wheeeeese of the week

[bizzard]

Ahoy folks. This wheeze is another reply to a request for a spot of help,but not directly to me from the member ''a.p.now''.

Well it looks like he's havin a problem over baths,so to help him out here's a way to bring his bathing problem to an end before things get too out of hand,''him gettin too grimey and smelly and becoming embarrassed about it.

Make your own,cheaply is the answer,like so.

Peruse all the brochures and catalogues and choose your favorite one,a hip bath i think 'a.p.now' had in mind.

Now comes the dodgy bit. You have to find a warehouse where the chosen bath is sold,they go under dopey names like Bubbles & Squeak,Bathrooms are us,Washouts,Sodding Suds and Soapydopies,ect, but anyway it needs to be an absolutely enormous warehouse,the more enormous the better,so big in fact that you could live in it for years without being noticed,they're always tedious places to discover the way out of though aren't they.

The next part of the excersise is to go and purchase 5 gallons of Polyester resin,hardener glass fibre matting,release agent, brushes,roller ect.

Now these articles have to be smuggled into that there stronghold of a warehouse surrepticiously,so its best to distribute everything evenly about your person so as to not look suspicious.

Once in there saunter about a bit normally and nonchalantly gradually edging in the direction of your goal,''the chosen hip bath of your liking''.

Its a good plan for two of you to carry out this operation,one being posted as a lookout.

RIGHT!!All is clear so get to work.Dispatch the lookout to source a plughole fitting ,plug ect.

First of all tip the chosen bath upside down,slosh on the release agent then slosh on the mixed up resin,then matting,more resin,more matting, then more resin until the whole object is about 1/2''thick and mould in the plughole.

Now the risky bit. This resin stuff needs to cure before you carry it homeward,so again just saunter about lookin at things.

After about 2 hours of this killing time go back but in a roundabout way to the worksite and lift your super glossy new hip bath off the mould,turn the pattern mould rightway up and smirkingly replace its price tag and tidy up a bit.

Now looms the big problem ''Gettin it outa there. I think i'll leave that up to you ''a.p.now''if the way out can be discovered.

Hope this helps to keep you clean and rosey pink a.p.now. Bizzard.

[Rebotco]

With a bit of preparation he could remove the cloned bath as follows:-

 

Take with you, a doll, a sheet with a picture of the sides of a pram printed on it and 4 wheels on 2 two axles.

 

Wrap sheet round bath, rest whole shebang on the two axles, place doll in bath, and saunter casually out to the Parents &

 

Child car park where you have thoughtfully parked. Load everything in car and depart with all possible haste.

[bizzard]

With a bit of preparation he could remove the cloned bath as follows:-

 

Take with you, a doll, a sheet with a picture of the sides of a pram printed on it and 4 wheels on 2 two axles.

 

Wrap sheet round bath, rest whole shebang on the two axles, place doll in bath, and saunter casually out to the Parents &

 

Child car park where you have thoughtfully parked. Load everything in car and depart with all possible haste.

Good one.''That's the way to do it''as Mr Punch said.Lets hope a.p.now see's this and and takes note!

[soldthehouse]

Good one.''That's the way to do it''as Mr Punch said.Lets hope a.p.now see's this and and takes note!

Another alternative is to lower a large sack down the weedhatch taping the top to the rim of the weedhatch or by using some ballast borrowed from the bilge to hold the rim of the sack at deck level. a few small holes in the sack will allow water to enter from the canal but prevent small fish and detritous from sharing your bath. For the jacuzzi effect preferred by some a few revs on the prop will allow the water to percolate through said holes to create the expensive ambience of a hot tub

Edited March 4, 2012 by soldthehouse

[bizzard]

Another alternative is to lower a large sack down the weedhatch taping the top to the rim of the weedhatch or by using some ballast borrowed from the bilge to hold the rim of the sack at deck level. a few small holes in the sack will allow water to enter from the canal but prevent small fish and detritous from sharing your bath. For the jacuzzi effect preferred by some a few revs on the prop will allow the water to percolate through said holes to create the expensive ambience of a hot tub

Yes a brilliant idea,perhaps to Jacuzzi only one foot at a time or different bits of you at a time though.

