WEEEESE of the week.

[bizzard]

Some of us have to moor against banks and towpaths which are all curvy and irregular with little coves, promontaries, sharp S bends and or U bends in it, which makes it difficult to moor the boat neatly alongside without either the ends stickin out or a'' big mind the gap'' watery gap midships which one can easily step of the boat and plop into. Indeed on the river where I moor some boat have this trouble and obviously the longer the boat the bigger the problem can be.

For static ''permanent moorers'' this shouldn't be a problem if they've played their cards right and had their boats built to the same curvature as the bank they wish to moor alongside whether it be U, S, a mild W, or banana shape the boat can be built to fit and should fit in snuggly with no gap or bits sticking out either end, and the interior curves would be exquisitely appealing and different too.

However there are folk that want to use their boat but would would still like to moor neatly and snuggly against any shaped bank. Well these two wishes could come true, here's how.

Most of you have seen or grappled with flexible exhaust system tubing of around the 2'' dia size, well if a manufacturer could be found that would knock up the same stuff in about 7ft diameter then a flexible bendy boat would be entirely possible to build. The company ''Tuberex'' that make some of this stuff might be worth approaching.

The engine and transmission can be stuffed right up the back as indeed most modern boats have anyway so alignment wouldn't be much affected. Internal fittings and fixtures would need to be flexibly made out of rubber or silicon stuff.

Windows would need to be castle style slit windows that would fit in one twist of the tubing.

For daring daredevils and the intrepid propulsion could;- as this tubing is of spiral wound construction could be made to revolve at high speed through the water and so ''Screw'' itself along in a sort of twist drill Serpent fashion with no need for a propeller, weedbox and all those conventional complications. Going astern would also be simple too by just reversing the flexi tube boats rotation. The form of power to create and perform this revolutionary way of your boat revolving bodily at high speed to screw itself through the water would of course cause immense discomfort to the occupants, ''like being inside a giant spin dryer'' so a form of gimbling the interior so that the flexible boat tube will rotate independently of the interior.

Mooring up to a wavy bank is easily accomplished with a bit of pushing and shoving to adjust the flexy boat to fit.

Straightening it out again to go on a trip can be accomplished by sealing all openings, fixing a tyre valve on it somewhere and pressurizing by connecting a foot-pump, enough pressure will straighten out the boat very accurately, and off you go like a giant Dormer twist-drill bit or Barley-sugar stick a'screwing through the water. There would of course like all new things be minor teething troubles but those can be simply solved if and when any crop up.

Don't get all screwed up and over excited about this folks but remain calm and think ''straight'' for I reckon this idea is perfectly pliable.

Bizzard.

[rockingpete]

What about windows, chimneys, exhaust pipes, air vents and the like?

[bizzard]

What about windows, chimneys, exhaust pipes, air vents and the like?

The windows i've covered. The other bits and bobs like chimneys and things are quite elementary little problems and easily solved after the major things are complete.

[rockingpete]

YEABUT!!

[steven wilkinson]

you can have vents and intakes in the non-rotating ends of the tube. Windows could be incorporated into both the inner and outer shell so that they coincide! Easy!

[MtB]

As the method of propulsion is rotary, dog owners could use their dogs to power the boat by making them run up the walls inside, giant hamster-wheel stylee.

 

Yes/no, grate master inventer?

[Taslim]

Yea. Like Steve says, a power & control module (short boatman's cabin type of thing) axially mounted at the stern. This remains upright while the flexiboat screws its way through the water so no breather or exhaust probs & somewhere for the steerist to stand.....You could do similar at the bow for water tank & gas with commutators to the flexisaloon too.........Or better still! a rotary engine where the carb & exhaust gubbins are above water & as the engine rotates the cylinders dip into the water for cooling.

 

Bizzard are there any enterprise development grants still available? I think you may be onto something.

 

taslim.

[bizzard]

you can have vents and intakes in the non-rotating ends of the tube. Windows could be incorporated into both the inner and outer shell so that they coincide! Easy!

Yeees strong possibilities here, thanks Steven.

 

As the method of propulsion is rotary, dog owners could use their dogs to power the boat by making them run up the walls inside, giant hamster-wheel stylee.

 

Yes/no, grate master inventer?

