Kate_MM

Me? Away with the fairies... never! Tis nigh on 23 years I been afloat now but I don't have a mooring any more - if I did I probably would never have started composting. It was being in London and about to leave a temp mooring that started it. Very few elsans in London, and they are often out of service - and not always the fault of boaters, all of London's Victorian sewage infrastructure is creaking. I did keep the porta potti for some time in case it didn't work, thought I might go back to it when I was near proper facilities but somehow the joys of returning to pouring sewage into a smelly elsan never quite captured my imagination again. Really can't think why...

Dear Tony, Please don't make assumptions about what I do/don't know; have/have not researched or assume that I have 'chosen not to' come and 'explain' why I have a composting system - I was simply busy elsewhere earlier and writing a careful detailed reply takes a lot of time. My comment wasn't intended to start a debate about composting systems, it was to challenge what I saw as assumptions by the original poster that there have been no developments in the area of waterless toilets and composting systems. In response to the poster's plans for another product in the composting field, I stated that we have 'a' solution, that there are boaters who are already composting. I did not make any 'assertion that composting toilets have 'solved the toilet problem on boats' (is there even a toilet problem on boats? There's enough to choose from), or make any 'misleading claims' or suggest that anything is cut and dried. I simply commented on the very narrow issue of the aforementioned new product plans. However, your perception of what happens on a boat with a separating toilet is so far from both my personal and research experience and you have stated your 'facts' with such certainty (not to mention your judgement of my apparent failings) that I feel it is worth my spending some time presenting what I hope will be a clearer picture for anyone who happens to be interested. I have been composting on board a boat without a home mooring for eight years. I do not, as you seem to think, have a product. I do not make toilets - I run a touring theatre company. But I have done a huge amount of research and I yes, have read the CRT webpages. I wrote them in conjunction with several other boaters who also compost. However, you weren't to know that as they haven't acknowledged the boater input - it is clearly time I reminded them! I have also worked with them over the last year to address the issues raised by their, very unfortunate, earlier recommendation to bag and bin the contents of separating toilets. I have never endorsed that. Putting aside our cultural discomfort with the idea of poo in a bin, no organic material should end up in landfill, it creates methane and greenhouse gases. Food scraps, nappies, incontinence pads, colostomy/ileostomy bags... all add to this problem. Boaters binning the contents of the loo is a tiny proportion but one that I agree should not be happening. But it is, so we can all shout abuse at those who bought a separating toilet and thought they were following an accepted set of guidelines in the hopes that they will add their expensive toilet to the current landfill problem and return to the fold of 'proper toilets' or we can work with them to find a better way. I have worked with CRT over the last year to help them understand the underlying principles, practice and science; to develop a better set of guidelines for users for the website; to facilitate discussions between them and the manufacturers of toilets and to create a framework, guidelines and risk assessment templates for moorings, marinas and boat clubs who wish to host a community composting scheme. I am an admin for the compost toilets for boats and off grid living and spend at least 3-4 hrs a week advising and supporting those adopting composting and I run an online workshop/webinar about every 6-8 weeks. I didn't set out to become some sort of poo guru - I was on a short term mooring in London, about to leave the cosy environs of a gated wharf with a nice handy elsan for the wilds of the towpath and found that, of all the things I could be fretting about - bike theft, mugging, finding a mooring - emptying the porta potti was the one that kept me awake. You can't buy spare tanks for porta potti's for love nor money so I started looking at alternatives - long before it was the talk of the towpath. It never occurred to me to do anything other than fully compost, I read Joseph Jenkins Humanure Handbook four times and worked out a simple system that I felt I could manage on the boat. I made mistakes but gradually got the hang of it, and now have a system that runs very smoothly. After about a year, once I'd seen my first batch of compost composted, I started to think more about how much clean water we waste; I realised that where once I had regularly been splashed with sewage (however careful I was) when emptying the PP tank I hadn't once come into unplanned contact with the contents of my separating loo and finally, just how much we waste our waste. At about the same time, in Jan 2015, Colin Ives started the 'compost toilets on boats' group, so I joined. And then the former public health specialist in me got carried away with research... Next, concerning CRT's position, it is more for them to say than me, but my impression following our various meetings and the work we have done is that: - the no binning edict came from Biffa, I have never really discovered what lay behind it or the knee jerk reaction that followed. - they are not anti separating toilets or composting, in fact they seem to welcome some alternative/innovative approaches as the pressure on resources grows and adding more isn't simply a case of enough money, it's also whether they can connect to the existing infrastructure. - they are willing to give permission for community composting schemes on their land and for offside moorings (that they won't give permission for towpath composting has nothing to do with poo being involved, it's the 'nothing on the towpath' rule) with appropriate safeguards in place. - They are also grant supporting a pilot scheme in London collecting and processing humanure from boats. And we are beginning to see interest from boat clubs and marinas in composting - especially those reliant on expensive to maintain septic tanks. Only a few at the moment but I suspect it will grow as more see a financial advantage. I am, frankly, both puzzled and intrigued by your perception of what happens on a boat with a separating toilet. You say 'Just leaving bags of dehydrated poo under the bed or on the roof is unlikely to result in composting in any meaningful way unless you water and turn it. Funny I don't see that mentioned n the bog blurb.' The reason it isn't mentioned is because I have never known anyone have a bag of dehydrated poo. There is only one type of loo, the Airhead, that aims to dry and dessicate and, in reality, it doesn't do that good a job of drying. It was originally designed for sailing boats in warm climes being used for holidays and weekends - not full time liveaboard in our somewhat damp environment. The usual grumble is that the contents are too heavy for the stirring device to turn properly. But... if you have documented evidence that this is a genuine issue then I will work with the Airhead specialist to create the right advice and add it to the 'bog blurb'. I think you may have added to the composting canon with 'bog blurb'. It shall be evermore known as thus! This is what should happens, what all the workshops, advice, support, guidance is aiming to achieve: Firstly, there is no such thing as a Composting Toilet, you will never hear me speak of such a thing, it is a Composting System. All toilets are funnels or collection units for later processing. In flushing systems by a sewage plant, in separating ones by composting. I have at last succeeded in shifting CRT's language from 'composting toilet' to 'separating toilet' i.e. a different sort of funnel. Managing that system Urine is very good source of nitrogen and diluted makes good fertiliser. Carol Steinfeld's book 'Liquid Gold' is a good reference for this. It is good for trees, it is not good for water, it adds too much nitrogen. Hence the advice to apply it diluted to a tree or use an elsan but never to pour it into the canal. Solids - as I've said above the Airhead is the only type of toilet that claims to dry and desiccate the solids. Most involve adding carbon cover such as sawdust, wood cat litter, shredded soft word... to the poo to encourage the start of the bacterial action that is composting. The contents are not dry, our poo is about 70% water, so even without any urine added there is plenty of moisture. This primary stage is a collection stage, the conditions are set for composting but very little composting takes place. Some users line the primary container (the loo) with a bag, most don't. Once the primary container is full it needs to complete the composting process. This is manageable on a boat and there are many who are doing it. The ideal is to create conditions for hot composting as it is quicker (3-4mths) but cold works, just slower - 8-10mths. This is the area where myths abound - images of vast quantities of sewage slopping around on the roof! In reality my 25L secondary composting container looks like a bucket of slightly moist soil and the contents shrink as the composting proceeds. The amounts are far smaller than most people who have never seen a composting system in action realise. Once fully composted mine goes to a friend's garden. Note: EA guidelines (which are somewhat out of date and were primarily written with the use of compost toilets for festivals in mind) state that humanure can be used on one's own land. I am interpreting that as private land with permission. There are indeed some boaters who do irresponsible, inconsiderate or frankly unacceptable things. Some of them even do those things with the contents of their separating toilets but please don't assume that because a few do that, the rest of us must as well. Any more than you would assume that all cassette users empty into the canal because you've heard tell of someone who has done it. CRT don't have a breakdown of exactly what has caused the c £34,000 worth of elsan blockages over the last year but there is no indication that separating toilets are to blame any more often than wet wipes, and very possibly less. Apparently shoes are a regular find... I hope this has clarified the reality of a composting system on a boat for anyone who is interested. I am not trying to 'solve any issues' as you imply, or attempting to convert anyone in any way.. I spend a lot of time telling people that it is not an easy choice. The easy choice is chuck it down an elsan and let someone else deal with it. But there are an increasing number who don't want to do that, for all sorts of reasons, and they are composting. It has taken my entire evening to frame this as carefully and accurately as I can, and, contrary to popular belief I do have a life, so if you or anyone wants to follow up any of these points please do so via the https://www.facebook.com/groups/compostingloos group. That was you can access all the research resources we have in the files section and hear the experience of many others, rather than just listen to me shouting 'there's no such thing as a composting toilet, only a composting system...' G'night Kate

