading the small print, I still have to pay for the support of all three apps.

 

If you wish to have a go on the Kids apps, there are plenty of copies of this lying around unwanted, I would suggest picking up one of those. If you've got job 1.01 installed, you'll need something to support this app, but Au Pair 2.01 is far less troublesome and expensive than Wife 1.01.

[Grace and Favour]

I believe that an answer to all the frustrated operators and would be operators of the Wife 1.01>, Girlfriend 1.01>, Mother-in-Law 2.01> (Mother-in-Law1.01 is simply too unreliable to contemplate) and the various Kid versions . . .

 

. . is not to use any of them whatsoever - they are all simply too unreliable and memory-hogging (as those whom have insufficient memory will readily concur)

 

Get a copy of 'Kindred Spirit' (Very hard to find but well worth it)

I've had no problems whatsoever with mine