Hypothetical Question?

[Albert Smith]

Walking back to the ship with Mrs Smith one night in Paranagua (Brazil). I was walking in front when I heard a thud. Turning round my wife was still there and a body was laid out on the pavement, we stepped up the pace before anyone else saw us. She later told me the guy had come out of an alley and about to clober me, he didn't see her but she tapped him on the shoulder and as he turned she caught him a beauty and knocked him out cold. So in answer to the OP's question, I would set Mrs Smith loose

[mrsmelly]

Walking back to the ship with Mrs Smith one night in Paranagua (Brazil). I was walking in front when I heard a thud. Turning round my wife was still there and a body was laid out on the pavement, we stepped up the pace before anyone else saw us. She later told me the guy had come out of an alley and about to clober me, he didn't see her but she tapped him on the shoulder and as he turned she caught him a beauty and knocked him out cold. So in answer to the OP's question, I would set Mrs Smith loose

 

Awesome.....Do you rent her out

[Laurie Booth]

Walking back to the ship with Mrs Smith one night in Paranagua (Brazil). I was walking in front when I heard a thud. Turning round my wife was still there and a body was laid out on the pavement, we stepped up the pace before anyone else saw us. She later told me the guy had come out of an alley and about to clober me, he didn't see her but she tapped him on the shoulder and as he turned she caught him a beauty and knocked him out cold. So in answer to the OP's question, I would set Mrs Smith loose

Where can I get a Mrs Smith for my boat

[BlueStringPudding]

I intentionally moor away from other boats. In my experience the only trouble I've experienced on the boat has been where other boats are moored or in city centres.

I like being on my own in the arse end of nowhere and I feel safe like that.

The chances of a nutter bent on causing you pain seeking you out and trying to get in despite knowing you're home are slim. And more likely to happen to you when you're out and about rather than on the boat, I'd have thought.

It's good not to be unnecessarily afraid.

[MoominPapa]

At night, if you're going to come out of the boat, make sure you have a bright torch with you, and shine it into the face of whoever is outside. Then you'll be able to see them and they won't be able to see a thing.

 

MP.

[Laurie Booth]

If you don't want to waste your fire extinguisher then a regular aerosol of the deodorant type would probably be easier to operate in an enclosed environment - and you can always claim you were just getting ready to go out when you were surprised

Plus your attacker will smell nice.

[Laurie Booth]

I know it doesn't happen often and I agree, there's a far greater chance of someone breaking into your house than on your boat. But, I have a retail business and in the last 6 months, two of my female boat owner customers have experienced their boats being targeted while they've been on board asleep. With their husbands of course. Both were in built up areas of towns or on the edge of a city.

They were advised by the police, I imagine, and other boat owners, to stay on their boat, make it clear there was more than one person on board, open a window and try reasoning with the intruders to try and assess the situation, close all other windows, keep doors locked from the inside and make it look like your making phone calls, talking to someone else, taking photos, etc.

 

With luck, by not engaging in a confrontation, they should get bored and leave. If they don't, then you've got try a different tactic. We just thought it unusual for 2 of our customers to have experienced the same scenario in the last 6 months.

Let's get this straight. Open the window to talk with them? Invite them in for tea?

[Laurie Booth]

Depends if they bring biscuits I guess.

[Ray T]

Not a intruder on the boat but a couple of years ago, when travelling down The Coventry passing through Foleshill (a suburb of Coventry) had a bunch of youths and girls hurl stones at the boat. I had my camera to hand and started taking photo's. The stone throwers either hid their faces or ran off.

 

On return Mrs T stood at the front camera ready. The same crowd were still there but didn't bother us.

[BlueStringPudding]

I have pretended to film oiks with a mobile phone (phone in question didn't have the technology but they didn't know that) And two out of two times the gits in question panicked and ran away.

[blackrose]

This is me being female so bear with me. If you were moored in an isolated spot and one night, in the middle of nowhere, you were suddenly awoken by someone outside attacking your boat, trying to break in and making a lot of noise, what would you do? The only way out of your boat places you beneath whoever is outside.What protective measures do you take in protecting yourself because in that situation, you become the number 1 priority and as far as I can see, you are not in an upperhand situation. I'm asking because albeit rare, and I wouldn't want to frighten anyone, I am posting to gain ideas on what you can do, I know it's happened. What do you do?

 

I came out of the boat with a baseball bat, took one look at size of the bloke on the roof and his even bigger mate on the towpath and decided I wasn't really that hard.

 

Fortunately they hadn't seen my weapon so I dropped it back into the boat through the open bow door. I asked the bloke on the roof to get off the boat but he started jumping up and down laughing. For some reason I was most worried about my windows, not about myself, so I went back inside and called the police. When I came out again the huge bloke on the towpath seemed to think he knew me and told me I was lucky he knew me otherwise I'd be dead (I certainly didn't know him but gladly went along with the thought of not being dead). Eventually they left and about 20 minutes later two very young police officers arrived - one male, one female. They followed in the direction the blokes had gone but about 10 minutes later I saw them coming back. They looked scared!

 

"Did you catch up with them?" I asked? "Er yes," one of the young police officers replied "but due to our proximity to the water we were reluctant to effect an arrest."

Edited January 5, 2012 by blackrose

[soldthehouse]

I,d stagger out completely naked that would scare the buggers off, or send Val out without her teeth in a jar and her glass eye removed, always a good back up

[madcat]

hot the poker up in the stove and wait for a handy bit of flesh to recieve it

[Starcoaster]

...I'd keep my actual plan top secret, so that any midnight locksmiths who may be reading the forum would not be able to predict my leet ninja skills...

