Jump to content

Sewage


Su Jonesy

Featured Posts

Blobs of it were appearing at Market Drayton today. Lay in bed this morning listening to gas bubbling up under the boat, and there was quite a bit of gas in the boat but I blame that on the curry and some beer.

Edited by StephenA
Removed duplicated entry
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 minutes ago, StephenA said:

Blobs of it were appearing at Market Drayton today. Lay in bed this morning listening to gas bubbling up under the boat, and there was quite a bit of gas in the boat but I blame that on the curry and some beer.

 

 

Blobs of it were appearing at Market Drayton today. Lay in bed this morning listening to gas bubbling up under the boat, and there was quite a bit of gas in the boat but I blame that on the curry and some beer.

 

 

Pardon ?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is a good explanation  of sewage in water posted origionaly by Billyboy over 20 years ago on uk.rec.waterways

 

 

This preamble is to warn you that some (or all) of the
following some (or all?) people might find foul and horrible
and quite disgusting.  If you are a sensitive soul, please
use the ZAP button now!!!  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.  ONLY
PEOPLE WITH STRONG STOMACHES AND A PENCHANT FOR THE
LAVATORIAL SHOULD CONTINUE WITH THIS BUM (Ooops!! Sorry)
POSTING!!

I have been persuaded (against my better judgement)to post
this by friend who thinks it is mildly amusing!!

I like beaches.  Hot sandy beaches, with coral in the sea
beyond them, ideal for snorkeling and diving.  What better
than to frolic in the oggin, laze on the beach, crack open a
cold beer, light the BBQ, and go to sleep with the sound of
the ocean in ones ear.

Sadly, this idyll of paradise is spoiled by certain design
faults in the human body, namely the calls of nature.

For us chaps, wee-wees are no problem.  Big jobbies are a
different matter.  (I did warn you.  Please leave now if it
is becoming offensive).

A few years ago, after a night on a tropical beach I awoke
late to see my companies bobbing about in the oggin.  'Hi!
Guys!  Early morning dip?'

'No!  Aqua-crapping!'

A whole new world opened in front of me over the next few
hours.

The discharge of one's solid bodily outgoings in an aquatic
environment is perfectly feasible, so long as one takes due
regard of the tips 'n' tricks passed on by others who have
bravely carried out the necessary experimentation.

For reasons that will be explained, the tips 'n' tricks are
as follows:

ONE.  The aquatic environment should be warm(ish).  This
allows the exercise to be completed by a nearly nude body.
Clothed bodies can lead to - complications.  This rather
rules out our somewhat chilly Canals, though they can be
used in cases of emergency.  I can think of at least one
member of this group who has a penchant for dropping into
canals fully clothed, and perhaps he (or she?) might now
like to come clean as to what they are REALLY up to!!

TWO.  It is preferable to choose an aquatic environment in
which there is a current (we're into water movement here,
not Jules and the dreaded voles).

THREE.  The ideal depth of the aquatic environment, and the
ideal geomorphological make up of the oceanic substrate, is
a depth such that when standing on the substrate, a slight
bending of the knees will bring the water level up to about
neck height.  Any deeper, and the current may start taking
you away.  Any shallower and thigh muscles may tire too
quickly.

FOUR.  The technique is to enter the water, achieve the
required depth of water, face the oncoming current, divest
yourself of your clothing and .... get going.

FIVE.  You will now begin to gather some interesting
phenomenological data about your body.  Relaxing one's
muscles sufficiently, to permit the exit of the solid bodily
outgoings, requires a supreme effort of will.  The human
body (like the duck's) is carefully designed to prevent the
ingress of moisture, to such an extent that it tends to
overrule the egress of the outgoings.  It is quite
interesting to want to do something that your body doesn't
wish to do.

SIX.  It is at about this time that you will learn two
things - why you are facing into the current, and the effect
of diet on your bodily outgoings. On the assumption that
your body has permitted the egress of it's own, necessary
outgoings two distressing scenarios can develop.

Distressing Scenario Number One.  FLOATERS are bodily
outgoings that are negatively buoyant.  BOBBERS can't make
up their minds.  They are definitely not (the preferred)
sinkers, but neither are they full blown floaters.  If you
were not facing INTO the current, these little beasties
would surface about 3 inches in front of your nose, an
experience (I can testify to via bitter experience) that is
surprising (OOoop!), worrying (especially in a communal
session - Is it one of mine? - PLEASE let it be one of
mine!!) and significantly distasteful.

Distressing Scenario Number Two (!).  The technical name for
this is 'The Big Brown Cloud'.  Confirmed aqua-crappers tend
to avoid chicken vindaloos!!

SEVEN.  It must now be obvious that a further hint is to
take particular care to organise your orientation to other
people in a communal aqua-crapping situation.  Be aware that
some of your so called friends might shift their positions,
especially those of a mathematical bent who can intuitively
calculate current and drift rates.  Be aware too, that
genuine floaters can be affected by surface drift caused by
the wind.

A few years ago I spent 3 or 4 weeks living on Laughing Bird
Cay (as it happens, for those of a geological nature, it is
a faroe) (a 'faroe' being AKAIK, a stick of rock, rearing up
upwards, hexagonal in cross-section) off the coast of
Belize.  A small island, (two or 3 football pitches in size)
with me the only on-going inhabitant, sleeping in a hammock,
slung between two coconut palms, with the local pelican
formation flying team for entertainment.  A visitor arrived
for a few days one sundown.  We had some food, drank some
beer and slept.  I was up at sunrise, and into the oggin for
an early morning constitutional.  He woke a few minutes
later, donned mask, fins and snorkel, and explored the reef
up stream of.  He set off in a wide arc, and landed up
downstream of me.  I realised that I had not explained the
lavatorial arrangements to him, just as there was a yelp and
a splutter.  I then explained what was going on.  He fled to
the radio, and asked to return to the mainland quick quick.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 minutes ago, haggis said:

I remember reading that and Billy Boys many other entertaining posts. I haven't heard of him for a long time. is he still on his boat in the Rugby area or has he gone abroad again?

 

haggis

PM sent

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.