Popular Post Tony1 Posted October 7, 2021 Popular Post Report Share Posted October 7, 2021 Poster A: I'm thinking about getting a narrowboat, and I was wondering- will it be ok if I do <X> thing? Poster B: What? You want to do <X>?? What a ridiculous idea! Ridiculous and stupid. You're such a newb that you dont even know how stupid and ridiculous you are. Bah. Poster C: Well we've been doing <X> for the last 5 years, and we saved a fortune on llama food- we wouldn't do it any other way. Poster B: Then you're as ridiculous and stupid as him, and its literally a miracle that you're even alive. Bah. Poster D: Now look here, I've been boating since 1825, and my old skipper made us do <X> twice every day- never did us any harm, I can tell you. Poster E: What nonsense. We've been boating since before they invented boats. We only thought about trying <X>, and the boat sank immediately. Poster F: I can guarantee if you dont do X twice a day, you will be kidnapped by aliens and probed in all sorts of places. It definitely happened to an old mate of mine on his way back from a New Years party. Poster B: Bah. Poster G: Look at the typical entitled newbie, coming here telling us he wants to do <X>. How bloody dare he. Poster H: OMG, he only wants to go and do <X>. Poster G: Look here sonny, I've been living on narrowboats since the Cretaceous period, and I never heard of anyone who did X without having major problems afterwards. But no, you know better dont you? Well you just go ahead. You do <X>. Go on. I dare you Poster I: <X> is for losers. You should try doing <Y> instead, it will be much cheaper and easier, and you wont end up on an alien mothership. Poster L : I think you'll find <X> is no longer permitted under the Official Regulatory Regulations Act, section 75 para 403 (Oct 2021 edition), since the precedent set by Squiff vs Terrapin in 1707, thus: Any boater who does <X> will be liable for a fine of twenty squillion pounds and horrible painful death by alien torture. Poster M : Well I'm not stopping doing <X>, sod what the rules say. Poster N: Well then you're no better than the rule breaking newbie, coming here posting your fancy posts, thinking you can flout the rules that we've all followed since the birth of the Universe. Poster A: Did you say Llamas? <End of thread> 11 13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Athy Posted October 8, 2021 Report Share Posted October 8, 2021 Whoops, that makes two posts. But you didn't include a moderator warning posters to refrain from personal abuse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen-in-Wellies Posted October 8, 2021 Report Share Posted October 8, 2021 Typical Newbie. Posts in General Boating where no one is going to see it. Should have posted in in the Animals and Pets section of the Virtual Pub, where lots of llama owning boaters would be able to help. Can the Mods move it? Llamas and boating have a long history, all the way back to Noah who had to make a choice between letting them, or the sabre toothed tigers on board. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris Lowe Posted October 8, 2021 Report Share Posted October 8, 2021 Noah Arks would be allowed these days an ark wouldn't pass safety tests and obtain a CRT licence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Jen-in-Wellies Posted October 8, 2021 Popular Post Report Share Posted October 8, 2021 (edited) 12 minutes ago, buccaneer66 said: Noah Arks would be allowed these days an ark wouldn't pass safety tests and obtain a CRT licence. Where can I cruise the Ark I am having built by Collingwood for me, my entire extended family and our pets to live on? CaRT's published maximum boat dimensions are all in metres and don't mention cubits anywhere. Is cassette, or pump out better for the quantity of waste I'm expecting to be generated? Noah Edited October 8, 2021 by Jen-in-Wellies 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Tam & Di Posted October 8, 2021 Popular Post Report Share Posted October 8, 2021 (edited) Hello Noah. Is your Ark "The Herald Angels Sing", or the pair of Arks called "The Dogs do Bark"? Tam Edited October 8, 2021 by Tam & Di 1 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony1 Posted October 8, 2021 Author Report Share Posted October 8, 2021 8 minutes ago, Jen-in-Wellies said: Where can I cruise the Ark I am having built by Collingwood for me, my entire extended family and our pets to live on? CaRT's published maximum boat dimensions are all in metres and don't mention cubits anywhere. Is cassette, or pump out better for the quantity of waste I'm expecting to be generated? Noah Interestingly, the original Ark was excavated in Turkey and found to have a Lister SR2. Bit of WD40, and it ran first time. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony1 Posted October 8, 2021 Author Report Share Posted October 8, 2021 50 minutes ago, Athy said: Whoops, that makes two posts. But you didn't include a moderator warning posters to refrain from personal abuse. Damn. Schoolboy error there. This is what happens when you scribble away late in the evening after drinking too much celebratory beer. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MtB Posted October 8, 2021 Report Share Posted October 8, 2021 I think "<X>" might have been something to do with batteries. As any fule kno, they have to be charged to within an inch of their lives for at least 28 hours a day to get them to even illuminate the tiniest LED according to the phalanx of battery experts on here. Whilst back in the real world, people are happy to buy some, use them then buy some more three years later when they eventually pack up. Do I win the Five Pounds? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ray T Posted October 8, 2021 Report Share Posted October 8, 2021 (edited) For the musical ornithologists amongst us: April Cantelo, soprano HARK, HARK THE LARK (18th Cent. Shakespearean Song) - Bing video Edited October 8, 2021 by Ray T Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Athy Posted October 8, 2021 Report Share Posted October 8, 2021 5 minutes ago, MtB said: Do I win the Five Pounds? The ones between the Lawton locks? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony1 Posted October 8, 2021 Author Report Share Posted October 8, 2021 3 minutes ago, MtB said: I think "<X>" might have been something to do with batteries. As any fule kno, they have to be charged to within an inch of their lives for at least 28 hours a day to get them to even illuminate the tiniest LED according to the phalanx of battery experts on here. Whilst back in the real world, people are happy to buy some, use them then buy some more three years later when they eventually pack up. Do I win the Five Pounds? Obviously the subject matter could be almost anything, but in this case I had in mind a real life example, with the idea of adding authenticity. How often should I feed Dave, my liveaboard llama..? The question troubles me night and day. