Howard

It's people like you that have caused me to cease posting on this forum .... Yeah , we're all idiots to you , we're just trying to do our job .... I've seen a whole lot of narrowboaters who don't know their arse from their elbow , and make the most incredible fuck ups , but you guys never post that do you , it's always someone elses fault . I only popped back today to see what has been going on , if anything has changed , but i guess it hasn't .. Will a moderator please delete my account. Thanks . Good luck to everyone who has been friendly and supportive. You're always welcome.

Remember that the boatyards will charge a lot more than the Agency ... Our pump out cards are £6 , boatyards charge over a tenner ..... They are roughly every 9 to 10 locks apart , Molesey being the first you will encounter , the next would be Boveney ....

The Environment Agency started just such a thing last year .... You should be able to pick up , at pretty much any lock , some A5 sized window stickers which say that you are happy to have others moored alongside you ... the idea is that everyone can look out for these stickers and then there is no risk of a confrontation with someone who may not be happy for you to moor alongside. If they have a sticker, its all good , if they don't , it probably isn't ... http://www.thamesboating.com/Publications/...20to%20moor.pdf The campaign , i don't think , was as successful as it could have been , as we haven't given many stickers away to be honest , but any of you who pass through Teddington Lock or any Thames lock , just ask and we can give you some.

It won't be getting any of the nutrients it needs to survive from scrambled egg .... Year before last , i brought a duckling up from 1 day old to adulthood at the lock ( it was lost by it's mother in the barge lock at night , and would certainly have died , we tried to return it the next day but it was rejected ) following research and advice, i fed it on 'chick crumb' and iceberg lettuce .... the chick crumb is similar to what people feed partridges when they are raising them and can be bought from a good pet shop or animal food supplier .... We still see the duck from time to time around the lock , we ringed her initially but it has since come off , however she recognises myself and Danny , another one of the Teddington crew , and will fly directly out of the lock and walk around with us at times ....

You could use the drydock at Sunbury EA yard ..... you would need a crew to do the work though .... Shepperton Marina is just down the road , they might be able to provide the manpower. The drydock is just that , Flood the dock , drive the boat in and pump it dry , no need for a crane ... Call 08708 506 506 and ask for the contact details . Good luck

I know some of you will still bemoan the unfairness of the VHF rules, but if the PLA or Police come alongside , which they can do occasionally, and they found that you should have a VHF and didn't , I imagine it would end in a fine and probably escort to where you came from or the nearest safe point of mooring .... As you know , I work for the EA not the PLA , and while (personally) I couldn't care less whether you have a VHF or not, I suppose it all comes down to safety. The PLA don't make any money out of you having a VHF , the only people who would , would be the chandlerys and the RYA , so it's not down to them wanting to 'tax' you in some way . In some respects it will make more work for them. If you have a VHF , and you have a problem , you can be in direct contact with London Coastguard in seconds as opposed to having to ring them on a mobile , or even worse having to attract someones attention. London Coastguard can then despatch either a PLA launch or more likely a lifeboat to come and assist. Please don't think i'm a sourpuss .... The PLA are much stricter on enforcing their rules than other agencies for example .... There is quite a well known case of a chap driving his boat recklessly and speeding on the upper tideway (PLA not EA territory) , the PLA ended up taking him to court , and the chap hired a hot shot lawyer who quite dismissively stated in court that as no radar gun was used the prosecution was invalid .... The judge asked the PLA officer how fast he thought the boat was travelling at , and then asked him how many years experience he had first with the merchant navy and then with the PLA ( it was about 25 ) .... to which the judge replied that it was good enough for him , and fined the chap £1500 .... this was some years ago now , no doubt nowadays it would end up in the European Court of Human Rights !! Not really relevant to the VHF rules, but a nice story nonetheless. Please everyone take care and you are more than welcome to come for a picnic and a chat when you are at Teddington. Hope to see you all soon.

Hi there, You can moor at Teddington while you are waiting for the tide , no problem . Security is fine. You can get a pump out at Molesey lock on the way down or on the way back up , you can buy a pump out card from any lock , they cost £6

Anyone who wants to adapt this recipe for 'Teddington Lock-keeper scones' will be warmly welcomed !

CPC services , Third Cross Road , Twickenham ....

Ha Ha !! Teddington Skiff Lock is indeed 49 feet long ...... but its only 5 foot 8 wide !! So you wouldn't fit a narrowboat in it regardless of length! The Barge Lock is 650 feet long and you can see it full of narrowboats here :- http://www.teddington-lock.co.uk/custom/28...%20lock%20A.jpg And full of amphibious vehicles here :- http://www.teddington-lock.co.uk/custom/Dukw_Visit_1a.JPG See you soon ....

Is it not out of season at the moment ? re-opens middle of June ....

Hi Les, You aren't allowed to fish from the bank i took the photo from as it is the lockside. But if you had a long enough cast from the opposite bank (70m ish) you could fish there ... Alternatively you could rock up in a rowing boat and drop anchor, it is by the entrance to the skiff (very small) lock and as long as you were prepared to move if a boat was passing through , i wouldn't see it posing a problem. To be honest , the skiff lock is used so infrequently that i suspect you would have a days uninterrupted fishing easily ! The water is about 4 feet deep where the carp were , so warms quite quickly in the summer as it is also south facing , hence why they bask there. Good luck , maybe see you at the Lock ! H

Here is a 13 pounder caught just downstream of the lock and tagged by the EA to monitor its progress upstream .... http://www.teddington-lock.co.uk/page_1149357544546.html

We are off yellow boards at Teddington now , and the river is slowly subsiding ..... although there is still a fair quantity of water coming down. Couldn't comment on the flow on the upper reaches , but in the summer months we usually tell people that Teddington to Oxford could be done in 4 days. Shepperton is about 3 hours upstream of Teddington so you have a 3 lock head start . If you have a Thames User Guide ( can be picked up at any lock , ask the keeper ) it has all the phone numbers of all the locks in it, give them a buzz and ask them about the water levels and flow. Good luck , hope it goes well , nice to meet you when you came through Teddington the other day !!

