Best experience and sad news.

[Calranthe]

A lot of you thought I was crazy and wasting money last year on the boat Kathleen, after all we got only 48 hours on the water at a cost of £4500, a boat we sold for £750, last year both me and Paola knew things were getting worse, the money didn't mean anything, we were desperate to have one last bit of fun and for Paola to do things she never had before, Paola had never been on a boat, we had never owned a boat and it was worth it.

 

To actually own a boat even though it fell apart, it mattered, to travel those few miles of the Trent and onto the canal it mattered, the people we met while broken down, the community, it all mattered.

 

As I said in my last post here, things were getting worse, her kidneys failed and we went on dialysis, dealt with it all at home, no problem, I was trained on all the medical stuff and we got on with life, walks and pushing the wheelchair became less frequent, Paola was hurting more often and more fatigued.

 

All was going well or so we thought, dialysis was tweaked and things were beginning to look up unfortunately it was not meant to be, seems whatever had killed off her kidneys so quickly was also damaging her heart.

 

Day after her 2 monthly appointment she had acid reflux and nausea seems a woman can have a heart attack without any of the normal signs, its called a silent heart attack, she ended up in the coronary care unit.

 

Here is the story of what happened.

 

https://imgur.com/gallery/JSggx0v

 

Now the universe seems to have a sense of humour because, 7 days after she died (20th November)  I was diagnosed with bowel cancer, I went into hospital on the 3rd January to have part of my bowels removed an I am back home now, I go to see the team to find out the prognosis and how much chemo I will need.

 

Life has little meaning for me now, Paola was my world and please unless you have personally had this kind of loss do not say "time heals" or any of the other platitudes, I have no family, no friends, no children, no career, I have probably had 1 visitor to the house since November 20th that was not to do with my illness or the funeral.

 

I spent 21 amazing years with Paola, 18 hours a day not one hour away from each other as her carer, no respite, no pub visits or time away, we were a couple in the truest sense of the word, I may just never get over this.

 

Why is this in the boat section, because that time spent on here planning, that time spent making friends and on the water was the most special time me and Paola had, that 48 hours was worth millions not £4500, not one second of it was a waste and the memory of her sitting on the back of the boat taking pictures as I piloted us up the river will never leave me.

 

Don't listen to anyone who tells you its not worth it, don't let anyone tell you not to experience now because me and Paola were just a normal couple of students when we met, we had plans and dreams, you could lose everything tomorrow and ask yourself what would you regret? what didn't you do? what did you put off till next year?

 

[Naughty Cal]

So sorry to hear this. 

 

I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through right now. But if you ever fancy taking a break from it all you are welcome to come and join us for a few hours on Naughty-Cal.

[Alan de Enfield]

Very, very sorry to hear this.

I know the efforts you put into the dream and although you never made it to Newark to take a trip on my boat you did at least for a short time 'have the dream'.

All the best for the future and hoping you get a full recovery from the C.

 

Alan

[peterboat]

A very hard read this one, I hope things get better, and like Rachael you are welcome to a trip on my boat as well. You are right you have to live each day as if its your last and dont regret those decisions, good luck with the future

[Debby]

So sad to hear your news. You're obviously a very strong person to have helped Paola through very tough times. Now it's time to be strong for yourself. Hang on to those 21 years of memories.

[Calranthe]

Thank you, just taking one day at a time, the cancer sort of sidelined the grieving process, I am still sort of going through the motions, I may end up taking you all up on the kind offers once I am in a better place mentally and physically.

 

[mayalld]

1 hour ago, Calranthe said:

A lot of you thought I was crazy and wasting money last year on the boat Kathleen, after all we got only 48 hours on the water at a cost of £4500, a boat we sold for £750, last year both me and Paola knew things were getting worse, the money didn't mean anything, we were desperate to have one last bit of fun and for Paola to do things she never had before, Paola had never been on a boat, we had never owned a boat and it was worth it.

