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Sabcat

How do you get your head around people you know dying?

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I've reached the stage of my inexorable journey towards old age, decay and death where people around me that I know are falling down dead. Some more unexpectedly than others.

 

After next Friday I will have attended more funerals than weddings this year and that's a grim thought. I suppose I could solve that by abandoning my older friends, buying a skateboard and hanging around outside Morrison's with the yoot but I suspect that will come with another set of problems of its own not least the language barrier. Many of you are further down the road than me and have had longer to ponder this second half of life reality. Any tips on how to deal with being an almost but not quite old bastard?

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Was having a similar discussion the other day with someone. In theory when we are slightly older but more "experienced" in life you'd think some things get easier. But like you say as we get older and you lose people around you and so on it becomes tough.

 

I guess we need to keep digging deep and pick yourself up and carry on! Hard as it seems.

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Death is sadly just another part of life and can happen to anyone at anytime.

 

We recently lost one of Liam's cousins at the age of just 20. He died in his sleep, went to bed fit and healthy.

 

I suppose you just have to make the most of each and every day.

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Death is sadly just another part of life and can happen to anyone at anytime.

 

We recently lost one of Liam's cousins at the age of just 20. He died in his sleep, went to bed fit and healthy.

 

I suppose you just have to make the most of each and every day.

At the top of our stairs is a poster, "Don't count the days; make the days count."

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Try to do each day what you can & want to do (if possible) & then at least when the day comes that for whatever reason you cannot do what you hoped you could,you can think to yourself well at least i did what I wanted to then.If you can do it today never put it off until tomorrow or later as you may then not be able to do whatever it was.

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I lost two friends who died before their 20's - one to a bike collision and the other cancer.

 

I'm now one year short of 40.

 

When you get to the age of having 'one foot in the grave' or 'living on borrowed time' when contemporaries die around you from 'natural' causes you console yourself with 'at least they had a good innings'.

 

Of course the above is all very well but at what age do you describe yourself as old?

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Of course the above is all very well but at what age do you describe yourself as old?

 

I'm a year ahead of you. Me n a mate were discussing the point where we decide we're old and decided it's when we can't start the day with 30 push ups and can't get on it at the weekend any more.

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Having attended more funerals than I care to count, the ones when I was young (suicides, accidents, unfortunate health) were more tragic (and too frequent) than those of those who died of old age (less often!). It wasn't fun, but I think it set the foundation for celebrating life - and really seeing that people who have lived a long time are a celebration.

 

When someone dies, I give myself the space, and the time, to get used to the change. I take myself off, remember the person and think about what, of them, I will carry on - a story, a song, a poem, a memory, a philosophy, a life lesson, anything. or nothing. A year later, I do it again. After that, I am left with the memories. I used to think of them on one day a year but the list was too long and I found it too morose listing their names.

 

When I buried my friends I had youth on my side and many years ahead of me. Losing friends, when young, will have had an affect on me, and I often wonder what it would be like to live decades and then lose the people you have walked so many years with. I can imagine there would be a sense of anxiety as people we know drop off and the path ahead of us is shorter (statistically as we never know!)

 

That will come for me, but the last death (a peer of mine, 43years old, died of a heart attack out of the blue - his only sibling died 12 years earlier; suicide) made my feet feel so heavy on this earth that I slipped into thoughts of 'life' (well practiced from my early years).

 

My favourite gravestone heading so far is 'Don't be sad that I died, be glad that I lived'. It's on a stone in Northamptonshire. It summed up how I have felt about death since I was a nipper (I buried more friends than one should) - I am glad the person lived, and that I knew them.

Edited by Bones
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I have 2 ideas for my gravestone, either 'Game Over!' or 'Safe at Last!'.

 

Similar to Sabcat's first post, sometimes I have had a quick count of people I've personally known but have died. I haven't written the count on paper, but it's an idea.

One could also count 'public' figures such as actors. Alf Garnett, Gregory Peck, Rik Mayall. Osama bin Laden?

 

I've mentioned before that it's worth writing one's memoirs down before going to the Great Weed Hatch in the sky - it's probably the best way people in the future will know anything about you.

Unless you happen to have been an actor on TV/movies.

Oh, yes, another one - John Candy (Trains, Planes & Automobiles).

  • Greenie 1

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I have 2 ideas for my gravestone, either 'Game Over!' or 'Safe at Last!'.

 

Similar to Sabcat's first post, sometimes I have had a quick count of people I've personally known but have died. I haven't written the count on paper, but it's an idea.

One could also count 'public' figures such as actors. Alf Garnett, Gregory Peck, Rik Mayall. Osama bin Laden?

 

I've mentioned before that it's worth writing one's memoirs down before going to the Great Weed Hatch in the sky - it's probably the best way people in the future will know anything about you.

Unless you happen to have been an actor on TV/movies.

Oh, yes, another one - John Candy (Trains, Planes & Automobiles).

 

I genuinely laughed out load at this post :D

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What Bones said. Once you're past the halfway mark (40 - 45, say), you have to come to terms with the fact that you're gonna die.