A floating Treadmill. A very good and original idea Mike. The only really quite minor problem might be, all the bruises that might be inflicted on the dogs or people by all the little treadmill steps around the perifery. Slip off and it'd be like tumbling around and getting battered around in a cement mixer. No doubt the dogs could wear special sponge rubber propulsion suits though in case.

[bizzard]

Yea. Like Steve says, a power & control module (short boatman's cabin type of thing) axially mounted at the stern. This remains upright while the flexiboat screws its way through the water so no breather or exhaust probs & somewhere for the steerist to stand.....You could do similar at the bow for water tank & gas with commutators to the flexisaloon too.........Or better still! a rotary engine where the carb & exhaust gubbins are above water & as the engine rotates the cylinders dip into the water for cooling.

 

Bizzard are there any enterprise development grants still available? I think you may be onto something.

 

taslim.

Thank you Taslim. Very good ideas indeed. But in view of problems with the pertrubrances, and exhaust and chimney holes ect ect I feel I can omit all these by going ''Nuclear'' and done with it. A nuclear furnace knocked up from an old stove lying about to power a homemade steam turbine to drive a gyroscopic epicyclic mechanism to rotate the tube. I can adapt my pressure cooker for a boiler. And gimbled accommodation pods. I shall approach the ministry of power about a supply of enriched Plutonium fuel rods, No Uranium or Strontium 90'll do for now.

I've been swottin up a bit on nuclear fizzicks lately so feel quite confident of success.

Edited December 11, 2012 by bizzard

[Taslim]

Understood.

 

Probably a better solution going the nuclear route but my nuclear fizziks knowledge isn't up to that sort of challenge so m' be I'll just carry on with the idea of developing an immersion cooled rotary engine. I had a minor Erica moment, in between bringing in the dogs & chucking out the cats. I was worried about how to deal with the spark plugs/canal water interface on the proposed rotary engine. Easy Peasy! Go diesel!

 

That sorted, how to steer a flexiboat? First thoughts were a cable each side between the front & back 'static' modules but ofcouse they would chafe on the rotating cabin. Then I thought KSS so propose the bow section is skillfully shaped to be deflected if it hits anything. This would hopefully deflect the boat causing it to slither, serpent like, past the obstruction like those battery powered kids toys. My concern about how the craft would react to 'head to head' contact could possibly be mitigated by fitting some sort of whim-wham below the water line of the bow module causing it to weave gently from side to side, This could reduce the risk of a full frontal and may even impart a pleasing reptilian ripple to the rotating section as one cruised.

 

taslm.

[bizzard]

Do you mean an old 1st world war aircraft type rotary engine or a modern Wankel rotary engine?.

Ps. excuse the missing auf Deutch umlaut above Wankels A.

Edited December 12, 2012 by bizzard

[BruceinSanity]

Thank you Taslim. Very good ideas indeed. But in view of problems with the pertrubrances, and exhaust and chimney holes ect ect I feel I can omit all these by going ''Nuclear'' and done with it. A nuclear furnace knocked up from an old stove lying about to power a homemade steam turbine to drive a gyroscopic epicyclic mechanism to rotate the tube. I can adapt my pressure cooker for a boiler. And gimbled accommodation pods. I shall approach the ministry of power about a supply of enriched Plutonium fuel rods, No Uranium or Strontium 90'll do for now.

I've been swottin up a bit on nuclear fizzicks lately so feel quite confident of success.

 

I'm sure the North Koreans could knock you one up cheap…

 

[Nine of Hearts]

Not related to this wheeze, but I don't want to challenge bizzard's revered position as chief wheezer by starting a new thread, I came up with a top tip myself this week.

 

Discussing the frosty starts we'd been having, I was informed by my colleagues at work that my tactic of starting the car then nipping back inside to continue my ablutions while it defrosted was, in fact, illegal. This was news to more people than me, so we duly checked and it is so. You cannot leave a car running if it is unattended.

 

At this point, I came upon the "urchin wheeze", whereby you accost an urchin and perhaps make some disparaging, ageist comment about their attire. When they pull their tongue out at you, you simply grab them and affix them to your frozen vehicle by said protuberance. You then start the car and continue your morning preparations, as your vehicle is now "attended". When the car defrosts, this will free the urchin, and you can drive away.

 

It was pointed out that you may have difficulty finding a suitable urchin at such an early hour, but you could always order a paper.

[Taslim]

Do you mean an old 1st world war aircraft type rotary engine or a modern Wankel rotary engine?.

