...don't feel like i belong anywhere...

[Theo]

I am locking this thread while we do some moderation work on it.

 

It might be a while before I reopen it. It all depends on how fast the Lapworth water point takes.

 

Theo

[Theo]

As you will see I have removed the tit for tat abusiveness and, at the same time some more reasoned stuff which quoted it.

 

My water tanks are full now and I need to get on.

 

I am about to unlock the thread. Please keep the discussion civilised and useful.

 

I'll be back when we have moored up for the evening.

 

Traa

 

Theo

[Theo]

I suppose that belonging somewhere implies that you know people on a less superficial level than a chat at the lock side. My CCing over the last couple of years has led to a couple of new friendships which are only maintained through Facebook and email. Not, I would have thought, "real" friendships.

 

I have really enjoyed the CCing that we have done but would have been very lonely without SWMBO. Single handing is fine for a few weeks but I wouldn't be happy to do it for years.

 

The other part of it is that I feel somewhat parasitical. I am doing almost nothing to support any community and for that reason will be happy to return to the bank in a year or so.

 

Nick

Edited April 9, 2016 by Theo
Can't spell

[smileypete]

 

Certain members seem to be notably snobbish towards boating as an affordable way to live.

Puzzling. I've never noticed this. Got any examples?

 

My guess is they are jealous of the CC way of life.

 

Hard to find recent ones as google search seems to be crap nowadays. But I noticed one of your comrades in the 'amp hour police' made a cheeky comment

 

Ah just found one with the usual cast of characters:

 

http://www.canalworld.net/forums/index.php?showtopic=72472

 

They seem to forget that a lot of taxpayers money enables them to enjoy their hobby of boating more economically than it otherwise would be.

 

BTW dunno about the 'tit for tat' that Theo has mentioned, but sometimes I find it helpful to just read topics after page 1 of VNC (so pages 2 onward) Maybe just leave the tit for tat in but just warn on the topic not to continue it?

Edited April 10, 2016 by smileypete

[wrigglefingers]

I lived on my boat for ten years before moving back to the bank. I did feel slightly rootless at times, but mostly enjoyed meeting new people either when I had a home mooring or when I was wandering around the system. It was very lonely at times, especially once my daughter had left for university. I didn't feel that I was less of a responsible person or that living on a boat was a cheap alternative although weirdly, I did feel that I belonged to the waterways far more when I was out for the summer, than when I holed up in the basin for winter, and I certainly felt I belonged far more than when I lived in a rented house. It is a matter of pride for me, I think.

 

I do love being on the water, and, in truth, I wouldn't have moved back to the bank if it hadn't been for severe problems with my knee, which was making living on a boat increasingly difficult. I suppose I've been forced to face my own increasing decrepitude in a way and having seen so many single people get isolated and become a 'problem' as they've got older on their boats, decided to do something about it before it became a problem for anyone else. As it is, I have to have major surgery on my knee and leg this summer which means my daughter will need to come and look after me for a while and I'm upset that will disrupt her life and rob me of my independence for a while. Still, hopefully next year, I'll be back on the water ... The life gets in your blood somehow ...

[Joelsanders]

When I started boating, I stayed in a marina and, in my first year, only made one (weekend) trip away from there. The idea of being unplugged and on the loose was frightening . It took me around 2 years to find the courage to feed my nomadic spirit and leave the security of the marina community. I still get back there once a year (Apsley) and feel a connection to it. I like going back.... but I also like most of the places i go. Apsley sort of feels like my boating home although I wouldn't say I feel that I belong there - not anymore. When my mooring fees stopped, so did my sense of belonging. As with most things, belonging needs to be paid for.

 

That sense of belonging to a fixed place isn't so important to me but - especially as a single boater - avoiding loneliness is. Yet, I also value my own space. I often find myself juggling to balance those two needs.

 

I took a winter mooring last year, enjoyed the part time community thing and, as the mooring period drew to an end, realised I'd again become institutionalised. Staying in one place for a while had been comforting and I didn't want it to end. I'd forgotten about that feeling.

