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The One-Post Thread


Tony1

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1 hour ago, Jen-in-Wellies said:

 

Where can I cruise the Ark I am having built by Collingwood for me, my entire extended family and our pets to live on? CaRT's published maximum boat dimensions are all in metres and don't mention cubits anywhere. Is cassette, or pump out better for the quantity of waste I'm expecting to be generated?

Noah

Whereas Noah drifted around for many days before he came to rest, with the current CaRT attitude to depth/width of canals,  you should come to ground way sooner than you might want to.

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1 hour ago, Jen-in-Wellies said:

 

Where can I cruise the Ark I am having built by Collingwood for me, my entire extended family and our pets to live on? CaRT's published maximum boat dimensions are all in metres and don't mention cubits anywhere. Is cassette, or pump out better for the quantity of waste I'm expecting to be generated?

Noah

Composting surely....

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42 minutes ago, Mac of Cygnet said:

 

If you can't tell the sex of a haggis, you're not going to do very well with a llama. And llamas are very hairy - harder to find the bits.

I don't think we have ever been close enough, hairy bits or not 😀. The closest we have been was a boat width apart !

 

Just passed you. Were you still in bed ???

 

Haggis

Edited by haggis
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1 hour ago, doratheexplorer said:

Am I the only one who instantly interpreted <X> as some bizarre sexual practice?  Yes?  Just me then?

 

Yep, looks like it's just you!

 

Anyway you seem to know a lot about this, could you give us some more details of what you had in mind please? This could yet turn into a really fascinating thread! 

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1 hour ago, doratheexplorer said:

Am I the only one who instantly interpreted <X> as some bizarre sexual practice?  Yes?  Just me then?

 

Poster A:  I'm thinking about getting a narrowboat, and I was wondering- will it be ok if I do <some bizarre sexual practice>  thing? 

 

I don't recall many threads starting off like this!

 

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Just now, David Mack said:

 

 

Poster A:  I'm thinking about getting a narrowboat, and I was wondering- will it be ok if I do <some bizarre sexual practice>  thing? 

 

I don't recall many threads starting off like this!

 

 

There was a boat being used as a brothel for a while, but I don't remember them asking the forum for advice ...

 

"If the boat's a-rockin', form an orderly queue" just doesn't scan as well as the more traditional version.

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21 minutes ago, haggis said:

I don't think we have ever been close enough, hairy bits or not 😀. The closest we have been was a boat width apart !

 

Just passed you. Were you still in bed ???

 

Haggis

 

 

Madam, how very dare you. The very idea...

I have been wrestling with my toilet fan all morning, which I can tell you is very warm work, and it required that I remain shirtless in order to stay cool.

 

I have to stay indoors at such times and hide my muscular torso, or I risk inflaming the passions of all the female boaters who pass, not to mention the dog walkers.

Its a basic health and safety issue. 

 

 

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8 minutes ago, TheBiscuits said:

 

..

 

"If the boat's a-rockin', form an orderly queue" just doesn't scan as well as the more traditional version.

....which presumably is "If the rocking don't stop, it's a boaty knocking shop".

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5 minutes ago, Tony1 said:

 

 

Madam, how very dare you. The very idea...

I have been wrestling with my toilet fan all morning, which I can tell you is very warm work, and it required that I remain shirtless in order to stay cool.

 

I have to stay indoors at such times and hide my muscular torso, or I risk inflaming the passions of all the female boaters who pass, not to mention the dog walkers.

Its a basic health and safety issue. 

 

 

Well, you would have a compositing loo!!! 

Nice to see you have extended your cruising range. We will probably be coming back past you tomorrow so if you are properly dressed we might stop .

 

Haggis

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4 minutes ago, haggis said:

Well, you would have a compositing loo!!! 

Nice to see you have extended your cruising range. We will probably be coming back past you tomorrow so if you are properly dressed we might stop .

 

Haggis

 

Excellent idea- I'm afraid my dinner jacket is at the cleaners (again), but no doubt the staff will find something respectable enough for a towpath chinwag. 