Hi, it's so long since I've used the forum I couldn't remember how to reply! Hope I've hit the right button. Yes, happy to have a conversation - perhaps sometime next week over Zoom. I see you have joined the compost group. You might like to join the online event on Thursday evening where I'll be talking to two experts on the process of composting, John Cosham and Martin Doyle. I look forward to filling you in on some of the innovations that are already happening in the world of waterless toilet systems on boats. All the best Kate

This all sounds very positive and interesting. I've been involved in composting humanure for eight years now - and probably have much of the data that you are looking for in terms of boater's experience of the pros and cons of the various boat toilet options. I tried to find more about your project via the G-BiB competition, but only found the winner (also York University I see) so I don't know what kind of product you have in mind. My principal concern and criticism of many of the innovative ideas that have appeared over the last decade is that they tend to be over complicated, over engineered and well, just, over everything! Whilst I'm sure that the Gates Foundation (your sole ref on your website) is well intentioned, the examples of work I've seen coming from it are all of those things. Just too complicated. You have set an ambitious target to address sanitation poverty and I'm not sure how you think information from us will help that. I don't want to be discouraging but a small scale self selected sample isn't a very rigorous way to start your research. Coming from a public health research background and having carried out a large scale (1700 but also self selected so impossible to extrapolate from) survey I'm sure that you have addressed the following because it must be part of being accepted by the university - but I suggest you really need to get some of your early thinking and rationale on to your website. What IS your research question? Have you done a literature search? What projects (worldwide) have you identified and what outcomes have they demonstrated Who do you want to interview as your starting point and why? What do you hope to learn from each group you have identified? Have you read The Humanure Handbook by Joseph Jenkins? If not, it's a very good starting point... In terms of boating we already have a solution. Composting. At a domestic level is a very simple approach that needs very little resource or equipment and produces a valuable product to return to the soil. It's an approach that translates well to remote rural communities but presents complex challenges for urban environments meaning that you need to be clear where you are going to know whether input from us and our world will help you get there. In terms of boating you are addressing a community that already has a solution. I suggest that you find and join https://www.facebook.com/groups/compostingloos All the best for your research and development. Kate Saffin RN, RHV, MPhil, PhD Former researcher in public health Enthusiastic advocate of not wasting our waste

