WEEEESE of the week

[Radiomariner]

Ahaa - but they've got a built in defence mechanism to deal with such skullduggery - remember them corks?

 

Ah yes! I forgot about that.

Depends on the water pressure though. New game. Take bets on which cork pops first. That'll be the one with the shouting bloke waving his fists or the one that sinks first!

[bizzard]

Thank for your thoughtful and useful contribution this week but I am little concerned, Bizzard, with the security aspects of the weeeese.

 

And it's just the wees that are worrying me. If I sign up to your Super Social Network will my boat be filled with liquid of a less social nature when the funnel is mistaken for a pumpout lav?

 

They are similar in many ways and in desperate straits (or battery failure) may be confused by the 'tired and emotional'

 

I await your comments with interest.

 

Yours Wriggly xxx

High Wriggle.I'm a bit tired at the moment,been bizzy today, however i feel this wee funnel problem is concerning you and is a bit of an emergency so i shall endevour to create a solution and so put your mind at rest.

And the solution is,simply buy a nice new funnel the colour of you choice,About £1 in Wilkinsons and other cheap shops and stick it with super glue to your hose end.Your own personal hose should tee off the main hosepipe outside and come in through your open window anyway with the voice funnel inside the boat so there shouldn't be any confusion with toilet pump-outs. Also it my be best to paint ''Super-social communications Hoseyphone''on the funnel with a little brush to make sure.Hope this helps.

[bizzard]

Ah yes! I forgot about that.

Depends on the water pressure though. New game. Take bets on which cork pops first. That'll be the one with the shouting bloke waving his fists or the one that sinks first!

I tend to overlook the more simple, mundane and trifling little teething problems,and concentrate on the more bigger practical and technical problems,and leave the trifles to the operators to sort out,like simply just buy another hose pipe to fill up with water. Please don't bother me anymore with any triflng niggles please as i have bigger fish to fry.

Yours indignantly Bizzard.

[larkshall]

Most folk on boats love chatting to each other especially the womenfolk.My mum was a Lancashire lady and just didn't stop talking and nagging,so this idea should go down well with Lancashire women at any rate.

This rather hi-tec intercommunication system for boats is a revival of an old method and works best if all the boats participating are close together like in a marina or strung out along the towpath.

Here's how it works;---Hoses,yes hoses. Everyone participating in the system must measure out their water hoses to their neighboring boat and chop it off.Now everyone should have someone else's hose end at their boats,the two bits preferably by a window.

Now a plastic tee-piece must be inserted in these two hose ends by everyone. In the third bit of the tee-piece insert another shortish length of hose and poke it through your open window.

Now lets go inside.--Inside you have to secure a pouring funnel, metal or plastic,cheap as chips,''in fact funnels are your only expense'' to the hose pipe end.

If you have a LOUD voice a small funnel is best as you don't want to domineer and drown out everyone elses voices. If your quietly spoken a bit of amplification is required in order to get a word in edgeways so a nice large funnel is best.

Once you've all got the system rigged up and working,different sized funnels can be experimented with so as to even out.loud,soft,harsh,high,low and gutteral voices ect.

To make this state of the art,ground breaking method of intercommunication a success strict user protocol has to be adhered to otherwise it'll all sound awful,like a WI meeting or spectators at a football match.

Yes correct usage is essential if your going to talk and listen to each other. Call signs have to be worked out and strict times of usage by all users.

TO USE;--- Whistle loudly into your funnel to rouse the recipient,if you can't whistle blow a referee's whistle into it,immediately followed by the persons you wants call sign,immediately cos if you dither everyone starts whistling cos they all heard the whistle too and start jabbering,if this happens hang up and try again later. You have to also adhere to the usual,--''OVER'' when you've finished gassin and you want the other person to yak back to you.When you've finished your conversation you must do the ''OVER AND OUT''bit,so as to allow other folk to use the system as is usual with the much inferior and lower tech electronic systems such as Walkie-talkies and the like.

