I once saw a US serviceman brief a British General and use most of the terms above and a few more. At the end of this piece of information there was a pause whereupon the General said:
"What does that actually mean?"
The American chap, somewhat forlornly, replied: "I don't know, Sir, I just read it out."
"I see," replied the General, "Don't bother coming again!"
Daniel Charles' current picnic based drivel surrounds what you would miss most about the canals... implying it will go if you don't cough-up. Seems to me that a good deal of maintenance could be paid for by not employing him!