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This is for those poor folk who have lost their locks and are fed up with having to wear hats all the time, even wearing bobble hats in bed, because of a lack of or no hair on top at all and are worried about chills, headaches, fevers and suchlike. The winter months are of course the really big problem. This is awful, my cats restless and keeps wanting to go out, come in, go out, want food and I can't concentrate properly on this very serious subject. Right, so, off we go again. erm, where was I. Ah yes. To make this ere wig is very simple. A full wig, toupee or topknot or a full head of permanent locks are all within the scope of this topic. First of all you need ''the hairs''. A friendly barber or hairdresser is the simplest bet, especially if your fussy about the colour and texture. You can ask the barber or hairdresser to save and bag up all the clipped off hair for you when they sweep up so you can rummage through it at leisure to find your ideal hair. But the best method although a bit more work for you is to hang about and lurk outside the barbers shop with a dustpan and brush handy and study all the punters who go in in the hope of spotting someone with the ideal mop of hair on their head, whether it be black, brown, ginger, mousy, grey, blond ect. Or if you want frizzy curly hair wait for an Afro Carribean to go in, but beware the texture of this can be like wire wool. Once you've singled out someone with the locks of your fancy wait patiently until they come out and dash in with your dustpan and brush and sweep it up. If the person didn't have much cut off or not much to cut off then you might have to wait until another punter goes in with the same colour and texture hair, this could mean a long long wait, but it will be worth it. If the exact colour is not forthcoming just dye it to your liking when you get home. Once home with your valuable bag of fuz you can press on with the wig making. If you want a permanent head of luxurious locks and have a smooth and shiny pate then this will have to be roughed up with sand paper or an angle grinder and course sheet metal disc, or just a good scrub all over with a metal pan scourer so that the glue sticks properly and your wonderful new locks won't blow away in the wind. So, then plaster the glue all over your nut ''like icing a cake'' and sprinkle willynillily all the hard won hair clippings all over, just like sprinkling hundreds and thousands onto a newly baked cake. If you want a permanent parting just run the angle grinder with a stone in it across your nut before the glue sets. Making a removable wig will be discussed shortly after I've had afternoon tea. So keep your bloomin hair on, if you've got any, until then.