WHHEEEZZE of the week

[bizzard]

After switching on my Sandwich toaster laptop this morning and saw all the boring nonsense arguments,i made toast on it instead and then turned the thing off again,went out and finished of a gearbox job.

On my return i switched the old toaster back on spotted a delightful post concerning folding chimneys. Just up my street.

So here are one or two ideas.

No1. The fully flexible type,for the speedy Gonzales merchant,absent minded,and short sighted daredevils.

Saw off your existing engine exhaust pipe leaving about a 3''stub sticking up above the roof. Obtain a length of silicon rubber hose,this should be heatproof and as long as you like really,say six feet or more, in order to keep all that nasty greasy exhaust smoke from giving your mush a make over. Force it over the bit of stub and secure with a hose clip,paint it black and stick on or paint on the stripes of brass and fix on whatever other trimmings take your fancy,no need for the splitter thing with the height of this though.

The beauty of this type is its just as effective however you aim your boat at the low bridges,forwards,backwards or indeed sideways if the wind happens to dictate.BOOOOOOING!!!QUIVVER!!!!!!BOOOOOOOOOOING!!!!!!!!!QUIVVER!!!!!no damage or drowned flu pipe.Be the envy of all your friends.And a joy to behold.

No2. This one should please all the electronical gizmo enthusiasts on the forum.

Its an automatic telescopic stove flu or engine exhaust pipe designed with easy and cheap home manufacture in mind.

Again we visit the jolly old supermarket,handy places for much DIY material. Cruise around the isles grasping your tape measure chewzing tins of food that will slide in and out of each other.A good one to start with might be a jumbo Savaloy sausage tin or a big value sized tin of new potatoes,next might me a tin of baked beans,anyway pick lots of them and for the engine exhaust pipe the crowning finial could be the small ''Glenryck pilchard''tin about 40p,the ideal size i think.

Right get all this lot back to your boat and hurriedly consume the contents so as not to waste anymore time.Get a tin opener and remove both ends of all the tins.

Mount the first 'biggest tin on your flu's sawn off stub and connect up a 12v servo electric motor with a spring loaded rod vertically,connecting up to all the other tins''Exhaust Glenryck tin for the top''. Now all you need are the bits from the secret innards of several Lazer levels,the bits that do the sensing thing,a form of transducing seducer i suppose. Arrange these like a compass rose on your roof so as to send out the laser beans in all known directions.Connect all these bits and pieces up with wires to your boats battery. You can test your new state of the art automatic telescopic flu-exhaust pipe by simply waving a hanky in front of any of the laser bean sensors and be fascinated by watching your chimney-exhaust popping up and down like a periscope,wonderful indeed.They will even duck for the approach of low flying dickie birds like Seagulls. Paint the new flu-exhaust pipes up in colours of your choice and that's that,no more exhaust in your face and no more busted, drowned or lost exhaust pipes.

Bizzard,---exhausted.

[larkshall]

After switching on my Sandwich toaster laptop this morning and saw all the boring nonsense arguments,i made toast on it instead and then turned the thing off again,went out and finished of a gearbox job.

On my return i switched the old toaster back on spotted a delightful post concerning folding chimneys. Just up my street.

So here are one or two ideas.

No1. The fully flexible type,for the speedy Gonzales merchant,absent minded,and short sighted daredevils.

Saw off your existing engine exhaust pipe leaving about a 3''stub sticking up above the roof. Obtain a length of silicon rubber hose,this should be heatproof and as long as you like really,say six feet or more, in order to keep all that nasty greasy exhaust smoke from giving your mush a make over. Force it over the bit of stub and secure with a hose clip,paint it black and stick on or paint on the stripes of brass and fix on whatever other trimmings take your fancy,no need for the splitter thing with the height of this though.

The beauty of this type is its just as effective however you aim your boat at the low bridges,forwards,backwards or indeed sideways if the wind happens to dictate.BOOOOOOING!!!QUIVVER!!!!!!BOOOOOOOOOOING!!!!!!!!!QUIVVER!!!!!no damage or drowned flu pipe.Be the envy of all your friends.And a joy to behold.

No2. This one should please all the electronical gizmo enthusiasts on the forum.

Its an automatic telescopic stove flu or engine exhaust pipe designed with easy and cheap home manufacture in mind.