Ps. excuse the missing auf Deutch umlaut above Wankels A.

 

Sorry to take so long getting back but the nurse insisted I took the tablets.

 

I prefer the traditional look even when trying something new and there are more than enough Wanlels in this world.

 

A diesel version of the Sopwith Camel type engine I think, with the crankshaft bolted to th bulkhead & the cylinders rotating. That way the get cooled in sequence.

 

I was a bit concerned about the possible problem of water flying in a great ark from the emerging cylinders which might annoy people on the towpath, especially those polite & patient people who seem to be doing their own experiments trying to devise high teck methods of drowning maggots & worms.

 

I'm sure a low reving engine & suitable guards will sort this but, as with the steering, this method brings it's own problems. It would be hard to mount a gearbox on the rotating cylinders. How to reverse?

 

If the diesel was2stroke it could be made to run in reverse though that would be a bit of a faff. After a day of looking at the very soft wall covering in this guest room I think I may have come up with an idea that could kill two birds with one stone.

 

Cash is tight & this would be a prototype so.....Bolt prop to cylinders, as per Sopwith, get two metal buckets of larger diameter than the prop, punch the bottom out of one & weld it to the tiller to form a sort of Kort nozzle. Steering sorted. The second ( un modified) bucket is rigged on a sliding thingamabob that puts the second bucket into the water behind the nozzle. The water from the nozzle is deflected forward like the reverse thrusters on aircraft. Reverse sorted.

 

If you are looking for fuel for your DIY reactor have you though about contacting those people who buy old gold & jewelry? I was thinking you could scrape the luminous stuff of the watch dials for them. Its got to be win win. You get your fuel & they don't have to pay for the disposal of hazardous waist.

 

BruceinSanity had a good idea about sourcing a nuclear power plant though I think that, in view of their successful fireworks experiment, they may not deliver it in a very user friendly way.

 

taslim.

[jelunga]

Do you mean an old 1st world war aircraft type rotary engine or a modern Wankel rotary engine?.

Ps. excuse the missing auf Deutch umlaut above Wankels A.

I rode from England to Czechslovakia and back on a Wankel engines motorcycle. Just thought I would throw that in .

Wouldnt have done it on a nuclear powered one, not with all that radiation throbbing between my legs.

[Radiomariner]

I rode from England to Czechslovakia and back on a Wankel engines motorcycle. Just thought I would throw that in .

Wouldnt have done it on a nuclear powered one, not with all that radiation throbbing between my legs.

 

 

Are you afraid that the radition throbbing from between your legs may melt down the reactor?

 

I like your idea Bizzard and look forward to receiving an invitation from you to attend the launching!

Edited December 14, 2012 by Radiomariner

[bizzard]

Sorry to take so long getting back but the nurse insisted I took the tablets.

 

I prefer the traditional look even when trying something new and there are more than enough Wanlels in this world.

 

A diesel version of the Sopwith Camel type engine I think, with the crankshaft bolted to th bulkhead & the cylinders rotating. That way the get cooled in sequence.

 

I was a bit concerned about the possible problem of water flying in a great ark from the emerging cylinders which might annoy people on the towpath, especially those polite & patient people who seem to be doing their own experiments trying to devise high teck methods of drowning maggots & worms.

 

I'm sure a low reving engine & suitable guards will sort this but, as with the steering, this method brings it's own problems. It would be hard to mount a gearbox on the rotating cylinders. How to reverse?

 

If the diesel was2stroke it could be made to run in reverse though that would be a bit of a faff. After a day of looking at the very soft wall covering in this guest room I think I may have come up with an idea that could kill two birds with one stone.

 

Cash is tight & this would be a prototype so.....Bolt prop to cylinders, as per Sopwith, get two metal buckets of larger diameter than the prop, punch the bottom out of one & weld it to the tiller to form a sort of Kort nozzle. Steering sorted. The second ( un modified) bucket is rigged on a sliding thingamabob that puts the second bucket into the water behind the nozzle. The water from the nozzle is deflected forward like the reverse thrusters on aircraft. Reverse sorted.

 

If you are looking for fuel for your DIY reactor have you though about contacting those people who buy old gold & jewelry? I was thinking you could scrape the luminous stuff of the watch dials for them. Its got to be win win. You get your fuel & they don't have to pay for the disposal of hazardous waist.