Also, I would have enough of a plan to know that even the best 'plan' is likely to fall down when blunted on reality, and keep enough of my wits about me to be able to improvise!

 

(Ps, I thought that this smiley Was supposed to be a woman in a burkah, for the longest time... Made absolutely no sense to me, I must admit...)

Edited January 5, 2012 by Starcoaster

[Odana]

I,d stagger out completely naked that would scare the buggers off

 

That technique seemed to work quite well in the summer for John when soem kids were chucking stuff off the roof of the boat. A roaring, angry, naked man chasing you down the towpath with a windlass would scare you off doing THAT again!

[davey b]

If calling the emergency services from a mobile phone try to remember to use 112 rather than 999. The networks are set up on 112 in Europe and have to have 999 added. The 112 option enables a number of extra capabilities in the mobile network system including a fairly reasonable locating system and a priority routing system. If there is some/any network coverage (not only your own network, but any signal at all)you will be able to make 112 or 999 calls.

[JDR]

-

Edited January 6, 2012 by JDR

[Graham Davis]

If calling the emergency services from a mobile phone try to remember to use 112 rather than 999. The networks are set up on 112 in Europe and have to have 999 added. The 112 option enables a number of extra capabilities in the mobile network system including a fairly reasonable locating system and a priority routing system. If there is some/any network coverage (not only your own network, but any signal at all)you will be able to make 112 or 999 calls.

 

Whilst that may be true in parts of Europe it is not applicable in the UK.

Both numbers provide the same "triangulation", which is only down to the cell being used, and that can vary in size from one Hall of the NEC up to thousands of hectares in more remote areas. It can be refined but it requires a great deal of manipulation of the info from the various cell masts, is very slow and still not particularly accurate, especially where masts are far apart.

Both numbers provide the same priority, where they will roam across all available Networks to find a response. In fact you don't actually need a SIM card in the phone for either number.

Using the mobile phone system for Emergency calls may not take you to the local Emergency Services Control Centre, but to the first available, which can mean that local knowledge could be scant or non-existant. You will be put through to the local Centre as soon as possible.

 

This matter has been looked into at great depth by the National 4x4 Response Network, and this is the information given to us by both the Operators and the Government Telecoms experts.

[Doorman]

I'm asking because albeit rare, and I wouldn't want to frighten anyone, I am posting to gain ideas on what you can do, I know it's happened. What do you do?

 

Although hypothetical, I feel that it's a good question that merits good advice.

 

We were once cruising through a rural area at 6.30am one summer's morning. Having just passed an isolated and moored narrow boat, we noticed two suspicious characters approaching in the distance. Once they caught sight of our boat they disappeared into a farm field, hopefully not to return.

 

Unfortunately, there are people who would chance breaking into an isolated boat and if met with resistance from the unsuspecting owner, might just use force to get what they want. From experience in dealing with property security, I have always found that no matter where the target premises/boat may be, these scrotes hate to be aroused by either bright lights, or, loud noises.

 

There is an internal siren available called a 'Master Blaster', that would be linked up to the intruder alarm of a house or shop. The sound from this audible device was deafening and would invariably cause panic amongst the thieves. No person could remain inside a room with this sounding off. If you can install a similar device that is mounted externally on your boat but disguised in some way, say inside a pigeon box and wired up to an internal panic button, this would form a good deterrent towards a would-be thief or intruder.

 

I'm sure that if you contact a reputable home security provider, they will guide you as to what's available.

 

My link

 

Mike

Edited January 6, 2012 by Doorman

[Chris Pink]

In my time on the boats I have never heard of anyone attacked by an unknown intruder.

 

Never.

 

I would be curious to know if this has ever happened anywhere. If you were designing a space to defend a narrow boat, narrow, low doorways would be not far off the ideal.

[Chickadee]

If you don't have a dog you could always make a recording of someone elses dog and then display beware of the dog signs. Turn on the recording then shout at the dog, should do the job.

Having had someone climb on our boat in Gloucester but left totally undisturbed in Birmingham when there was football on I think i'll be getting us a little sign. Dog will bark if awake... We can sneak up on her in when we come in the boat without waking her.

[Gazboatman]

If you don't have a dog you could always make a recording of someone elses dog and then display beware of the dog signs. Turn on the recording then shout at the dog, should do the job.

Having had someone climb on our boat in Gloucester but left totally undisturbed in Birmingham when there was football on I think i'll be getting us a little sign. Dog will bark if awake... We can sneak up on her in when we come in the boat without waking her.

Sorry am I reading this wrong.. someone climbed on your boat in Gloucester and jumped off in Birmingham?

 

[mykaskin]

Two friends in two seperate boats were moored in Hackney Marshes. Several youths started to try and break a window on one boat, when the other boater stuck his head out and shouted at them, he unfortunatly got a serious bashing from the youths before they ran off.

 

It does happen, but best to stay inside than to confront.

 

Mike

[carlt]

Hypothetical answer.

 

I would freeze them with my ice powers, my son would blast them out of the boat with his repulsor rays and Swmbo would restrain them with a force field, until the police arrived.

 

While this is going on my eldest son would be driving up and down the towpath in his Mariokart shouting "Mama Mia!"

[soldthehouse]

Hypothetical answer.

 

I would freeze them with my ice powers, my son would blast them out of the boat with his repulsor rays and Swmbo would restrain them with a force field, until the police arrived.

 

While this is going on my eldest son would be driving up and down the towpath in his Mariokart shouting "Mama Mia!"

Nurse nurse"