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ray T Posted October 8, 2021 Report Share Posted October 8, 2021 Just now, Tony1 said: Obviously the subject matter could be almost anything, but in this case I had in mind a real life example, with the idea of adding authenticity. How often should I feed Dave, my liveaboard llama..? The question troubles me night and day. Nearest I can get to a Llama, ask these folks, on The Coventry Canal. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen-in-Wellies Posted October 8, 2021 Report Share Posted October 8, 2021 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Tony1 said: How often should I feed Dave, my liveaboard llama..? Your first mistake. As far as liveaboard large South American mammals go, you can't beat a capybara. Being vegetarian and semi-aquatic, they can feed themselves on the abundant flora from CaRT's lax approach to towpath mowing and offside tree control. The main problem is finding a canal that has been dredged sufficiently recently to give enough depth for them to swim. Edited October 8, 2021 by Jen-in-Wellies 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony1 Posted October 8, 2021 Author Report Share Posted October 8, 2021 1 minute ago, Jen-in-Wellies said: Your first mistake. As far as liveaboard large South American mammals go, you can't beat a capybara. Being vegetarian and aquatic, they can feed themselves on the abundant flora from CaRT's lax approach to towpath mowing and offside tree control. The main problem is finding a canal that has been dredged sufficiently recently to give enough depth for them to swim. Practical advice for a practical boater (and his imaginary llama). 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MtB Posted October 8, 2021 Report Share Posted October 8, 2021 8 minutes ago, Tony1 said: Obviously the subject matter could be almost anything, but in this case I had in mind a real life example, with the idea of adding authenticity. How often should I feed Dave, my liveaboard llama..? The question troubles me night and day. Ah but there's the thing. I am thinking this is an allegory where your battery bank is, like mine, called "Dave", and needs feeding in much the same way as a real life llama aboard might. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wittenham Posted October 8, 2021 Report Share Posted October 8, 2021 Very good and I do think this thread would be improved immensely by assigning real CWF user names to the Poster letters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doratheexplorer Posted October 8, 2021 Report Share Posted October 8, 2021 Am I the only one who instantly interpreted <X> as some bizarre sexual practice? Yes? Just me then? 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
haggis Posted October 8, 2021 Report Share Posted October 8, 2021 (edited) 18 minutes ago, Tony1 said: Obviously the subject matter could be almost anything, but in this case I had in mind a real life example, with the idea of adding authenticity. How often should I feed Dave, my liveaboard llama..? The question troubles me night and day. Wow, your boat must be getting a bit crowded as you now have a llama as well as a butler. I suppose one looks after the other though What were you celebrating last night? Edited October 8, 2021 by haggis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen-in-Wellies Posted October 8, 2021 Report Share Posted October 8, 2021 1 minute ago, haggis said: Wow, your boat must be getting a bit crowded as you now have a llama as well as a butler. I suppose one looks after the other though Is the butler also called Dave? That would be terribly confusing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enigmatic Posted October 8, 2021 Report Share Posted October 8, 2021 (edited) Poster O: posts something related to some longstanding grievance with Poster N which nobody else on the forum remembers Poster P: changes the subject by starting a debate about composting toilets Poster Q: tries to calm down the debate about composting toilets by posting about Brexit Poster R : tries to liven up the debate by posting a vlog Poster S: posts how much they hate vlogs and vloggers, and especially this vlog and these vloggers. And especially vlogs about composting toilets Poster T: posts something about how it's the CRTs fault for letting things slide really. Everybody else: Posts their agreement with Poster T, and the forum is a happier, more united place again The rest of the thread is just puns Edited October 8, 2021 by enigmatic 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony1 Posted October 8, 2021 Author Report Share Posted October 8, 2021 43 minutes ago, haggis said: Wow, your boat must be getting a bit crowded as you now have a llama as well as a butler. I suppose one looks after the other though What were you celebrating last night? Well Mr H, it appears that I am once again Laird of the Electrical Systems, which in my view was ample reason for celebration, after a few days of major puzzlement and frustration. My misbehaving MPPTs finally capitulated and started working in coordination with the fiendishly elaborate control system I concocted. I think they heard Nick Norman was looking into the matter, and decided to stop their shenanigans at once. PS - I'm afraid I had to dispense with the butler, both cooks, and even the maid. Budget constraints, really. My imaginary shipmate Wilson still hangs about as you can imagine, but his days may be numbered... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony1 Posted October 8, 2021 Author Report Share Posted October 8, 2021 1 hour ago, MtB said: Ah but there's the thing. I am thinking this is an allegory where your battery bank is, like mine, called "Dave", and needs feeding in much the same way as a real life llama aboard might. A battery bank called Dave? What a ridiculous idea. My battery bank is called Dimitri, and he is considerably less trouble than that thug of a llama. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tree monkey Posted October 8, 2021 Report Share Posted October 8, 2021 I used to have a duck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony1 Posted October 8, 2021 Author Report Share Posted October 8, 2021 1 hour ago, Wittenham said: Very good and I do think this thread would be improved immensely by assigning real CWF user names to the Poster letters. My legal team have advised that any resemblance to persons (or llamas) either living or dead is purely coincidental. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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