I know it's all over but I've just realised that I uploaded the wrong final picture - that's what comes of doing things without your specs on! So, by way of a farewell from the Urban Moorings Team, here we all are, marooned on an Edwardian Canal somewhere near you...

and toasted our steerer, navigator, lock wheelers, researcher, navigator and THE FIENDISH ORGANISERS OF THIS HIDEOUS CHALLENGE, JAN AND ANDY. (we enjoyed ourselves really)

Heather was on stage, singing about the restoration of the Droitwich Canal, not part of the BCN but the work involved certainly sounds familiar… As you speed along the Saltway or walk along the Hanbury Road, have a look over the hedgerow, see the hunt for heritage gold. On the other side of the hedge On the other side of the hedge You won't find a bold magician, a wizard with a magic wand casting spells to cut a channel where there's just a muddy pond. On the other side of the hedge On the other side of the hedge There are sickles, scythes and slashers, billhooks, axes, garden tools. People cutting, chopping, mashing reeds and brambles hunt for jewels, not for kudos, not for glory, not for money, not for praise; there are locks to be discovered buried in the tangled maze. On the other side of the hedge On the other side of the hedge © Heather Wastie 2019 Still humming along to the chorus we sat outside in the sunshine and enjoyed more tea, and a buffet lunch, or was it a picnic? Once back down Oldbury locks we realised we were now actually making good time so we decided to have a little spin on our time machine up the Valencia Arm and back The photo shows Roach tied up with the Union Towage fleet of mud-hoppers at Valencia Wharf, Oldbury. This was Les Allen and Sons boat building yard at the time. The hopper boat that Roach is tied to was towed around by John for a year or so, and used to carry pre-packed smokeless fuels, as Roach was being regularly loaded with housecoal in 20 tonne loads. The motor boat on the inside is Chertsey, and the River class butty alongside Chertsey is one of only two built to accommodate a lift-out cabin. And we admired a little more of Oldbury’s past. Back to the 21st century where we were now on a mission to get to Bradley workshops for 6pm. Back along to Oldbury Locks Junction and then through to Tipton passing Brades hall Junction, Coronation Gardens and The Slasher, The Fountain Inn and The Malthouses. We followed the The Ocker Hill branch and The Old Main Line to get us to the Bradley workshops. And arrive at 17:59 on May 9th 2021 We’d done it! The 2021 BCN challenge. Even managed to time it just right for a tour of Bradley workshops so we got to see how lock gates are made Ronnie put the kettle on, Ronnie put the kettle on, Ronnie put the kettle on, We'll all have tea. Ali took it off again, Lesley took it off again, Sandra took it off again, And chucked her in the cut Once we’d dried her off we opened the…

Smethwick probably comes from “Smooth – wick, meaning settlement on a plain. That makes sense, as it lies on flat land to the east of the Rowley Hills (which prove such an obstacle for canals; think of the Dudley and Netherton Tunnels!). That said, the Smethwick summit was still a difficulty to the canal builders and its users, hence Thomas Telford coming along in the 1820s and bypassing the lot with the vast “Galton Valley” along which we’ll be cruising. When dug (all by hand, remember, this was the largest earthwork in the world. The land to the right of the Smethwick locks, in Lewisham Road, was once the Surrey Works of Evered and Company. They began manufacturing tubes for the frames that supported the crinoline dresses of Georgian and Regency ladies. When changing fashions caused that work to dry up, they put their tubes to other purposes, from gas lighting and bedsteads to waveguides for modern radar systems as late as the 1980s. c the company also made the models for Pott’s bizarre “Heath Robinson” type inventions in the film Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. The bridge over the canal at Bridge Street is called Pope’s Bridge after Luke Pope, a horticulturalist who lived in the area and experimented with plant breeding and hybrids. His house north of here on the Birmingham Road was called “The Hawthorns” and gave is name to the adjacent stadium which is home to West Bromwich Albion FC. (This also the highest league ground above sea level in England.) Building the New Main Line cut off the short branch line to the Smethwick Engine which was used to deliver coal. So Telford had to construct the magnificent Engine Arm Aqueduct to preserve the link from the old main line, across the New one. It's Grade I Listed (as is the famous Galton Bridge further on). We paused briefly here whilst Lou painted the scene On the left behind the Engine Arm Aqueduct is the former Smethwick Fire Station. This is said to be haunted by the ghost of a former Fire Chief who committed suicide in his accommodation there when told he would have to retire. On that cheerful note, we felt it was time to drag ourselves away from Ian as we could have listened all day but we were conscious of our tight deadline today. If anyone is interested in Ians tours once lockdown is lifted please check out : https://www.facebook.com/ianjelftours/ He also has some podcasts currently on his page. So we leapt back onboard Tench and headed up the three locks, past the pumphouse and Engine Arm aqueduct that we’d just walked past and round through to Oldbury Locks. ‘This won’t take long’ we all said to each other, not with Ronnie keeping our strength up with tea and cookies (it seemed an age since breakfast) and Kate and Ali flying ahead armed with windlasses… Until just above the second lock where we found a completely empty pound! Fortunately, before exploding and laying into the miscreants wot had drained it, we took a second look, being the second pound… (sorry) …and realised it was Phil with a BCN workboat on its way back up to the Pumphouse to moor with the most ginormous chain wrapped around the prop. So, that’s why they’d drained it! Look carefully at the back counter, it’s there. [photo Heather Wastie] To Tiford pumphouse, where once again we tripped over Alarum Theatre – with their new show Acts of Abandon.

