Negativity

[StoneHenge]

We had been looking to live aboard for a long time, many years. We spent a long time researching everything we could, visiting boats, taking boating holidays, looking into costs etc before we decided to take the plunge.

 

We found a local marina that was close to where our kids go to school, and got a mooring spot secured before searching for a boat, which we finally got last year.

 

When we first moved in, it was great. Where we lived before we had put up with years of noise abuse from our next door who thought nothing of keeping us awake night after night, threatening behaviour and causing us more problems than I care to try and write down given how painful it still is.

 

Given that, it was a wonderful thing moving into a marina that was nice, quiet, full of considerate people, and I was able to sleep, apart from my little one who is 18 months, but he's had some problems, some probably from having been born to such an anti social environement.

 

Things were ticking along quite nicely. We are not unsociable, and chat to our neighbours etc, but we also like to do our own thing as well, and we love the peace and quiet. I am still really sensitive to noise issues, and find it difficult to tolerate any loud noises, espeically loud base music.

 

Our kids are well behaved and we are a number of families that live in our marina. We don't party, or cause problems, and we don't let the kids run riot. They play outside away from the boats to not cause disturbance to anyone else. They are not up late, as we are not, yet we seem to have come up against some strong negativity towards us.

 

Our neighbours have shuffled round to be togehter, which is fine, but part of that reason is they simply don't like us. I know they are couples who don't have kids as such, and they are in their cliques as they have all been there longer and we are the 'newbies', but I don't understand this sudden show of 'outcasting' when we have done nothing to deserve it.

 

I know a lot of folks at our marina, nice happy people, keep themselves to themselves, enjoy their boating etc, which is exactly what we do. Not as often as we would like given that we have children at school, so we have to limit it to weekends and school holidays but at least we DO go out on our boats, unlike some who either don't at all, or very rarely, which seemed to me to be the whole point of having one.

 

I just wondered if anyone else has come across this sort of negativity (with or without kids), or if we are just the lucky 'chosen' ones. I think it's great if they are all happy together now, but why they have to display such negatvitity towards people who are doing nothing but enjoying their boat and the canals and the life style.

[NB Willawaw]

I appreciate your restrictions with children and all, but I find I couldn't live in a marina.

They are more claustrophobic than a village. The more densely populated the area you live, the

more chance there is, that somebody will object to the way you live.

 

The beauty of a boat is you can move if you don't like your neighbours or surroundings.

Edited February 19, 2007 by NB Willawaw

[StoneHenge]

We actually asked for a linear spot, but apprently they don't do them anymore, which is a shame. Not because I wanted to get anyway from anything or anyone, but because we would be 'more at one' with the cut and I'd love that.

[blackrose]

It's difficult for anyone to comment on your particular situation as we don't know you or your neighbours.

 

As I'm on a widebeam I was asked to take one of the outer pontoons in the marina so as not to take up two narrowboat moorings which suits me fine as it means I only have neighbours on one side. I was one of the first in the marina and have welcomed new people as they've arrived. I've had problems with one or two (both times women on narrowboats whose petty jealousies about the size of my boat spilled over after they'd had a drink). Anyway, it seems to have sorted itself out now - they know that I'm not going to take any sh*t and they treat me with a bit more respect!

 

On a boat you tend to live closer to your neighbours than you sometimes might like - I don't mean just physically close, I mean that you talk and interact much more than most people in flats and houses. This can be a double edged sword. It's nice to have other people around that can keep an eye on your boat. You lend each other tools, assistance, bags of coal, and it's nice to have people around you can chat to or who can give advice on jobs that need doing. However, if people don't know the limits or boundaries things can sometimes go too far and alcohol is invariably involved in these cases.

Edited February 19, 2007 by blackrose

[StoneHenge]

I know what you mean black rose. Drink isn't the thing in this case at all. I know people in boats live in closer confines that you would in housing, and when I think of the houses I have lived in before, you might not see your neighbour for weeks, then say hi over the fence. I know you will see a lot more of people on boats of course.

 

I never minded that at all, still don't. I am just so an easy going laid back person, and give anyone a fair go (never judge a book and all that), and I just wish that they would be honest. If they had said 'look we all to be together, nothing personal and all that' no problem, I would appreciate honesty. Just don't get why people can't just get on with and not be so petty.

 

I hate petty, life is too short.

[Carrie]

Hi there Stonehenge. That's a real pity about the marina atmosphere. It sounds as though they aren't living canal life at all, but have transfered their petty cul-de-sac ways into the marina!

