Kez

Butty is lying next to the hedge of the overflow carpark, in the main field. She's actually in the way of the show's road, but for some reason waterways world weren't keen to take me up on my generous offer to let them pay for a crane to move her... Have a look by all means, but please don't climb on her as I don't want any kids to get ideas! If you're passing Crick in the next fortnight, come down and have a proper shufti. I can also offer you a brew and a biscuit

On the 29th September BW held The Great Auction, and sold off a load of their boats. As many people know, I got one of them. Finally on the 30th of March 2011 myself, my dad and Dan (Stagedamager) went to Ickneild port to collect Butty (once known as Ohm. She will get a new name, but until then she is known affectionatley as Butty ) I fear I was mislead by BW in buying her though. I was sold a boat full of holes, I got one full of water I have given her a thorough inspection and I've found only one hole; it's about the same size as the nail on my little finger, and it's in the original iron of her bottom. However, the section where it is has been overplated at some point in the last 30 years, and so it's not a worry at all. She is a tired boat, certainly, but she is by no means scrap! We certainly wouldn't have any issues re-floating her right now. Here's the youtube link of the rescue: And here are some photos of her:

the show campsite?

It's not all sad. Chapter 4 is much happier

In the beginning there was an idiot, and there was an eejit. The idiot was of the canal from birth, and her family had long held ownership of a wooden boat called Linnet. The eejit was late of the canal, and had recently bought a boat called Ariel. One day there was proclaimed an auction, and to be in the auction there was a motor boat, and it was called Carnaby. Watching Carnaby was the idiot, who mourned and said: “I wish I could get this boat, but I am skint and cannot afford it. I am never to have a boat all of my own” Said the eejit: “Look at the other boats in the auction, perhaps there is yet one for you” But the idiot would not be consoled, and so the eejit looked on the auction list himself. “Verily, here is one that has a pretty bow. It is called Ohm. Look” And the idiot did glance upon the photo. “It is a butty, and has no engine, or cabin. It is clearly on the bank. What good would it do me?” Said the eejit: “You have ponies, they could pull it” And the idiot did pause in her lamenting, and thought for a minute. The idiot did sit up, and look properly at the photo. “That is a good shape to the bow, it would do well under horse power or motor tow” Said the eejit: “Look also, it's length is equal to Ariel. It could be a butty for my motor, as well as a horse boat” The idiot looked closer at the photographs, and did exclaim in dismay: “It's a collinder! I can't afford to fix that!” But the idea was implanted in the idiot's head. Time passed and the idiot did think often on the butty, and a plan began to be formed. Many people heard of the auction, and many people pawed over the list of boats to be sold. Interest in every boat did grow, regardless of the condition or purpose. One day the idiot said to the eejit: “I will bid on the butty. I will take her on” Said the eejit: “Don't get your hopes up. There are many bargin hunters now looking, and they will all suffer from ebay-syndrome” Said the idiot: “I will not be beaten” Said the eejit: “Clearly you have it already” The day of the auction grew closer, and the idiot did ring the superiors, and tried to get to see boat before she did truly enter the fray of the auction. Said the superiors: “It is too close to the auction. You have left it too late.” Said the idiot: “But according to the website there is still 3 days to arrange visitation” Said the superiors: “We cannot organise something at such short notice. We cannot spare the people to guide you to the boat. The yard where she lies is not suitable for visitors. You do not have the letters from health and safety. Our insurance will not cover you. You don't have the qualifications. The boat is not here. The weather is wrong” In this manner they detained the idiot from going to the yard, and the boat remained unseen. The day of the auction came, and it was cold and rainy. The idiot foretook this as a good sign: “If the weather is nasty, and we are unhappy, then surely something good must happen to balance it out” The auction began, and the idiot was at a boat yard. One of the men was absent, but none noted why. The idiot watched the auction anxiously, and did wait until the last few moments to bid all. The bid was not enough, all the lots were going for high figures and the idiot was sore afraid of losing out so close. The idiot did text her friend, who was also an idiot, and said of her fears. The friend encouraged the idiot thus: “Go get that Bantock dude!” The eejit was watching too, and did cross his fingers for the idiot, for he knew he would never hear the end of it if she did lose. The idiot in panic did ring her father, who spake thus in advice: “Keep bidding. We'll work out how to pay later. Don't let the bastards outbid you!” The eejit was watching, and saw the idiot suddenly raise the bar, and was sore afraid that idiot was succumbing completely to ebay-syndrome: “£1800? Do you have that much money??” The idiot's friend saw the idiot raise the bar, and was pleased that the idiot was fighting. “Fuck dude, really going for this aint ya ” Whoever was also bidding on the boat did fear to loose the auction; indeed all the bidders did think so, for Carnaby's price was at the same as a brand new Ford Focus, and rising steadily. The butty price rose further, then did suddenly stay put, as the other bidder did think: “Sod that” The auction did end, and the idiot had won. The boat yard were all watching the auction with interest, and they noticed what the butty had just gone for and said one of the men to the idiot: “That boat has no cabin” Said the idiot: “I know” Said the man: “That boat does not float” Said the idiot: “I know” Said the man: “That boat is full of holes” Said the idiot: “I know” Said the man: “Yet you still bought it?” Said the idiot: “I did” Said another of the men: “I don't mean to bring down the moment, but when did you start crapping money?” Meanwhile the eejit and the friend did not know who had won the butty. The friend tentatively asked: “Well?? Did you get the bugger??” And the idiot did reply: “I has a boat ” The eejit did ring the idiot, and was told of the good news. But his happiness was tainted by the realise that if all went wrong, and the idiot became broken by the task, it was he who had pointed out the butty. The idiot's spirits could not be dampened though, for all those who thought the idiot now confirmed, Ohm had been bought, and was no longer forgotten.

