Tony1

This reminds me of a crow that tormented me at Whixall junction last summer. On its first visit I was awoken at about 4.30am, by something thudding repeatedly along the roof, and after a few startled moments I realised it must be a bird- although its footfall seemed heavier and louder than I thought a bird's could be. I staggered out of bed (it was already fairly light outside), and as I came out of the stern door and onto the deck, I saw the crow had taken off. It landed about 50 yards away down the towpath, and stood there looking at me with an air of indifference. 'Well that showed it', I thought grumpily, and stumbled back into bed. A few minutes later, the thudding on the roof abruptly resumed, and this time it was supplemented by a dinging sound- presumably the bird pecking at the mushroom vents. I lay there for a few minutes, listening to the thud-thud-thud and then ding-ding-ding and pondering what (or who) could rid me of this turbulent crow. The answer was of course, nothing. Again I leapt out of bed and swung the door open, and before I'd even stepped up onto the stern the bird had flown, and was at a safe distance. For its third visit I decided to launch a missile, and settled on a small stone I found nearby. Minutes later the crow alighted on my roof again, and began its parade. I crept to the door, readying my missile and myself for a surprise attack. Unfortunately the stern door is an unusual design- a single door set to one side, and only 18 inches or so wide- and so it is impossible to pass through at any sort of speed, especially given that I am at least 20 inches wide. So I inched the door open and gingerly eased my way out, but my attempted stealth was of no avail. It heard some slight sound from me or the door, and before I could turn and aim, it was already in flight, and my hastily launched stone missed it by a good ten feet. Clearly this was no ordinary crow. I retired indoors, defeated, filled with an unnatural rage, and harbouring intentions of the utmost evil towards this crow. But without a means to shoot a moving bird accurately at 20 yards, I was powerless. I spent the rest of the morning lying bed for a few minutes at a time, then when the bird landed I would swing the stern door open and bang it loudly shut, or do the same with a window. But nothing I did deterred the crow for more than a few minutes, until it eventually gave up its roof parade at about 7am. At this time I was still working 3 days a week, so by the time I was set to start work at 9am, I was knackered and somewhat frazzled. Throughout the morning's calls, thoughts of my avian torturer kept coming back to me. But in the afternoon, my evil thoughts gradually lessened. It was just a bird, after all. It wasn't as if it meant any harm, after all. A few beers in the evening banished any thoughts of the beast, and I went to bed with nothing further from my mind than the antics of the crow. My equanimity lasted until precisely 4,30am, at which time the crow decided to renew our acquaintance, and the whole thud-thud and ding-ding started over again. Nothing I did could disturb the crow's mood in the slightest. If I threw something, it retired to a safe distance and came back when I went inside. So passed another morning, with another 4 hour sleep. My mood during the days work sessions was rather less positive than the day before, and I think I caused concern among some colleagues (who were aware I was living on a boat), by my repeated mentions of 'the crow', and how it wouldn't let me sleep. The same performance was repeated the following morning, and the morning after that. After four nights with an average of 4-5 hours sleep, I was a mess, and my work was suffering as badly as my general mood. All sorts of hare brained and unfeasible schemes came to mind, but nothing I tried would deter the crow. Eventually, on day 5, I admitted defeat and left the mooring, in a desperate attempt to get some sleep. I made sure to moor under some trees, in the hope that this would deter birds. Many times since I've thought about that crow. I've probably spent more time plotting ways to kill that animal than any other creature I've seen. In fact its not even close. I tried a catapult, but I just wasnt accurate enough to even get near a moving bird. I tried a handful of gravel in the hope that one small stone might hit it, but I couldnt get a hit. The real solution, of course, was a machine gun. I was looking into airguns, in case a similarly evil bird should ever trouble me in future, and I saw an electrically powered submachine gun, firing plastic BB pellets at a low velocity. These things are toys, meant for playing with in the back garden (but carefully, of course). They do not have the power to kill any animal, but they do fire at about 10 pellets per second, and I reckoned that would give me half a chance of scoring a hit on a moving bird. Even one hit, and even it did no actual harm to the bird, would be enough to persuade the bird to stay away form my boat. I was all set to buy one of these contraptions when my sensible brother reminded me that if I caused the bird to fall into the canal and drown, I might be prosecuted. If I ever go back onto the Llan, especially in the summer, I will face the decision of whether to machine gun the crow, and maybe go to jail To be honest, this bird is worth doing time for.