URBAN MOORINGS SATURDAY LOG After our overnight at Smethwick Junction we awoke to the delicious smell of sizzling bacon. Ronni had decided to treat us as it was our last day of the virtual BCN challenge. We didn‘t need any encouragement. Over breakfast we got news of heavy weed infestation on the New Main Line, so some rethinking of our route was needed if we were to make the finish line by 6pm. Navigator Tom set to work and came up with a new route. Partway through breakfast we heard a “Hello” through the hatch and Sandra was delighted to se her friend Ian Jelf who is an absolutely wonderful Blue Badge Guide –in Sandras’s opinion the best. Ian lives in Smethwick and was a bit surprised to see Sandra here as he thought she was in Ireland. We explained that she is, and that he was seeing things, and it was all virtual and none of us were really there at all… …but we were ready to hang on his every word. So, off we went on our own little personal tour of the area filling us in on the history as we went. Handing over to Ian… Originally there were two parallel rows of locks here at Smethwick. When the canal first came through the area there was a rise of six locks. This was reduced in the 1790s to 2 when the engineer James Smeaton (who also designed one of the Eddystone lighthouses) lowered the Smethwick summit. He added a second flight of 3 locks parallel to the existing ones to increase capacity. The canal was getting congested even then! Up Bridge Street to the left hand side just before the Engine Arm Aqueduct in the nineteenth century the corner of Rolfe Street was the site of the Smethwick Engine, built by Boulton and Watt to pump water back to the upper levels of the canal. This was later moved to Ocker Hill and then to Birmingham’s Science Museum. Today, at “Think Tank” Birmingham the “Smethwick Engine” is the oldest working steam engine in the world!

And discovered that where the residential moorings are now at Hockley Port there used to be a thriving community centre and the Hockley Port Waterways Group. One member in the 70s and 80s was Jeni Hatton and her husband Graham – they met another boater in Birmingham who invited them to a rally there. They had such a good time they joined the Hockley Port Waterways Group. The aim was to regenerate the arm and provide facilities for local young people. They fundraised with a trip boat, Atheni, an old boat that needed constant care. Took it to rallies, and would collect beer cans full of 10p pieces. They held regular rallies before the Birmingham boating festival was thought of. “I think we were seen as a bit reprobate since we had fun, got drunk and rattled collecting tins at people!” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UOty9fCze4andfeature=youtu.be But the activities were taken over by the council in the mid-80s and after the first meeting with the woman who would be running it there was a committee rebellion in which they gave their remaining funds to the Birmingham Canal Navigation Society to contribute to the signposts they were building at the time. Bought three, handed over the books and everyone left the basin. Sadly, she said, it was derelict within a few months, stayed like that until BW took it over and created new moorings and dock. [Source: Alarum Productions project ‘I Dig Canals’, oral history interview with Jeni Hatton] And here is one of those signposts: In the meantime, the rest of us had decided to have another go at making the time flux capacitor thingy do as it was asked for once, and have a little foray up The Cape Arm. And it worked! There obviously hadn’t been many boats up there in a while so the inevitable happened… …. with a judder the boat ground to a halt. Sandra got herself stuck in the same vicinity a few years ago with a sari round her prop. Luckily, we spotted a half-naked man on the towpath (as you do) who was more than happy to help us damsels in distress (we made Tom hide inside) He did a sterling job and saw us off safe with a cheery wave. Good folks these boaters. It was then just a short cruise up to Smethwick Junction where after a much longer and slower day than planned we tied up for the night. Ronnie put the kettle on, Ronnie put the kettle on, Ronnie put the kettle on, We'll all have tea. Ali took it off again, Ali took it off again, Ali took it off again, And fetched us fish and chips

From there we just tootled round Old Turn and we were surprised to see all the trading boats moored up. Sadly, in these difficult locked down times they can’t be roving traders. All the planned floating markets have been cancelled. However, we were delighted to hear that all this week that they’re running an online market instead so please do go along and support them if you can. This week’s theme is Artists and Writers: https://www.facebook.com/events/1370660033124493/ There are other markets running across the next few weeks and details can be found here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/buyitoffaboat/events/ So that’s what Ronni has been doing between brewing endless pots of tea and toasting mountains of toast. No wonder she said she was busy! With all the market dates duly noted in our diaries we bade the traders farewell, from an appropriate distance of two metres, of course, and continued up the mainline towards Icknield and Soho loops where we had a bit of a fracas, a contre-temps, a flaming row. All rather embarrassing. Kate wanted to go round the Soho loop, always been intrigued by Hockley Port, even thought about bringing her boat up here in 2010, the year she spent mostly inside Winson Green Prison (we didn’t even ask…). But… Navigator Tom said ‘No’. Just like that ‘the computer says No. There isn’t time. We won’t make our mooring if we do that’. So, she just took the gyrocopter and went off…