Again we visit the jolly old supermarket,handy places for much DIY material. Cruise around the isles grasping your tape measure chewzing tins of food that will slide in and out of each other.A good one to start with might be a jumbo Savaloy sausage tin or a big value sized tin of new potatoes,next might me a tin of baked beans,anyway pick lots of them and for the engine exhaust pipe the crowning finial could be the small ''Glenryck pilchard''tin about 40p,the ideal size i think.

Right get all this lot back to your boat and hurriedly consume the contents so as not to waste anymore time.Get a tin opener and remove both ends of all the tins.

Mount the first 'biggest tin on your flu's sawn off stub and connect up a 12v servo electric motor with a spring loaded rod vertically,connecting up to all the other tins''Exhaust Glenryck tin for the top''. Now all you need are the bits from the secret innards of several Lazer levels,the bits that do the sensing thing,a form of transducing seducer i suppose. Arrange these like a compass rose on your roof so as to send out the laser beans in all known directions.Connect all these bits and pieces up with wires to your boats battery. You can test your new state of the art automatic telescopic flu-exhaust pipe by simply waving a hanky in front of any of the laser bean sensors and be fascinated by watching your chimney-exhaust popping up and down like a periscope,wonderful indeed.They will even duck for the approach of low flying dickie birds like Seagulls. Paint the new flu-exhaust pipes up in colours of your choice and that's that,no more exhaust in your face and no more busted, drowned or lost exhaust pipes.

Bizzard,---exhausted.

 

Biz.....just circumcise the f***king exhaust stack....job done....

[Guest wanted]

laser beans?

 

Do they cook themselves?

[bizzard]

Biz.....just circumcise the f***king exhaust stack....job done....

Like Christopher Columbus,he circumcised the world with a cutter.

 

laser beans?

 

Do they cook themselves?

They might if they don't do a runner.

[Guest wanted]

Like Christopher Columbus,he circumcised the world with a cutter.

 

 

They might if they don't do a runner.

 

you have a broad mind Bizz

[bizzard]

you have a broad mind Bizz

Us old has beans are best buttered up.

[Guest wanted]

Us old has beans are best buttered up.

I don't want to string you along

[cereal tiller]

After switching on my Sandwich toaster laptop this morning and saw all the boring nonsense arguments,i made toast on it instead and then turned the thing off again,went out and finished of a gearbox job.

On my return i switched the old toaster back on spotted a delightful post concerning folding chimneys. Just up my street.

So here are one or two ideas.

No1. The fully flexible type,for the speedy Gonzales merchant,absent minded,and short sighted daredevils.

Saw off your existing engine exhaust pipe leaving about a 3''stub sticking up above the roof. Obtain a length of silicon rubber hose,this should be heatproof and as long as you like really,say six feet or more, in order to keep all that nasty greasy exhaust smoke from giving your mush a make over. Force it over the bit of stub and secure with a hose clip,paint it black and stick on or paint on the stripes of brass and fix on whatever other trimmings take your fancy,no need for the splitter thing with the height of this though.

The beauty of this type is its just as effective however you aim your boat at the low bridges,forwards,backwards or indeed sideways if the wind happens to dictate.BOOOOOOING!!!QUIVVER!!!!!!BOOOOOOOOOOING!!!!!!!!!QUIVVER!!!!!no damage or drowned flu pipe.Be the envy of all your friends.And a joy to behold.

No2. This one should please all the electronical gizmo enthusiasts on the forum.

Its an automatic telescopic stove flu or engine exhaust pipe designed with easy and cheap home manufacture in mind.

Again we visit the jolly old supermarket,handy places for much DIY material. Cruise around the isles grasping your tape measure chewzing tins of food that will slide in and out of each other.A good one to start with might be a jumbo Savaloy sausage tin or a big value sized tin of new potatoes,next might me a tin of baked beans,anyway pick lots of them and for the engine exhaust pipe the crowning finial could be the small ''Glenryck pilchard''tin about 40p,the ideal size i think.

Right get all this lot back to your boat and hurriedly consume the contents so as not to waste anymore time.Get a tin opener and remove both ends of all the tins.