No more braided caps or epaulettes anywhere on the Thames now , as of a couple of days ago we have all been told that we are not allowed to wear that uniform any more ....

If you go to my site , www.teddington-lock.co.uk , there is a scan of our actual price list , doesn't take any time to download and is easy to use !! Hope to see you all soon ...

No , its based on a laser that is bounced off the car / hull whatever .... I agree that to do a speed check from a moving boat would be idiocy , thats why they are moored up when they do .... The Agency isn't out to start collecting speeding fines, i mean if you were doing even 10 knots , they probably wouldn't even bother you , it's more based on targeting speeding passenger boats and idiots in speedboats that have launched them for the day and don't know any better..... Not on hassling the average river user who might drift a couple of knots over the limit ..... Why do people have this hang up about speed checks on the river ? is it because the police use them to generate revenue on the roads ? it's not the same ....

Anthony , you really are coming across as one of these people who go through life with the adage ' I'll do whatever the hell I want, and no-one will tell me any different' I hope i'm wrong...... but that certainly is the impression you give ... Thats ok then , you refuse , it's not my problem , I will pass on the refusal to pay to the Nav Office and they can pursue you for the fees , through the courts if necessary , i'm done with arguing with 'the water should be free brigade' .... makes no difference to me ..... thats why we have a legal department ..... You would be amazed at the amount of 'river gypsies' we get that moor up and when we approach them for payment give us all manner of nonsense excuses ' I can't afford it ' - 'Well moor somewhere else then' , 'My gyro hasn't cleared ' - 'shame' , 'The free grassy area is full of river gypsies, they told me that it would be ok to moor here' - 'well it's not unless you pay' , 'can i live aboard ?' - 'No' etc etc ..... that is what i mean by putting their problems onto us .... If you are paddling in your canoe, how do you launch it ? from the towpath ? a slipway ? all need maintaining believe it or not. When you decide to sneak past the lock over the rollers or the island , do you think that they maintain themselves by magic ? BW is nothing to do with me , i'm afraid , the Thames locks are controlled by the EA so I can't comment on the state of the BW towpaths.... however , any rubbish that turns up in the lock cut or at the lock is promptly lifted out and disposed of by us ..... this costs money as well surprisingly ...... If you see a large log or something floating , all you have to do is phone the nav office or the next lock and they will arrange for a barge to come and collect it , surprisingly, this doesn't come free either .... so , the very act of navigating on the river and having the ability to report things is part of what your (non existant apparently) licence would pay for .... The towpaths of the Thames , by and large are controlled by the local councils so if you see mess , you need to report it to them and they will sort it out instead of just moaning away to yourself and anyone else who will listen .... I might be coming across as a bit of a grump , but believe me i'm not , i just get fed up of all the 'something for nothing' people that we seem to be burdened with nowadays , thankfully most people are really nice understanding souls, but you always get a few each season , who love to moan ....hopefully they'll stay away this year ....

No worries, don't want to see anyone in trouble ......

Electrically powered boats ( and canoes ) are charged at 75% of the cost of a powered boat ..... As well as avoiding locks , make sure you avoid the patrol launches as they will stop you occasionally and ask to see your licence .... I'll forward this on to my collegues at Penton Hook and Chertsey Baffles me all these people that want something for nothing , we see so many of them ..... and then they want to put their problems on to you .... 'Hello, can I collect your mooring fee please ?' 'I'm not paying that / can't afford that (delete as applicable) , blah blah blah ' 'Well then you'll have to move then' ..... Simple ... What do they think pays for the upkeep of the Agency facilities on the Thames ? Goodwill ? Unreal ......

When you come to any Thames lock, ask them for a copy of the Users Guide , it gives you a little chart in there of how long it should take you between each lock if you are travelling at the correct speed limit .... Be careful about attributing blame for bank collapses unless you have the evidence to back it up , stuff posted on forums is now admissable as evidence (in a defamation / libel suit for example ) ..... I haven't heard about this particular collapse so can't comment. They don't hide behind ducks with the speed guns, they just position themselves very obviously so they can get a 'bounce' off you .... Some coaching launches are exempt from the speed limit (although they are limited to a particular one per boat , it varies ) these boats will display a pennant when doing so .... also the RNLI / police / fire (not St John Ambulance , who like to think that they are) boats are exempt when travelling to an incident... To be honest, as has been stated , it's more about wash , you will get some boats that kick up a hell of a wash at 5 knots, so naturally they have to travel slower ...... and you'll always get one smart arse who will try to tell you ' I was on the plane, so i wasn't putting up any wash' The whole point about boating on the canals and rivers, is that there is no rush to get anywhere , so no need to speed . If you are concerned about how long a journey is taking you , perhaps the river isn't for you .....

If you come onto the Thames you would have to licence it as a powered craft , as opposed to an umpowered one , obviously

Dont phone the RSPCA or a vet , who won't be any help at all ...... The Department for the Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (DEFRA) have established a 24-hour hotline, enabling members of the public to report the suspicious death of birds in the United Kingdom. The number is: 08459 335 577