[source Britain From Above] Arriving at the top amidst much relief and calls for more tea. ‘I’m busy’ came from the corner of the hold with the stove in it. Doing what? We all wondered. Ronni’s only job on this trip is to make the tea. She should have loads of time on her hands. We took the sharp right at the top of the locks and walloped the wharf edge – that upset the time machine and it flipped us back to 1911 to find a boat, NB Burton heading straight for us. It was widow Eliza Cresswell with children William, Lena and Stephen. I think they were a bit surprised as well but after a bit of yelling, arm waving and horn tooting we managed to avoid each other. It was nice to see her carrying on with the boat single handed; we watched, admired, the kids working down the locks like clockwork. As they disappeared, we heard William shout to back to Eliza ‘’Ere Mum! Them is wimmin on that boat and they’s wearin’ trousers. T’ent ladylike wearin trousers’ [Source: Wolverhampton Census 1911] A well-aimed kick from Ali and the machine had us back in the 21st century. And well behind schedule so it was straight onto Farmers flight. All was going well until we arrived at the 3rd lock from the top and it was completely empty with a CRT tour going on in it. Before you could say “Farmers Lock flight!” the all crew abandoned ship and were off inside the chamber exploring… It was fascinating hearing all about the lock and actually be able to climb down into the lock chamber to see the construction and brickwork at close quarters. Luckily CRT decided to demonstrate how the lock works for all the visitors and gongoozlers so we (very nobly and with no thought of how this might help us win the challenge at all) volunteered to be the boat that went through. It was then up the last two locks and finally after a slow journey we were at Cambrian Wharf

TEAM URBAN MOORINGS FRIDAYS LOG After a night on the sloe gin, we awoke with fuzzy heads and feeling a bit out of kilter. As we looked across the cabin, we saw Lou in a heap on the floor. We didn’t remember her being that drunk… but then again, we didn’t remember much at all. Someone mentioned dancing along the beam at midnight… Apparently, she’d fallen out of bed in the night. And as we got up, we fell over too. That Sloe gin was powerful stuff. But once we crawled to the hatch and heave ourselves up to look out, the reason became apparent: the water levels were well down and the boat was tilting at a precarious angle. Not good news when we had Aston and Farmers flights to do today. So, without further ado we left Ronni on breakfast duty, heaved the boat back into deeper water we set off on our very very slow journey. We passed underneath spaghetti junction. Normally weird to think we’re going by so slowly underneath as cars and lorries whizzing above us at speed. Of course, currently there isn’t much traffic. There was the usual struggle to get round the very sharp turn on towards Cuckoo wharf and the Aston flight made harder by the lack of water and Ali announcing smugly ‘just try doing it with a butty’. ‘For that, you get to bow haul the ‘Ampton’ said Lesley! Ronni soon appeared with cups of tea and toast just as we passed Cuckoo Wharf and were approaching the Aston flight. Thus fortified we had a good look at the map for today’s journey. And Tom, who seems to have survived the Sloe gin rather better than the rest of us, whisked off in the gyrocopter… Hang on, he only borrowed it to use on Wednesday, how come it’s still in our hold… Tom? Tom! TOM? But he was off… …for an aerial view of the wharf. The rest of us drank tea and checked the map for the day. We slowly made our way up Aston locks with every lock taking twice as long as normal due to the low water levels in the cut, and the high alcohol levels in the veins. Tom was still playing in the gyrocopter and captured a great shot of the British Timpkin Roller Bearing Works on the flight in 1934

I think we just popped you back to 2013! For once the time machine actually arrived where it was meant to ?

It isn’t the most scenic of spots but we’re stopping. Ronnie put the kettle on, Ronnie put the kettle on, Ronnie put the kettle on, We'll all have tea. Lesley took it off again, Lesley took it off again, Lesley took it off again, And turned on the still Shloe jjjin anyone?

And onwards to the top of Perry Bar locks It was at this point that we noticed steam emitting from inside Tench. Oh no it was coming from the time machine. Quick give it to Ali. Ali examined it and there was much muttering and pressing of knobs and sparking of capacitors but it was having none of it. So, Ali put it on the floor and kicked it. There was an almighty flash of lightning and suddenly, whoosh, we were brought forward in time straight through 2020 to… And there were a few familiar sights. Thankfully this sign suggested we were in the right place. But not as we knew it. The canal was still there and so was the water but all the locks were now electric and the towpath was replaced by a moving travelator with flashing lights and a loud voice warning you not to disembark between stopping points. Pedestrians were dressed in silver bodysuits and headbands traveling up and down. They seemed friendly enough and waved at us. We must have looked odd in our 21st century (actually mostly 20th) boating clothes. Suddenly there was a whooshing noise and a gentleman was stood next to us. He introduced himself as the local CRT bloke and asked if we needed any help with the locks. ‘Well. Gosh’ we said ‘that’d be handy’ we said, slinging him a windlass. He caught it neatly and chucked it straight back. ‘Oh no’ he said. ‘You don’t need that’ he said. ‘Perry Barr flight: prepare for narrowboat Tench’ He seemed to be talking to his wrist watch… but it worked. The paddles rose, the lock filled, the gates opened. Tom was a wee bit disappointed; he’d got the whole poking the tarp down the side of the lock gates thing down to a fine art on the Rushall flight and was looking forward to refining it at Perry Bar. ‘Could I just…’ he said ‘No’ said Ronnie ‘put it back in the hold, I’ll get the kettle on’ ‘Just move forward carefully doing each lock at five-minute intervals and they’ll automatically operate for you’ So we did. Sandra sipping tea at the tiller, the rest of us with our feet up in the hold, which, oddly had sprouted some rather comfortable recliner chairs. Watching each lock prepare, open the gates, drop the paddles, lift the paddles, lowering us gently, open the gates and out, became quite mesmerising. Until the fourth lock and the dreaded, and familiar, juddering of the tiller arm. The old blade full problem. So, the 22nd (or possibly 24th, there weren’t many clues) century hadn’t solved all the cut’s irritating little ways! Except it had. Lesley spotted a new button on the speed wheel labelled ‘auto prop clear’. We pressed it and suddenly the prop was free again and all the rubbish was magically in a bin bag on the boat. So, continued our lazy way down the rest of the Perry Bar flight reaching Salford Junction. Now although it had been quite exciting all this space age automation it just didn’t feel like proper boating so we had a team vote and decided to return back to current time. We activated the time machine thingy once more. It was still playing up, whizzed straight past 2020 to a rather blurry 1960s. Ali had another fiddle and finally got us, the sloe gin jam, the ‘ampton and Tench back to May 2020