[soldthehouse]

Yes a brilliant idea,perhaps to Jacuzzi only one foot at a time or different bits of you at a time though.

I hadnt given much thought to the H&S ramifications, perhaps a rubber prop may be a wise precaution along with a carefully positioned umbrella for a shower effect utilising any water thrown skywards by overenthusiasm in the operation of the throttle when in jacuzzi mode.[shower cap optional]

[bizzard]

I hadnt given much thought to the H&S ramifications, perhaps a rubber prop may be a wise precaution along with a carefully positioned umbrella for a shower effect utilising any water thrown skywards by overenthusiasm in the operation of the throttle when in jacuzzi mode.[shower cap optional]

If you left the prop alone it would cut your toenails at the same time,so would become a combined Jacuzzi and manicure suite.

The wearing of Olympic style diving goggles and watch would look nice too.

[soldthehouse]

If you left the prop alone it would cut your toenails at the same time,so would become a combined Jacuzzi and manicure suite.

The wearing of Olympic style diving goggles and watch would look nice too.

Are you "in" product development by any chance? I can see the virtue of leaving the prop and having ones own tailored sack with holes specifically tailored to individual toe arrangments with the possibility of extra holes for other extremeties. Sadly I suspect my toenails would pose an impossible challenge for all but the most abrasive of prop materials.

The olympic goggles and wristwatch would be advanntageous in "shower mode"

Edited March 4, 2012 by soldthehouse

[bizzard]

Are you "in" product development by any chance? I can see the virtue of leaving the prop and having ones own tailored sack with holes specifically tailored to individual toe arrangments with the possibility of extra holes for other extremeties. Sadly I suspect my toenails would pose an impossible challenge for all but the most abrasive of prop materials.

The olympic goggles and wristwatch would be advanntageous in "shower mode"

I'm always in sort of chancy product development really.Actually a grindstone wheel attached behind the prop might help with your toenail problem.''Grind em down instead''it makes a smoother job of it and they won't keep on snacgging on your socks when you put them on anymore like they do after cutting them with scissors or side cutters..

[Grace and Favour]

Dare I suggest an even simpler solution

 

 

tie three builders rubble chutes behind the boat, submerged to all but 3" (these chutes will protect toes/feet from excessive manicuring)

Set engine in gear in low revs

Pour a little shampoo into the first chute

Pour a little bubble bath & bath oil into the second chute

Pour a little lemon juice and lavender oil into the last chute

 

You now have the perfect bathing solutions with consecutive dips - - - hair wash, body wash, cleansing astringent and moisturising

[soldthehouse]

Dare I suggest an even simpler solution

 

 

tie three builders rubble chutes behind the boat, submerged to all but 3" (these chutes will protect toes/feet from excessive manicuring)

Set engine in gear in low revs

Pour a little shampoo into the first chute

Pour a little bubble bath & bath oil into the second chute

Pour a little lemon juice and lavender oil into the last chute

 

You now have the perfect bathing solutions with consecutive dips - - - hair wash, body wash, cleansing astringent and moisturising

We may be onto a marketable product collective development of which may lead to future affluence when things start to pick up

Edited March 4, 2012 by soldthehouse

[bizzard]

Dare I suggest an even simpler solution

 

 

tie three builders rubble chutes behind the boat, submerged to all but 3" (these chutes will protect toes/feet from excessive manicuring)

Set engine in gear in low revs

Pour a little shampoo into the first chute

Pour a little bubble bath & bath oil into the second chute

Pour a little lemon juice and lavender oil into the last chute

 

You now have the perfect bathing solutions with consecutive dips - - - hair wash, body wash, cleansing astringent and moisturising

This sounds very viable,although a little wacky,and would need some research and tweaking and the engaging of a stooge for testing purposes,Soldthehouse i think is brave enough for that role as he seems a bit desperate about his feet.

