I Smell Evil Santa

[Felshampo]

 

I don't know what makes you think that most Americans are religious, I certainly don't see that living here. In recent years the bible thumpers have certainly been the most vociferous people here, but they hardly constitute the majority

i lived in Minnesota for a while and they were in the majority there. Many of the teenagers I knew willingly went to church, totally unheard of here. I did like the total lack of religion in the school I worked at but even there the text books I used were censored by the creationists.

According to the American Religious Identification Survey 79% of americans are religious! Non religious comes out at less than 20%.

[John V]

SANTA???? Surely here in the UK he is 'Father Christmas'...!

 

Bah humbug to creeping americanism.

 

Bah humbug to everything!

 

 

MtB

115 by mudlarker2, on Flickr

[Bettie Boo]

 

But at least if I shop on-line, it is my choice whether I'm forced to endure Slade, Mud, Greg Lake, Cliff Richard, Paul McCartney, Johnny Mathis, Boney M et al.

 

In the same way as they have restricted the period when you can have firework displays around November 5th, they should also place stringent limits on the number of days on which this stuff can be played in shops and shopping centres!

I must say I agree with you 100% on this Alan, even though I still thoroughly enjoy the Christmas season & spirit that goes with it.

 

To me, thoughts of Christmas don't start till we are at least into December; the last few years Dave and I have put up our tree and decorations sometime the week before Christmas, the few presents we exchange are bought through out the year, when we see something we think the other would get pleasure from. Last year, we only had the one present that we shared, and it wouldn't fit under the tree; being 57" long and 10".10' wide

 

This year will be our first in our new home, there may or may not be a tree, we haven't decided yet. Since I didn't bring any of the Christmas decs with us onto the boat, and I really don't have space to store them for the other 50 weeks of the year; this years decs will consist of homemade holly & ivy swags, garnished with hew or other berries and some pine cones all of which will be gathered from the tow path. As is our tradition, I will put these up while listening to a selection of the Christmas CD's and consuming vast quantities of White Russians

 

On the day we will roast chestnuts on/in the wood stove, watch Gone With the Wind (my fav, Dave's worst nightmare) and enjoy a nice (hopefully) Christmas Dinner with all the trimmings (Canadian style).....Seafood Chowder, Turkey, sausage & sage stuffing with potatoes & bread croutons, garlic roast potatoes, turkey gravy, Yorkshire pudding, maple glazed carrots, sprouts with bacon lardons & toasted almonds, pickled beets, apple & walnut pickle, cranberries, and for dessert homemade Pumpkin pie with vanilla & Baileys cream. Washed down with some wine and special coffee's after

 

Well that's the plan anyway

[patty-ann]

I went into a well known pet food retailers to-day and shock horror(having a small glass of snatogen tonic wine to aid recovery) aisles of Christmas goodies and toys for the pet in your life be if dog, cat or whatever. I felt quite overcome and left without Mollys food....poor girl has had to share mine but I did make the effort to cook for once...tomorrow, tomorrow I will try again, but pet food stores now out of bounds.

[jodansgang]

Good point, the inclement weather needs to be considered, I was thinking Flannelette might be warmer, I did consider an electric blanket but this proved impractable due to the voltage drop along a very, very long extension lead (not to mention the weight of the lead) I have assumed the name of Mustaphafag, do you reckon this would work?

Phil

Mustaphafag. Brilliant Phil, bloody brilliant. Santa, AKA Red John, he isn't going to come down your chimney with a name like that, I can smell success with this one brother. Your dead right about the electric blanket clothing problem, I know, I tried it, when it was raining. Let's just say I was lucky that time. That's why I'm now carrying the coal, the cooksons and the BnM fire lighters under my skirt-like attire, it's so I can suspend a small griddle from my manhood and keep warm by lighting a small fire. Try it Phil, it really does work.

So what next, we can obviously count on all our forum members temporarily suspending their Christian membership for the greater good but how, how Phil do we bring an end to this Santa madness.

