Blacking the bottom the mew way.

[bizzard]

Dock your boat low down either on land or in a dry dock, on sleepers is ideal. Next step is to buy, borrow or steel a furry cat, preferablay a black one. Starve it a bit. Fill its bowl with its favourite food. Show the cat a tin of bitumen. Remove lid and dip the cat in it. Poke its food under the boat with a stick which the cat will follow whilst painting a black stripe on the boats bottom. Keep poking the food bowl about in a strategic manner until the boats bottom is entirely painted all over. Top up the bowl as needed. When complete entice cat out and wash it with turps. 

[Peter-Bullfinch]

What about a few pulleys.....lots of rope...

Find a big old tree overhanging the canal. 

Hoist your boat up and let it dangle ..

Let it drip dry . Brush all the cruddy rusty barnacles off.

Black it in the shade on a nice sunny day. Maybe a crate of Guiness  to help the job go well.

[rusty69]

You say the boat should sit on sleepers. I suspect a cats cradle would work better, although our cat seems to sleep alot. 

[13-10]

If you could raise the boat high enough. Find discarded shopping trolley, place small child in trolley with blacking and a brush and pull them to and fro on a bit of rope

[RLWP]

I'm going to undercut your new scheme by blacking boats with a Smew

 

 

Good divers, smew, so the boat doesn't have to come out of the water

 

Richard

Edited May 4, 2018 by RLWP

[13-10]

Just now, RLWP said:

I'm going to undercut your new scheme by blacking boats with a Smew

 

 

Good divers, smew

 

Richard

Yes but how are they going to hold a brush AND a tin of bitumen

[RLWP]

2 minutes ago, 13-10 said:

Yes but how are they going to hold a brush AND a tin of bitumen

Dip the smew in the bitumen

[13-10]

1 minute ago, RLWP said:

Dip the smew in the bitumen

Your plan could work if replaced the Smew with an Otter

[bizzard]

10 minutes ago, RLWP said:

I'm going to undercut your new scheme by blacking boats with a Smew

 

 

Good divers, smew, so the boat doesn't have to come out of the water

 

Richard

Tarred and feathered.

[RLWP]

4 minutes ago, 13-10 said:

Your plan could work if replaced the Smew with an Otter

An otter would be quicker, but you could only have one because they fight. Smew are gregarious so you could have a whole paddling of them

 

Also, I'd rather dip a smew in bitumen than an otter - they don't have teeth

 

Richard

[LadyG]

i know a smew when i see one

[RLWP]

1 minute ago, LadyG said:

i know a smew when i see one

Perfect - you are in charge of dipping the smews. I'll manage the money

[13-10]

2 minutes ago, RLWP said:

An otter would be quicker, but you could only have one because they fight. Smew are gregarious so you could have a whole paddling of them

 

Also, I'd rather dip a smew in bitumen than an otter - they don't have teeth

 

Richard

It would take weeks to train a flock of Smew to all swim the same way. It would take less than 30 seconds to put a muzzle on an otter

[RLWP]

3 minutes ago, 13-10 said:

It would take weeks to train a flock of Smew to all swim the same way. It would take less than 30 seconds to put a muzzle on an otter

They don't have to all swim the same way if you have enough of them

 

Bet you lose a finger muzzling an otter

[13-10]

2 minutes ago, RLWP said:

They don't have to all swim the same way if you have enough of them

 

Bet you lose a finger muzzling an otter

Good point. I'll offer £10 quid and a tin of keelblack for a 20% stake in your Smew company

[RLWP]

1 minute ago, 13-10 said:

Good point. I'll offer £10 quid and a tin of keelblack for a 20% stake in your Smew company

You're in. I can employ LadyG for a couple of days now

[13-10]

1 minute ago, RLWP said:

You're in. I can employ LadyG for a couple of days now

I've heard Smew herders are expensive

[RLWP]

3 minutes ago, 13-10 said:

I've heard Smew herders are expensive

Shhh, you fool!

[13-10]

1 minute ago, RLWP said:

Shhh, you fool!

Sorry. She's probably not noticed

[rusty69]

Don't forget to protect your new shmoos from bitumen poisoning otherwise the shmoos will soo. 

[13-10]

1 minute ago, rusty69 said:

Don't forget to protect your new shmoos from bitumen poisoning otherwise the shmoos will soo. 

But won't they suffocate

[rusty69]

1 minute ago, 13-10 said:

But won't they suffocate

I didn't fink of dat! 

[cuthound]

Why not put the boat into a dry dock.

 

Empty  the water, and let the boat rest on the sleepers.

 

Refill the dry dock, using bitumen not water. Ballast boat to the level you want the blacking up to.

 

Empty dry dock and let the blacking dry.

 

Refill with water and float out.

 

No brushes, cats otters or birds required and the bottom also gets blacked.

 

What's not to like? ☺

 

 

[Alan de Enfield]

Why not just stop your cruise at a convenient spot, give a man some money, lie back and enjoy the sunshine and watch someone working, 7 days later continue your cruise.

 

Take things easy - why complicate life.

[tree monkey]

13 hours ago, RLWP said:

Dip the smew in the bitumen

You chose that just because you like the name smew didn't you?