Not wanting to be outre or anything, but what time might one expect the good vessel to arrive? 

 

 

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25 minutes ago, haggis said:

Well, you would have a compositing loo!!! 

Nice to see you have extended your cruising range. We will probably be coming back past you tomorrow so if you are properly dressed we might stop .

 

Haggis

 

Surely you'd only have a compositing loo if you were editing a vlog in there? 😉

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23 minutes ago, Tony1 said:

 

Excellent idea- I'm afraid my dinner jacket is at the cleaners (again), but no doubt the staff will find something respectable enough for a towpath chinwag. 

Not wanting to be outre or anything, but what time might one expect the good vessel to arrive? 

 

 

Elevenish? Will that give you time to be suitably attired? Might be a wee bit later as I think himself plans to go through the first audlem lock which means tomorrow starts with a reverse and going through the lock backwards.it  might go well but it might take a while 😀

 

Haggis

Edited by haggis
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2 minutes ago, haggis said:

Elevenish? Will that give you time to be suitably attired? Might be a wee bit later as I think himself plans to go through the first audlem lock which means tomorrow starts with a reverse and going through the lock backwards.ihht go well butight take a while 😀

 

Haggis

 

Elevenish is a tad early for a beer, which would have been a sound idea, but not to worry. Your delightful company will provide joy enough unto the day 😄

 

Are you staying overnight?

Just asking so I know whether to padlock my coal  😁

 

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57 minutes ago, Tony1 said:

 

 

 

I have been wrestling with my toilet fan all morning, which I can tell you is very warm work, and it required that I remain shirtless in order to stay cool.

 

I

 

 

Have you put an 'r' in there by mistake?

(I'll get me coat)

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15 minutes ago, Tony1 said:

 

Elevenish is a tad early for a beer, which would have been a sound idea, but not to worry. Your delightful company will provide joy enough unto the day 😄

 

Are you staying overnight?

Just asking so I know whether to padlock my coal  😁

 

It's never too early for a beer but just for you we will delay our departure. Not sure about stoping overnight as the barbridge Inn might beckon - again! We had an excellent meal there last night . 

Who knows? Boating time means that few things are set in stone

 

Haggis

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3 hours ago, Tony1 said:

 

 

Damn. 

Schoolboy error there. 

 

This is what happens when you scribble away late in the evening after drinking too much celebratory beer. 

 

Nor did you have a poster flouncing off to Another Place.

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5 hours ago, Jen-in-Wellies said:

Your first mistake. As far as liveaboard large South American mammals go, you can't beat a capybara. Being vegetarian and semi-aquatic, they can feed themselves on the abundant flora from CaRT's lax approach to towpath mowing and offside tree control. The main problem is finding a canal that has been dredged sufficiently recently to give enough depth for them to swim.

Birdland have capybaras in an open enclosure.

They always look laid back and super cool to me.

 

 

 

 

DSCF4145.jpg

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14 minutes ago, Ray T said:

Birdland have capybaras in an open enclosure.

They always look laid back and super cool to me.

They don't take any nonsense from humans either. If they want to take over your neighbourhood, how are you going to stop them?

https://boingboing.net/2021/10/05/capybaras-occupy-buenos-aires-suburb-no-demands-yet-issued.html

 

Edited by Jen-in-Wellies
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Sorry Noah, its a fail. Here are the principal problems:

1. You only have 2 elephants, for this size of boat the rules say you must have 3 fire extinguishers.

2. You have vastly more bodies on board than your builder (oh its you?) has allowed for.  I suggest you exclude all the dinosaurs, that should help considerably.

3. The fire-breathing dragons are housed too close to the woodwork and some charring is visible already.

4. The unicorns were seen excreting over the side instead of into a waste water tank, unless they can be retrained they must be removed.

Other advice:

5. 2 gloworms do not constitute a valid headlight.

6. There is no hidden cupboard on the vessel for the 2 vlockies to hide in, they will be most uncomfortable.

 

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