I made a boo boo ?

[PaddingtonBear]

As someone whose natural inclination is to be in your face and insulting, I have learned a great deal from Alan, Catrin and the Moomins very directly and MtB and Starry at a greater distance as to how to behave and at my great age I have at last discovered the way forward. Thanks chaps and chapesses. However half wits don't push your luck

[alan_fincher]

However half wits don't push your luck

 

Idiot!

[Dottyshirl]

Idiot!

Did you just insult someone ? ......

 

Of course I did not mean to upset Dave and I truly appologise to him and everybody for the trauma I have caused, maybe you should all converse with Cheshire Rose who was clever enough to hijack this post and change the subject, and ermm no I am not being at all in any way rude or nasty

[Athy]

 

However half wits don't push your luck

Really Mr. Bear, have you no consideration? There may be Australians reading this thread, and those capable of understanding it may be offended.

[Catrin]

Did you just insult someone ? ......

Yes, he did.

 

Someone he knows well and who he is good friends with, not someone he has never met and doesn't know anything at all about. PB is sometimes accused of being 'in your face', so his comment was taken in a joking spirit, and answered in the same way.

 

If you think that is insulting just wait until Alan and David Schweizer get going at each other on here - you'd think that both of them would immediately start fisticuffs if they were to meet in public. The reality is that it is an on-going joke, that both participate in, because they know each other outside of the forum.

[Bettie Boo]

Not a view I share, I'm afraid.

 

Increasingly "I've been drinking", (or that it is assumed someone has been drinking), is used an an excuse for abuse to other members, or just generally mouthing off.

 

Then dependent on the situation,....

 

1) The person involved apologises

2) The person involved doesn't apologise, but their partner does, telling us they OK really, and we have got them wrong.

3) Life carries on, and we are expected to forget what was said.

 

OK, an apology is better than nowt, (though I don't recall seeing one in this case), but I for one am thoroughly hacked off with new members turning up and almost immediately mouthing of at existing members. When other existing members then complain, they are then themselves mouthed off for being unfriendly to the newcomers.

 

Can't we all be civil, without the constant need to call people things like "obnoxious arse", (or worse!)

 

I don't think being pissed, or being a newbie, (or both), ever excuses such behaviour, (unless perhaps some bad life changing event has just happened to you). If you can't stick to at least a basic level of courtesy, then my suggestion is "Don't post".

 

Hi Alan - Please correct me if I'm "assuming" the wrong meaning of the highlighted quote above, but just to clarify was that by chance directed towards me?

 

 

Your assumption, and not I think stated anywhere.

 

I don't actually think it makes that much difference, and I'm sick of it being used as an excuse, whether that be by the person who is out of order, or by someone else defending them on their behalf.

 

Hi Alan - same question as above?

 

Yes, I think I must have done too, (!), but I never use the excuse that I am not as a reason for being insulting to others.

 

Nor would I expect, if I managed to be insulting to others after I had had one or two too many, expect to see anybody else defending my behavior.

 

We could go round this loop for ever though - you "greenify" what has been said - I think it's thoroughly out of order - let's just agree to differ.

 

Again same question Again for the third time.

 

In response to and to clarify, the highlighted quotes above; not relating to someone having the decency to come on the forum and in good grace and meaning, apologize on behalf of someone they are near & dear too. Which IMO you've made Perfectly clear; you do not think is well meant or by Any means acceptable behaviour; but then again please keep bringing it up relentlessly, as there just may be one member who or visitor who was thinking of joining who hasn't had the pleasure of reading your view on this topic.

 

1) are you suggesting that the people who have caused you offence no longer post, or is it directed at the people who had the audacity to apologize on someone else's behalf (who have never made another post since their outburst, hence complying with your request of no longer posting)

 

2) if your quotes re apologizing on someone else's behalf are indeed directed at me, then I Do find them offensive. Does that mean that either I can aspect an apology from you or someone on your behalf who actually knows you and appreciates that although you may have strong opinions & views you do at times make a complete mess of it? Or as your suggestion above, you will simply no longer be posting

 

3) have you ever in your life apologized or defended a family member or friend to someone who isn't really acquainted with them, but who you believe has made a Very Bad first impression? If not, I feel quite bad for your family and friends.