Yeh, this is the story about the poor knackered boat I bought at the BW auction. There's 4 chapters currently for Butty, and I'm starting on Ariel's one now

I do alot of cooking on Linnet's stove (a Premier) due to being booted out of the galley by my mum. My dad wont argue with her 'cos he gets to have the pick of cooking from both the backcabin stove and gas cooker The favourites that have come out of the stove are Toad-in-the-hole, Fajitas, Bread & Butter pudding and (this is my dad's favourite) fishpie. I'm hoping that I'll be given a free rein on a certain Epping soon..

In the beginning there was a boat, and she was known as 80902. She was already old yet did sterling work. Said the men who worked her: “This boat is leaking, it must be sorted” Said their superiors: “It is just rain water, we do not need to fix anything” Said the men: “It's not rain water, it's bloody leaking! See, there's a fish in the bottom of the boat. Look, he's staring at me” But the superiors disregarded the men, who were mere workmen and who could not possibly know as much about boats as themselves. But then they felt abashed and decided to show the men who worked that boat and others that they were appreciated. The superiors had a meeting to discuss what could be done for the loyal men, and in the meeting it was decided: “We must surprise the men somehow” And then it was decided: “We must name the boats. It is only right. We shall send forth for a wise man to think of names for the boats.” And the wise man did come, and he said: “You're boats are varied, and with many histories and jobs. Some are mighty, and some are peaceable. Their names must show this” So the wise man did sit down, and he did think. Months past, and he finally presented the superiors with a manuscript of names for the boats. Said the superiors: “You have done well. We will reward you mightily for your work” Then the wise man went on his way, and the superiors were pleased with their completed task. They did send for a man from the workshop and presented them with the manuscript. “These are the names of the boats. Go forth and paint the boats, so that all may see our skill in name choosing” The man of the workshop said nothing and took the manuscript to the yard, where he did read it in disbelief. Then he called to his fellow thus: “ 'ere Fred, have a shufti at this claptrap!” And Fred did look at the manuscript, and he did laugh. And then he looked around the workshop. “Shit! We're gunna need more paint” So the men of the workshop did go to the financial department and asked for alms to buy more paint, that the boat's might bear the glorious new names. And the financial department said: “But you have paint. You must use this up first. Then you may have more” Said the men of the workshop: “But we have not enough paint to do the job” Said the financial department: “We do not have enough money for more paint” And so it came to pass that the superiors did receive a phone call from the financial department, for they had paid the wise man too handsomely. The superiors were sorely troubled, and they had a meeting. They spoke to both the men of the workshop and the financial department, and they had a new idea. The old manuscript was destroyed, and all evidence of their folly was covered up. The superiors sent for a new wise man, and bid him to the same task: “Name our un-named boats. But you have a day to do it and are limited to 3 letters per boat” Said the wise man: “That's a bit daft” But the superiors rebuked him, and bade him remember his place. And the wise man did set to the task, but he was not happy. At the end of his time, he presented the superiors with a manuscript, and left in disgust. The superiors had grown tired of this task now, and did pass the manuscript to the men of the workshop without a glance. The men of the workshop did eagerly crowd around the manuscript to what they must thence paint upon the boats: “Eve? Day? Ohm?? Dog??? Cat??? Who wrote this shit?” But they prepared to do as they were bid and the boats were sent for. The men who worked the boats were much excited, and did speculate on what work the boats would be receiving. “I don't care what they do on the others boats, I just want that bloody leak fixing. I ruined my boots last week having to work in 8 inches of water, and I keep tripping up over fish” And the day did come when the men who worked the boat got her back, and they looked at her and were stunned. “You've done nothing, it's got more water in than ever” Said the superiors: “We have named it for you and we have painted it for you. Now you will know what boat you are working” Said the men who worked the boat: “You haven't painted it, you've slapped some tipex on the bow! And what kind of a name is this anyway??” And thus the boat became know as Ohm. More time passed, and boat was worked hard. One day the men who worked her arrived in the morning, and could not find her. They searched high, and then they searched low, and there they did find the boat. “I bloody said it was leaking, didn't I say it was leaking? Would anyone listen to me? Nooo, course not” And the men who worked the boat went to their superiors and said: “The boat has sunk. Now you must fix it” Said the superiors: “We shall” And the boat was raised, and presented back to the men. “You call this fixed? All you've done is put a big pump in it!” Time passed further, and the boat sank again. This time the superiors said: “We cannot keep this boat in the water. It is too unsafe.” Said the men: “Just put some bloody patches on it” Said the superiors: “We are ruining our no claims bonus because of this boat. It must be removed from the water” And the men did lament and bang their head against the wall in fury at the superiors. They raised the boat and did abandon her in the corner of the yard, and she was forgotten...

