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My Brother

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Very sorry to hear about that. But I think it is very good that you can air it here. One of my pet hates is that in general suicide is never mentioned in the papers etc - it seems to be a taboo subject to many. I have had one work colleague and one acquaintance commit suicide recently. Both young men, which seems to be a high risk group. In neither case was it mentioned in the local media and I think this leads to a feeling that "suicides don't happen round here". If you are someone contemplating the deed, this might give you an unrealistic and unnecessary sense that you are unique in feeling that way, a sure way to make it all worse. Airing these very sad events might just help some people in a bad way mentally, to realise that they are not alone in feeling like that.

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I have just tried three times to type something meaningful,all I can say is I am so very sorry.Ian.

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Rob, so sorry.

I once had a bad time and surprised myself by turning to the Quakers.

From another Rob

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Nothing I can add except so sad for you and sending copious virtual hugs.

 

Ange & Dave

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Such sorrowful news. May you and your family find some peace and comfort in the words and thoughts of friends and strangers at this sad time. With sympathy. Paul & Jo.

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Rob, I saw your post on facebook. You come across as such a generous and warm hearted soul who will help anyone (including me) that it makes this rather difficult to believe. Words are not adequate, therefore the word "shock" isn't adequate. Our thoughts and prayers are with you (I know you don't do prayer, but hopefully you get the sentiment).

 

I think you and your family should take as long as you need over this one, tell the world you'll be back when you are ready

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So sorry.

I find it always helps to be able to share problems, worries and grief with others. Just "vent off". I am sure nobody on this forum will mind.

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Thank you all for your very kind words, both here, via pm and on FB. It really means a lot. The next few days will be busy and difficult, but knowing that people are there helps an awful lot.

There really is no denying the power of community.

 

Rob

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Rob, I lost my brother aged 46 six years ago. It wasn't suicide but lung cancer, and he went downhill incredibly quickly. He was my best friend and I still miss him terribly, especially now as the football season is about to kick off (both lifelong Forest fans). I can't really offer any advice except to say stay close as a family, don't take the suicide in any way personally and share the pain which you're doing by posting on this forum. I did a similar thing when my brother died and my virtual friends (on a different forum) helped immensely. The pain will lessen over the weeks and years, but it will always be there. I don't actually mind that as it reminds me of what I've lost and I now remember him with a smile as well as a degree of sadness.

 

Charlie

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Dear God, that is tragic, I'm so sorry for you.

 

I lost my darling brother a few years ago, in very different circumstances. Losing a sibling is so very painful. And coming onto a forum and sharing your grief can be very helpful to you at this horrible time. As can emailing the Samaritans - [email protected] is the address, they are wonderful.

 

Take very good care of yourself, make sure you are eating properly and drinking lots of water, it stops that sick feeling and will help you get to sleep.

 

Even though we don't 'know' each other, if you need a shoulder, feel free to pm at any time.

 

Zayna

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I'm so very sorry to hear your sad news, my heart goes out to you and your family x

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Oh dear. This happened to one of my nephews a couple of years back.

Keep your chin up mate we're all here to help you through.

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Only just saw the thread - I'm so sorry to hear about your brother.

 

I'm sure you're all looking after one another well. I'll echo the advice from others too.

 

And we're only just up the canal and I often pass through Brentford on my bicycle, so if there's anything boaty we can help with don't hesitate to shout.

 

Lucy

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Just to update,

 

We have now made our arrangements for my Brothers funeral and I am back off to London today to pick up my suit and things for next week. It's in these times that you realise just how much support there is.

 

My Dad and I read through this thread together last night and it gave him great comfort knowing that I was being supported.

 

Whilst I have always loved being part of the forum and boating community it has somewhat taken me aback now it has come into its own.

 

Thank you all again

 

XRob

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Just to update,

 

We have now made our arrangements for my Brothers funeral and I am back off to London today to pick up my suit and things for next week. It's in these times that you realise just how much support there is.

 

My Dad and I read through this thread together last night and it gave him great comfort knowing that I was being supported.

 

Whilst I have always loved being part of the forum and boating community it has somewhat taken me aback now it has come into its own.

 

Thank you all again

 

XRob

Rob, my dear friend, I dont post on here much nowadays but pop in from time to time. I am only now aware of your recent loss and can only repeat what others have said. I have gained much from sharing the various negatives that life has thrown at us this last few years and found comfort from my friends on here, you included. You are very much a caring person and Charlotte too, with her and your immediate family you have a network of support that will help you all get through this.

