Regret.

[bizzard]

Jetex! That brings back memories of burned fingers.

Yes they were brilliant things,i think at 9d a hit,especially on a model plane flown in the back garden when it goes out of control,well they never were in control.Flies over into next doors garden and set all their washing on fire hanging on the line.bizzard.

[bizzard]

The final Test, ''Part one''.

Off we go again. Now as you've had some practice PHUTTING about in a forward direction,we're now going for the full monty.

So muster your crew,and hold a pre-sailing meeting to delegate the various duties to each member.You will need at least twelve crew members in order to accomplish an successful satisfying and pleasant proving trip.

1,Captain,also helmswoman. 2.Stoker. 3.Cook and bar tender. 4.Compressed air expurt,to operate astern air Gate valve. 5.Paramedic to administer first aid ect in case of injuries,burns ect,also doubles as look out,and to be supplied with a megaphone. 6.Gymnast,proficient in doing beam routines,(must be a pretty female)good at doing cartwheels,for gentle speed alterations. 7.Bosun,powerful male,with rope end to keep order.

Plus.Five- Heavy weights for emergency speed alterations,to aid in stopping,carrying out general duties and repelling borders.

Now you must be very firm and stand no bickering.Drum into each crew member their duties and to remain at their post,come what may,as the welfare of their matelots could easily be put in jepardy.

Now all have a good pre-sailing drink to build everyones courage up.

And then we'll be ready to cast off. Part two to follow. bizzard

[Guest Quo Vadis]

Yes they were brilliant things,i think at 9d a hit,especially on a model plane flown in the back garden when it goes out of control,well they never were in control.Flies over into next doors garden and set all their washing on fire hanging on the line.bizzard.

I had a Jetex motor , attached it to a cradle that ran on a piano wire nailed between 2 trees in the garden and used it spectacularly intil the fuel ran out. As I lived miles from the nearest hobby shop, I decided on invention, and substituted sodium chlorate and sugar (not too much, as I wanted a slow burn). Refuelled and reset on its cradle, us boys eagerly watched as the fuse burned down for the next run. BOOM ... followed by distant tinkling noises. No motor, no Meccano cradle, no piano wire.

Several years later, I was digging in a neighbouring garden and found the motor casing ... a full 150 yards away from the "scene of the accident" ... aaaahhh ... them were the days Thinking back, explosions of one sort or another played a large part in my childhood

[bizzard]

I had a Jetex motor , attached it to a cradle that ran on a piano wire nailed between 2 trees in the garden and used it spectacularly intil the fuel ran out. As I lived miles from the nearest hobby shop, I decided on invention, and substituted sodium chlorate and sugar (not too much, as I wanted a slow burn). Refuelled and reset on its cradle, us boys eagerly watched as the fuse burned down for the next run. BOOM ... followed by distant tinkling noises. No motor, no Meccano cradle, no piano wire.

Several years later, I was digging in a neighbouring garden and found the motor casing ... a full 150 yards away from the "scene of the accident" ... aaaahhh ... them were the days Thinking back, explosions of one sort or another played a large part in my childhood

Tremendous stuff. The modern kids don't know what they've missed.

And model aircraft diesel engines,screwed to a bit of wood,making your own fuel, Ether and caster oil,then nearly chopping off fingers starting it.I did a lot of stunt and pursuit aircraft control-line flying.Chasing another plane round and round both trailing crepe paper streamers,and the winner was the one that chopped the most amount of streamer of their opponents plane with their propeller.

The Oliver 2.5cc racing motors were used mostly for that.

Making kites too. I might describe that on here next. Happy days. Regards bizzard.

[bizzard]

Sorry for the part two delay folks,but am up to 'here'with studying nuclear fizzics in readiness for my next invention.Although if i'm unable to make it safe i might have to downgrade a bit, to maybe clockwork or something.bizzard

[Guest Quo Vadis]

Tremendous stuff. The modern kids don't know what they've missed.

And model aircraft diesel engines,screwed to a bit of wood,making your own fuel, Ether and caster oil,then nearly chopping off fingers starting it.I did a lot of stunt and pursuit aircraft control-line flying.Chasing another plane round and round both trailing crepe paper streamers,and the winner was the one that chopped the most amount of streamer of their opponents plane with their propeller.

The Oliver 2.5cc racing motors were used mostly for that.

Making kites too. I might describe that on here next. Happy days. Regards bizzard.