[rubblequeen]

I've been made redundant as Father Christmas at the local Garden Centre - they prefer to use one of their own staff - don't have to pay him. The boy is only 17 - imagine usurped by a kid is there no justice for us old uns?

So can I join your gang and go and get him?

[jodansgang]

I've been made redundant as Father Christmas at the local Garden Centre - they prefer to use one of their own staff - don't have to pay him. The boy is only 17 - imagine usurped by a kid is there no justice for us old uns?

So can I join your gang and go and get him?

Your in Queeny, you need to grow a beard, don some linen and change your name. Then, as this revolution unfolds we'll have the fat red git where we want him. Welcome to the organisation we call ISN'T.

[Dylan the Jacko]

Console yourselves with the thought that in the next month or so Tesco will be stocking Easter eggs.

Easter eggs don't even go there .... lol

[patty-ann]

There is something wrong with a 17 year old Father Christmas, ...... elf maybe but Father Christmas?....avoid the place

Boycott Christmas infused places...you know it makes sense.

[Daiboy]

Watch out Jodansgang and Phil, he might have help this year:

 

 

Or somebody else might take care of it for you:

 

[Phil Ambrose]

Hmm, gun toting reindeer is something we will need to work on and as for the Boys in Blue, well yeah I'm sure we could rope them in to help afterall Santa does speed or should that be "does" "speed" either way the constabulary will take an interest in his illegal activites be it excessive speed or noxious substances.

Good to have Queeny onboard likewise Patty ann, they just need new names and burkas to adopt their new persona.

I followed Dan's idea of some form of heating and have been experimenting with Tea Lights suspended beneath my Flannelette coverall, OK till the wind got up when it got interesting but that story will keep for another day suffice to say I won't be needing a Brazilian any time soon.

Mustaphafag

[patty-ann]

Gun toting reindeer we could definitely get arrested since I do not expect they have UK gun licence, likewise the red geezer could quite possibly be seen as, in some circles aiding and abetting the carrying of firearms, furthermore do reindeer need quarantine?

I am considering very carefully(this may take some time) a name to suit my newly adopted persona and as to clothing, well suffice to say it needs to be thermally heated and able to withstand sub zero temperatures as I intend undercover work.

[rubblequeen]

There is something wrong with a 17 year old Father Christmas, ...... elf maybe but Father Christmas?....avoid the place

Boycott Christmas infused places...you know it makes sense.

He was a "fairy" last year and that freaked the parents out.

[Peter X]

There is something wrong with a 17 year old Father Christmas, ...... elf maybe but Father Christmas?....avoid the place

Boycott Christmas infused places...you know it makes sense.

 

A few years back when my son was 19 he had a girlfriend of about that age who was an elf in the grotto at a local shopping centre.

It's all part of Santa's evil plan, to hire a hot young woman to get the fathers to bring the children in.

 

I must confess I played Santa once myself for my daughter's mother and toddler group, and at about 34 was too young for the part.

It went OK except that my daughter, then aged one or two, was terrified to come near me, probably because Santa bore a worrying resemblance to her beloved father and she couldn't work out why.

 

Some things must not be mucked about with, it was really wrong when they had a young clean-shaven Captain Bird's Eye some years ago.

[bottle]

Why do we tell children to be 'Stranger aware' and then persuade them to go up to a person with a beard, dressed in red with big black boots.

 

 

 

 

Blast!!!! I was going to ignore this thread .

[patty-ann]

Playing Santa reminds me of my grand daughters birthday party last year...born on Christmas day daughter elected to celebrate event week early and wanted either son number 1(doctor) or number 3(muscular ex marine0 to play the role. As the party was story themed and the incredibly mature doctor son wanted to be the Mad Hatter he pulled rank on youngest son who became Santa.

I do not think any child believed in Santa after that party...a beer swilling happy go lucky event and its highlight for me was sight of eldest son sitting on Santas knee with the beard on whilst Santa himself downed beer and the staring youngsters whose illusions had been effectively dispelled.