 

To actually own a boat even though it fell apart, it mattered, to travel those few miles of the Trent and onto the canal it mattered, the people we met while broken down, the community, it all mattered.

 

As I said in my last post here, things were getting worse, her kidneys failed and we went on dialysis, dealt with it all at home, no problem, I was trained on all the medical stuff and we got on with life, walks and pushing the wheelchair became less frequent, Paola was hurting more often and more fatigued.

 

All was going well or so we thought, dialysis was tweaked and things were beginning to look up unfortunately it was not meant to be, seems whatever had killed off her kidneys so quickly was also damaging her heart.

 

Day after her 2 monthly appointment she had acid reflux and nausea seems a woman can have a heart attack without any of the normal signs, its called a silent heart attack, she ended up in the coronary care unit.

 

Here is the story of what happened.

 

https://imgur.com/gallery/JSggx0v

 

Now the universe seems to have a sense of humour because, 7 days after she died (20th November)  I was diagnosed with bowel cancer, I went into hospital on the 3rd January to have part of my bowels removed an I am back home now, I go to see the team to find out the prognosis and how much chemo I will need.

 

Life has little meaning for me now, Paola was my world and please unless you have personally had this kind of loss do not say "time heals" or any of the other platitudes, I have no family, no friends, no children, no career, I have probably had 1 visitor to the house since November 20th that was not to do with my illness or the funeral.

 

I spent 21 amazing years with Paola, 18 hours a day not one hour away from each other as her carer, no respite, no pub visits or time away, we were a couple in the truest sense of the word, I may just never get over this.

 

Why is this in the boat section, because that time spent on here planning, that time spent making friends and on the water was the most special time me and Paola had, that 48 hours was worth millions not £4500, not one second of it was a waste and the memory of her sitting on the back of the boat taking pictures as I piloted us up the river will never leave me.

 

Don't listen to anyone who tells you its not worth it, don't let anyone tell you not to experience now because me and Paola were just a normal couple of students when we met, we had plans and dreams, you could lose everything tomorrow and ask yourself what would you regret? what didn't you do? what did you put off till next year?

 

Hi Jason,

 

I'm afraid that I missed the shenanigans when the forum was (rightly and wrongly) telling you that you must be mad. Rightly because your project was a hopeless case, and wrongly because given your circumstances it was absolutely the right thing to do to pursue the hopeless case.

 

The reason that I missed it, is the reason that I am exempt from your restrictions on what people can say, namely that I had recently lost my Wife to Cancer after 17 years together, and wasn't following the forum as avidly as usual.

 

Time doesn't heal. Time cannot make your life what it was before. Time can and does slowly carry away the worst of the grief, and enable you to go on with your life and to build a new life within the new reality.

 

The point to make is that whether the hand that we are dealt in life is good or bad, it is what we have. It is the new reality, and we can only try to make the best of it.

 

When Bev died in August 2017, this wasn't our first trip on this particular roller coaster. We'd been there before in 2010 when her son was killed in Afghanistan, and in 2000 when her first husband took his own life.

 

Bev and I had the pleasure of owning a boat for 15 years, and making many happy memories, but the happiest memory is the last one where she overcame kidney problems for long enough to join us on one final trip to Ellesmere Port before the Cancer took hold and she had to leave part way through for what proved to be a final spell in hospital.

 

I'm not in the same situation as you, as I have a job, I'm not ill, and whilst I don't have children of my own, I do have a stepdaughter, son-in-law and two grandsons. I count my blessings there. I also make sure that I get out of the house. Friendship won't find you. You must find it. Go looking for things that you can do out of the house.

 

I also have every intention of continuing to boat. Bev and I enjoyed it together. It sounds like you an Paola did too for the limited time you shared it. If that is still a dream for you, then go for it. If it is a dream that isn't constrained by the timescales of a terminal prognosis, do try to do it sensibly :-)

 

Anyway, I know that I'm not the first to offer, but if you fancy a trip out for a widowers' cruise, I'm not a million miles for SoT and I would certainly try to make you welcome for a mix of sad tales and forced merriment.