We had an eventful time on the flight. The updated Time Machine with flux capacitor (Midland Chandler’s best) was flipping us all over the place. One minute we were trying to get the ‘Ampton down the flight by wheeling it along the towpath, the next we were learning… we’ll get to that bit in a minute, let’s just sort the ‘Ampton first. Yes, we’ve still got the damn thing with us. Whose idea was it to gather up a, totally unsuited to most of the BCN 80’ wooden boat? Ah yes, Ali! Long discussion ensued, whilst we reset all the locks (they’d drained while we were eating toast), as to whether Ali should be sacked and left to get said ‘Ampton to Urban Moorings toute seule, or possibly all by herself. Reminder: this is what the old girl looks like (the ‘Ampton, not Ali). Two things ended the discussion: Lesley pointing out that Ali was the only one who knew how the flux capacitor works so unless we wanted live out our days in Edwardian Birmingham, we had better be nice to her, and a shriek followed by a splash followed by… Ali had took a look! Her first apparently. And it was freezing with the canal covered in ice (told you the time machine was all over the place). By the time we reached her, the ice had thawed, she had managed to get a foothold on the rudder, grab the swan neck and climb out. And we were too late to capture it on film. We did ask why she hadn’t rung us for help to which she screamed some very unladylike epithets and pulled out a soggy phone from her back pocket. We assured her she was now a Proper Boater, that made her feel much better, or at least reduced the swearing. We left her drying off and hunting for the rice to put her phone in and went back to the locks, all set for a swift descent because they were all set. Only they weren’t, they had unset themselves AGAIN while we’d been heaving the ‘Ampton on to the towpath and Ali into the cabin. Every single one had drained. Thankfully one of the wonders of virtual travel is being able to conjure up just the help you need when you need it. Kate clicked her fingers (Lou was very impressed, she’s always wanted to be able to do that – turns out Kate has too, more virtual virtuosity) and conjured up a veteran boater and RBOA stalwart for assistance. Beryl McDowell gave us all a lesson in managing leaking locks… Beryl McDowell managing leaking locks.mp4 [Alarum Productions: I Dig Canals project, oral history interview] Alex Bennett who owned Tench until her death in February 2018 could be as daft as a brush and had a capacity for Gin that the rest of us could never hope to match but she was a fine boatwoman, and she loved and cared for Tench with a passion. So, needless to say, the very thing we needed – a tarpaulin, was there, ready to use in the hold. Getting it in place to keep the water in the lock while we filled it wasn’t quite as easy as Beryl had made it sound… but we got there in the end. Once at the bottom of the flight, we retrieved the tarp, folded it ready for the next challenge, and got the kettle on again. Suitable fortified off we set passing the junction with the Tame Valley anal from t’other end.

TEAM URBAN MOORINGS LOG DAY 4 Today was just a straight run south to Salford Junction - easy peasy our navigator Tom said! Just a few locks no turn offs and we’ll be there!! We departed Catshill Junction bound for the Rushall Canal & locks but first, Longwood Boat Club, and the top of the Rushall flight. The lock wheeling team went ahead to set the locks and Ronni put the kettle on. Lesley spotted a rather splendid array of sloes alongside the towpath so the rest of us went apicking, fantasising about the sloe gin that we could distil onboard. But as we were picking, we heard a rustling in the bushes – we all backed off what could it be? A fox, a lion, a werewolf? The rustling was getting louder and there were some snorting noises coming closer… suddenly the intrepid pickers weren’t quite as intrepid. But just as they turned tail to run the fierce beast appeared. It was indeed a lion, well, a lioness, of the genus Tidy! Fame for her preserves she had been picking the juiciest of sloes from the back of the bushes ready to fly into full scale production of sloe jam onboard The Jam Butty ready for the virtual floating market in Birmingham at the weekend. We tried to pretend that we weren’t really about to run away, it was just that we heard the kettle boiling… Having scared the sh** out of us, she took pity, delved in capacious apron pocket and said ‘Here’s one I made earlier’. Ronnie had the tea made so we settled down to a mountain of hot buttered toast (neatly sliced with Ali’s laser cutter, in the absence of a bread knife – see yesterday), slathered with sloe ginny jam, washed down with lashings of tea. Aside: we can highly recommend Wildside Products. You’ll find them at a floating market near you. http://wildsidepreserves.co.uk/ We have heard a rumour that adjudicators of this year’s BCN challenge like to give extra bonus points when their products are promoted… Over the toast and tea, Tom told us how he took part in the BCN Challenge in 2013 that finished at Longwood Boat club so we took a trip back in time with our time machine thingy so Tom could meet his younger self. Once Tom had finished talking to his younger self, we activated the time machine to get us back to present day but after a weird beeping noise it just went further backwards And it was time to get locking down Rushall.

