cuthound Posted December 12, 2020 Report Share Posted December 12, 2020 7 minutes ago, Alway Swilby said: "'Bout a joiner and building contractor, his name it were Sam Olblethwaite" "There Sam used to follow his trade, In a place you'll have heard of called Bury You know, where black puddings is made." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alan de Enfield Posted December 12, 2020 Report Share Posted December 12, 2020 6 hours ago, cuthound said: My favourite is "Three ha'pence a foot". And t'other one "Three ha'pence a tin". My fathers a lavatory cleanerHe cleans them by day and by nightAnd when he comes home in the eveningHe's covered all over with... Shine your buttons with Brasso It's only three ha'pence a tin You can buy it or whip it from Woolworths But I don't think they've got any in.And when it came round to ChristmasHe gave my ma a great frightFor instead of bringing her chocolatesHe brought her a box full of...Some say that he died of a feverSome say that he died of a fitBut I know very well what he died ofHe died of the smell of the...Some say that he's buried in a graveyardSome say that he's buried in a pitBut, I know very well what he's buried inHe's buried in six foot of… 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alway Swilby Posted December 12, 2020 Report Share Posted December 12, 2020 4 minutes ago, cuthound said: "There Sam used to follow his trade, In a place you'll have heard of called Bury You know, where black puddings is made." One day Sam were filling a knot 'ole wi' putty when in through the door Came an old chap fair wreathed wi' whiskers T'old chap said "Good morning, I'm Noah" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuthound Posted December 12, 2020 Report Share Posted December 12, 2020 7 minutes ago, Alway Swilby said: One day Sam were filling a knot 'ole wi' putty when in through the door Came an old chap fair wreathed wi' whiskers T'old chap said "Good morning, I'm Noah" "Sam asked Noah what were his business And t'old chap went on to remark, That not liking the look of the weather He was thinking of building an ark." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bizzard Posted December 12, 2020 Report Share Posted December 12, 2020 Noah is the only boat builder known to ever have finished a boat on time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ditchcrawler Posted December 12, 2020 Report Share Posted December 12, 2020 26 minutes ago, bizzard said: Noah is the only boat builder known to ever have finished a boat on time. Yes, but how long did it float for? a little over 6 weeks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsM Posted December 13, 2020 Report Share Posted December 13, 2020 On 11/12/2020 at 15:38, Sea Dog said: Ok, ok, it has to be done... The Lion and Albert There's a famous seaside place called Blackpool That's noted for fresh air and fun And Mr. and Mrs. Ramsbottom Went there with young Albert, their son A fine little lad were young Albert All dressed in his best, quite a swell He'd a stick with an 'orse's 'ead 'andle; The finest that Woolworth's could sell They didn't think much to the ocean The waves they were piddlin' and small There were no wrecks and nobody drownded 'Fact, nothin' to laugh at at all! So, seeking for further amusement They paid, and went into the zoo Where they'd lions and tigers and camels And cold ale and sandwiches, too There were one great big lion called Wallace Whose nose was all covered with scars; He lay in a som-no-lent posture With the side of 'is face on the bars Now Albert 'ad 'eard about lions- 'Ow they was ferocious and wild; To see lion lyin' so peaceful Just didn't seem right to the child So straightway the brave little feller Not showin' a morsel of fear Took 'is stick with the 'orse's 'ead 'andle And stuck it in Wallace's ear You could see that the lion din't like it For givin' a kind of a roll 'E pulled Albert inside the cage with 'im And swallered the little lad - 'ole! Now Mother 'ad seen this occurrence And not knowin' what to do next She 'ollered "Yon lion's et Albert!" An' Father said "Ee, I am vexed." They complained to an animal keeper Who said "My, wot a nasty mis'ap; Are you sure it's your boy 'e's eaten?" Pa said, "Am I sure? There's 'is cap!" The manager 'ad to be sent for; 'E came and 'e said "Wot's to-do?" Ma said "Yon lion's et Albert And 'im in 'is Sunday clothes, too!" Father said "Right's right, young feller- I think it's a shame and a sin To 'ave our son et by a lion And after we paid to come in." The manager wanted no trouble; He took out his purse right away Sayin' "'Ow much to settle the matter?" Pa said "Wot do you usually pay?" But Mother 'ad turned a bit awkward When she saw where 'er Albert 'ad gone She said "No, someone's got to be summonsed!" So that was decided upon And off they all went to p'lice station In front of a Magistrate chap; They told what 'ad 'appened to Albert And proved it by showing 'is cap The Magistrate gave 'is opinion That no one was really to blame And 'e said that 'e 'oped the Ramsbottoms Would 'ave further sons to their name At that Mother got proper blazin': "And thank you, sir, kindly, " said she- "Wot, spend all our lives raisin' children To feed ruddy lions? Not me!" My mum, a good Yorkshire lass, has dementia but can still recite this, having learnt it when she were a wee lill'un. On 11/12/2020 at 15:50, Athy said: I'd say he'd given us the lion's share of it. That would definitely earn a greenie ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Todd Posted December 13, 2020 Report Share Posted December 13, 2020 On 11/12/2020 at 15:12, Hudds Lad said: when i was little my mum had them on an LP, i can just hear him now, “Sam...Sam....pick up thy musket” I have such an LP! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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