A warning to you all.This cheap and free super telephone network is ''Super over social''so be careful what you say and whom you talk about. Happy communicating. Bizzard.

 

 

Bizzard, one piccy could have saved you hundreds of characters !

[bizzard]

Bizzard, one piccy could have saved you hundreds of characters !

Quite.One day i'll get to grips with sticking pictures on here ,as i have a tremendous amount of technical diagrams and blue prints dwindling rapidly away to doodles and scribbling on backs of fag packets ect.

My post a pic performance is actually very imminent,could be the weekend so be prepared.

[HappyBunny]

 

 

hmmmm Party Line connection for three way conversations?

[bizzard]

 

 

hmmmm Party Line connection for three way conversations?

Excellent,that's the way to do it.

As i said i like to leave little bits of perfecting and tidying up to be done by the users,its good for em,makes em use a spot of inituitive,while i move on and concentrate on the development of even more rubbish and nonsense.

[oarfish]

The Internet Engineering Task Force has a *very serious proposal* for doing the internets via Avian Carrier. They probably prototyped with pigeons but Canada geese might be suitable.

[bizzard]

The Internet Engineering Task Force has a *very serious proposal* for doing the internets via Avian Carrier. They probably prototyped with pigeons but Canada geese might be suitable.

Interesting.

This David Waitzman has obviously been reading Arthur Ransomes book ''Pidgeon Post''and could be waitzing a long time for his message to arrive as pidgeons tend to be attacked in flight by certain birds of prey like Eagles,Falcon,Hawks and Kestrel,but as they are much faster in strait line of flight have about an 80% chance of escaping a nasty fate,but will be forced off course in terror, make detours,descend for a rest,snooze and a snack and then have to fly about in circles for a while to refresh their bearings in order to re-home in on their destination,so the message could be delayed for ages,according to Arthur Ransome anyway.Incredible creatures.

[Leni]

Interesting.

This David Waitzman has obviously been reading Arthur Ransomes book ''Pidgeon Post''and could be waitzing a long time for his message to arrive as pidgeons tend to be attacked in flight by certain birds of prey like Eagles,Falcon,Hawks and Kestrel,but as they are much faster in strait line of flight have about an 80% chance of escaping a nasty fate,but will be forced off course in terror, make detours,descend for a rest,snooze and a snack and then have to fly about in circles for a while to refresh their bearings in order to re-home in on their destination,so the message could be delayed for ages,according to Arthur Ransome anyway.Incredible creatures.

"We didn't receive any messages, and Captain Blackadder definitely did not shoot this delicious plump-breasted pigeon! "

[bizzard]

"We didn't receive any messages, and Captain Blackadder definitely did not shoot this delicious plump-breasted pigeon! "

Ah it must have been a nice big plump Wood pidgeon,and not a homing or racing pidgeon.

[Leni]

Ah it must have been a nice big plump Wood pidgeon,and not a homing or racing pidgeon.

Oh, definitely a Carrier pidgeon!

 

http://www.youtube.c...h?v=f2RKhAQmWy0

[bizzard]

Oh, definitely a Carrier pidgeon!

 

http://www.youtube.c...h?v=f2RKhAQmWy0

The shooting down of carrier pidgeons on the battle fields of northern France during WW1 was popular at first with both the Allie's and the Germans until they found it difficult to tell who's pidgeons were who's as they whirled about in all directions frightened by all the guns going off around and about and causing secret messages to keep falling into the wrong hands causing the shooting down of carrier pidgeons to be curtailed by both sides;,So i believe.

[HappyBunny]

The shooting down of carrier pidgeons on the battle fields of northern France during WW1 was popular at first with both the Allie's and the Germans until they found it difficult to tell who's pidgeons were who's as they whirled about in all directions frightened by all the guns going off around and about and causing secret messages to keep falling into the wrong hands causing the shooting down of carrier pidgeons to be curtailed by both sides;,So i believe.

 

hmmmm this sprung to mind .....

 

 

[bizzard]

hmmmm this sprung to mind .....

 

 

Very good,i just remember Darsturdly & Muttley that thanks.