 

4) Just in case my husband was in your thoughts when you made the above quotes, have you ever taken the time to ask yourself exactly why he hasn't made another post since his unfortunate last one? Or do you simply enjoy bashing me so much your unwilling to let it drop?

 

Betty

[Woodstock]

 

Hi Alan - Please correct me if I'm "assuming" the wrong meaning of the highlighted quote above, but just to clarify was that by chance directed towards me?

 

 

Hi Alan - same question as above?

 

 

Again same question Again for the third time.

 

In response to and to clarify, the highlighted quotes above; not relating to someone having the decency to come on the forum and in good grace and meaning, apologize on behalf of someone they are near & dear too. Which IMO you've made Perfectly clear; you do not think is well meant or by Any means acceptable behaviour; but then again please keep bringing it up relentlessly, as there just may be one member who or visitor who was thinking of joining who hasn't had the pleasure of reading your view on this topic.

 

1) are you suggesting that the people who have caused you offence no longer post, or is it directed at the people who had the audacity to apologize on someone else's behalf (who have never made another post since their outburst, hence complying with your request of no longer posting)

 

2) if your quotes re apologizing on someone else's behalf are indeed directed at me, then I Do find them offensive. Does that mean that either I can aspect an apology from you or someone on your behalf who actually knows you and appreciates that although you may have strong opinions & views you do at times make a complete mess of it? Or as your suggestion above, you will simply no longer be posting

 

3) have you ever in your life apologized or defended a family member or friend to someone who isn't really acquainted with them, but who you believe has made a Very Bad first impression? If not, I feel quite bad for your family and friends.

 

4) Just in case my husband was in your thoughts when you made the above quotes, have you ever taken the time to ask yourself exactly why he hasn't made another post since his unfortunate last one? Or do you simply enjoy bashing me so much your unwilling to let it drop?

 

Betty

 

 

For goodness sake- I just want to learn about boating

[Bettie Boo]

For goodness sake- I just want to learn about boating

 

Me too

 

But other's seem to get a great amount of pleasure out of "whipping a horse to death" unfortunately - I'm more than willing to stand corrected when I've done / said or implied something wrong. But not willing to take relentless abuse for simply apologizing on someone else's behalf, one step to far in my books.

 

Back to the RCD learning curve for me

 

Ta

 

B~

[Athy]

Betty, mowt of us don't know who your husband is and have no idea what this particular post of his was about. I certainly don't. But if Mr. Fincher's utterances get up your nostrils, there is an "ignore" function which can block his posts out so that you will not be able to see them.

I actually wouldn't recommend it, as Alan has a great deal of waterways knowledge and his posts can be most interesting and informative. But it's just a suggestion.

[Dottyshirl]

Crikey !

 

I think this whole topic should be deleted, it is upsetting so many peeps, but then again there seems to be a lot of history .... I remember the posts you talk of Mrs B. Sometimes people reply with what seems to be a condescending manner, that can be very patronising and that in itself is not nice. :-/

Am I in trouble again ?

 

 

Maybe we should all quote Mrs Brown and just say "THAT'S NICE" ...............

For goodness sake- I just want to learn about boating

Me too x

Edited November 17, 2013 by Dottyshirl

[Ray T]

Betty & Dotty

 

A little bit of background. Within the last couple of years or so there has been instances of newbies (don't really like that word) of coming on the forum and asking questions with apparently preconceived ideas of what the answers should be.

As some of the answers forth coming have not always been what the poster expected or wanted, the original poster has then thrown a hissy fit and insulted the person who posted the answer.

 

This has happened to me twice, the first time I was threatened with physical violence. The mods removed the offensive posts. The second time I gave an answer which was factually correct but because it didn't fit in with the posters vision of what it should be, my answer was ridiculed.

 

Have a look here: http://www.canalworld.net/forums/index.php?showtopic=59393#entry1128080

 

Majority of folks on this site do give honest answers and try to be helpful.