AAAaaaaaaah Oh for the smell of blood, paraffin and singed eyebrows. My kids didn't climb trees, or even ride bikes!!! Not for the want of my urging .... it's a keyboard world now.

Edited August 31, 2011 by Quo Vadis

[bizzard]

AAAaaaaaaah Oh for the smell of blood, paraffin and singed eyebrows. My kids didn't climb trees, or even ride bikes!!! Not for the want of my urging .... it's a keyboard world now.

Its a shame,'Evolution'-.In the far distant future people will be legless with zero excercise as i am part of the time',have one huge square eye in the middle and just one enormous index finger on each hand.A bit similar to Moor hens,one day maybe their feet will become webbed. bizzard

[Guest Quo Vadis]

Its a shame,'Evolution'-.In the far distant future people will be legless with zero excercise as i am part of the time',have one huge square eye in the middle and just one enormous index finger on each hand.A bit similar to Moor hens,one day maybe their feet will become webbed. bizzard

Talking of evolution, I always fancied a third arm, a long spindly one with two elbows and two thin but powerful fingers ... with that I could repair anything, or at least I could get to my alternator belt adjuster.

[bizzard]

Talking of evolution, I always fancied a third arm, a long spindly one with two elbows and two thin but powerful fingers ... with that I could repair anything, or at least I could get to my alternator belt adjuster.

Mole-grips were called ''the third hand'' by some folk.

[Guest Quo Vadis]

Its a shame,'Evolution'-.In the far distant future people will be legless with zero excercise as i am part of the time',have one huge square eye in the middle and just one enormous index finger on each hand.A bit similar to Moor hens,one day maybe their feet will become webbed. bizzard

Don't forget the 4 thumbs for enhanced texting

[bizzard]

Don't forget the 4 thumbs for enhanced texting

Right so we have a long spindly arm with four thumbs,two huge index fingers,no legs,one big square eye.I think we ought to add another small eye to one side a bit to concentrate on the I-pod,so anyone needing spectacles it could be expensive.Also complexion will have become green due to lack of sunlight.What a state to be in. Glad i won't be around then.

[Guest Quo Vadis]

Right so we have a long spindly arm with four thumbs,two huge index fingers,no legs,one big square eye.I think we ought to add another small eye to one side a bit to concentrate on the I-pod,so anyone needing spectacles it could be expensive.Also complexion will have become green due to lack of sunlight.What a state to be in. Glad i won't be around then.

Designer humans ... bring on the genetic engineering .. air hostesses could have several, much longer arms

[bizzard]

Designer humans ... bring on the genetic engineering .. air hostesses could have several, much longer arms

A JCB driver would work much faster with a few too.And cab drivers could do with an eye in the back of their heads.

Opening batsmen with one huge oblong curved eye and three legs.

[bizzard]

I clean forgot about the Phutt-Phutt boat. The gymnast is gymnasting on the Blackpool tower today but will be back tomorrow,so will round up the crew and so carry out the BIG demonstration over the weekend. bizzard

[bizzard]

I clean forgot about the Phutt-Phutt boat. The gymnast is gymnasting on the Blackpool tower today but will be back tomorrow,so will round up the crew and so carry out the BIG demonstration over the weekend. bizzard

Due to unforeseen little teething troubles with the Putt-Phutt boat,minor tweaking and final tuning,and therefor it maybe a little unpredictable.So its been decided that the BIG demonstration will be held in the Solent,involving several circumcisions of the Isle-of-White,no less,and so should be a true,tough and spectacular performance.

We have engaged the attendance of an extremely high ranking personage,an ossifer of the Royal-Navy.None other than ''Sir Reginald,Nosegay,Jellymold-Billow''.Lord Highish Admiral of the fleet,he will be wearing a WW1 naval dress uniform and will adorn the poop deck sprawled in a deck chair of the Royal Navies crack armed winkle barge ''HMS TIMID''from which he will oversee the prosceedings.And afterwards will attend as guest of honor,a slap up pie and a pint supper at the Brewers Elbow public house in down town Southampton.His services are free as we've agreed to escort him on a tour of the local fleshpots afterwards.

There was a slight hitch over that vary important crew member 'the gymnast'.As whilst acting about on the Blackpool tower entertaining the holiday makers,her costume snagged on a rusty rivet and tore it and so refused to descend until properly covered.Luckily a lady, a one Miss Agatha Blenkinsop a local B&B landlady, an ex Himalayan mountain guide volunteered to ascend the structure and offer her turban as covering and so our gymnast was brought down in a civilised and modest fashion.

