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Pointless features on boats


Dave_P
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9 hours ago, Starcoaster said:

NO WAY. OK I believe you but NO WAY.

Can you not get fender sock socks to protect your fender socks, and then cases to protect the socks of your fender socks' socks too? Where does it end?

You need to spend some time in the company of an expensive grp cruiser or yacht owner to fully understand the lengths these folk will go to to avoid a scratch on their precious gel coat.  I've posted that picture of the Nauticus 27 that was hauling around no less than 30 fenders many times but here it is again

fenderedboat.jpg

 

You can also get fender boards, fender baskets, fender clips, fender flutes, fender friends, fender locks, and that's before we've explored the hardware you need to inflate your fenders...  

You also want to see the amount of storage space on a yacht devoted to storing these things. And storage is important.  Hanging them off the side rail is the yottie equivalent to the stern rope draped over the tiller pin.

It's not just plastic boats though.  Oddly, I've noticed that a lot of widebeam owners seem to have caught fender-itis as well. 

 

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39 minutes ago, alan_fincher said:

You clearly don't understand how rivets work!

Without rivets both our boats would be just a heap of shaped metal plates and knees, with holes in them, and would be quite unusable.

Perhaps you are actually talking about washers tacked on to the hull of a modern boat in a hopeless attempt by their builders to empathise with the poor folk of yesteryear whose boats were only held together in the odd place by rivets, rather than being properly welded together.

Edited it for you!

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10 hours ago, Mike the Boilerman said:

 

Thus speaks a man who has never asked that woman WHY she is working the lock instead of steering the boat...

Also hes a man who doesnt understand that a woman has to be kept in her place!!

15 hours ago, Nightwatch said:

Nice one Tim. Keep going someone will bite. We have both and are reasonably happy.

Phew.............took some time :D

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18 hours ago, Alan de Enfield said:

Have rivets been mentioned yet ?

Arh but the ones you mean have no part in holding the plating together I would best describe them as "Weldie Washers"

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15 hours ago, Nightwatch said:

We used to have square balls in the RN!

Are you referring to the snooker/pool table equipment or the crews. I always understood that pool/snooker tables fitted to RN vessels were mounted on gimbles?

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40 minutes ago, X Alan W said:

Arh but the ones you mean have no part in holding the plating together I would best describe them as "Weldie Washers"

I can't ever have seen these "Weldie Washers" as the only things I have seen which vaguely approach being a washer are simple discs.  Don't washers have to have holes in them?  Might not improve the buoyancy of the boat covering it in holes.

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12 hours ago, Mike the Boilerman said:

 

Thus speaks a man who has never asked that woman WHY she is working the lock instead of steering the boat...

Ha ha, funnily enough I've posed that question quite a few times. Replies have been varied;

"I don't like steering into locks with another boat in there."

" I've never learnt to steer" (hubby better not fall off mid stream in a flowing river or he's gone)

"he likes to be on the tiller" (with a raised eyebrow). Have heard this more than once.

"I like talking to people, he doesn't"

- most memorable was doing the Marsworth flight and the response was that "he's a fat lazy bastard", that wasn't your missus by any chance was it?

  • Greenie 1
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13 minutes ago, Machpoint005 said:

It's so that she can blame me when summat goes wrong.

Quite right.  Him indoors and I shared the lock duties when we were away in June, however if something went wrong it was his fault whether he was steering or I was.

Except when it all went t*ts up at Wolverly Lock on the way back, us ending up across the canal was all me.  Do bad things always happen when you have an audience?

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2 hours ago, Nunovyrbizz said:

Ha ha, funnily enough I've posed that question quite a few times. Replies have been varied;

"I don't like steering into locks with another boat in there."

" I've never learnt to steer" (hubby better not fall off mid stream in a flowing river or he's gone)

"he likes to be on the tiller" (with a raised eyebrow). Have heard this more than once.

"I like talking to people, he doesn't"

- most memorable was doing the Marsworth flight and the response was that "he's a fat lazy bastard", that wasn't your missus by any chance was it?

 

I've asked on a number of occasions and the most common answer I get is "I don't like steering the boat into locks". I pressed one chatty woman on it and she expanded saying "I find it hard to judge the length of the boat and I'm frightened of smashing through the gates at the end".

And no that wouldn't have been my missus. She is just as capable at steering the boat into locks as me and usually did when we boated together as she often found paddles and gates heavy, and me being so gallant... 

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7 minutes ago, Tawny75 said:

Quite right.  Him indoors and I shared the lock duties when we were away in June, however if something went wrong it was his fault whether he was steering or I was.

Except when it all went t*ts up at Wolverly Lock on the way back, us ending up across the canal was all me.  Do bad things always happen when you have an audience?

Yep, always when you have an audience!

I was single handing through Berkhamsted towards Hemel on a boiling hot day earlier this year when I reached the Rising Sun lock. It was packed with people sitting outside all around the lock and on the beams.

Did my thing in a really efficient manner ( even though I say so myself!) even attracting the comment "you've done this before mate". Strolled round with a puffed up chest asking people sat round the beam to "MIND YOUR BACKS LADIES AND GENTS"

Cruised out of the lock,little burst of reverse then to neutral, put eye of my rope over stern cleat and hopped off holding rope then ran up stairs to close lock gates, bloody rope came off the cleat. Collective "ooooh" from crowd as I stood holding limp rope and my boat drifted away from the bank.

chest rapidly deflating and cheeks reddening, I watched my boat move to the centre of the channel ( it's kinda wide below that lock) totally out of reach.

After about 5 mins pondering with (it felt like) thousands of eyes upon me, I realised I should let some water through the lock to create a flow and hopefully my boat would get pushed to the side. This worked,as my boat headed to the offside I shut the paddles and took a wooded footpath to the offside where I emerged to see my boat nestled on the tow path. Cue the walk of shame back down the footpath and in front of all the drinkers who were unsuccessfully trying to hold in their laughter.

I will now only travel through that lock first thing in the morning before the pub opens!!

  • Greenie 4
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On 7/5/2017 at 18:03, howardang said:

Signs saying "What part of Slow Down don't you understand?"

 

Howard

Which asks for the addition "What part of "Moor" don't you understand?"

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13 hours ago, Neil2 said:

(snip)

You can also get fender boards, fender baskets, fender clips, fender flutes, fender friends, fender locks,  ...

(snip)

Fender boards can be quite useful: a lot of yachties rig them for transiting the Forth & Clyde. They don' seem so common on the Caledonian or Crinan, though

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21 hours ago, Jerra said:

I can't ever have seen these "Weldie Washers" as the only things I have seen which vaguely approach being a washer are simple discs.  Don't washers have to have holes in them?  Might not improve the buoyancy of the boat covering it in holes.

That"s were the "Weldie" bit comes in shell builder fills hole with it makes the washer resemble a rivet when ground off & fixes it to the plate Hence the term for copies/replicas of newer  built FMC hulls "Washer Josher"

Edited by X Alan W
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1 minute ago, Flyboy said:

Boats which have  "Registered at ............." emblazoned on the sides.  Who needs to know where it was registered ?

Yeah..........what a load or rowlocks................whats that all about :lol: I thought most were registered with CART or suchlike.

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23 hours ago, Alan de Enfield said:

Fender socks are actually used to stop you getting black marks on the GRP from the plastic / rubbery fenders 'rolling' backwards and forwards when 'underpressure' (ie squeezed between boat & dock) They do not stop scratches or gouges.

No. In fact by the time the fender socks have picked up some grit they actually make scratches and marks in the gel coat as they swing around!

Work of the devil are fender socks.

Fender flutes on the other hand are a very useful tool.

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