How to meet a boater

[kevinl]

I live a short walk from my local, a modern but nice enough canalside pub adjacent to a marina, where boats regularly moor in the marina and on the bank for the night and presumably some of the boaters are in the pud enjoying a quite drink, but how do I get to meet them for a bit of boater’s banter, is there a secret sign I don’t know about?

I’ve tried sitting at the bar reading Towpath Talk and muttering “Bloody British Waterways” at regular intervals but no joy, the only person that did approach me asked the way to the gents, when I came back with “pump-out or cassette” he just gave me a puzzled look and quickly backed away so obviously not a boater, no true boater could resist that question, ever.

Then I had a cunning plan (a Baldrick moment if you like), if I don’t look like a boater, maybe if I smelt like one….. so move over Channel Number 5, K-Lo’s Essence d’Bargee is the new smell on the block.

Made with a careful balanced cocktail of red diesel, engine oil, wood smoke and elsan fluid, dabbed liberally behind the ears then a liberal coating of dog sh*t (or the nearest available faeces) applied to the soles of the shoes and as much pre-chewed food as |I could fit into my beard and they had to know I was one of them.

Nothing, however, the pub was unusually quiet that night as everyone seemed to leave just after I arrived, so come on guys what’s the secret sign, let me in on it, please!!

[richardf]

Cork ball keyring casually hanging out of the trouser pocket?

[mayalld]

Ball hanging out.

[LEO]

I live a short walk from my local, a modern but nice enough canalside pub adjacent to a marina, where boats regularly moor in the marina and on the bank for the night and presumably some of the boaters are in the pud enjoying a quite drink, but how do I get to meet them for a bit of boater’s banter, is there a secret sign I don’t know about?

I’ve tried sitting at the bar reading Towpath Talk and muttering “Bloody British Waterways” at regular intervals but no joy, the only person that did approach me asked the way to the gents, when I came back with “pump-out or cassette” he just gave me a puzzled look and quickly backed away so obviously not a boater, no true boater could resist that question, ever.

Then I had a cunning plan (a Baldrick moment if you like), if I don’t look like a boater, maybe if I smelt like one….. so move over Channel Number 5, K-Lo’s Essence d’Bargee is the new smell on the block.

Made with a careful balanced cocktail of red diesel, engine oil, wood smoke and elsan fluid, dabbed liberally behind the ears then a liberal coating of dog sh*t (or the nearest available faeces) applied to the soles of the shoes and as much pre-chewed food as |I could fit into my beard and they had to know I was one of them.

Nothing, however, the pub was unusually quiet that night as everyone seemed to leave just after I arrived, so come on guys what’s the secret sign, let me in on it, please!!

 

Try - 'Hello sailor whose your friend'?.

 

The previous poster beat me to it - look for the guy's with 3 balls.

 

Leo.

[muddywaters]

Well you could always try watching out for someone getting off a boat and going in the pub just after them lol

[matty40s]

That's a continuous stalker.

[Leonie]

Hire a boat and overstay a water point. You'll have all sorts knocking on the boat for a chat then.

[Guest]

Try -

 

"Is that a cork key ring in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me....."

 

That should do it...

[muddywaters]

That's a continuous stalker.

Lol

[kevinl]

Likin’ it so far but…

 

Mayalid – “ball hanging out” – Tried that, got me put on a register of some sort.

Leo – “Hello sailor who’s your friend” – Should I do that in my Julian Clarey voice or not, which do you do?

Muddywaters – “Follow them into the pub” - Sorry, not allowed, as I say I’m already on this register, strictly off limits.

Matty40 – “Continous Stalker” – That’s what the judge called me too, coincidence or are you a Salford Magistrate in your spare time.

[carlt]

I just wear my official CWDF logo T-shirt:

 

ME!.........I'm Alan Fincher!

 

 

 

Edited to add: If I want a quiet night, on my own, I wear my "CarlT" T-shirt.

Edited July 8, 2011 by carlt

[cotswoldsman]

Walk in with cassette toilet and ask the simple question "Where can I empty this" and arguments will immediately start on cassette v. pump out.

[NB Alnwick]

Get a boat . . .

[Guest wanted]

Watch how many people go to the bog for either a pony, brush teeth, wash.

[LEO]

Likin’ it so far but…

 

Leo – “Hello sailor who’s your friend” – Should I do that in my Julian Clarey voice or not, which do you do?

 

 

That voice might do, but the late PM Ted Heath introduced himself and my pal in a pub with words along those lines in the early 70's. He was a great sailor, but not sure about his abilities as PM.(working by candlelight in black out offices was real fun).

 

Leo.

[Hairy-Neil]

Cork ball keyring casually hanging out of the trouser pocket?

 

Spectacles on a safety chain is usually a give away....

[carlt]

...mobile phone, drying out on the beer towel.

[Neil2]

Not much help at this time of year but when the nights draw in the boaters will have torches, but with dead batteries. Guaranteed.

[FadeToScarlet]

I just wear my official CWDF logo T-shirt:

 

ME!.........I'm Alan Fincher!

 

 

 

Edited to add: If I want a quiet night, on my own, I wear my "CarlT" T-shirt.

 

No, I'M Alan Fincher...

[Laurie Booth]

 

That voice might do, but the late PM Ted Heath introduced himself and my pal in a pub with words along those lines in the early 70's. He was a great sailor, but not sure about his abilities as PM.(working by candlelight in black out offices was real fun).

 

Leo.

He managed to sink his boat and was saved from drowning by a Labour supporter.

[Tiny]

He managed to sink his boat and was saved from drowning by a Labour supporter.

 

Old Ted (30 pieces of silver) - he was that bad - they saved him.

Edited July 9, 2011 by Tiny