It now just leaves the rest of the crew to press-gang back into service. To be contd.bizzard.

[bizzard]

Due to unforeseen little teething troubles with the Putt-Phutt boat,minor tweaking and final tuning,and therefor it maybe a little unpredictable.So its been decided that the BIG demonstration will be held in the Solent,involving several circumcisions of the Isle-of-White,no less,and so should be a true,tough and spectacular performance.

We have engaged the attendance of an extremely high ranking personage,an ossifer of the Royal-Navy.None other than ''Sir Reginald,Nosegay,Jellymold-Billow''.Lord Highish Admiral of the fleet,he will be wearing a WW1 naval dress uniform and will adorn the poop deck sprawled in a deck chair of the Royal Navies crack armed winkle barge ''HMS TIMID''from which he will oversee the prosceedings.And afterwards will attend as guest of honor,a slap up pie and a pint supper at the Brewers Elbow public house in down town Southampton.His services are free as we've agreed to escort him on a tour of the local fleshpots afterwards.

There was a slight hitch over that vary important crew member 'the gymnast'.As whilst acting about on the Blackpool tower entertaining the holiday makers,her costume snagged on a rusty rivet and tore it and so refused to descend until properly covered.Luckily a lady, a one Miss Agatha Blenkinsop a local B&B landlady, an ex Himalayan mountain guide volunteered to ascend the structure and offer her turban as covering and so our gymnast was brought down in a civilised and modest fashion.

It now just leaves the rest of the crew to press-gang back into service. To be contd.bizzard.

Bad weather in the Solent area,and choppy seas that would upset the power plant have caused a delay.

However the crew have arrived and are at the Brewers elbow and in good spirits.Two crew members out scavenging around for dry sticks for the stove.The gymnast went missing again but has been spotted tightrope walking round and round a liners funnel.Weather forecast is cloudy with funny smells later,wind force 3 but increasing after dinner. So all is looking good for the big demo.Have asked the harbour board to move the Needles as they're right in our path,but no such luck so we'll have to watch out and dodge em.So all is set for the weekend. bizzard.

[nbfiresprite]

Due to unforeseen little teething troubles with the Putt-Phutt boat,minor tweaking and final tuning,and therefor it maybe a little unpredictable.So its been decided that the BIG demonstration will be held in the Solent,involving several circumcisions of the Isle-of-White,no less,and so should be a true,tough and spectacular performance.

We have engaged the attendance of an extremely high ranking personage,an ossifer of the Royal-Navy.None other than ''Sir Reginald,Nosegay,Jellymold-Billow''.Lord Highish Admiral of the fleet,he will be wearing a WW1 naval dress uniform and will adorn the poop deck sprawled in a deck chair of the Royal Navies crack armed winkle barge ''HMS TIMID''from which he will oversee the prosceedings.And afterwards will attend as guest of honor,a slap up pie and a pint supper at the Brewers Elbow public house in down town Southampton.

It now just leaves the rest of the crew to press-gang back into service. To be contd.bizzard.

So where is the `Isle of white`? As the only island in Solent, That I know of, Is the `Isle of Wight` or have you had one two many and are seeing double. The Navy can still press gang in time of war under the impressment Act of 1835. Bad news your admiral is a `fake` who broke out of `Broadmoor`. The true Lord High Admiral of the fleet is of course the Duke himself. Any how your boat is to be used as a target for a Navy Shoot.

 

Firesprite

 

In the Fens

[sebrof]

Bad weather in the Solent area,and choppy seas that would upset the power plant have caused a delay.

However the crew have arrived and are at the Brewers elbow and in good spirits.Two crew members out scavenging around for dry sticks for the stove.The gymnast went missing again but has been spotted tightrope walking round and round a liners funnel.Weather forecast is cloudy with funny smells later,wind force 3 but increasing after dinner. So all is looking good for the big demo.Have asked the harbour board to move the Needles as they're right in our path,but no such luck so we'll have to watch out and dodge em.So all is set for the weekend. bizzard.

 

 

You're going to have problems with that gymnast, Bizz, mark my words. Southampton is full of brawny sailors for the boat show this weekend. It's a recipe for trouble.

[bizzard]

So where is the `Isle of white`? As the only island in Solent, That I know of, Is the `Isle of Wight` or have you had one two many and are seeing double. The Navy can still press gang in time of war under the impressment Act of 1835. Bad news your admiral is a `fake` who broke out of `Broadmoor`. The true Lord High Admiral of the fleet is of course the Duke himself. Any how your boat is to be used as a target for a Navy Shoot.