[dor]

Sainsbury's today is full of an unbelievable amount of "trick or treat" tat. I suspect that the cost of all this gear far exceeds any money or treats raised by marauding gangs of youths demanding money with menaces from all and sundry.

[jodansgang]

He was a "fairy" last year and that freaked the parents out.

EXACTLY. This is exactly what were up against my fellow newly converted Muslim brothers and sisters. This dominance of modern culture by this "organisation" of winter terrorists has to end. As a nation of boaters we deserve to be able to walk into any high street store during the Autumn and not be subjected to the terror of bloody tinsel and infinite duplicates of Red John bearing down on us and attacking our consciences. This has to end. This has to end before its too late.

 

 

Why do we tell children to be 'Stranger aware' and then persuade them to go up to a person with a beard, dressed in red with big black boots.

 

 

 

Blast!!!! I was going to ignore this thread .

Obviously this is effecting you deeply to the point where you need to make your voice heard. Join us Cousin, you are Mustaffabottle Beforebedamin and you carry the voice of Allahn. Spread our message dear Cousin, let us unite and bring down this ruthless capitalist Black Opp red and green monster.

[patty-ann]

Why do we tell children to be 'Stranger aware' and then persuade them to go up to a person with a beard, dressed in red with big black boots.

 

 

 

 

Blast!!!! I was going to ignore this thread .

Its calling to you, don't ignore, follow the thread, contribute.

[Southern Star]

I run an articulated lorry, I started moving Christmas tat around in mid-August. Last year I made two deliveries of Easter eggs into the Waitrose RDC at Aylesford in mid-December.

[jodansgang]

I run an articulated lorry, I started moving Christmas tat around in mid-August. Last year I made two deliveries of Easter eggs into the Waitrose RDC at Aylesford in mid-December.

Friend your actions are an abomination to this nation of fake Muslims and it is through your actions that we, the decent folk of this land, suffer this excruciating agony during late September and on into late December.

You MUST change your path friend and deliver flowers throughout the year so as to remain neutral in this war. Better that than the certain outcome of an eternity spent in the pit of Hell for your continuous contribution to the Evil Steward Of Christmass Missery, Santa "Red John" Claus.

[Phil Ambrose]

I Mustaphafag have news of my secret weapon, you may recall my brave heroic 4 footed furry fiend known as Hetty the Hamster who passed on this summer, well I now have a replacement and guess what? She is called Tilly the Teeth and not only is she a pure Ninja but......she is a Syrian Hamster!!.

Tilly is currently undergoing a refresher course in Black Ops and has already perfected gnawing a man to death, she can now manage the task in less than 3 weeks.

I have great hopes for her in the battle ahead.

As far as equipment is concerned, I have decided to wear a sort of utility belt under my flannelette robes. I acquired an ex-bomb disposal vest and this is made from ballistic nylon with a Kevlar lining plus a ceramic plate which dangles like a sporran to protect ahem my valubles.

Mustaphfag

[John V]

SSSHHHHH!!! brothers be aware, you have undercover aid.......secrecy is vital .......your secret friend

[jodansgang]

Mustaphafag, this is good news as if from the lips of Allahn himself.

Tilly is perfectly placed as an assassin, a most deservedly replacement for Hettie (ARHS).

How quickly can you kit our troops out in this flannelette combat wear?

We now have JaPatty-Annamin, Mustaffabottle Beforebedamin, me, Mucktard and your great self Mustaphafag. I'm sure Nulfilamabad The Great is watching us all from behind a single grain of sand so we don't have to worry about him.

Southern "Softy" Star is an Enemy of ISNT and unless she is visited by Allahn Himself I fear she is lost to the Heathen wilderness. Keep your Japs Eye on this one!

We need hardware, real hardwear, like Sinclair ZX81 hardwear. Maybe we can penetrate the web with our tackle and spread our seed of Muslim love into the hard-drives of the nation of red and green Heathen Satan Claus capitalists.

Mucktard.

[patty-ann]

I've got light sabre in my handbag