A teeth cleaning wheeze.

[bizzard]

I'm a pink tooth brush.

Your a blue tooth brush'

we live on the bathroom wall.

Why bother with one of those tacky electric tooth brushes when you can make your own and a much more powerful and effective one too.

Most folk have a jigsaw if not nip out and buy one, buy a decent one though, one with what I call a galloping blade holder not a cheap one that the blade holder just goes boringly up and down which won't be very effective.

No adaption to the jigsaw is needed only an adoption to your favourite tooth brush is necessary by simply filing its handle to the same thickness and profile as a jigsaw blade ( Bosch or whatever). Fit the toothbrush to the jigsaw and prepare to clean your gnashers ''if you've still got any that is, if not don't bother with this wonderful breakthrough in teeth cleaning at all, forget it''.

Convey you new electric toothbrush to the sink, squirt some tooth paste onto it, Brasso, Bluebell, T-cut or whatever toothpaste you prefer, I prefer chimney soot because of the extra Fluoride it contains.

Its quite important that you hang well over the sink, for the vigorous action of the jigsaw toothbrush might fling toothpaste and blood (only if you have tender gums) all over the shop. For tender and sensitively gummed folk I recommend you use a jigsaw with a variable speed trigger to make it a bit more gentle otherwise your gnashers might become uprooted and all come spattering out like machine gun bullets, rat-tat-tat-tat-tat!! nasty, which might need a bit of professional dental treatment to stick em all back in.

Having finished brushing your teeth it pays to finally clean the gaps between them, this is easily achieved, again with the versatile jigsaw by swapping the toothbrush for a jigsaw blade, a fine toothed hacksaw blade is preferable to clean these slots and get all the bacteria out. WARNING!! If you use a course toothed ripsaw type blade you could cause permanent damage to your teeth, ''a mouthful of rubble like a Stepney bomb site'' could occur, causing great pain, difficulty chewing food and embarrassment when you smile. To complete your teeth maintenance I recommend leveling them off and sharpening them so that they chew efficiently and evenly, this is best achieved simply by inserting a course file in your mouth between your teeth, tying a rope tourniquet around under your chin and up around the jaw and head with a tensioning stick on top to twist the rope and so keep a nice steady pressure on the file, then just draw the file calmly in and out until a nerve is hit, that's the signal to stop, leaving you to finally admire you beautiful, gleaming white teeth in your mirror.

[kevinl]

Bizzard you're as fecking nutter, it's too early to be as drunk as you are. Will you be going on Dragon's Den with this?

[nb Innisfree]

If Desperate Dan was here he'd use a jigsaw but instead if a normal toothbrush and brasso he'd use a wire brush and iron filings, he didn't fanny around, what a man, my hero for life.

[BlueStringPudding]

and

[blackrose]

I'm not sure if I'll be taking my mains powered jigsaw into my bathroom and then putting the (modified) working end into my mouth.

[GoodGurl]

I'm not sure if I'll be taking my mains powered jigsaw into my bathroom and then putting the (modified) working end into my mouth.

why not? live a little

[Phil Ambrose]

Biz you really are priceless, long may bring smiles to our faces (and after this maybe toothless grins)

Phil

[i love my narrowboat]

Bizzard never fails to make me smile with his wit and humorous outlook on life :-) cheers :-)

[onionbargee]

You of course use valve lapping grit as tooth paste with that ?

[HappyBunny]

...... Excellent ... though I am somewhat "dentally challenged" these days ..... so just put mine in a glass of steradent now

[mattlad]

Whatever next? Flossing with a chainsaw?

[bizzard]

Bizzard you're as fecking nutter, it's too early to be as drunk as you are. Will you be going on Dragon's Den with this?

Gee thanks thanks for the complements. No need, I only need to flog filed up tooth brushes. The only den that might be needed though is an emergency den-tist.

[bizzard]

Biz you really are priceless, long may bring smiles to our faces (and after this maybe toothless grins)

Phil

You of course use valve lapping grit as tooth paste with that ?

I mix course carborumdum with the soot, yes.

[bizzard]

...... Excellent ... though I am somewhat "dentally challenged" these days ..... so just put mine in a glass of steradent now

Don't worry, dentures can be dealt with, with the jigsaw tooth brush even more simply, now let me explain.

There are two ways of cleaning your dentures. One is to hold down your jigsaw on the floor by plonking your foot on it with the brush sticking up. Smother the brush with a mixture of abrasive grit and the Steradent, remove your dentures, set the jigsaw in motion and by careful manipulation rub em up clean on the pulsating brush.

The second method requires a pudding mixing bowl or any old pot or saucepan will do. Pour your grit and steradent mixture into the bowl, add a drop of petrol, pop your dentures into the bowl stirring them up a bit with a finger. Grasp hold of your jigsaw tooth brush and just like a Magi-mix plunge it into the bowl and chase your gnashers around until clean, just like mixing a Christmas pudding really, when clean fish em out, rinse and they're ready to wear once again.

Hope this helps you.

regs bizzard.

[bizzard]

Bizzard never fails to make me smile with his wit and humorous outlook on life :-) cheers :-)

Whatever next? Flossing with a chainsaw?

No too noisy, a Kango or pneumatic drill or a Scabbler.