[soldthehouse]

This sounds very viable,although a little wacky,and would need some research and tweaking and the engaging of a stooge for testing purposes,Soldthehouse i think is brave enough for that role as he seems a bit desperate about his feet.

Twas on the tip of my tongnue to mention a guinea pig, although I didnt consider myself worthy of such gallantry, If considered a likely candidate modesty would be cast aside for the sake of others

[bizzard]

Twas on the tip of my tongnue to mention a guinea pig, although I didnt consider myself worthy of such gallantry, If considered a likely candidate modesty would be cast aside for the sake of others

That's the spirit,i knew you could do it old chap,and think of the glory you'd be smothered in when its presented to the world if you survive,meddles and perhaps a Knighthood to boot.

[soldthehouse]

That's the spirit,i knew you could do it old chap,and think of the glory you'd be smothered in when its presented to the world if you survive,meddles and perhaps a Knighthood to boot.

Would a Knighthood double as a bath cap when in jacuzzi mode

[Grace and Favour]

Would a Knighthood double as a bath cap when in jacuzzi mode

 

Are Knighthoods shaped like condoms then?

[soldthehouse]

Are Knighthoods shaped like condoms then?

I dread to think what you get up to behind closed doors

[bizzard]

I dread to think what you get up to behind closed doors

No i think you ought to shave your nut in the Duncan Goodhue 'go faster Olympic style' for the testing series and so eliminate any add ons that could be torn off and maybe damage the machinery.

[Grace and Favour]

No i think you ought to shave your nut in the Duncan Goodhue 'go faster Olympic style' for the testing series and so eliminate any add ons that could be torn off and maybe damage the machinery.

 

I'm so relieved pleased that STH has volunteered to be the guinea pig

 

[soldthehouse]

I'm so relieved pleased that STH has volunteered to be the guinea pig

 

More like everyone else took one step backwards

[bizzard]

More like everyone else took one step backwards

Well cos its my thread i'm over-seeing the trials,there has to be a survivor to tell the tale or this great idea could be lost forever.

[soldthehouse]

Well cos its my thread i'm over-seeing the trials,there has to be a survivor to tell the tale or this great idea could be lost forever.

I can relay a story if you,d rather.....

[bizzard]

I can relay a story if you,d rather.....

Ok,off to the barbers tomorrow then to have our head shaved,it'll soon grow back.And i'll look out a First aid kit.I'll also bring my welding sets oxygen bottle in case your overcome by the exuberance of it all and your breath gets taken away,perhaps G&F can organize a film unit for U-Tube.

[soldthehouse]

Ok,off to the barbers tomorrow then to have our head shaved,it'll soon grow back.And i'll look out a First aid kit.I'll also bring my welding sets oxygen bottle in case your overcome by the exuberance of it all and your breath gets taken away,perhaps G&F can organize a film unit for U-Tube.

I am all of a quiver with anticipation, Ive not been washed in weeks so I,ll go second and give it a proper test after you prove its safe. If anyone has an attack of the vapours some smelling salts may also come in useful along with some Parkinsons blood and stomach pills, I think Ihave a bottle that my grandfather left behind when he shuffled of in 1976

[bizzard]

I am all of a quiver with anticipation, Ive not been washed in weeks so I,ll go second and give it a proper test after you prove its safe. If anyone has an attack of the vapours some smelling salts may also come in useful along with some Parkinsons blood and stomach pills, I think Ihave a bottle that my grandfather left behind when he shuffled of in 1976

G&F seems to have slunk away,it should be HIM to shave his head and prepare for the ordeal as its his invention.The thought of sweet smelling smelling salts might entice him outfrom the shadows.