Having moaned about the unfriendliness of 'modern' villages on my blog, I would now like to speak up for the real 'neighbourliness' of those afloat on the cut! Jst about everyone I have met is friendly, gives a smile and a wave and, if you stay somewhere for a few days, likes to come and chat, have a cuppa or walk our dogs together.

I hope you can find something closer to the camaraderie you seek, on a linear mooring at some point.

- Carrie

[honey ryder]

life indeed is far too short to worry about what other people think,

 

I come from the north originally and spent many many days on and around my parents boats in bluewater marina, i never even attempted to keep the noise down or be careful around the neighbours so as not to disturb them. Some boats had kids on and others were older folk whos kids had grown up and flown the nest. none were residential, the people who lives on their boats were down the other end of the marina, but it didnt stop them coming over for a chat sometimes or saying hello as we walked the dogs etc.

I never remember having complaints, pettiness or anything like that. mind you, none of these were narrowboaters.

 

----------------------------------

I wouldnt worry about what the other boaters are doing, the fact they have grouped together means they can all banter amongst themselves and you should have more peace if you want it.

I bet they probably dont realise that you feel "alienated".

 

i have a neighbour who only talks to me and not my boyfriend and my boyfriend is paranoid that the neighbour deliberately doesnt speak to him, and in a month of being in the marina, I have never seen spoken to the same neighbours girlfriend, its not because i dont want to, its just a case of ships passing in the night. we can read lots into the social whys and wherefores, but in the end...

I dont care because they wont be my neighbours for very long as we plan to get out of there as soon as payment on our moorings runs out.

[bottle]

Hi

 

To paraphrase, you may please all of the people some of the time, and please some of the people all of the time but you will not please all of the people all of the time.

 

If you feel strong enough approach the not so friendly boaters one at a time, they will not have strength in numbers then, you may well find that there is not a major problem.

 

It may be that you are just 'different' to them and no matter what you do, they will be the same, just be civil to them and stay friendly with those that do not have a 'problem'.

 

The 'un-friendlys' may come round in time.

 

Most of all just be yourself and enjoy the experience of living on board.

[StoneHenge]

Most of all just be yourself and enjoy the experience of living on board.

 

That is exactly what I am doing and shall keep doing bottle. I love life afloat.

 

Thanks for all your comments. I am really happy I have to say. I often wonder why some are so bitter and/or are just not enjoying what short lives we have.

 

Life is for living after all.

 

Aprreciate your views.

[Bones]

That is exactly what I am doing and shall keep doing bottle. I love life afloat.

 

Thanks for all your comments. I am really happy I have to say. I often wonder why some are so bitter and/or are just not enjoying what short lives we have.

 

Life is for living after all.

 

Aprreciate your views.

 

I expect you will find in summer there will be more social stuff going on, and people may well have moved so they didn't disturb the kids with their late night noise and stuff. Some people where I am moved away from a 'group' because of the noise and spontaneous parties. They may just be being considerate! I tend to find boaters considerate.

 

I keep myself to myself where I am. I wouldn't mind a slightly more social life or feeling part of the community here, but it just goes with the territory. If I wanted to join in the parties I know I can, that goes with the territory too.

[honey ryder]

I expect you will find in summer there will be more social stuff going on, and people may well have moved so they didn't disturb the kids with their late night noise and stuff. Some people where I am moved away from a 'group' because of the noise and spontaneous parties. They may just be being considerate! I tend to find boaters considerate.

 

I keep myself to myself where I am. I wouldn't mind a slightly more social life or feeling part of the community here, but it just goes with the territory. If I wanted to join in the parties I know I can, that goes with the territory too.

 

youre always welcome round our hovel. i dont drink tea or coffee, but i always have a supply of hot chocolate, wine, beer, squash or strong cocktails at the ready, as well as plenty of snacks of the chocolatey variety.

theres not many seats to sit on at the moment, but weve got space on the back if its not raining.

[StoneHenge]

I expect you will find in summer there will be more social stuff going on, and people may well have moved so they didn't disturb the kids with their late night noise and stuff. Some people where I am moved away from a 'group' because of the noise and spontaneous parties. They may just be being considerate! I tend to find boaters considerate.

 

I keep myself to myself where I am. I wouldn't mind a slightly more social life or feeling part of the community here, but it just goes with the territory. If I wanted to join in the parties I know I can, that goes with the territory too.