The first time I got to a water point on my boat (in Ely), I couldnt find a key for the filler, and I ended up using a thin file from the toolbox. The same thing happened the first time I tried to fill up with diesel, and that time I used a dinner knife. 18 months later, I still dont have a dedicated key for either filler cap, despite the issue being tabled half a dozen times to the Operational Management task force. These people have no shame.

I think some people just like being on boats. It wouldn't matter if they were living aboard in a marina for 10 months of year, and barely moving the boat. To some people it would be enough to just be living on a boat, because that is the lifestyle that makes them happy. But for me personally, its not all about boats. There has to be a payoff for living in a reduced living space, with battery electrics, restricted water use (at times), etc etc. And the payoff in my case is that you can move around. Despite all the compromises, the CCer has one thing that a bricks-and-mortar dweller doesn't- they can change their location whenever they feel like. I am planning to move onto the Macc soon, and perhaps after that down to the Sharpness. But I may well change my mind, and head East instead for the Autumn. That mobility is what makes it worth the compromises, at least for me anyway.

He said he liked the electrical cable and the hose being within 10 feet of the boat all the time. He did say that. But then he said he felt his soaring free spirit was crushed by the restrictions of marina life, and he had to break free to realise his true self. He's a complicated character.

Now I will say that this all depends on what people feel is their own definition of CCing- and lets be honest there are 30,000 different definitions of that. The basic CRT rule on CCing is so easy to comply with that it doesnt really count as a definition of actual CCing, in what I personally feel to be the true spirit of the phrase. And that is not a criticism at all. People all have their own budgets, careers and local obligations to keep them within a given area, and as long as they dont spend a week on a 48 hour mooring, then good luck to them in their endeavours, I say. But let's use the example of, say, a rather dashing gentleman in his late 50s, who was lucky enough to be able to retire a bit early and is currently CCing. Let's imagine that our handsome hero cruises on two days per week, because he likes to spend a few days exploring the local area. Is he CCing when he only cruises two days per week? I personally would say that he is, but some might say not. But we need a definition. So if we agreed that he was CCing, then he would be using about 10 litres of diesel per week as he made his stately progress around the system. Our theoretical (but very handsome) cruiser would also, by the way, have his electricity supply provided by solar (did I mention he was shrewd, as well as handsome?)- so he would not be using lots of diesel to create electricity for most of the year. When our handsome example of a boater stayed in his local marina, he was charged a bit under £300 per month. So by my admittedly very simple reckoning, he would be paying a lot less for the expenses of CCing than he did when he was in a marina, even when he cruises 5 hours a day, and twice a week. He did like it in the marina though. So he said.

Heavens above, my dear fellow I must apologise. How could I have thought you meant to somehow recruit an actual monkey? That said, I think we may have inadvertently stumbled upon a great idea. I can only hope CRT will give at least some consideration to supplementing their current crop of decidedly indifferent volunteers with some keen young monkeys. The banana budget will certainly have to increase, but just imagine the speed and dexterity of the new simian volunteers. The wigan flight could be done in record time, and Heaven help any local chavs who try to give the crew a hard time.

I'll certainly bear this info in mind, but I have seen a worrying decline in the number of monkeys around canal locks over the last few months. I don't want to play down the challenge of persuading a monkey to form its hand into a fist (and by doing so, to help you through a lock), but the bigger challenge in my view is that of securing one's monkey in the first place.

Yes, I've noticed in most cases the bywash comes in from the far side. But there were a couple of locks I can remember where the bywash somehow came in from the towpath side, or for some other reason it seemed to push the boat out form the towpath- and its those I had in mind when I said that- its those you would need to look out for when towing the boat out by hand.

In addition to the routine charges- you'll be able to list those out via that video, and in other easily-accessible places- I would add in a budget for improvements during the first year or two aboard. How much you spend on improvements depends on your budget, and how much you want/need the thing you are after. Some people who live in poor signal areas, and who like having pretty solid internet access, might spend a couple of hundred on a router and an external aerial of some sort. Some people spend a couple of thousand on lithium batteries because they get fed up charging their lead acids for hours on end. Some will give up their car and then want an ebike to go shopping, which might easily be £1500, and sometimes much more. Some opt to install solar panels, which can be another few hundred quid. The point is that once you are on board and get a feel for how everything works, there will be some things that you want to upgrade, even though they still work. Its a very variable thing, and depends on what you can live with and how much you have to spend, but in my case I took tej plunge and spent big on lithium batteries, for example, because it was time to replace the lead acids, and I thought it would be worth upgrading. Another thing I did was to spend £200 on soundproofing sheets to go underneath my engine cover board, and tbh it was money very well spent. It has transformed the experience of cruising the boat. It wasnt essential, but it made things much more pleasant. Also tools- there are a whole raft of tools that I suddenly needed for working on 12v boat electrics with the big fat cables, and other things, and it all adds up, so there will be a budget for tools. Its these bits and bobs that create the unexpected dents in your budget.

