enigmatic

I once knocked on the door of a lock cottage which was the lockkeeper's cottage (electrics failed on a Thames lock, and I was stuck in it). His wife told me to ring the EA so he got paid for the callout! Or even particularly close. It's in Peterborough in the same sense Braunston is in Northampton or Marsden is in Manchester. In fact, it's so far away from Peterborough they pronounce the name of the river differently there

Ashline lock is the absolute worst of the hydraulic paddles. Ridiculous number of turns, and you need to buy a specific windlass for it. Just as well that it's about 20ft longer than the other locks on the Middle Level so your boat isn't likely to be close to either gate I try to remember to do this too. Worst case scenario is when some of them are already off, and then you realise when you need to open the ones at the other end that your handcuff key isn't in your pocket...

The company that installed it is apparently making a 'how to use it' video to be posted online. I was passing through it when they were there with their drone. Which is just as well really, because they confirmed it's not designed to be possible to operate for single handers (I think I could figure out a way if I really had to...). Apparently this was discussed at the design stage but CRT said it wasn't a priority because several of their other bridges on that stretch are also particularly difficult to operate for single hander... It's privately owned and I think the only thing on the other side is the cricket club. The next bridge in the direction of Leeds is awful too (standard CRT pedestrian swing bridge, but impossibly stiff in certain conditions)

The one time my boat was at risk I had annoying modern paddles that had to be very slowly and laboriously wound down (It was a stupid gate design holding my bow down rather than a cilling, but the remedy is the same) I hate to think what would happen if someone cilled a boat somewhere like Ashline lock on the Middle Level (50 turns on the paddle with a long armed windlass) suspect a proportion of cillings happen because even though boaters spot it and attempt the right remedy, stuff like stiff paddle gear, very leaky locks, quirky paddle designs that people don't understand whether they're open or closed and anti-vandal devices mean they can't stop it quickly enough.

No matter how much deep love people might have for the weird and wonderful Industrial Revolution tech and the never-ending "which paddles work" conundrum, it's difficult to get the same positive vibes from turning the world's most fiddly key and holding a button down for two minutes to shut the guillotine on the 1970s concrete box...

It is. Curiously for the site of a canal festival, Leamington is one of the few towns that's improved if you pretend the rubbish bit near the canal doesn't exist

Can you throw the lock key if they're not looking at you? Asking for a friend

What's the horn signal for "don't turn the lock against me!"

tbf, most of the vollies have spent a lot more time near locks than a lot of the hire boaters that pass through only advice I've ever had from them is "look out for the crosswind/bywash" when lining this one up, which is fine, sometimes even useful I imagine if I made a habit of leaving windlasses on spindles or leaving my boat at the back of the lock near the cill, it'd be useful for someone to step in and suggest not doing that

I've winded 57'6 there a couple of times, assuming we're talking about the bit above the lock. Width of the channel isn't an issue but the flow does have to be taken into account. You're moving your bow out of the strongest bit of the flow though. The mooring there is the best in the area IMO, though there are 48hr visitor moorings at the bottom of the canal which (if there's one free) are well-located for Oxford's attractions and would save winding.

Looks like they're expecting to reopen middle of next week. so now I have an actual decision whether to carry on over the Pennines and brave further water shortages south of Manchester or reverse course and go down the Trent instead

I can't speak for your bank, but I paid for my boat in two instalments sent a couple of minutes apart to evade the 25k transaction size limit. (I did notify them in advance that I would be making the transfer, and I did have to answer a couple of security questions before the second one went through, but I imagine it'd have been more painful to get them to hand the majority of the contents of that account over in banknotes)

There's absolutely nothing stopping you from making a bank transfer whilst sat next to the boat ready to take it away with any brokerage or private seller, which is an entirely separate point to it being fairly pointless to make decisions on whether to look at a boat based on how established the brokerage is. A quick forum search of "Nottingham Boat Sales" finds two topics on that company from around the period the bloke was stealing people's money, both with replies suggesting it was a decent operation they'd bought or sold boats from in the past. and if I was worried the broker had secretly sold the boat to multiple people, the very last thing I'd want to do is pay for it with a holdall of untraceable cash the dodgy broker can pretend he never received!

I fee like this emphasises my point. Rare example of people getting screwed over for fees by a broker (nine years ago) and it was an established bricks an mortar business with a solid trading history - the sort of place you'd skip over all sorts of online ads to buy from if you focused on broker reputation. Much more important to pick the right boat than the right broker.