 

We arrived in the summer and there was a hive of activity, but most of the ones on our pontoon work shifts and things and they are not big drinkers etc so they tend to go to bed reasonably early etc, which suits us as we are not very tolerant of a lot of noise given our past experiences.

 

We did our fair share of sitting out with everyone on the walkway and chatting. I enjoyed that as it wasn't loads of people getting totally slaughtered with base music thumping out (which I hate). I love music, but not at 3 am when I am trying to sleep.

 

I think really it's because they like their own group, and we are not really part of that. That's all fine and dandy.

[Khayamanzi]

In support of Stonehenge and to contextualise slightly:

 

Stonehenge has hit on a problem with their marina. I am one of 8 boats who have moved out since around Christmas for just such a reason and the website of this particular marina currently advertises 5 vacant mooring spaces immediately available which should ring alarm bells in the current climate of rare moorings.

 

Don't get me wrong, there are some lovely people in the marina - boaters, live-aboards and boaters who live-aboard, (yes I do make a clear distinction on purpose!) but increasingly the marina has become an over-spill from the local town of people who choose to live on a boat for purely economical reasons. This has innevitably caused some serious cliques amongst people who do not necessarily share the common interest of boating and the subsequent tolerance of other like minded friends. I hope this explains a little of the climate they currently find themselves in.

[carlt]

but increasingly the marina has become an over-spill from the local town of people who choose to live on a boat for purely economical reasons. This has innevitably caused some serious cliques amongst people who do not necessarily share the common interest of boating and the subsequent tolerance of other like minded friends. I hope this explains a little of the climate they currently find themselves in.

 

Are the serious cliques formed by those whom you have judged to be on a boat 'for purely economic reasons', or those who have done the judging?

[StoneHenge]

I don't judge anyone without knowing them first carl.

 

My point is, I came to the boating world because one, it was to experience the life of living aboard a boat, and two, to get out there and use my boat for it's intended purpose. I assumed that's what boats were for.

 

What I don't understand is why people live on boats (narrowboats particularly) and then never go anywhere in them. I can understand with big house boats (like the ones you see in Holland) and maybe larger wide beams in certain areas, but if you have a perfectly working boat that is capable of motion, why not use it for that and explore?

 

I can see your point carl, but I will lay it on the line. I am an honest joe. I am open and friendly, and being the newbies there I took in all the advice, the atmosphere, the way people lived and worked, and absorbed what was going on.

 

Unfortunately some people want to live there for different reasons to me, and whilst I don't always agree with it, I do respect it. I would just like that respect returned.

 

Still, onwards and upwards. Life is too short and there are canals and rivers out there that need boating on.

[carlt]

I don't judge anyone without knowing them first carl.

 

My point is, I came to the boating world because one, it was to experience the life of living aboard a boat, and two, to get out there and use my boat for it's intended purpose. I assumed that's what boats were for.

 

What I don't understand is why people live on boats (narrowboats particularly) and then never go anywhere in them. I can understand with big house boats (like the ones you see in Holland) and maybe larger wide beams in certain areas, but if you have a perfectly working boat that is capable of motion, why not use it for that and explore?

 

I can see your point carl, but I will lay it on the line. I am an honest joe. I am open and friendly, and being the newbies there I took in all the advice, the atmosphere, the way people lived and worked, and absorbed what was going on.

 

Unfortunately some people want to live there for different reasons to me, and whilst I don't always agree with it, I do respect it. I would just like that respect returned.

 

Still, onwards and upwards. Life is too short and there are canals and rivers out there that need boating on.

Sorry stoney

I wasn't having a go at you. I was reacting to another of khayamanzi's 'i'm a better boater than you' statements.

 

From your other postings in this forum it is obvious that you are a 'live and let live' sort of person and I'm sorry if I gave the impression that I was accusing you of being judgemental.

 

Unless, of course, you think I should be tied to a tree and flogged because I will never display my license to satisfy the net-twitchers'.

[StoneHenge]

Sorry stoney

I wasn't having a go at you. I was reacting to another of khayamanzi's 'i'm a better boater than you' statements.

 

From your other postings in this forum it is obvious that you are a 'live and let live' sort of person and I'm sorry if I gave the impression that I was accusing you of being judgemental.

 

Unless, of course, you think I should be tied to a tree and flogged because I will never display my license to satisfy the net-twitchers'.

 

I didn't take offence carl, and no, I am not into public flogging, so you are safe with me!