 

Dave

[Clodi]

You are (both)in my thoughts and prayers.

[howardang]

I am so sorry to read your sad news about Paola and also about your bowel cancer diagnosis;  others have responded so much more eloquently than I can so I will just add my name to their good wishes.

 

It is sometimes surprising when tragedies and setbacks like this occur how many others have had similar stories and their individual stories can sometimes help to get through the worries. In my own case, I too was diagnosed with bowel cancer a at the end of 2016 and after having the operation to remove part of the large intestine, I am now  entering my third year of monitoring with everything good so far!  However, life is sometimes very cruel and late last year my wife had a brush with breast cancer, resulting in an operation and course of radiation. She is now well on the road to a full recovery and both of us just get on with enjoying life.

 

Best wishes for the future.

 

Howard

[Mad Harold]

Reading your post made me feel very emotional. I have not lost a lifelong partner,and my health (presently) is good.

Imagining myself in your position,I would be devastated,and don't know if I could cope.

Your post has made me count my blessings, I grumble like mad over the number of locks on my local ditch,the price of mooring,and maintenance,but your post has shown how irrelevant these things are in the scale of things.

My deepest sympathy and I wish you the best of luck.

[Sally Grim]

I'm very sad to read your news. I can't start  imagine where I would be without my husband, whom I've been married to 20 years this April.  It's so good to hear that you at least got to experience and enjoy boat-ownership. It's an inspirational story, not crazy at all. 

My sympathy;

Sally

[Ray T]

I can only echo what Dave Mayall has so meaningfully said.

I lost my first wife to cancer in 1998, age 47. 

I was left with three children aged 10, 12 and 18 so I had to carry on for their sake.

 

Be gentle with yourself and have courage to face the future.

 

Inadequate though it may seem, best wishes.

[Glynn]

Very sorry to hear this.

[Jennifer McM]

So very sorry to hear your story, and reading others with a similar experience. 

 

For what it's worth, our thoughts are with you. 

 

One day at a time.... 

[cuthound]

My sincere condolences, although I understand that mere words will not make you feel better.

 

If you ever fancy at trip on a narrowboat in the South Staffordshire area just send me a pm.

[Nut]

sorry to hear this, as you say you lived life to the full with no regrets all the best for the future

[mark99]

Wow powerfull and touching story. 

[Peter X]

The plan was that I'd help move Kathleen from Sawley Marina to Stoke, but the OP and I only got a few miles into the T&M before we had serious engine trouble. RCR came and did enough to enable us to get back to Sawley, so the journey became just a day trip, but a nice one. with good company.

Health permitting, please do consider taking up offers to do a bit of boating with people, I guess it may help you. And yes, if you buy another boat, try to find a better one!

[8 Hairy Feet]

I wish I could give you The Biggest Hug. 

 

[Calranthe]

Thank you all, I do not know what the coming months will hold for me but yes I think that I will take up some of the kind offers and thank you again for all the words which all come from the right place.

 

[Calranthe]

Tuesday is when I find out how much chemo I need, will let people know how it goes.

[Naughty Cal]

Just now, Calranthe said:

Tuesday is when I find out how much chemo I need, will let people know how it goes.

Fingers crossed it won't be too much 

[Alan de Enfield]

33 minutes ago, Calranthe said:

Tuesday is when I find out how much chemo I need, will let people know how it goes.

I do know something of what you are going thru.

Our Son was diagnosed (almost 3 years ago) with a Brain Tumour, 3 years of surgery, Chemo and then Radio Therapy, its not something you would wish on your worst enemy.

 

Wishing you all the best of luck.

 

Alan

[NB Esk]

1 hour ago, Calranthe said:

Tuesday is when I find out how much chemo I need, will let people know how it goes.

Best wishes for tomorrow, hope it goes well for you.

 

 

[cuthound]

3 hours ago, Calranthe said:

Tuesday is when I find out how much chemo I need, will let people know how it goes.

 Good luck for Tuesday. Hope all goes well for you.