 

Firesprite

 

In the Fens

Isle of Wight is opposite Southampton.

My lord High Admiral is only a Highish one.

The reverse thrust tube on the front can also shoot missiles. bizzard.

 

You're going to have problems with that gymnast, Bizz, mark my words. Southampton is full of brawny sailors for the boat show this weekend. It's a recipe for trouble.

We've already had trouble with her.

She's just got back from entertaining the troops in Afghanistan.

More spectators the better.

[nbfiresprite]

Bad News Bizzard, Captain "Thunderguts" Povey has order HMS Troutbridge to sea, Odds on with Sub Lieutenant "Left hand down a bit" Phillips the Troutbridge will run you down and rest asure CPO "Ev'rybody down!" Pertwee will sell off the remains to Potarneyland Navy.

 

Firesprite

 

In the wet and windy Fens

Edited September 17, 2011 by nbfiresprite

[bizzard]

Bad News Bizzard, Captain "Thunderguts" Povey has order HMS Troutbridge to sea, Odds on with Sub Lieutenant "Left hand down a bit" Phillips the Troutbridge will run you down and rest asure CPO "Ev'rybody down!" Pertwee will sell off the remains to Potarneyland Navy.

 

Firesprite

 

In the wet and windy Fens

Yes thats on on Fridays 8am 12noon Radio7 DAB. good init.

[NB Esk]

Bizzard, I'm wondering if the propulsion idea would work on a diesel stove? If the stove was initially lit using ether, should be OK.

 

Course, the gymnast would need extra protection, perhaps a sort of asbestos wet suit.....what do you think?

 

Only flaw I can see is maybe HSE objecting to the use of asbestos.

[bizzard]

Bizzard, I'm wondering if the propulsion idea would work on a diesel stove? If the stove was initially lit using ether, should be OK.

 

Course, the gymnast would need extra protection, perhaps a sort of asbestos wet suit.....what do you think?

 

Only flaw I can see is maybe HSE objecting to the use of asbestos.

Diesel stove would be fine,but the idea was to use free sticks.

Just wrap the gymnast up in an old fire blanket like an Egyptian mummy but leave her legs free,just make her stockings from the off cuts.A pair of wooden clogs would keep her feet cool. too,she should conform to the BSS then.

[bizzard]

All is quiet,everyones holding their breath.

Sir Reginald,Nosegay,Jellymould-Billow has been spotted approaching from the direction of Bognor on board HMS Timid,his penant and beard streaming in the wind,monocle attached,and what do i see,it can't be,it is,he's pulled the gymnast,we can see her acting about on the boats aerial wire,that means more delay.A lot of folk now passing out through holding their breath.

Meanwhile a huge pile of sticks has been collected and is being loaded aboard the Phutt-Phutt boat,which is afloat and tethered to a lamp post on the quayside.A wisp of smoke appears at the Phutt=Phutt boats chimney,spectators gasp,the stoker is at work.

The rest of the crew are a little worse for wear having just been chucked out of the Brewers Elbow,and are now ranging around on the quayside looking dare-devilish.

HMS Timid is now standing off the point,its too shallow to get in any further,so to get that essential crew member 'the gymnast'back to her duty its been decided to fire a harpoon fixed to some rope from the Phutt Phutt boats bow reverse thruster over to HMS Timid,so that she can tightrope across. WHOOOOOSH-----SPLOSH.Sir Reginald Nosegay assists the gymnast onto the wire,and she starts across using the ships spare propshaft as a balancing pole.

Oh and look who's just turned up. Mrs Agatha Blenkingsop the Blackpool landlady,she's brought her climbing gear along too,and just in time as the gymnast has lost her footing,dropped the propshaft and is hanging from the wire by her big toe.

Mrs Blenkinsop dashes to the rescue,leaps onto the wire,runs across in her hobnailed boots grabs the gymnast by her other toe,slings her across her back and returns her to safety,the crowd are enthralled. For the start of the demonstration we are to sail out into the Solent to the Royal Yacht squadrons club on west Cowes,at the Medina river entrance,who will start us with their big brass canon. bizzard.

[Bob18]

To be continued next week.

 

 

 

[best_BBC_announcer_voice]

Now remember children this is dangerous, and is being performed by highly trained professional, so do not try it at home without your the permission of you parent, or Grauniad, Times or Telegraph.

[/best_BBC_announcer_voice]