Fish bone trap and food extruder-mincer device.

[bizzard]

It's quite distressing getting fish bones stuck in yer throat. It happened once to the Queens mum at Balmoral, I bet the chef got slapped around the face with a wet Herring, tortured on the rack and sacked for not filleting the Royal fish properly, I think it was Halibut.

So lets get on with the homemade Fishbone trap and food mincer specially intended to trap bony fish bones like Kipper bones.

Procure an old tea strainer of the gauze mesh type, not the pressed metal type with holes punched in. Cut the handle off. With a pointed tool, poke bigger holes in the mesh, about 1mm in size. Now squeeze it about in your hands to make it nice and supple. The next step is to open yer gob and insert the device between your teeth ''if you've got any'' and tonsils, or where your tonsils were until you had em out. Insert the device in there cup side outwards. All quite simple.

To test the device fry up a fresh Herring or Kipper or even boil in the bag Kippers which still have nasty little bones in, and pop a morsel into your mouth, bones and all, no need to chew it or spit bones out, but just suck it all up into the tea strainer, then close your mouth tight, put a peg on your nose and adopt a sort of sucking in, gulping-swallowing and heaving performance. This will suck the fishes flesh through the tea strainer to pop out extruded through the other side, ready chewed and ready to swallow leaving all those nasty bones trapped in the strainer. Your teeth won't wear out with knashing anymore either as the food is extruded and minced by passing through the strainer. As the title also implies,''Ideal for toothless people''.

So after your bony fish meal ''or any meal really'' remove the peg from nose, remove the special strainer from your throat, empty the bones in the bin and wash it ready for next time.

Bon appyteeth.

 

 

Next time I shall explain how to eat Cream Crackers without them shattering into fragments all over floor, for those folk with only one or two staggered teeth left or a jumbled uneven array of teeth that resemble a Stepney bomb site.

Edited August 3, 2015 by bizzard

[Phil Ambrose]

Looking forward to the Stepney bomb site tips ( I well remember bombsites, urban adventure playgrounds )

Phil

[MtB]

It's quite distressing getting fish bones stuck in yer throat. It happened once to the Queens mum at Balmoral, I bet the chef got slapped around the face with a wet Herring, tortured on the rack and sacked for not filleting the Royal fish properly, I think it was Halibut.

So lets get on with the homemade Fishbone trap and food mincer specially intended to trap bony fish bones like Kipper bones.

Procure an old tea strainer of the gauze mesh type, not the pressed metal type with holes punched in. Cut the handle off. With a pointed tool, poke bigger holes in the mesh, about 1mm in size. Now squeeze it about in your hands to make it nice and supple. The next step is to open yer gob and insert the device between your teeth ''if you've got any'' and tonsils, or where your tonsils were until you had em out. Insert the device in there cup side outwards. All quite simple.

To test the device fry up a fresh Herring or Kipper or even boil in the bag Kippers which still have nasty little bones in, and pop a morsel into your mouth, bones and all, no need to chew it or spit bones out, but just suck it all up into the tea strainer, then close your mouth tight, put a peg on your nose and adopt a sort of sucking in, gulping-swallowing and heaving performance. This will suck the fishes flesh through the tea strainer to pop out extruded through the other side, ready chewed and ready to swallow leaving all those nasty bones trapped in the strainer. Your teeth won't wear out with knashing anymore either as the food is extruded and minced by passing through the strainer. As the title also implies,''Ideal for toothless people''.

So after your bony fish meal ''or any meal really'' remove the peg from nose, remove the special strainer from your throat, empty the bones in the bin and wash it ready for next time.

Bon appyteeth.

 

 

Next time I shall explain how to eat Cream Crackers without them shattering into fragments all over floor, for those folk with only one or two staggered teeth left or a jumbled uneven array of teeth that resemble a Stepney bomb site.

 

 

What sort of beer are they flogging in the pub up the cut from you?

[John V]

 

 

What sort of beer are they flogging in the pub up the cut from you?

 

Lunatics broth ? Mines a pint by the way

[Chewbacka]

I had a whole fish (cooked) in Japan and the old Japanese guy I was with told me that as a child the main source of calcium was fish bones, followed by 'please try some'. So I eat an inch of fish spine with some big ribs and duly ground them up in my mouth. The worst part was the stuff that came oozing out of the spine as I crunched it up. Not a pleasant experience - he also eat both of my fish eyes as I declined to try them.

 

He did stress being very careful to not to attempt to swallow until they were ground up to nothing - He did suddenly look worried that he may be responsible for choking a foreigner to death.

Edited August 4, 2015 by Chewbacka

[Neil2]

 

 

What sort of beer are they flogging in the pub up the cut from you?

 

Gotta be Wadworth Swordfish...

[Morticiah]

 

 

What sort of beer are they flogging in the pub up the cut from you?

 

whatever it is, I think I'd like some!

[Peter Reed]

Mr Bizarre I am still 100% convinced that you are in immediate need of therapy.Please go to your nearest Psychiatric establishment and beg for treatment.

PS tell them that Reedy sent you.I am well known at all these venues, south of Nottingham.