With six great sighs of relief we tied up at Cathills Junction for the night. And… Ronnie put the kettle on, Ronnie put the kettle on, Ronnie put the kettle on, We'll all have tea. Sandra took it off again, Sandra took it off again, Sandra took it off again, And went to get the Gin And we all settled down to read about the 2018 BCN cruise through Brownhills (and wonder what to have for breakfast tomorrow...) https://brownhillsbob.com/2018/05/20/narrowboat-convoy-heading-through-brownhills-and-walsall-wood-today/

We were utterly exhausted at the end so Ronni put the kettle on. Five minutes later she appeared… The naughty girl had only gone and stolen one of the Trusts mugs!! Next, we had a gentle jaunt up the short Lord Hayes Branch and back. Now we had trouble finding any information on the elusive Lord Hayes the only one which we could find out about was Lord Alfred Hayes a professional wrestler who we decided didn’t have this bit of canal named after him especially as he didn’t die till 2005! In fact, the only guy who seems to know anything about the section is a chap who goes by the name of Captain Ahab but as we found nothing else about it, we think he made it up. We then were soon back on familiar waters passing Pelsall Junction again. This was a good job because as we cruised past The Fingerpost, Kate realised she’d left all her Idle Women banners the night before so we were able to retrieve them. Unfortunately the sudden stop to collect them meant throwing the gears into reverse and yes, the inevitable happened. The engine cut out. We drifted, rather slowly, over to a handy pontoon to investigate. Now, historic FMC boats don’t have weed hatches so it was out with the boat hook and eventually the bread knife. Luckily Lou is a veteran with many an award* for her prop clearing skills. But even she was impressed with today’s find: rope, a wig, rubber tubing and even a toaster. Toaster ruined Bread knife too So that’s goodbye to breakfast tomorrow. *1982 West Midlands Under 18 Runner up: ‘Coal bag and Rope’ section

By now we were thoroughly behind schedule with all these distractions but we were determined to explore every nook, cranny and only-navigable-today, arm, so it was a quick foray up to Hednesford Basin and back. By now we were thoroughly behind schedule with all these distractions but we were determined to explore every nook, cranny and only-navigable-today, arm, so it was a quick foray up to Hednesford Basin and back. <<Hednesford Canal photo>> Back on the Hatherton Branch. Being quite exhausted from all this time travel we decided to have a bit of respite and return to modern day times. Lesley wanted to check her Facebook posts sand send a couple of emails. It turned out to be a fortuitous decision as we came across a work party from the Lichfield and Hatherton Canals Restoration Trust. We had a thoroughly enjoyable hour hearing all about their work and exciting plans. Though some had a more enjoyable hour than others. While Sandra, Lou and Lesley were diligently listening to the plans Ali and Ronni had disappeared and ten minutes later appeared driving the digger. [with grateful thanks to the Lichfield and Hatherton Trust for allowing these two reprobates to purloin not only their digger, but their video as well] Tom had also disappeared but we were soon startled by cheery shouting from above. Tom had commandeered a gyrocopter and was flying above us filming the restoration project. [further thanks to the H&L Trust for allowing such appalling plagiarism – we did say thank you nicely via the donate button. Please do support their amazing efforts, we all feel almost part of the venture, even having only visited virtually] And as for Kate… well, David Suchet appeared and she was totally star struck. Haven’t known her that quiet for that long since we started… We eventually managed to round everyone up, get back onboard activate the time machine back in time so we were once again on the water. It seems sad as we’re travelling along to have had a glimpse into the derelict future of the Lichfield & Hatherton. We all knuckled down as we tackled the 21 locks on the flight knowing how they would one day look… You’d think a herculean hand had reached into the mortar, spread its fingers wide and doggedly insisted brick and sandstone should be parted. Climb the tumbled steps as best you can and feel the march of trunk and root surrounding, clutching, cloaking, undermining, know there is a chamber, look for line of gate and see a sapling, tread the channel chock with bramble, gripping heel and grabbing ankle. This is our world now, says creeping thicket, opportunist briar and striding scrubland, for this battleground becomes our ancestry. Trace our survival here. Your metal we devour and slowly bridges are consumed and even we forget that you were ever here. © Heather Wastie 2019