 

Regards matey and heres to better times ahead

 

Stuart

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So, it's back down to Dorset to be with Family and to make the final arrangements for my Brothers funeral. He wasn't a religious man and as such we have chosen a non religious service.

 

My sister has written some words and we have decided on the following poem:

 

You Can Shed Tears

 

You can shed tears that he is gone,

or you can smile because he has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that he'll come back,

or you can open your eyes and see all he's left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see him,

or you can be full of the love you have shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,

or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him and only that he's gone,

or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back,

or you can do what he'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

 

 

 

Somewhat classically my brother has chosen 'under the bridge by the Chilli Peppers to go out to.

 

I am blessed to be surrounded by some amazing people who have done so much. Our boat and cat are being looked after by our amazing neighbours and I have had advice and support on the more laborious things that need to happen.

 

Thank you all again for the kind words and actions that have been so readily offered.

 

XRob

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So, it's back down to Dorset to be with Family and to make the final arrangements for my Brothers funeral. He wasn't a religious man and as such we have chosen a non religious service.

 

My sister has written some words and we have decided on the following poem:

 

You Can Shed Tears

 

You can shed tears that he is gone,

or you can smile because he has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that he'll come back,

or you can open your eyes and see all he's left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see him,

or you can be full of the love you have shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,

or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him and only that he's gone,

or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back,

or you can do what he'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

 

 

 

Somewhat classically my brother has chosen 'under the bridge by the Chilli Peppers to go out to.

 

I am blessed to be surrounded by some amazing people who have done so much. Our boat and cat are being looked after by our amazing neighbours and I have had advice and support on the more laborious things that need to happen.

 

Thank you all again for the kind words and actions that have been so readily offered.

 

XRob

 

That is beautiful, I hope you give him a good send off. Remember the good times <hugs>

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Such beautiful words. He may have gone, but he will never leave you. Speaking from experience on that one.

 

I hope that everything goes as well as it can, I will be thinking of you.

 

Zayna x

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So, it's back down to Dorset to be with Family and to make the final arrangements for my Brothers funeral. He wasn't a religious man and as such we have chosen a non religious service.

 

My sister has written some words and we have decided on the following poem:

 

You Can Shed Tears

 

You can shed tears that he is gone,

or you can smile because he has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that he'll come back,

or you can open your eyes and see all he's left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see him,

or you can be full of the love you have shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,

or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him and only that he's gone,

or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back,

or you can do what he'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

 

 

 

Somewhat classically my brother has chosen 'under the bridge by the Chilli Peppers to go out to.

 

I am blessed to be surrounded by some amazing people who have done so much. Our boat and cat are being looked after by our amazing neighbours and I have had advice and support on the more laborious things that need to happen.

 

Thank you all again for the kind words and actions that have been so readily offered.

 

XRob

 

What a beautiful poem.

 

Grieve as you want and see fit.

 

The only advice I ever pass on is:

 

"Listen to what people say and do as YOU want".

 

I don't know if you "do" prayer but you and yours are in mine and Mrs. T's.

 

Have courage for the future.

Edited by Ray T

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So, it's back down to Dorset to be with Family and to make the final arrangements for my Brothers funeral. He wasn't a religious man and as such we have chosen a non religious service.

 

My sister has written some words and we have decided on the following poem:

 

You Can Shed Tears

 

You can shed tears that he is gone,

or you can smile because he has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that he'll come back,

or you can open your eyes and see all he's left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see him,

or you can be full of the love you have shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,

or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him and only that he's gone,

or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back,

or you can do what he'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

 

 

 

Somewhat classically my brother has chosen 'under the bridge by the Chilli Peppers to go out to.

 

I am blessed to be surrounded by some amazing people who have done so much. Our boat and cat are being looked after by our amazing neighbours and I have had advice and support on the more laborious things that need to happen.

 

Thank you all again for the kind words and actions that have been so readily offered.

 

XRob

 

So sorry to hear that Rob.

 

That's the poem we had at Mum's, then Dad's funerals. It just says so much and gives you permission to look forward as well as be sad. I certainly found it helpful to think about. Of course losing parents is the right way round, very sad, but right in the scheme of things, losing your brother, especially that way must be so much harder to come to terms with.

 

You seem to be coping as well as you can in the circumstances. Best wishes for the future.

 

Sue

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