I'm not convince it is on you, tbh. The quality of what they do is wildly variable- from the professional and lively narrative of David Johns, all the way down to badly-shot video with a dull narrative presented by someone with all the vibrancy of a sedated sloth. At times it feels like you're watching one of those hopeful singers on Britain's Got Talent, who are utterly confident and declare that their mum has stated that they are a superb singer, but then turn out to have a hideous singing voice. I do genuinely wonder why some of them could ever have thought it a good idea to turn a video camera upon themselves. But hey- we all have hobbies, and they arent doing any harm to anyone, so why not. And despite my harsh words, I dont actually have a downer on the recent flood of canal vloggers. Amongst all the dross, there are some gems out there. In fact to be fair, even some of the really bad ones have actually shown me stuff I didnt know. I'm always a bit nervous approaching staircase locks, for example, but a couple of the vlogs have given me a full view of the approach, the appearance, paddle problems, and any other useful bits of info, so I find even some of those useful. If you are getting jaded about canal vloggers I would recommend 'Cruising Alba' and 'Boat Time'. They arent pro presenters like David, but they do have a lot of fun and in my view, their videos are entertaining to watch. I cant for the life of me understand why I spend all all day on a narrowboat and then choose to watch other people on their narrowboats, but it is what it is.

I did actually consider swinging the rope underneath the footbridge, but the scheme had a whiff of unfeasibility about it, so I went for the more certain technique of direct hand to hand contact. More recently a chap showed me a much better way, which is to get the boat moving out of the lock, and then hold the end of the rope loosely against the 'back' side of the bridge, and as the boat passes underneath it draws the centre line with it. As long as you are holding the bitter end of the centre line up close to the bridge, the line itself will pass not far below the bridge, so that you can easily reach down on the 'forward' side of the bridge, and grab the line as the boat is pulling it underneath. Then you can let go of the bitter end and it will pass underneath the bridge. The only slight concern I have with this is that the boat has to go well forwards of the bridge before the centre line raises up and gets within your reach, and if its windy or there is a strong bywash current, the boat could be carried to the other side of the canal by the time you've grabbed the line and start coming down the slope.

I am my very own Mr Helpful, in many cases. I need no external assistance to make a thorough mess of a lock. The first time I went through this one (singlehanded as usual), I didn't spot that there were no ladders until very late in the process. So I cruised in, stepped off with the centre line, closed the gates behind me, and went ahead to let the water out. When the water was down and the bottom gates open, my attention turned to the matter of getting down back onto the boat- which was when I finally realised there was no ladder. What new canal devilry was this? I wondered. How could there be no ladder? There was always a ladder. But there was no ladder. Mohammed clearly could not go to the mountain on this occasion, so the mountain would have to be towed out, using a force that amounted to a depressingly small fraction of one horsepower. One snag was how to handle the rope around the footbridge that crosses the bottom gates, but by laying down I was able to pass the rope under the bridge with one hand and grab it with the other (I now have a much more elegant technique for doing this). On these occasions when singlehanding and you have to tow the boat out of a lock, I do worry what might happen if a strong bywash current started dragging the boat over towards the offside bank whilst you were still coming down the slope on the towpath side. I've tried hauling the boat in against a bywash a few times, and it can be almost impossible on your own. Wait for some helping hands is the answer I guess, but on this occasion it was well after 4pm on an early January afternoon and the light was starting to fade.

They're not packing in as such- they say they're going to publish vlogs on an ad-hoc sort of basis- when they feel they have something interesting to show, as opposed to their previous pattern of every week or two. Also, they say they're going to be semi-cruisers, so they'll be staying on the EA waters for the foreseeable future, in order to be close to their children and grandchildren. Certainly though, we'll be seeing rather less of them going forwards, but at least they're still living aboard. I've been getting a bit worried that with so many vloggers leaving their boats, maybe they know something I don't. If the day ever comes when full time living aboard is banned, there will be around 7,000 boats on the market almost overnight, which won't help anyone's boat values. Personally, I dont see it ever happening. The CRT facilities will always be needed anyway for the leisure/summer cruisers, so they can't be taken away. CRT could maybe limit the number of days per year you were allowed on the cut, so they might consider introducing a rule that your boat was not permitted in its waters for more than say 60 days at a time. But what if you couldn't find a marina to get into when your 60 days were up? It might make more sense to introduce a system like the one we now have to deal with when travelling long term in Europe- so you might get a maximum of 180 days per year on the cut? Or maybe you would pay a bigger fee if you want to stay the whole 365 days on the cut. Maybe all cruising would be banned between Nov and Feb? I guess it depends what their objectives might be when/if new rules were introduced. Reduce water usage in lock flights, or wear and tear on gates? And then they'd have to balance any lost income against the reduced wear and tear. Its hard to see how they would gain from any significant change to the rules, other than in places like London which have a very high boat density. .