In the beginning, a wise man built a canal. And as is the way of all wise things; the canal was copied. Quickly, canals prospered and spread across the land like so many plant roots, and businesses came to the canals that they might prosper too. They built sturdy boats of oak, and had powerful horses pull them along the canal. Much time passed, and canals became old fashioned. A clever man devised a new wondrous transportation system, using iron rails and mighty machines powered by fire and steam, and it was called the railway. Businesses that had rushed to the canal now rushed to the railway, and they began to compete. Many canal enterprises fell to the railway, but some fought back. One such was the Shropshire Union Railway and Canal Company, and it held fast for many years. Alas; the Shropshire Union Railway and Canal Company could not fight the youth of the railway, and it fell. The men of the railway did think themselves clever for having defeated the canal, and readied themselves to enjoy monopoly of transport, when one business said: “No. We will not be bullied. Suck on this Steamy!” Thus Midlands and Coast Canal Carriers Ltd was created.... In the beginning there was a canal company, and at first they did well. After a time, they began to struggle, but they did not give up. They went to a boat builders and said: “Many of our boats are horse drawn. Build us a new motor boat that we might compete properly” Said the boat builders: “Alright. Got anything special in mind?” Said the company: “Surprise us” And so the boat builders went away and did build a mighty new boat of iron and elm, and fitted her with a powerful engine, with the strength of ten horses. The company were pleased, and did call the boat Ariel. Ariel was given a butty to keep her company, and she was called Taurus. They worked hard, running many miles, and carrying many tonnes of cargo, but their efforts could not save the company from the ruin it was surely heading to. The superiors had a meeting, and said: “We cannot compete any more. What are we to do?” Another canal company had been listening, and did see it's chance: “We are big, and powerful. Let us take over the fight for the canal, and you will not be lost in vain” Said the superiors: “We agree” Thus Midlands and Coast Canal Carriers Ltd was taken over by Fellows, Morton and Clayton. Fellows, Morton and Clayton were indeed big, and powerful, and were a bane to the railway. They took on Ariel, her butty and her sisters, and put them to work with their own boats. Time passed on, and while men had battled amongst themselves, the canals had grown tired and begun to lose their fight. When dust had settled and the wars had ceased, the canal companies had a meeting: “We cannot fight alone. If we are to survive, we must join forces” The government had been waiting, and saw their chance: “We will look after you. Submit to us, and you will survive” So the canal companies bowed out together and the government took over, calling themselves Docks & Inland Waterways Executive. The government grew quickly bored with the canal, and indeed the railway, and favoured their other toy: the road. The railway began to fall to the road, the locomotive losing to the motor car, like the horse boat had lost to the motor boat. The canal fell to both of these and lost favour, yet Ariel and her butty kept working though all and they and their sisters battled on, carrying cargo and the families who worked them. When all seemed lost for Ariel and her kind, the common people did suddenly realise that the canal could be used for pleasure and did turn upon the government: “Fix it!” Said the government: “Nah” Said the people: “Do you enjoy governing?” Replied the government: “Well duh.” Said the people: “Well stop being so bloody smarmy and fix the damn canal!” The government did realise that they had angered the people, and handed them some money. The people grabbed it and started to fix the canal themselves. They did call themselves canal societies. After some time, the government did realise that they could not ignore the canal any longer and set up a new company to take on the task of caring for the canal, and it's boats. And the new board did declare to the common people: “We are British Waterways.” Thus Ariel and her kind were passed forwards unto British Waterways, and she and her faithful butty went into the future together.

Something for giving the horse a helping hand getting loaded boats out of locks? Hook it onto something on the lock and run the line through it for a 2:1 purchase?

Quick, someone lend me some money so I can collect this sibling of Linnet's BW wouldn't let me take Lichfield on, the buggers..