Question now is whether this gets fixed before the Huddersfield Narrow reopens...

I assume they're going for the Great Haywood "no premises but we'll drive down to wherever the boat is to open it up for you, or tell you we've already sold it but you should look at a different boat instead" brokerage model Either way, the reputation of the broker is fairly unimportant in the grand scheme of things. You do your own checks on the boat, you send your money when you've satisfied yourself about the boat's condition, your access to it and that the registration is being transferred to your name, and frankly a limited company with access to a lot of boats is a lot less likely to be doing the dirty than a "private seller" on Gumtree (and even there you're probably in the clear if there's an actual boat involved, and not just a "please send me aa deposit via Paypal so I know you are serious and then I will show you my definitely real boat, honest")

There are also moorings at Day's Lock (£10, with a privately owned field if they're full) and Clifton Lock (£10), Mapledurham (£5) and Iffley lock (maybe better to continue to Oxford by that stage). The big advantage of the locks is relatively knowledgeable lockies and telephone numbers so you can ring ahead and ask. The non EA moorings at Pangbourne and Abingdon are close enough to the locks for lockies to tell you if they're busy and point out you've gone past them too. I'd probably aim to arrive in late afternoon at Goring and stop there (free for first night... if lots of other boats haven't got there first) but I'm aware it's going to be busier in summer than when I visited. My understanding is that the lockkeepers at places like Benson and Culham lock would probably let you overnight on the "layby" for a fee in summer if you'd been through Wallingford (nice, obvious public moorings not next to a lock) without finding a spot and run out of time to get to Abingdon too. I do think this is a good idea, as the Thames is nice (also makes finding mooring in Oxford easier)

Moorings are usually found at locks and usually either charged for or free for first night, charged for second, paid to the lockkeeper. Might be a lot busier in summer than when I was there. The locks on the Kennett and Avon are harder work than the Oxford, but you'll likely be able to share the work with another boat passing the same way as you. The Oxford canal is nice and you should do it yourself Fobney Lock outside Reading is another one where help is useful, as it's very leaky so you might need quite a bit of force to open the lock gates. Thames locks are dead easy, with powered gates and usually a lock keeper in summer.

Not being able to just get the stern in and sort the rest of the boat out with a centre line must make mooring and stopping at lock landings a lot more hassle, especially on windy days or less-than-perfectly-straight banks

This route is fine in general for narrowboats (and in fact I'm about to do it in the opposite direction!), with the caveats others have mentioned that if he's doing it in late summer there might be water shortages preventing passage or making it really shallow on Hudds Narrow and Macclesfield. It's also a lot of locks, although he'd probably get help at this time of year at Marple and could book it on the Hudds Narrow. At 58' he should fit the locks on the Huddersfield Broad, he'll just have to be careful and getting the gates open as a single hander might be annoying... The Trent route is easier if the scale of the Trent (including the non-tidal bit) isn't too intimidating and he trusts the reliability of his engine. At this time of year he might be able to find another boat to travel in convoy with on the Trent, which is a good idea too.

The point was that the charts advise you of a number of fixed hazards which might be non-obvious throughout the entire length of the tidal journey and also give you a reasonable idea about journey times to indicate whether you're on course to arrive as planned, which might be considered more essential than real time voice updates on commercial vessel movements of which only the short stretch near Keadby before you leave it is a concern, where the river is wide and any commercial traffic planned in advance and extremely visible. Trentlink's unofficial guidance to boaters suggests that if you're going to Keadby and no further (and you wouldn't go any further taking a narrowboat to Leeds) you should be able to get vessel movements above Keadby bridge by calling Humber VTS. https://trentlink.wordpress.com/comms/. The Keadby lockies, who are actually good, will also advise.

But in reality, many people make the trip without. Don't ask me how I know?! Trent charts more useful than VHF unless you plan on transiting lots of rivers anyway...

Straight up the Leicester line via the Trent would be the shortest route. More likely to be delayed by a brief flood on the Soar than water shortages going that way. Timing also depends on your tolerance for long days which are definitely possible in most parts (Trent tide times and restricted hours at Foxton/Watford flights might limit them in others) but should be comfortably do-able in two weeks The Trent is big for a narrowboat, but it's safe enough if your engine is reliable, you can follow instructions and you have a suitable anchor fitted