 

I hang on to two thoughts:

 

This is not the dress rehearsal, so put in your best performance right now

 

and

 

Live each day as though it's your last, because one day..... it will be.

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I'm in my sixties now and have heard over the years all the things you should and shouldn't do to prolong your life.

None of it stacks up.

 

Some people cram more into a short lifespan than some that live past the average.

 

The only advice I was ever given that seems probable is that birthdays are good for you, the more you have the longer you live.

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Slightly off topic but my problem is don't really know what to say to the partners of those friends who've died other than 'oh shit'. Most words of condolence are just so trite and, to be honest, I'd rather have my last memories of most of my boating friends of the times we got merry sat in the evening sun on the towpath rather than watching a box disappearing behind some curtains. As it is, not being religious I don't sing any of the hymns or respond to the prayers, just stand there in respectful silence.

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Personally I don't think we can do anything to alleviate this problem. I think it is a result of our intelligence and ability to think. Conceptually, it is no surprise that we're all on the list. We just have to mourn the loss, often way too soon, pick up the pieces and press the reset button.

 

(I lost 2 parents (old) and a wife (42) so I definitely understand.

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I've reached the stage of my inexorable journey towards old age, decay and death where people around me that I know are falling down dead. Some more unexpectedly than others.

 

After next Friday I will have attended more funerals than weddings this year and that's a grim thought. I suppose I could solve that by abandoning my older friends, buying a skateboard and hanging around outside Morrison's with the yoot but I suspect that will come with another set of problems of its own not least the language barrier. Many of you are further down the road than me and have had longer to ponder this second half of life reality. Any tips on how to deal with being an almost but not quite old bastard?

I take death in my stride allow one day for mourning then dust myself down and press on, the one thing I really struggle with is the death of youngsters, I have sadly attended two funerals of mates kids, one 15 the other 22, and those really hurt, were as my nearest and dearest, if they have done a full term, I can wish them a good journey, and not be to sad, we are here for a good time but not a long time, so enjoy

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I'm a year ahead of you. Me n a mate were discussing the point where we decide we're old and decided it's when we can't start the day with 30 push ups and can't get on it at the weekend any more.

According to a survey most people consider that you can no longer describe yourself as a young man/woman once you pass 38

 

based on the above my nan at the age of 92 she has been 'old' 16 years longer than she has been 'young'. Therefore lets say for arguments sake a young/old life span is split 50/50; at this point in time, my nan would have still been classed as 'young' up until her 46th birthday.

 

Considering that you are likely to be suffering from a touch of mid-life crisis, does the above make you feel slightly better? clapping.gif

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I've pondered this dying business for the best part of my 68 years, thinking about some of my experiences and listening to some uncommon experiences of others (though I've come to realise they are actually quite common, just that folk are reluctant to speak of them for fear of ridicule) I've come to the conclusion that earthly life is just a temporary period in an eternal existence. Now I can understand the so called 'unfairness' of life it gives the apparent pointlessness of life and death a meaning.

 

That's how I feel OK with dying.

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just to cheer you up -

 

the older you get the quicker time goes as it is a smaller percentage of your life - one day to a one day old is 100% of its like yet 1 day to a 70 yr old is so small it flies by. scary thought.

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I've pondered this dying business for the best part of my 68 years, thinking about some of my experiences and listening to some uncommon experiences of others (though I've come to realise they are actually quite common, just that folk are reluctant to speak of them for fear of ridicule) I've come to the conclusion that earthly life is just a temporary period in an eternal existence. Now I can understand the so called 'unfairness' of life it gives the apparent pointlessness of life and death a meaning.

 

That's how I feel OK with dying.

 

So you're expecting to carry on elsewhere? That's what causes religion, innit?

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I'm 49 in 2 weeks.

I haven't been a rich man but I've been healthy, and never gone a single day without a meal.

If the 2nd half of my life is half as good as the first half, I'll be content.

 

Like some, I've also made lists of those who have passed before me...most in their 20-30thirties. I know I could go anytime...probably by accident...slipping in front of a bus or something silly...but sincerely hoping I live to a ripe old age, enough to see the grandkids. I think that's probably the mark of old age...when you get your first grandkid?

 

I'm not keen on being buried. Cremation = nice and quick. :)

Facebook is also a strange one. Peoples profiles remain up and running, and people comment even after the persons gone......which is kind of strange I think.


 

So you're expecting to carry on elsewhere? That's what causes religion, innit?

 

expectation, is a good thing.

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I'm 49 in 2 weeks.

I haven't been a rich man but I've been healthy, and never gone a single day without a meal.

If the 2nd half of my life is half as good as the first half, I'll be content.

 

Like some, I've also made lists of those who have passed before me...most in their 20-30thirties. I know I could go anytime...probably by accident...slipping in front of a bus or something silly...but sincerely hoping I live to a ripe old age, enough to see the grandkids. I think that's probably the mark of old age...when you get your first grandkid?

 

I'm not keen on being buried. Cremation = nice and quick. smile.png

Facebook is also a strange one. Peoples profiles remain up and running, and people comment even after the persons gone......which is kind of strange I think.

 

expectation, is a good thing.

 

It is if you believe it. The jury's still out over here!

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