Tip of the week, how to retain your hearing whilst steering your boat.

[bizzard]

A few days ago there was a thread with folk going on about trying to insulate themselves from their engine noise and its consumption of combustion air ect ect.

Well here's a simple and once again I use the word ''cheap'' way of lessening the this dreadful racket from perforating your lugholes eardrums. RWLP mentioned the folly of wearing a large brimmed hat on the grounds of it halting the noise on its upward path and concentrating the noise more lovingly around the vicinity of your hearing appendages, and rightly so.

However the wearing of a massively brimmed Sombrero hat in rainy weather will keep you dry and if fitted with a drainpipe to the large turned up brim which can be lashed to your back in a way so as to drain water away clear of your feet ''same as a houses gutter and drainpipe all well and good, it all depends which is most important to you, becoming Mutton-Geoff or getting wet.

Leaving that aside I'm going to concentrate on helping you to deal with your engine noise and so help preserve your hearing whilst cruising about, but alas with the use of big brimmed objects.

 

Go walkies and find an old fashioned round dustbin lid either metal or one made of that black fibrous stuff. Where the handle is in the centre cut out a hole big enough to pass over your bonce. When done have a dress rehersal by lowering the lid over your head ''outer rim facing downward'' and rest it upon your shoulders. The gap left between your neck and the hole will need sealing up, this is easily done by winding an old rope, bed-sheet, any old thing around the gap ideally finally sealing off with either a very large Jubilee clip or a handful of car body filler or Sillycone, smoothing it of to a nice finish with a finger.

The idea of this is to deflect your unwanted engine noise back down from whence it came before too much of it reaches your lugholes. Of course a big Sombrero hat can be adapted to serve the same purpose by turning it inside out, punching a head sized hole in the top and donning it upside down in the same manner as the dustbin lid.

Why not make one for all your crew members, and spare ones for visitors too.

That's about it folks, happy and quieter boating everyone. bizzard.

 

Ps With the neck type of sound deflector in position resting upon you shoulders you can then wear a large brimmed hat upon your head in confidence and without fear of much engine noise reaching your ears. But you will then from the chest upwards resemble the layered roofs of a Chinese Pagoda.

Edited April 17, 2013 by bizzard

[Phil Ambrose]

Love it, Heath Robinson rides yet again.

 

Phil

[Bill]

But you will then from the chest upwards resemble the layered roofs of a Chinese Pagoda.

 

Does the drainpipe need to flow onto the dustbin lid or would it need routing around the edge? I don't think this one has been thought through properly or maybe you would not need a pipe at all, I think we need to be told.

Edited April 17, 2013 by Bill

[Salopgal]

_{I've got something called 'Catastrophic Hyperacusis' but rather bizarrely, the engine noise isn't troubling me thus far. Not sure how this is possible when human voices hurt my ears, so it is, quite simply, a miracle for which I am most grateful...}

 

_{Think on't. If you want something badly enough, sometimes your body will fall in line and obey your heart's desires!! This time 5 years ago, I was housebound, my own whisper was painful to me, I lived in one room, saw no-one, went nowhere and was seriously and terrifyingly mentally ill - complete and utter mental and physical collapse. I may be nutty now, but it's a different sort of nuttiness... I shall probably never be free of Hyperacusis, but it doesn't own me anymore - no way!!}

[BlueStringPudding]

. When done have a dress rehersal by lowering the lid over your head ''outer rim facing downward'' .

wise words on case of rain. And then ducks.

[bizzard]

Does the drainpipe need to flow onto the dustbin lid or would it need routing around the edge? I don't think this one has been thought through properly or maybe you would not need a pipe at all, I think we need to be told.

Thank you for your inquiry Bill. I think your a bit mixed up and do not fully understand the technical arrangements of my inventions design. I happen to have thought, planned and designed this invention very very carefully and thoroughly indeed for a number of seconds before launching it upon this forum and am therefore completely confident of its success Bill. The wearing in the rain of a Sombrero hat and drainpipe were just an incidental sideline to the main invention which was the dustbin lid or Sombrero with holes in em placed over the head to rest upon the shoulders facing downwards to deflect engine noise down and away.

Hope this clarifies my invention.

Yours indignantly bizzard.

[bizzard]

_{I've got something called 'Catastrophic Hyperacusis' but rather bizarrely, the engine noise isn't troubling me thus far. Not sure how this is possible when human voices hurt my ears, so it is, quite simply, a miracle for which I am most grateful...}

 

_{Think on't. If you want something badly enough, sometimes your body will fall in line and obey your heart's desires!! This time 5 years ago, I was housebound, my own whisper was painful to me, I lived in one room, saw no-one, went nowhere and was seriously and terrifyingly mentally ill - complete and utter mental and physical collapse. I may be nutty now, but it's a different sort of nuttiness... I shall probably never be free of Hyperacusis, but it doesn't own me anymore - no way!!}

I'm not particularly known for my tactfulness but I do sympathize with you my dear Salopgal, but are you in a roundabout sort of way implying that I'm bonkers ? I've never been housebound but I was once severely eggbound after reading Swallows and Amazons.whilst gorging on a big pile of Omlettes.