 

As mentioned above I also have great respect for Alan Fincher. I have met him on many occasions and he has forgotten more than I will ever know about canals.

 

Long standing members can get a little touchy when honest answers appear to be disparaged

 

From another thread:

 

Posted 06 March 2013 - 12:13 PM

'cheshire~rose', on 06 Mar 2013 - 11:20 AM, said:

I I think this time of year the dynamic changes. I have started to write a reply on a thread on a few occasions recently only to delete it after the first sentence. I know many people are reluctant to post things in case they get shot down in flames or picked up on their spelling or grammar (which is such a shame) On a more personal note I am very aware that people have heard enough from me after I hijacked the forum in the run up to Christmas and the charity auction. For that reason I have been deliberately trying to keep a lower profile. (Although trying to shut me up is a little like trying to hold back the tide )

Written 6th March 2013:To a certain extent I agree with Cheshire Rose here.

Recently there has been an influx of new members some of whom have flamed long standing members views within their first half dozen posts or so. One instance I gave what I thought to be good advice only to be met by derision and even a physical threat.

I have broad shoulders, but like Chesh I feel a reluctance to post at times.

As has been suggested before please take time and get to "know" the folks on this forum.

Edited November 18, 2013 by Ray T

[Athy]

So, two different new members have threatened you with physical violence?

 

What is it about you? Are you fat, swotty and got red hair?

Edited November 17, 2013 by Athy

[Dottyshirl]

I have apologised and I meant it, I am nice on the whole, I love this forum and the people on it and I promise to be respectful and peaceful from this moment forward. I also feel apprehensive about posting sometimes but I shall rise above that feeling and conduct myself in a self respecting manner in the future, I shall be dignified and courteous. X

[Athy]

What, just like your new avatar?!

 

 

 

 

I was joking, honest.....

[Ray T]

So, two different new members have threatened you with physical violence?

 

What is it about you? Are you fat, swotty and got red hair?

No only one threatened me with violence, if you read the item you will see that. To get the record straight, I am not swotty or fat and have a full head of grey hair. It was black at one time.

 

If you are desperate to know of my physical appearance there is a photo on the Buckby Banter thread.

[Athy]

Ray, you said (post 61)that you were "met by derision and a physical threat". That sounds like a similar thing to a threat of violence. My flippant comment was based on the type of kids who attract physical threats in many schools, I wondered what had made the person issue this threat.

[Dottyshirl]

I'm making braised leeks, onions and garlic finished with cream as a side dish along with gardens peas for oven roasted Hake, hope it tastes good, may have a glass of Chardonnay but I will be nice afterwards lol

Edited November 17, 2013 by Dottyshirl

[alan_fincher]

 

1) are you suggesting that the people who have caused you offence no longer post, or is it directed at the people who had the audacity to apologize on someone else's behalf

 

I think I have been entirely clear what I'm suggesting.

 

I don't think anybody on the forum ever needs to hurl a load of abuse in response to someone trying to help them, (even if maybe the answers are not what they want them to be).

 

If that abuse is actually directed at another member who has actually said or done nothing wrong, I think it is particularly unnecessary and inappropriate.

 

A sincere apology can help, but doesn't always exactly put things right.

 

I don't think the fact someone has been drinking or is "tired and emotional" in itself is a good excuse - in fact I don't think it is really any excuse at all.

 

That said, obviously some people have very bad things happen in their life at certain times, and if an uncharacteristic outburst relates to something else that is going on in their lives, I think we would all show tolerance and understanding.

 

I recall reporting the final demise of my mum on here about 3 years ago. I did so because quite a few people who knew me well, (but not my mum), asked me to keep them updated. One of the more obnoxious posters we had at the time couldn't resist asking why on earth this news should be on CWDF, and who on here cared about my mum, (thereby implying in my mind that nobody on here cared about me either). Holding back from posting a response was not easy, but I was not prepared to sink even close to where he was prepared to go. However if I had told him what I thought of him in clear concise terms (!) I suspect in that case I would have got a lot of support, and probably not much criticism!