 

Khayamanzi is a top bloke honest. His point (along with mine) was the fact that a lot of the boaters don't really enjoy boating as it should be enjoyed, instead simply living on the water, without really exploring it.

 

I just think it's an awful shame when there is so much to be gained by cruising even if you can't do it all the time. Because of that (for whatever reasons they don't), they form cliques because it's their community. Again, nothing wildly wrong with that as long as they then don't take umbrudge with others because they do enjoy the waterways and use their boat for it's intended purpose.

 

Jealously maybe, I don't know. It's just one of those things where there will be natural conflict because not everyone is going to agree with each other in how they live.

[carlt]

I didn't take offence carl, and no, I am not into public flogging, so you are safe with me!

 

Khayamanzi is a top bloke honest. His point (along with mine) was the fact that a lot of the boaters don't really enjoy boating as it should be enjoyed, instead simply living on the water, without really exploring it.

 

I just think it's an awful shame when there is so much to be gained by cruising even if you can't do it all the time. Because of that (for whatever reasons they don't), they form cliques because it's their community. Again, nothing wildly wrong with that as long as they then don't take umbrudge with others because they do enjoy the waterways and use their boat for it's intended purpose.

 

Jealously maybe, I don't know. It's just one of those things where there will be natural conflict because not everyone is going to agree with each other in how they live.

When I was a kid you could go anywhere in yorkshire, on the bus, for 2p. I used to go to the bus station, get on the first bus I fancied and just see where it went (possibly how I got the bug or maybe I already had it?). I never saw other kids taking advantage of almost free exploration opportunity. Plenty hanging round the local spar car park though. Those of us who want to spread our wings and explore are in the minority. My older sister lives a 10 minute walk from where our family grew up. My younger brother and sister live 10 mins from where my parents are now. I've lived (spent longer than 3 months) in 4 countries and visited 30 others. I'm the wierdo in our family (and, in my opinion, the lucky one) but I don't judge the other 3 for staying put. If the other boaters don't want to leave the marina, then more fool them, leaves less boats on the cut in our way. Though to be honest I have done very little boating in the last two years.

[Hairy-Neil]

When I was a kid you could go anywhere in yorkshire, on the bus, for 2p. I used to go to the bus station, get on the first bus I fancied and just see where it went

 

I did much the same only on the trains......at about 12 years old child Awayday ticket around 50p used to take me and my mates to the other end of the country.....

 

I've recently let on to my elderly parents and they were horrified....

[bugs]

Stonehenge, can you pm me the name of the marina. I should be looking for a residential soon, close to warks / leicest. and it would be interesting to have on file your comments.

[smileypete]

Things were ticking along quite nicely. We are not unsociable, and chat to our neighbours etc, but we also like to do our own thing as well, and we love the peace and quiet. I am still really sensitive to noise issues, and find it difficult to tolerate any loud noises, espeically loud base music.

 

Our kids are well behaved and we are a number of families that live in our marina. We don't party, or cause problems, and we don't let the kids run riot. They play outside away from the boats to not cause disturbance to anyone else. They are not up late, as we are not, yet we seem to have come up against some strong negativity towards us.

 

Our neighbours have shuffled round to be togehter, which is fine, but part of that reason is they simply don't like us. I know they are couples who don't have kids as such, and they are in their cliques as they have all been there longer and we are the 'newbies', but I don't understand this sudden show of 'outcasting' when we have done nothing to deserve it.

 

I know a lot of folks at our marina, nice happy people, keep themselves to themselves, enjoy their boating etc, which is exactly what we do. Not as often as we would like given that we have children at school, so we have to limit it to weekends and school holidays but at least we DO go out on our boats, unlike some who either don't at all, or very rarely, which seemed to me to be the whole point of having one.

 

I just wondered if anyone else has come across this sort of negativity (with or without kids), or if we are just the lucky 'chosen' ones. I think it's great if they are all happy together now, but why they have to display such negatvitity towards people who are doing nothing but enjoying their boat and the canals and the life style.

 

Hi,

 

In what way do they not like you, or are negative? Also are they in their 20s, 30s, 40s?

 

cheers,

Pete.