Mount the first 'biggest tin on your flu's sawn off stub and connect up a 12v servo electric motor with a spring loaded rod vertically,connecting up to all the other tins''Exhaust Glenryck tin for the top''. Now all you need are the bits from the secret innards of several Lazer levels,the bits that do the sensing thing,a form of transducing seducer i suppose. Arrange these like a compass rose on your roof so as to send out the laser beans in all known directions.Connect all these bits and pieces up with wires to your boats battery. You can test your new state of the art automatic telescopic flu-exhaust pipe by simply waving a hanky in front of any of the laser bean sensors and be fascinated by watching your chimney-exhaust popping up and down like a periscope,wonderful indeed.They will even duck for the approach of low flying dickie birds like Seagulls. Paint the new flu-exhaust pipes up in colours of your choice and that's that,no more exhaust in your face and no more busted, drowned or lost exhaust pipes.

Bizzard,---exhausted.

A POSH and simple alternative would be to use a nice brass admiralty spec. telescope.

 

take out all the lenses and clamp it to the stub on the boat's roof,if the little end is uppermost,the deluxe brass exhaust stack would lengthen according to engine revs.

 

So,when you reach a bridge or tunnel,just reduce throttle...

 

 

Don't forget to keep a brasso rag handy,so you can maintain it's lustre each time it expands/contracts.

[bizzard]

A POSH and simple alternative would be to use a nice brass admiralty spec. telescope.

 

take out all the lenses and clamp it to the stub on the boat's roof,if the little end is uppermost,the deluxe brass exhaust stack would lengthen according to engine revs.

 

So,when you reach a bridge or tunnel,just reduce throttle...

 

 

Don't forget to keep a brasso rag handy,so you can maintain it's lustre each time it expands/contracts.

That sounds good,especially the automatic bit,have to keep it clean and well oiled for it to function though.

The lenses could be replaced now and then to carry out a close inspection of the exhaust valves from above.

[Neil2]

laser beans?

 

Do they cook themselves?

 

 

Can you get them on HP?

 

*By the way Bizzard - are you by any chance a fan of the writer Geoffrey Willans or are you related to him? If you don't even know who he is, which I can not believe, there's something cosmic going on here.

[bizzard]

Can you get them on HP?

 

*By the way Bizzard - are you by any chance a fan of the writer Geoffrey Willans or are you related to him? If you don't even know who he is, which I can not believe, there's something cosmic going on here.

Easy terms,possibly. Never heard of the chap but have since googled him and seems interesting.Have heard of Cross & Blackwell though, they've bean partners for yonks always trying to ketchup with the likes of Heinz,HP.

[Neil2]

Easy terms,possibly. Never heard of the chap but have since googled him and seems interesting.Have heard of Cross & Blackwell though, they've bean partners for yonks always trying to ketchup with the likes of Heinz,HP.

 

 

Interesting.... ! Geoffrey Willans was a genius. Mostly famous for his collaborations with cartoonist Ronald Searle and his schoolboy creation Nigel Molesworth who was forever coming up with "wizzard wheeeezes", usually to get out of doing lessons. He first appeared in "Punch" magazine, and then in the 1953 book "Down Wiv Skool, a book so funny it still makes me cry laughing nearly sixty years on.

 

It's also interesting that Willans was a boat enthusiast...

[bizzard]

Interesting.... ! Geoffrey Willans was a genius. Mostly famous for his collaborations with cartoonist Ronald Searle and his schoolboy creation Nigel Molesworth who was forever coming up with "wizzard wheeeezes", usually to get out of doing lessons. He first appeared in "Punch" magazine, and then in the 1953 book "Down Wiv Skool, a book so funny it still makes me cry laughing nearly sixty years on.

 

It's also interesting that Willans was a boat enthusiast...

We at school were once asked to write an essay on what we did and didn't like about school. Well i went over the top ''as usual'' so i was told, and was caned for my trouble.

[johnthebridge]

 

 

It's also interesting that Willans was a boat enthusiast...

 

Any idea if he was related to Kyrle Willans, who LTC Rolt mentions in "Landscape with Machines" and who had a hand in Cressy's ownership and conversion? In this book, Rolt also mentions Kyrle's son, Bill, with whom Rolt was friendly, born in 1910. Geoffrey Willans was born in 1911. Brothers? Didn't a Willans also have a hand in the first car seat-belts? Sorry Mr. Bizzard, off topic I know and possibly not "scientific" enough, but...