boat related humour - share your boating jokes

[cereal tiller]

2 minutes ago, Mike the Boilerman said:

A man with a number plate on his head?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reg.

[Tumshie]

Just now, Mike the Boilerman said:

 

Nah you can answer!!!

 

REG 

[TheBiscuits]

2 minutes ago, Mike the Boilerman said:

A man with a number plate on his head?

Doug!

 

Oh wait ...

[Tumshie]

Just now, TheBiscuits said:

Doug!

 

Oh wait ...

spade, sweetie, spade. 

[MtB]

Ok how about a man sitting in a pile of leaves?

 

(No-one ever knows this one)

[TheBiscuits]

Just now, Mike the Boilerman said:

Ok how about a man sitting in a pile of leaves?

 

(No-one ever knows this one)

Not a very boaty joke though.

 

(unless it's RN, obviously tenuously)

[MtB]

1 minute ago, TheBiscuits said:

Not a very boaty joke though.

 

(unless it's RN, obviously tenuously)

 

You're right. You call him "Newbery"!

[Tumshie]

14 minutes ago, Mike the Boilerman said:

 

You're right. You call him "Newbery"!

Or Russell - I get it. 

[Horace42]

Getting back on topic with boat jokes.....

            ....my 50ft 40 year old rusty narrowboat will be up for sale soon ....... £145,000.

[MtB]

46 minutes ago, Horace42 said:

Getting back on topic with boat jokes.....

            ....my 50ft 40 year old rusty narrowboat will be up for sale soon ....... £145,000.

 

We’ve heard that one before!!! 

 

[Mike Tee]

4 hours ago, Tumshie said:

Or Russell - I get it. 

And according to google, six months later it’s pete

[Mac of Cygnet]

Why do Norwegian warships have barcodes on the side?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So that when they get back to port they can Scandinavian!

 

Don't believe me?

 

Edited December 8, 2018 by Mac of Cygnet

[Tumshie]

1 minute ago, Mac of Cygnet said:

Why do Norwegian warships have barcodes on the side?

 

So that when they get back to port they can Scandinavian!

That's the best one yet. 

[sailor mcgee]

7 minutes ago, Tumshie said:

That's the best one yet. 

random story: my friend björn works on a swedish submarine he was part of an exercise where the emericans failed to detenct them, the swedes use sterling engines, so, they did multipul attack runs on the american destroyers and simulated destroying the entire batelgroup

scandinavian military is not a joke but we do pause for fika

[MtB]

1 hour ago, Tumshie said:

That's the best one yet. 

 

I'll raise you. 

 

What do you call a man in the canal with no arms and no legs? 

[Tumshie]

1 minute ago, Mike the Boilerman said:

 

I'll raise you. 

 

What do you call a man in the canal with no arms and no legs? 

Bouy ?  No....... Oh Bob. 

[TheBiscuits]

2 minutes ago, Mike the Boilerman said:

 

I'll raise you. 

 

What do you call a man in the canal with no arms and no legs? 

Dr Bob

[MtB]

Just now, Tumshie said:

Bouy ?  No....... Oh Bob. 

 

Kerching, you are the WINNER!!!

 

 

Now, what do you call a man in a canal with no arms, no legs, no head and no body??

 

 

 

[Tumshie]

1 minute ago, Mike the Boilerman said:

 

Kerching, you are the WINNER!!!

 

 

Now, what do you call a man in a canal with no arms, no legs, no head and no body??

 

Is he really actually a man at this point? Just like the poor chap in the canal - I got nothing.  ?

[Athy]

1 hour ago, sailor mcgee said:

random story: my friend björn works on a swedish submarine he was part of an exercise where the emericans failed to detenct them, the swedes use sterling engines, so, they did multipul attack runs on the american destroyers and simulated destroying the entire batelgroup

scandinavian military is not a joke but we do pause for fika

So the Swedes caused a run on sterling? I didn't hear about it on 'Wake Up To Money'.

[MtB]

Just now, Tumshie said:

Is he really actually a man at this point? Just like the poor chap in the canal - I got nothing.  ?

 

You're just not thinking about this properly....

 

[Tumshie]

2 minutes ago, Mike the Boilerman said:

 

You're just not thinking about this properly....

 

No body  ?

[TheBiscuits]

2 minutes ago, Mike the Boilerman said:

 

You're just not thinking about this properly....

 

Richard 

[MtB]

Just now, Tumshie said:

No body  ?

 

Yep. No body. 

 

No arms, no legs, no head, no body. 

 

His name must be "Dick" !

[Tumshie]

See I was going with the Hans and feet thing