[Khayamanzi]

Carlt, I really don't want to get into any issues on here and I am very sorry that you clearly still hold a major grudge relating to my comments in the past regarding unlicenced boats, (I still don't know who the person was that left dated death threats on my website relating to this one!) I have in no way intended to judge anyone and apologise if I have somehow portrayed an 'I'm a better boater than you' attitude - anyone who has seen my frequent attempts to handle my boat will bare witness!! LOL. I purely make observations and then comment on them as I see them. I guess occasionally my observations are right and strike a chord with some, (which clearly angers them,) and at other times I am totally wrong and so dismissed as being an opinionated old whatever - either way is fine with me but does serve to illustrate perfectly what a diverse bunch of people boaters are and how easily and quickly rifts can be torn between us!

 

No hard feelings Carlt - there's a pint behind the bar for you at the virtual pub when you next visit!

[carlt]

Carlt, I really don't want to get into any issues on here and I am very sorry that you clearly still hold a major grudge relating to my comments in the past regarding unlicenced boats, (I still don't know who the person was that left dated death threats on my website relating to this one!) I have in no way intended to judge anyone and apologise if I have somehow portrayed an 'I'm a better boater than you' attitude - anyone who has seen my frequent attempts to handle my boat will bare witness!! LOL. I purely make observations and then comment on them as I see them. I guess occasionally my observations are right and strike a chord with some, (which clearly angers them,) and at other times I am totally wrong and so dismissed as being an opinionated old whatever - either way is fine with me but does serve to illustrate perfectly what a diverse bunch of people boaters are and how easily and quickly rifts can be torn between us!

 

No hard feelings Carlt - there's a pint behind the bar for you at the virtual pub when you next visit!

Hi Andy

I must first distance myself from any idiot that feels so incapable of argument that he has to threaten someone. You have my sympathy and support against any ridiculous behaviour like that.

 

I have no argument on the subject of licensing, it is everyone's responsibility to pay and would agree with anyone on that point. Where we differ in opinion is the displaying of licence discs. I believe my status is a private matter between myself and BW, who can call up my details on their computer whenever they like.

Other than your attempts to start a database of boats not displaying, I find your blog entertaining and informative. There are certainly no hard feelings, but expect some firm debating from time to time .

Edited February 20, 2007 by carlt

[StoneHenge]

Hi,

 

In what way do they not like you, or are negative? Also are they in their 20s, 30s, 40s?

 

cheers,

Pete.

 

The ones in question are in their 50's and 60's. Not that I think that should be an issue regardless (we are in our 30's), as I thought the goal was common in this case. To own a boat, live on a boat, and enjoy boating.

 

I think part of the negativity is that we do some thing differently to how they would. As we all do at different stages of life anyway. However we still fit in with the general scheme of things, because it's how we like it too (nice, quiet and peaceful).

 

They probably see it more as their retirement home I guess so do not want children around, but it's no reason not to like someone or display a pack mentality towards them either.

 

If they were screaming brats causing mayhem (as have some in the past), then I could understand that (I'd hate it too), but they are not. They are polite quiet kids, who let loose when we take them out to do just that.

 

Whatever the in's and out's or their reasons (we will probably never fully know anyway), I am just getting on with it and enjoying my life. If some see fit to only moan and remain bitter, then that is their choice, and if that makes them miserably happy, then so be it.

[smileypete]

The ones in question are in their 50's and 60's. Not that I think that should be an issue regardless (we are in our 30's), as I thought the goal was common in this case. To own a boat, live on a boat, and enjoy boating.

 

I think part of the negativity is that we do some thing differently to how they would. As we all do at different stages of life anyway. However we still fit in with the general scheme of things, because it's how we like it too (nice, quiet and peaceful).

 

They probably see it more as their retirement home I guess so do not want children around, but it's no reason not to like someone or display a pack mentality towards them either.

 

If they were screaming brats causing mayhem (as have some in the past), then I could understand that (I'd hate it too), but they are not. They are polite quiet kids, who let loose when we take them out to do just that.

 

Whatever the in's and out's or their reasons (we will probably never fully know anyway), I am just getting on with it and enjoying my life. If some see fit to only moan and remain bitter, then that is their choice, and if that makes them miserably happy, then so be it.

 

What do they moan about, or is it a perception that they moan?

 

Something that may be worth a try is to speak to them a bit more than the usual 'hello how are you', ask them how their boat is, are they warm/cool enough, do they want any help with anything heavy/tricky etc.

 

A good way to break the ice is pick a weekend evening in summer when most people are around, and have an impromptu BBQ, go round every boat in the marina during the day and invite everybody, that is EVERYBODY to come, just ask them to bring any food and drink and sort out the BBQ itself.

 

cheers,

Pete.