Wednesday log We were up bright and early yet again as we wanted a good start up the Cannock Extension. Had to give Ronnie a bit of a kick to get the kettle on, she isn’t a Morning Person. And a certain amount of Gin had been… Sipped and slurped, but slid down with surprisingly soothing ease ...the night before at the Fingerpost Once at the top of the extension, and after all the excitement, or possibly the Gin, we decided to travel back in time today and explore some of the old canal routes. So, the time machine thingy was placed in Ali’s hands again and she performed her magic to lure us back to 1834. The colours seeped away and, as the mist cleared to reveal the muted grey and white tones of Gilpin’s works on the Hatherton branch, ‘where Mr. Gilpin established, about 35 years ago, an extensive manufactory of edge tools, augers, hammers, &c., and a forge, a tilt, rolling and grind-mills, and furnaces for converting and refining iron and steel; all of which are now in a flourishing state, and give employment to a considerable number of workmen.’ (Source: BlackCountryHistory.org) … we spotted two chaps. We went over to say hello and they introduced themselves as Foreman Craddock and Mr T Briggs. We stopped to have a cuppa with them as Ronni had the kettle on (finally). It was then they broke the devastating news that there was a breach on the Cannock Extension and we wouldn’t be able to travel it. But of course, he didn’t know about our secret weapon the time machine so, with the click of a button and the whirr of a wotsit, we were back in time before the breach. We did wonder if we’d maybe overused the time machine as we suddenly lurched sideways to yet another performance of Idle Women. We caught them preparing for the show later and chatting with Andrew March, Daphne March’s son, who had driven over from the East Coast where he farms to say hello and show the company his mother’s original diary.

And really doesn't seem to be taking a proper interest in the map. Just planning to swan off...

Well after all that merriment it was time to set off on our way again. We left the basin only to be scuppered. After having the news early this morning after the Ryders lock beams being sawn off we discovered the little oiks had only done those on the Walsall flight too. We were all despondent thinking our route was in tatters then Ali started jumping up & down yelling about the time machine. Of course, we could use it to go back in time before the locks were vandalised. That woman is a genius. So, without further ado we were on our way up the flight. Now this in itself was not without challenges. Being a lesser used part of the canals by boats it appears some of the locals think it’s a tipping ground for their rubbish. We cruised past a three-piece suite, a fridge, a TV, 23 wheelie bins, 103 shopping trolleys & a vespa scooter. Needless to say, the prop didn’t escape as we had to clear some rather unusual gear from around it Wonder what it is?? Underwear?? Bondage gear?? Not sure, didn’t want to inspect too closely!! Anyway, it was finally off & we were on our way up to Birchills Junction later than planned. We turned right onto the Wyrley & Essington canal passing a beautiful tugboat. “Right on a corner!’ fumed our steerer. Actually, just between ourselves it was more of a tut than a fume, she is far too nice to fume. Really. “Bit of an odd spot to tie up” agreed Lou glancing up from creating a swan. “And an even odder spot to leave your slippers, outside for the mice and the rain” added Ronnie, on her way to put the kettle on. Again. Sandra negotiated the bend neatly with nary a bump and the tug was soon forgotten as we tucked into more tea and more cake to celebrate our great leaders’ birthday. Happy birthday Jan! “We’ve done that bit already. And she thought it was painful enough” “Sorry…” We progressed onto our mooring for the evening at Pelsall Common opposite the Cannock extension at Pelsall Junction. We’re planning an evening at the Fingerpost, because with our handy time machine we know we’ll be able to catch a performance of ‘Idle Women on the Wartime Waterways’ from that well known and much-loved touring company Alarum Theatre. We’ll try and grab a few pics of the famous duo to show you tomorrow. “Both women are exceptional storytellers, their performances brimming over with personality and linguistic virtuosity” (London City Nights 2017) [Lock wheeler Kate says there’s nothing in the rules that says you can’t promote your own shows, especially ones you can only get to by rewinding time!] As we tied up there were a few police along the canal bank. They asked us if we’d seen a tugboat recently – well that was a coincidence so we regaled our story with the important slippers detail. Apparently, it had been stolen from Penkridge earlier that day so the police thanked us profusely and shot off to apprehend a slipper wearing (or not wearing) thief. Been quite a day – birthday cakes, litter picking, floating three-piece suites, bondage gear & stolen boats. Wonder what tomorrow will bring?

TEAM URBAN MOORINGS DAY 2 We woke up to a glorious celebration. It is our challenge organiser’s 6oth birthday. Happy Birthday Jan.mp4 Sandra had been beavering away all night making a cake for you. Alas her baking skills are somewhat lacking!! Luckily Lesley stepped into the breach & baked another cake whilst Sandra consoled herself by eating the entire other cake So, after a rousing song of Happy Birthday to Jan we set off. We were one crew member down as Sandra was incapacitated throwing up over the side from chocolate hedgehog overload. Ali and Lou had a fight over who was going to steer in her place, Ronnie put the kettle on, Tom missed his chance because he was poring over the maps (I mean, how many choices do you have on the Walsall?) so Lesley whipped in, took the tiller and… First job this morning was a quick fiddle (with the time machine) & whoosh we were back in time & off we set on an exciting morning exploring Bradley locks We decided to leave the ‘Ampton in the 21st century as it wouldn’t fit! After a strenuous mooring up & down the locks we headed up to Anson Branch Junction & then Walsall Junction. The time machine was activated again & brought us back to 2020. We heard that there was an organised litter pick going on around the Walsall basin so we all decided we’d do our bit & off we went with bags & magic little protective yellow jackets. These jackets protected us from coronavirus so we didn’t have to do social distancing. We even managed to rope the boss Mr Parry into helping!!