 

And yes, I am sometimes uncontrollably "rude" to people like Paddington Bear, David Schweizer, Cheshire Rose, etc, because I know them well outside of the forum and (I hope!) both parties know that if I refer to a "tetchy old sod", "someone who can't steer their boat for toffee", or "Auntie Wainwright trying to flog me some old tat I only offloaded on her a few weeks earlier", I am not intentionally being rude about any of them.

 

EDITED TO ADD.....

Well no more than any of them deserve!

Edited November 17, 2013 by alan_fincher

[Dottyshirl]

Just off to put my fish in't oven x

 

 

(Alan I am so sorry about your mum, I am not in the sort of category as the person who made that awful comment, much love x )

[MtB]

I'm making braised leeks, onions and garlic finished with cream as a side dish along with gardens peas for oven roasted Hake, hope it tastes good, may have a glass of Chardonnay but I will be nice afterwards lol

 

That sounds delicious and is so very kind of you to do this to make up to the board! How many of us are invited? Where are you moored? Is Alan coming?

 

 

MtB

Edited November 17, 2013 by Mike the Boilerman

[Guest]

I remember the post and poster in question. One of the times I have called somebody a 24 carat w****r and gotten away with it.

Edited November 17, 2013 by The Dog House

[alan_fincher]

I'm making braised leeks, onions and garlic finished with cream as a side dish along with gardens peas for oven roasted Hake, hope it tastes good, may have a glass of Chardonnay but I will be nice afterwards lol

 

 

 

That sounds delicious and is so very kind of you to do this to make up to the board! How many of us are invited? Where are you moored? Is Alan coming?

 

 

MtB

 

Sounds nice, but without wishing to carry on any disagreements, those who know us well will be aware we are vegetarians.

 

Enjoy your meals, peeps, wherever you are.

[Athy]

 

A sincere apology can help, but doesn't always exactly put things right.

That depends largely on the attitude of the apologee ras well as that of the apologist. It can put things right if both parties want it to

 

Oop North it is so rare for anyone, especially a man, to admit that he's wrong about anything that an apology, especially in some public place, places him second only unto the saints in the estimation of his friends. Entire saloon bars have been known to descend into total stunned silence as the chap grits his teeth and delivers the agonised words "I...may....have....been....mistaken".

Edited November 17, 2013 by Athy

[Dottyshirl]

Sounds nice, but without wishing to carry on any disagreements, those who know us well will be aware we are vegetarians.

Enjoy your meals, peeps, wherever you are.

Oh crikey trying so hard to make amends I may have dropped myself in the poo poo again..... I could make you a lovely dinner with all the sides with some tasty veggy sausages (not being obnoxious, I like quorn sausages) my pans are kept completely separate from the meat/fish xxxxxxxx

[Bettie Boo]

 

I think I have been entirely clear what I'm suggesting.

 

If that abuse is actually directed at another member who has actually said or done nothing wrong, I think it is particularly unnecessary and inappropriate.

 

A sincere apology can help, but doesn't always exactly put things right.

 

 

Mr. Fincher,

 

You of course are 100% correct, I really have no idea why I responded as I did.

 

It was Very silly of me to question if, your 3 separate posts made within 1/2 hour, were relating to the uncouth practice of someone apologizing on someone else's behalf, might in fact have anything to do with me disgracing myself and lowering myself to such low customs.

 

I especially agree with the last two sentence's of yours that I have quoted above. This practice should (IMHO) be upheld by every member of the forum; of course with the exception of your kind self.

 

Hence I wouldn't dare dream of expecting an apology from your esteemed self for offending me in your persistence to keep reminding everyone of the

unconscionable mistake I made in apologizing on someone else's behalf.

 

Please don't feel you need to waste your very valuable time in responding to my whimsical comments above. I have learned my lesson through and through now; have applied the tar & feathers, and will not be making many further posts.

 

As someone else has correctly eluded to, it's better sometimes to keep one's own council on this forum.

 

your most humble & quiet fellow member,

 

Betty

 

btw - I'm thinking along the lines of six layer cottage pie for dinner