 

BruceinSanity had a good idea about sourcing a nuclear power plant though I think that, in view of their successful fireworks experiment, they may not deliver it in a very user friendly way.

 

taslim.

Yes the Gnome rotary engine. Pollution of the canal might be a problem though as those engines had a more or less total loss lubrication system, Caster oil being flung out in all directions from the spinning uncovered open air valve gear.

May i take the liberty of modifying your method of propulsion with the rotary engine.

Fix the engine mass to the hull tubing, take the propeller off and bolt a 15ft plank horizontally in its place with a large float on either end, two giant sized wooden Dutch clogs would do fine and look nice, these would hold still the crankshaft and absorb the engines torque allowing the engine mass to rotate, drive and rotate the hull tube as originally intended, the spiral coil make up of the tube driving it along.

Steering is easily solved with a system of electro magnetic ''Pummellers'' positioned to pummel, force and so contort the tube to match the curvature of an approaching bend, guidance being actuated by radar taking bearings from a cheap Binatone Satnav.

However I shall still pursue the Nuclear furnace route for propulsion.

A Chinese takeaway chap I know, a Mr Ching Chong Chillyknees from Limehouse thinks he can source some Strontium 90.

 

Are you afraid that the radition throbbing from between your legs may melt down the reactor?

 

I like your idea Bizzard and look forward to receiving an invitation from you to attend the launching!

Of course your welcome to attend the launching, it will take place at the Herts & Essex sewage staithe, B. Stortford. And if you'd be so kind and bring your pad of BSS pass certificates with you to write one out for the ''Flexitube boat'' I'd be much obliged.

Edited December 14, 2012 by bizzard

[Taslim]

Good evening.

 

This is Nurse Hidi posting as TASLIM.

 

I have just found taslim in this forum. And will need to sign him off.

 

We have been having trouble with him for the last few days, burbling on about nuclear powered, rotating boats that bend.

 

Things finally became to much this morning when he went on about re-designing gnomes heads to stop them leaking(?).

 

By late afternoon he was rambling about a boat with giant clogs. The poor man was saying that this was a good idea but for a much bigger boat. Something about pushy Dutchmen? Oh and then there was stuff about the traditions of English boating and beer barrels with diesel in them screwed to a plank. We really are at our wits end.

 

I don't know who he is getting these strange ideas from but they are having a deleterious effect on his already feeble brain so the Doctor has decided to take away his keyboard and put him on a diet of home knitted muesli and Radio 4 for a week.

 

Yours, Nurse Hidi. FMQ, SO.

[bizzard]

Good evening.

 

This is Nurse Hidi posting as TASLIM.

 

I have just found taslim in this forum. And will need to sign him off.

 

We have been having trouble with him for the last few days, burbling on about nuclear powered, rotating boats that bend.

 

Things finally became to much this morning when he went on about re-designing gnomes heads to stop them leaking(?).

 

By late afternoon he was rambling about a boat with giant clogs. The poor man was saying that this was a good idea but for a much bigger boat. Something about pushy Dutchmen? Oh and then there was stuff about the traditions of English boating and beer barrels with diesel in them screwed to a plank. We really are at our wits end.

 

I don't know who he is getting these strange ideas from but they are having a deleterious effect on his already feeble brain so the Doctor has decided to take away his keyboard and put him on a diet of home knitted muesli and Radio 4 for a week.

 

Yours, Nurse Hidi. FMQ, SO.

Good evening nurse Hidi. I regret the trouble you've been having with Taslim and I hope your not holding me responsible for his present condition, after all he brought it upon himself by participating in my inventions development wheeze. I take it that he is a grown man and therefore should have been aware that to have anything to do with my wheezes might lead to his present condition, a reduction in rational reasoning and rapid mental deterioration which will possibly only have one outcome i'm afraid, he might become an imbecilic Gibbering idiot. But take heart nurse Hidi sometimes folk in delirious states of this nature often come up with brilliant brain waves and then return to normal.

Hope he gets better. Regards Bizzard.

[nebulae]

Plenty of old nuculear power plants about.The Russians have been cutting them out of old submarines and dumping the in deep water for ages.They will almost certainly be glad to flog you one cheap.A nuclear plant is just a steam engine with some dodgy stuff heating the water.The average D.I.Y. boater should be able to overcome the minor technical issues raised.The boat would be low emmisions.Would it qualify for a discount on the license?