If I may be so bold Mrs H, I think the thing to watch for when winterising is that you don't drain all of the beer containers on the vessel. Even more important, never completely drain the whisky bottle before winter. I've seen this lead to a collapse in crew morale.

I went through Denver Sluice on my second day of cruising the boat, and at the time I was warned of a shallow area on the left, just before Salters Lode, where a boat had stranded itself not long before. With that advice in mind, I stayed towards the right as I went down the channel, not realising that its also quite shallow on the right hand side. Thank Heavens I got away with it, but it brought home to me that if you seek advice on a stretch of waterway, you need to get the full picture. A limited set of info could actually encourage you to endanger your boat, although I have to admit it was mainly blind ignorance that allowed me to think I could safely stay on the right in that kind of channel.

I'm afraid I'm no expert on 60s and 70s British comedy, but if memory serves, this was the sort of behaviour I was thinking of:

Thanks LadyG, an anchor that can be dismantled and stowed when off the rivers sounds ideal for my situation. Can I just check- if a given event is usually unusual, does that still mean it is unusual? And as regards my going on a river with a reputation... Well I must be honest, my reputation is appalling- on both river and canal. If CWDF were a carry on film, I might be Leslie Phillips.

Oh dear. Its a surprise and a disappointment for a relative newbie like myself to hear that a danforth isn't that good, because as said above, the fact that it folds down seemed a big plus. However, the fact that it might not stop me going over a weir is a fairly significant minus. I was considering the eastern waterways in the summer of next year, and I was already concerned about where I was going to stow lifejackets, VHF radios, and an anchor. The idea of having a big, non-folding anchor sat in the cratch all year round, and only used on rivers, seems wasteful of the very limited space. Could there be a third way....?

Congrats to you! I bought my boat on the Great Ouse (old west river) about 18 months ago, but I must confess I didn't have the slightest idea what I was doing. I stupidly went through Denver Sluice to reach the middle levels with no anchor and not even a lifejacket. I dread to think what might've happened if I'd lost power or hit something. But anyway, at least you're wise to the risks. Are you planning to move onto the CRT canals or staying on EA waters? You'll want to join the GOBA and FORTN first- its dead cheap and it opens up loads more mooring spots for you. One or two of the locks on the Nene need a certain type of windlass too if I remember correctly, but the boat might already have that. Its an amazing part of the waterways, and you've reminded me that I have to go back there one of these days.

I can't believe I fell for it. Which reminds me, I'm looking to buy a bridge over the Thames- there are some very good deals to be had at the moment if you do your homework

Absolutely- more panels. I probably went too far with it tbh. I'm not sure anyone really needs 1400watts of panels for most of the year. In Nov- Feb solar is a bit rubbish no matter how many panels you have, and in the spring/summer 1400 watts is more than you need, even to heat the water as well. I could easily have got 80cm wide panels and had a bit less output, and the roof would have been safer to walk on that it is now with my 1m wide panels. Live and learn, I guess.

Just a word on the MPPTs- as a relative novice myself, I found the Victron much easier to program and to use than the Epever. Victron even have an app that lets you manage the charging from your phone (when in bluetooth range). You can get a bluetooth add-on for some of the Epevers, but the app is not nearly as easy to use as the victron app. But that said, the victrons do come at a higher price, and Epever are undoubtedly decent quality units.

I must have some Southern blood in me 😀

Ah, I see. Well I was not aware of the correct and original spelling, as it was back in the early days of boateng. Amazing how we all continue to spell it wrong these days. The chap did very well there, to get an entire sport named after him. I think what I invented, if it has a name, is the art of Actual Boateng. This must not be confused with the much older sport of Proper Boateng, which involves the religious worship of Lister engines. Proper Boateng is a Very Serious Business, and at no point during the sport is one permitted to smile, or acknowledge the existence of anyone under the age of 75. PS- You're definitely definitely sure about the boating/boateng thing? People will be outraged when they find out they've been saying it wrong for 3 decades.