Kind regards Bizzard.

 

wise words on case of rain. And then ducks.

[MtB]

My suggested method of avoiding steering tinnitus is get a bote with a proper engine room and a proper engine, then just shut the door.

 

Bliss!

 

MtB

[DaveR]

I just get OCM to drive in the rain . . . . .

 

Tells fibs too

[Bill]

Thank you for your inquiry Bill. I think your a bit mixed up and do not fully understand the technical arrangements of my inventions design. I happen to have thought, planned and designed this invention very very carefully and thoroughly indeed for a number of seconds before launching it upon this forum and am therefore completely confident of its success Bill. The wearing in the rain of a Sombrero hat and drainpipe were just an incidental sideline to the main invention which was the dustbin lid or Sombrero with holes in em placed over the head to rest upon the shoulders facing downwards to deflect engine noise down and away.

Hope this clarifies my invention.

Yours indignantly bizzard.

Ah! all is now clear, you are correct in your assumption that I did not fully understand the main thrust of your ingenious invention. I bow to your brilliance and foresight. However I am concerned that standing for long periods wearing your wonderful contraption would put undue pressure on my knees. Do you have anything in your catalogue to help me out in this respect

[bizzard]

Ah! all is now clear, you are correct in your assumption that I did not fully understand the main thrust of your ingenious invention. I bow to your brilliance and foresight. However I am concerned that standing for long periods wearing your wonderful contraption would put undue pressure on my knees. Do you have anything in your catalogue to help me out in this respect

Glad you now understand my trmendous invention. Your in luck about your knees, as it so happens only the other day I offered to help someone out suffering with crushed knee cartilages brought on by too much praying in church without a kneeling cushion, but when he saw the mechanism that I offered in his time of need for some strange reason declined the offer, not very appreciative I thought ''and it was ever so cheap too''. So this knee support aid is on the market again for the princely sum of £2- 4.1/2p and involves two motor car front suspension coil springs and two nice big hydraulic lever action church door closers. You could procure the above parts to knock em up yourself if you wat.

This knee support mechanism is fitted like so.

Remove shoes and socks and pull the coil springs up and midway over your knees 'just like putting your socks on'' and secure each top and bottom tightly with barbed wire ''this won't slip'', then attach with expanding cavity wall bolts the hydraulic door closers main cylinder units to each thigh or hip above the springs and attach the long actuating levers to convenient spots below the knees and springs, again by using cavity wall bolts and make good.

These knee supports assistor's are nice and springy and will support your knees admirably allowing you to bear the weight of the dustbin lid noise deflector and also will give you a renewed zest for boating, you'll be able to spring and bounce about like a 5 year old around the locks and things.

Oooh and don't forget to put your shoes back on for you might tread on a nail. Hope this helps. bizzard.

[bizzard]

My suggested method of avoiding steering tinnitus is get a bote with a proper engine room and a proper engine, then just shut the door.

 

Bliss!

 

MtB

Yes mmmm and if the exhaust stack pokes up out of the roof you get smothered in greasy diesel fumes, lovely.

[Dar Kuma]

would this also work bizzard?

 

A dog vet collar, and you could even have a drink when it rains.

could even get the other half to add some milk and sugar and dunk a tea bag or add some coffee if you like.

 

Edited April 19, 2013 by Dar Kuma

[MtB]

Yes mmmm and if the exhaust stack pokes up out of the roof you get smothered in greasy diesel fumes, lovely.

 

Not if you have a Kelvin.... !

 

MtB

[bizzard]

Not if you have a Kelvin.... !

 

MtB

You must be choking!!!

[bizzard]

would this also work bizzard?

 

A dog vet collar, and you could even have a drink when it rains.

could even get the other half to add some milk and sugar and dunk a tea bag or add some coffee if you like.

 

I thought it was a lampshade. Wearing it as a dog would you'd get more than a drink in heavy rain, you'd drown. However the lampshade way up would look nice worn especially in blue.

[MtB]

You must be choking!!!

 

Nope. If you check my youtube videos, you'll note the exhaust is totally invisible. WAY cleaner than the exhaust of the Beta BD3 tug engine I took out!

 

Now Reginald's exhaust is the dead opposite....

 

 

MtB

[Dar Kuma]

Drink faster then bizzard.

[bizzard]

Drink faster then bizzard.

Drink faster!!!. You'd have to rig up a drain pipe to the old Winkle for a through flow by screwing an adapter onto it and plugging in a Hoselock fitting with hose leading overboard.

A cloud burst could beat it and you'd still drown, especially if the drain is restricted by an enlarged prostate!!!

[bizzard]

Nope. If you check my youtube videos, you'll note the exhaust is totally invisible. WAY cleaner than the exhaust of the Beta BD3 tug engine I took out!

 

Now Reginald's exhaust is the dead opposite....

 

 

MtB

That's the worst kind of exhaust smoke. You don't no when to duck and dodge invisible exhaust fumes and so inhale more ect.

[Dar Kuma]

why put it overboard, just put the other end in the funnel aswell, drinking yer own piss is meant to be good for you.