[BlueStringPudding]

I feel the exact opposite to not belonging. Whenever I moor up anywhere I've stayed before it feels like coming home. There are places all over the country that feel like home to me. Being on the boat has given me a greater sense of belonging than staying put in one location. Some of that I think is because being around other CCers who share my values when I moor up somewhere populated, gives a sense of belonging. If I don't feel I belong somewhere I move to somewhere I do. Some of that sense of belonging comes from literally having my home with me as I travel. Some of it comes from enjoying my own company and the peace and tranquillity of being in the middle of nowhere and close to nature. And some of that feeling probably comes from having grown up as an RAF kid who saw the next move as an adventure accumulating friends rather than losing them

Edited April 26, 2016 by BlueStringPudding

[bizzard]

To be too long or not to be-long, ie too short. Both have advantages and disadvantages. I'm average in height at 5ft 9'' in me socks and find I can do most things averagely well. On the other hand if you happen to belong in the extra tall bracket 7ft plus in socks or in the extra low minus 5ft in socks dwarf bracket then belonging in those two categories can be pretty disadvantageous in many respects, differing heights, like headroom in narrow boats, steering boats, keeping a low profile, trying to keep a high profile, climbing over fences and things, kissing the opposite sex, kissing the same sex or whatever is your thing.

[Wanderer Vagabond]

I feel the exact opposite to not belonging. Whenever I moor up anywhere I've stayed before it feels like coming home. There are places all over the country that feel like home to me. Being on the boat has given me a greater sense of belonging than staying put in one location. Some of that I think is because being around other CCers who share my values when I moor up somewhere populated, gives a sense of belonging. If I don't feel I belong somewhere I move to somewhere I do. Some of that sense of belonging comes from literally having my home with me as I travel. Some of it comes from enjoying my own company and the peace and tranquillity of being in the middle of nowhere and close to nature. And some of that feeling probably comes from having grown up as an RAF kid who saw the next move as an adventure accumulating friends rather than losing them

Have to say that my position is almost identical to yours (although I don't have the same itinerant childhood you refer to). Instead of just 'belonging' to one small piece of this country I feel more like I belong to all of it. There are parts I like more that others (much the same as if I lived in just one town, there would be parts I didn't particularly like) but overall i much prefer this to pigeon holing myself into just 'belonging' to a small town somewhere. I have even reached the point where I actively despise remaining in one place for too long. Over the past month I've been hanging around the Oxford area waiting for the Thames to calm down and it has, quite frankly, driven me to distraction. Fortunately the OH feels the same and we were both very glad to get back on the move again (didn't eventually bother waiting for the Thames, decided to return at some other time).

[patty-ann]

It may depend on whats happening in your life to how settled you feel in one area...ATM..I don't feel i belong anywhere and am adrift...an exocet missile has exploded in my life recently causing turmoil..I run to the boat..take her out but return early as Im not at peace on her anymore..I then run to the house but I don't belong here either..

Im nor sure whats next but for me feeling safe and secure either alone or interacting with people I meet creates a feeling of belonging.....

In a Marina there can be a sense of safety, the herd instinct that makes us feel we belong..the hand of friendship that we need in times of uncertainty.

[Joelsanders]

It may depend on whats happening in your life to how settled you feel in one area...ATM..I don't feel i belong anywhere and am adrift...an exocet missile has exploded in my life recently causing turmoil..I run to the boat..take her out but return early as Im not at peace on her anymore..I then run to the house but I don't belong here either..

Im nor sure whats next but for me feeling safe and secure either alone or interacting with people I meet creates a feeling of belonging.....

In a Marina there can be a sense of safety, the herd instinct that makes us feel we belong..the hand of friendship that we need in times of uncertainty.

Our priorities change throughout life - very true. The things we love can turn to objects of loathing .... and so we move on. We hate what is forcing us to change at the time because we're creatures of habit & comfort but, without that cycle , where's the motivation to explore, change and grow ?

 

For myself, there's a point when I get far enough outside of my comfort zone, something snaps and I reinvent myself. That's how I got a boat in the first place. For the honeymoon period, the sense of belonging is at its strongest . After a while, the infatuation period fades and it becomes normal, and, a few years later, i'm too focussed on the downsides and pining for the gold old days. Then the choice is to put up with it and stagnate or start anew.

 

Perhaps the sense of belonging is strongest when we are happy and excited. It's that energy that draws us to other people and draws other people to us.